Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½ or any characters created by Rumiko Takahashi, any of the ones I've created probably aren't worth owning up to.

It was a quiet evening at the Tendo dojo.

Hiroto slept quietly, the only sign of life from him was the reflex shuffling of paws as he engaged in a martial arts duel of titanic proportions in his dreams against a horde of demonic mailmen seeking to do deliver destruction to his home.

Soun and Genma had departed earlier in the afternoon for a drunken cheat's shogi competition in which they were hoping to perform well. Frank, wearing an appropriately sized cheerleaders outfit accompanied them to offer equal parts cheer and distraction. That is cheering for Soun and Genma and a distraction for their opponents.

Kasumi and Teri had been invited to a child's party, which Kasumi considered very important for Teri's development. Teri on the overhand had spent the week watching romantic comedies of dubious morality and was eager to go so he could meet some babes, preferably of the female variety.

Akane had cast a disgusted look at Ranma and Nabiki smiling at each other and plotting against her in hushed tones and reluctantly has set off to visit her newest fiancé.

That had left Nabiki and Ranma home alone.

Nabiki had trained with Ranma for a while. She had to admit that Ranma made a good instructor. He was patient, knowledgeable, contagiously enthusiastic and very easy to look at.

'He was,' mused Nabiki as she collapsed back on the lounge 'very hands on with his training.'

They had trained for an hour or so after Akane had left and then Nabiki tiredly had made her way to the furo to refresh herself. Ranma meanwhile had remained in the dojo to practise some more and meditate.

'It was' Nabiki sighed as she snuggled herself further into the cushions 'an excellent way to spend an evening.'

Nothing good lasts forever, or in the case of Nerima, on average nothing good lasts more than 3 and a half hours. Less, depending on the proximity to Ranma.

Nabiki looked up as the door to the courtyard opened with a bang and an obviously distraught Ranma stared wildly about the room until he discovered Nabiki.

"Nabiki" he gasped "come quick."

Panic was not something generally associated with Ranma. With people in shouting distance of Ranma certainly, but Ranma himself rarely panicked.

Nabiki was jerked unceremoniously to her feet and Ranma drug her stumbling to the dojo. Ranma stopped so suddenly at the door that Nabiki collided with his back.

"Ouch" Nabiki muttered rubbing her nose.

"Sorry."

Nabiki peered nervously around Ranma, whatever it was that had Ranma so upset had to be something serious.

There in the middle of the dojo lying on her side asleep was a naked girl. Not any naked sleeping girl but the familiar red headed form of a naked female Ranma.

"She's…" Nabiki began.

"Me!"

Nabiki couldn't resist teasing "I was going to say naked."

"I didn't do it."

"I didn't say you did Ranma. But you should have got her some clothes."

"She could have yours." Ranma responded without thinking.

"Ranma!" Nabiki cried in mock shock. "This isn't some plan to get me naked is it?"

"What? No, I mean, it's just that she's and you're a ….."

"Relax, how about we use your shirt for now." Nabiki responded smiling.

Ranma crept nervously across the dojo unbuttoning his shirt as he went. Nabiki followed close behind peering around Ranma to keep an eye on their visitor in case she needed to make a rapid exit.

As they reached the naked form of the girl Ranma knelt beside her and draped his shirt over her, then stood and stepped back beside Nabiki.

"Well" Nabiki said in a nonchalant manner "This is unusual."

Ranma nodded.

The girl lying in front of them snorted, coughed, sat up and drug the shirt on and idly buttoned it.

Still not having noticed Ranma and Nabiki, she stood "Ah crap, I'm a girl. When'd that happen?"

Without looking around her she stumbled across the dojo to the small sink that had been installed and turned it on. She stuck her hand into the stream of water.

Nothing happened.

She held her hand under the tap. Nothing happened. She turned the tap fully on and stuck both hands into the stream of water and started splashing herself. There was no change.

"Aaaaaarrrggh" she screamed "I'm stuck a girl, I'm stuck a girl."

She spun around and spotted Ranma and Nabiki.

"Aaaaaarrrggh" she screamed as she continued splashing herself with hot water "I'm stuck a girl, I'm stuck a girl and some freaky look-a-like has stolen my fiancé."

"I'm not freaky" Ranma whispered to Nabiki "and I don't look anything like her."

"It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working. It's not working."

Nabiki walked over, spun the female Ranma around and slapped her.

"Why did you do that" the female Ranma shrieked "Did you see that? Why did she do that?"

"You're hysterical" Nabiki answered seemingly unperturbed by the outburst, but ready to run just in case.

The female Ranma grabbed Nabiki's blouse and drug her close. "I am not hysterical" she said tightly "I am just a little stressed."

"You do seem a little shrill" Nabiki noted nervously noticing the panic in the female Ranma's eyes.

"Hormones" the male Ranma opined.

"Hormones, HORMONES" the female Ranma turned on the male Ranma and waved her arms wildly in the air "I'm a guy, a guy and here I am stuck as a girl and you think it's hormones."

