A/N: First GB fic, did it in one sitting (yeah, call me arrogant but I consider it a great accomplishment) and wondering if I did the right thing to post this. Please let me know if I should expose my works, or just leave it stored in my laptop so I would not spread any harmful diseases on the internet.

Disclaimer: GB does not belong to me.

Kazuki: The Path to Nursing By sacrilege

He tried to explain, but she just refused to listen. She wore glasses, didn't she? How come he was still mistaken for a nurse just because she was helping some old patients? A girl, he could understand, it often happened but... a nurse? He could excuse the old patients who had mistaken him as a nurse onee-san, heck, Jubei could probably 'see' and definitely hear more than they do, but this woman... this woman just wouldn't listen!

It wasn't in his nature to complain, more so to shout or make a scene so he let himself be dragged through the hallways, his hand gripping the collar of his shirt as the head nurse – that was what he thought of her, from her highhandedness, ridiculed the clothes that he wore.

'But – but I'm a boy!' his mind screamed frantically, all the while digging his heels onto the ground, but the hospital tiles were too slippery so he was led to the locker room anyway... the women's locker room.

"But, I'm – "

"Here, wear this. Do you have your own stockings? No, I suppose not. I think this pair of shoes would fit, you're probably a size 8, seeing that you're quite tall and all. And do you have a bra under that thing? No, I suppose not too! How shameless these kids are nowadays... I think there's spare underwear here somewhere..." she mused aloud as she rummaged the garment cabinet. "Ah, here! Now, hurry, hurry. Tsk, young women these days!" she went on as the flustered Kazuki caught the garments that were thrown in his direction.

Facing Kazuki with the bearing of a military sergeant, she raised an eyebrow at the 'trainee', seeing that the said trainee was making no move to dress.

"Well?"

"Anou..."

"Why? What is it? Hurry up and get changed, people might be dying in this hospital, needing our help. Every second counts, didn't your professor teach you that before sending you here?"

Kazuki gulped, afraid to disobey this strict woman. Any minute now he expected a punishment stick to appear out of her pockets.

"Well?"

"Um, where's the... changing room?"

"Changing room?" the head nurse repeated, quite confused by the question. "What do you mean? This *is* the changing room!"

Kazuki stared at the head nurse. The head nurse stared back.

"Oh, all right! I'll leave you for a while, just a while! I didn't expect you to be modest, running around with no bra and all!" the head nurse huffed, left the room. Kazuki heard the door being locked and the head nurse foot being tapped as she waited impatiently.

Seeing that he was alone, Kazuki immediately surveyed the room for any escape route. The windows were too high and there were no drain pipes to hold on to or any close building to leap to, also, the head nurse that reminded him of Chinese dragons were waiting for him outside and he knew that if he explained to the head nurse that he was no she and definitely not a nurse, he would be reprimanded – and that would be really scary, coming from that woman.

Sighing, he dropped the clothes onto the bench and began peeling of his clothes.

He picked up the bra first.

In his childhood, it was a requirement to wear kimonos – but that did not include wearing undergarments such as these. He's not that ignorant, bras do exist outside and inside Mugenjou and he had seen them in commercials, knew its affinity to swimwear, knew its function, it was just his first time to touch one... and wear one.

He was having mixed emotions about the contraption. He was dreading it but he felt a little... excited. Excited?! Kazuki shook his head to clear the thought. Just how gayer can he still get?! He looked like a girl, even acted like one and almost sounded like one. Maybe it was really bound to happen...

"Are you done?" the head nurse called out cutting off his thoughts. Kazuki put on the bra awkwardly while replying a disconcerted "Not yet!"

Clasping the hooks, he winced as the material cut through his flesh and the lace irritate his skin. He adjusted the straps, rolled the cup a couple of times to make it 'look' balanced. Still, he was bothered. There was *space* inside the... domes. Looking at his discarded clothing, he mused what he can use for padding. His socks? Ew, he's not that desperate yet. He can't use his shirt of course, it'd look too conspicuous. Not even Hevn could have breasts that big. Ah, the cloth holding his hair, he could use that! Cutting the long strip into two equal parts, he balled them quickly and stuffed them into the aforementioned domes. Perfect! Not too big, not too small, not too hard, not too soft, not too bumpy – just right!

Done with that, he grabbed the next garment in line. It was soft, silky, translucent with the color of white, stretchable and separates into two... A pantyhose?! (A/N:Let's say he's wearing his briefs, I think he's embarrassed enough...( )He raised one delicate eyebrow at the size of the thing. Would it actually fit? It looked small... but it was stretchy... So maybe...

Putting one foot on the bench, he rolled one part of the pantyhose up his right leg, then proceeded to do the same to his other leg and pulled all the way up, but stopped before the waistline of the thing reached his crotch. This is the moment.

Inhaling, he pulled it, a small "eep" escaping from him. But damn, that was... confining. Really. But the fabric felt nice. Well, that's one consolation.

He grabbed the skirt, having a bit of trouble zipping it up since the zipper was in the back then unzipping it again as he realized that the blouse needed to be tucked in first.

Hurrying, he slipped on the blouse, as the head nurse was starting to get impatient, and started to count – he still had twenty seconds, she said.

"Fifteen, fourteen...."

Kazuki hurriedly buttoned the blouse up, at the same time tucking in his blouse and fussing with the zipper, not forgetting to adjust the bra as he proceeded. When all the buttons were done up to his neck (and the starched high collar quite irritated his neck as well).

"Five, four..."

"Wait!"

Kazuki slipped on the 2-inch white heels that pinched his toes and grabbed the nurse cap and slapped it on top of his head.

"Zero!" the head nurse opened the door and came forward purposely to the new trainee.

"I know you want to show off all that hair but we must follow regulations here."

"But... but..."

"Here," she said as she handed the trainee a bunch of hairpins, "Use that and fix your hair. And the cap is askew."

Kazuki struggled with hair, pins and cap and seeing that he was making a mess of things, the head nurse helped him out, though it was uncomfortable, with her trying to stuff all of his hair inside the cap. They managed to get it done but they had to let the hair on both sides of his face alone. His scalp has to be bleeding, Kazuki thought as the nurse headed to the door.

"I'll keep the key to the locker for now. Return to your post quickly." Kazuki, aghast at his own appearance, pouted at the nurse, glanced down at his appearance, suddenly ashamed of himself.

He fought the urge to scream.

Patient Number One: His feet. His chest. His legs. Himself.

The shoes do fit but it was highly uncomfortable. He now wondered why women around the world still haven't started a universal revolution triggered by the pain of wearing heels just because society said so for the male species liked the look of it.

And the bra... the evil contraption that was digging in his flesh, the lacy material of the... domes itching his skin, this tightness in his chest... He could hardly breathe! Kazuki decided that day that he would never ever wear another bra in his life for the sake of looking more feminine, even if his budding relationship with Jubei was at risk.

Never!

And the pantyhose... every step he took, he felt nervous, anxious, restless, terrified -that the thing would fall off his legs and pool around his feet. What would he do then? Should he run or pull it up? If he chose to run, he'd trip but if he pulled the pantyhose up, they'd see that he wasn't a she at all. They'd panic, for sure.

He sighed, concentrating on walking straight and keeping the pantyhose (or a briefhose in his case) intact.

This was going to be a long day.

And just where the heck is Jubei?

Patient Number Two: D.O.M. : Dirty Old Man*iac

"Granpa!"

The grandpa tried to grab his ass again for the fourth time! Kazuki glared but the old man just sniggered.

"I may be near sighted but I can still feel a female anytime, especially someone that smells nice like you do! It makes me appreciate the all the kind nurses more," the old man said with a toothy grin, his hands outstretched and performing some kind of grasping movements. "So come here, don't be shy!"