"Could be hormones" male Ranma offered quietly.

Nabiki seeking safety, made a strategic retreat and sidestep left to hide behind Ranma.

"Maybe he's the girl, have you thought about that. Hmmm?" the female Ranma asked chasing Nabiki across the dojo peering around Ranma, certain that he had nothing of value to add to the discussion.

"He doesn't look like a girl" Nabiki offered from her safe location behind Ranma.

"But maybe he's thinking girly thoughts in there" she leant forward and tapped the male Ranma on the forehead. "Thinking of wearing pink tights? A tutu perhaps?" she looked closely into her male counterpart's eyes "Flower arranging? Moisturiser, pedicures, manicures, Brazilian waxes or watching soppy girly movies in a bathrobe with fluffy slippers, chocolates and a box of tissues?

"Well? Well? Hmmmm?"she stood on tiptoes as she continued to peer into his eyes looking for the slightest trace of any incriminating girly thoughts.

"What? No!" Ranma denied shaking his head.

"Ooooh, denial." The female Ranma raised one eybrow "So how long have you been denying your girly side."

"You are my girly side."

"That is a low blow and totally unproven."

"Excuse me" Nabiki waved from behind the male Ranma to attract the girl Ranma's attention "I think we need to sit down and quietly talk this through."

"Quiet works for me."

"Of course quiet works for you, you're a guy" the female Ranma fumed.

"Look, aah umm, can we call you Ranko?" Nabiki asked tentatively peering from behind the safety of her fiancé. "Calling you both Ranma is just going to confuse things."

"Good idea" seconded male Ranma.

"Oh sure, you think it's a good idea, of course you think it's a good idea" the female Ranma responded sarcastically "Why can't you be Ranko?"

"Well obviously I'm Ranma" the male Ranma responded matter of factly.

"And I'm not?" the female Ranma fumed. "Wait a minute, I know what's going on here. You're my evil twin from some magic mirror, potion, spell thingy."

"Evil twin?" Ranma parroted.

"See! See!" she was wide-eyed and pointing at Ranma in horror. Nabiki was starting to think that the female Ranma getting ready to explode or melt down, it was an each way bet which was going to happen. "It's repeating what I'm saying. It's a bad copy. Baaad copy."

"OK" Nabiki stepped from behind her Ranma her hands out in an attempt to placate the volatile female Ranma "Let's all just calm down a bit."

"I'm perfectly calm" Ranma said.

"Ooooh I'm perfectly calm says the copy" sneered the girl Ranma. "Of course you're bloody calm you're a guy."

"So women can't be calm?" Nabiki countered coldly her head swivelling back to the female Ranma like the turret on a warship.

"What? Of course not, they got hormones and stuff, strange crazy things women…" the female Ranma grumbled oblivious to Nabiki's less than impressed demeanour.

"Hah! Hormones I knew it!"

"Ranma, sweety" male Ranma turned to Nabiki who was offering a particularly treacly yet dangerous smile "You are NOT helping."

"That's because he's evil."

"I'm not evil."

"Are too."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Stop it. STOP IT! The pair of you, just stop. Sit down" Nabiki glared at each in turn pointing for a spot for each "Sit!"

Both Ranma's grumbled but moved to comply.

"You are so evil" the female Ranma grumbled accusingly.

"Not. A. Word." Nabiki said enunciating each word with cold precision.

"Yes dear."

"What did I say?"

The male Ranma sat making a zipper motion with his hand across his mouth.

The female Ranma jumped up and grabbed Nabiki and led her to the far side of the dojo.

Nabiki examined the female Ranma, Ranko she decided it helped her keep things straight in her head. Ranko looked deeply troubled and kept casting nervous glances across the dojo at the male Ranma.

"Are you sure he's not evil" Ranko whispered.

"Pretty sure."

"How can you tell?" Ranko whispered casting suspicious glances at Ranma.

Nabiki thought for a moment. "Well, around here the evil ones aren't very subtle."

Ranko glared suspiciously back to where the male Ranma was sitting, expecting him to declare his evil intent at any moment. Disappointed that he was in no hurry to make such a move she looked back at Nabiki. "Mmmhmm?"

"They just arrive saying they're evil, steal souls, destroy things. Actually everyone around here destroys things so that's not really a test for evil." Nabiki pondered for a moment "They look evil." She finished weakly.

Ranko glared at Ranma "So, still got your soul?"

"What?"

"Does his head swivel three sixty degrees?"

"No" Nabiki protested.

"Unusual amount of vomit?"

"What?"

"Destroyed anything lately?"

"This is Nerima, if something doesn't get destroyed it's a miracle."

"But him?" the female Ranma stared pointedly across the dojo.

Nabiki smiled "No."

"And you don't think that's suspicious?"

"Wait. Aren't you supposed to be Ranma? If he hasn't destroyed anything wasn't that you and doesn't that make you the suspicious one?"