"Uh..." Kazuki groaned, a vein twitching. He felt himself shivering with fear of being grabbed again by that old man.

He had a fondness for the particular age group even though they were the one of the causes of all his pains at the moment but this grandpa was really lecherous – it was more than Ban's, Emishi's and a bunch of others he knew highest degree of 'lecherdom' combined.

"Grandpa, is the reason you called me in your room to ... 'appreciate' me, and not because you want an apple peeled?"

"Huh? What apple?"

"The apple you told me you wanted to eat," Kazuki said, gesturing at the plate of sliced apples at the old man's bedside.

"I have apples?"

"Yes, it was in the basket over there that you told me your relatives brought."

"I have relatives?"

"You told me a while ago. You said they were from your oldest son's daughters."

"I have a son? With apples?" a long pause. "Oh yes, sorry I don't remember them mentioning them to you." The old man gave Kazuki another toothy grin.

Kazuki sighed, and offered the apples to his patient so he could leave and start looking for Jubei.

"I've already peeled them for you, grandpa."

"Huh? Peeled what?"

"The apple..."

"Apple? I have apples?"

Here we go again.

Patient Number Three: Diaper Gravy

"Babies are cute. Babies are cute. Babies are cute. Babies are cute. Babies are... UGH!"

'Babies are cute, but they are also messy,' Kazuki thought as he wiped off the posterior part of yet another of the many squiggling mini humans in the room. How he managed to reach this section of the hospital was still a mystery.

'Now I'm not so sure if I want one. I wonder if Jubei wants one...' At that, he suddenly remembered his reason for being wandering around in the corridors. He had to find Jubei!

Once he disposed of the diaper and patted the baby dry with powder, he began to put a fresh diaper on the loud and squirming baby, wondering briefly if infants in Mugenjou were like this one: noisy, skittish, red and emitted large amounts of poop.

"UGH!" he again gasped as the baby boy peed before he was even done with the job.

The nurse who called him from the corridor awhile ago to help her giggled at the trainee who was struggling with the baby. There are nurses who really had the ability to deal with the babies and there are others who just don't. She guessed that the new trainee wasn't one of those who can handle babies naturally and paid little heed to the disgust on the trainee's face. Seeing that the trainee had finally finished with the boy, she pointed to another of the cribs.

"The one with the yellow hair! You won't miss her, she's crying loudly and her blanket's already wet. Don't forget to change that either."

Kazuki stared wide-eyed at the nurse.

'Not again!'

He wasn't sure if he could handle the sight of any kind of pudding for the rest of his life anymore.

Patient Number Four: I want Mommy!

The ordeal with the babies left him tired. His clothes were in the locker and the head nurse had the keys. He could not change his clothes until his shift was over – a shift that he didn't even know what time ended.

"Mommy! I want my mommy!"

The sound of a wailing child drew him to another room, sympathetic to the heart-wrenching cry.

Kazuki opened the door and peered his head in.

"Mommy?" teary brown eyes peered back at him and Kazuki felt his heart melt for the little boy who was obviously terrified of being alone, from the way he hugged his stuffed elephant.

"Who are you?" the teary boy asked as Kazuki let himself in.

"I'm... Kazuki. Nurse Kazuki but you can call me Kazu-chan if you like, just like Ginji." Kazuki sat down by the boy's bed.

"Kazu-chan?" the tears were gone from the boy's eyes, replaced with curiosity.

"Hai. Kazu-chan," he replied, drying the wetness from the boy's face.

"Kazu-chan..." the boy whispered and looked down at the bedcovers, "Kazu- chan... I think it's a stupid name!"

"Wa?"

"Hai, and what's that in you hair? Isn't that the tiny bells from the Shinto shrine? You stole a bell from a Shinto shrine?"

"Anou... I did not steal it, it was passed on to me by my ancestors. It's tradition." He ignored the boy's apparent lack of respect for his elders.

"But why? Your ancestors like to look like cats?"

Kazuki was beginning to regret being here. If the boy went on insulting his ancestors...

'He's just a boy, alone and afraid... Calm down, Kazuki. Calm down. Breathe....'

"No, but – "

"Tell me a story!"

"Huh? A story... Okay. Well, once upon a time – "

"WWAAHHH!"

"What? What did I do?" Kazuki asked, flustered as the boy started bawling.

"I hate fairy tales! They're for sissy kids! For girls!" the boy replied and Kazuki so much wanted to use the phrase, 'boys don't cry so you shouldn't' on him. And besides, he himself liked fairy tales but he ignored the unconscious insult.

"Okay, I'll start with another one... In a kingdom far away there lived –"

"BWAHH~! I want my Mommy! MOMMY!"

"What did I do now?" Kazuki was really getting perplexed with this boy, despite his earlier cuteness.

The boy pouted at Kazuki and at the same time yelling at him, "I hate you!!!" Kazuki sighed for the umptinth time that day.

Patient Number Five: Dr. Cohen*tai

He smelled good, he's also a foreigner and a well-established doctor. He's handsome, the nurses at the station all stared after him but he only stared at the new trainee.

Kazuki was really getting annoyed. His pantyhose was edging on his hipbones and he was sure that they'd eventually fall any moment now and the hot stares and the winks that the doctor was sending his way weren't helping any.

Ignoring the said doctor, he went on his way to find Jubei, every now and then stopping when a patient needed his help.

He just passed the janitor's closet when a hand clamped down his arm.

"It's the first time I've seen you around here," the doctor who had been giving Kazuki the 'looks' whispered at his ear, making Kazuki want to do some physical damage to the man.

"Sorry, but I have to be on my way," Kazuki murmured and tried to break free from the doctor's grasp but it was futile. The doctor was dragging him inside the janitor's closet.

"Please, let me go," Kazuki asked rather calmly despite the hand snaking up his leg.

"I like you," the doctor said, smiling at the young trainee squeezed between him and the wall, "I've been watching you and I think you're the prettiest nurse around here. I don't usually do this, it's against the rules but you – WHAT?!"

What he should be touching is what he's not supposed to be touching, the doctor thought, mouth agape. Kazuki stood there, face fuming with anger.

"You're a- you're a – "the doctor stuttered, unable to say a thing, his hand still under Kazuki's skirt.

"Yes, I am," Kazuki replied and before the doctor could get out of the closet, he wielded his strings and put the doctor in his place.

Right in the middle of the ceiling, hanging.

Kazuki walked out of the small janitor's closet, still fuming and wondering if he's the only one to experience their first case of sexual harassment in the hospital.

Patient Number Six: Amano Ginji

He was tired, he was sick of the bra, of the blisters that were beginning to develop on his feet, sick of everyone who was staring at the way he walked, of everyone who wanted to molest him, of the needy patients, of the....

"Let go! I must clear up the misunderstanding! You two there! Listen to me!"

And the noise! This is a hospital! Don't people have any respect of the sick and dying nowadays?!

Shoving the door open, fed up with the world in general, he let his frustrations out on these disrespectful people.

"Everyone! This is a hospital! Please keep quiet!"

"Kazuki?!"

'Oh crap...' Kazuki thought as he stared at everybody in the room while everybody stared back at him in surprise. What unbelievable bad luck. Now what would he do? How should he explain his... situation?

"Kazuki?" a voice called out, and he turned, finding the person he was really responsible for the complication he was in.

At least he found Jubei.

End.

You know the next part, so I don't want to elaborate anymore. I had a problem with this fic, I didn't know if I should use Kazuki or Kadsuki but I relied on the translation of my VCD copy. So I ended up using Kazuki. By the way, I would also like everybody to know that I do not know how to write a proper humor fic. The fic ends up being stupid, or deadpan. This one, I don't know I'm too tired to reread – you guys decide.