"Of course I'm suspicious. Wouldn't you be suspicious if you woke and someone had turned you into a girl?"

"I am a girl. So, no."

The female Ranma growled and then continued the interrogation. "Has he stolen anything from you?"

"What? No!" Nabiki answered shocked.

"You sure?"

Nabiki smirked then giggled "Well there was that one time he took my panties. Even though I…"

Ranko grabbed Nabiki by the shoulders "He is evil, he stole my panties too!"

"Actually you weren't wearing anything."

"Yikes, his perfidy knows no bounds."

"Perfidy? Are you sure you're Ranma Saotome?" queried Nabiki.

"Of course I'm sure. Are you sure that you're Nabiki Tendo?"

"What?"

"Of course you are. The question is" Ranko whispered conspiratorially "who is he?"

"Look" Nabiki said trying to project a voice of calm reason "we just need to sit down and talk this through and this will all make sense."

"Make sense? Make sense! Nothing about my life makes sense. I'm a guy who changes into a girl when splashed with water, who changes to guy when he's splashed with water. My father's a panda (part-time), my friends turn into farmyard animals when splashed with water. Well, apart from Ukyou, who's a girl that changes in to guy when she gets splashed with water.

"I mean Ukyou she's a girl engaged to a girl, well a girl sometimes, I mean she's a girl sometimes, not her fiancé who's a girl all the time, a vicious mallet wielding uncute tomboy girl. But hey still a girl" Ranko paused momentarily confused "But does this mean she's only half engaged or fully engaged? Can you be partly enagaged?"

Nabiki shrugged.

Ranko continued becoming more shrill as she continued "My school teacher's a child, oh no wait five minutes now she's in her twenties. There's a 900 year old midget who bounces around the neighbourhood stealing women's underwear, a mummy running a noodle shop. Martial arts parking inspectors handing out fines in haiku to martial arts motorists who consider a one way street a challenge that can't be ignored. Don't even talk to me about what goes on in fast food drive throughs. Cavemen in the park worshipping rabbits. Cats and pigs cohabiting. Where does any of this make sense?"

"Nerima."

"OK," Ranko blinked and then responded calmly. "You got me there."

Nabiki took Ranko's arm and led her back across the dojo and sat her down "Better now?" Ranko nodded.

"Calm?"

Ranko nodded again.

"Good."

Ranko let out a slow breath as she sat on the floor. "This" she said looking at Ranma "is obviously all your fault."

Nabiki dropped her face into her palms and shook her head.

"My fault, how is this my fault? I was just….."

"Plotting evil schemes" Ranko

"I was not plotting anything, I….."

"Eeeeevvvvviiiillllll."

"I'm not."

"Eeeeevvvvviiiiiilllllll" Ranko repeated pointing at Ranma.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP THE PAIR OF YOU" Nabiki roared, her fists were clenched and she stared at each in turn. Nabiki was as angry as she had ever been, strangling the pair of them was becoming a very attractive option. If only she could decide on which one to start with.

'Deep breaths, Nabiki, deep breathes.' She dropped her head, enjoying the momentary quiet.

"Right" Nabiki lifted her head and looked at one Ranma and then the other "OK. Calm down. Deep breaths, let's just talk about this calmly."

"But he….." the female Ranma pointed accusingly at the male Ranma.

"Quiet! Nabiki snarled, "One more word from either of you before I give anyone permission to speak and so help me I am going to get Akane's mallet."

Both Ranmas looked sufficiently chastened.

"You" she pointed at the female Ranma "for now we will call you Ranko."

Ranko wisely adjudging that discretion and more importantly silence was the better course of action simply nodded.

"Now, from the beginning. What happened?" Nabiki pointed at Ranma.

"Hey. Ladies always go first." Ranko pointed out.

Nabiki looked at Ranma, who just shrugged "Ok, go ahead."

"Well I woke up and there was my fiancé and my evil twin…"

"I'm not your evil twin."

"Oh, so now I'm the evil one?"

"It's a definite possibility" Ranma stated.

Accusations of evil doing started flowing back and forth at an ever increasing rate and volume. Nabiki, her head starting to pound stood quietly and started walking to the door.

She paused at the door "I'm going to get the mallet."

"We'll be good" Ranma and Rank chorused.

Nabiki sighed heavily and walked back to her spot on the floor, this headache could take days to clear she thought. Alternating glares from Ranma to Ranko and back again she sat down on the floor.

"Right, you" she said point at Ranma "from the beginning."

"Well after everyone went out, we came here to the dojo to train a little."

"I remember that" Ranko interjected, she leant closer to Nabiki 'You know he was trying to cop a feel."

Nabiki blushed a little and smiled at Ranma "I remember that too."

Ranma blushed a lot and smiled back.

Ranko looked distressed and looked worriedly back and forth between the two "Eyuuh."

Nabiki smirked at Ranko "You know that if you're Ranma that you…."

Ranko sniffed disapprovingly "Now that I'm a girl I'm beyond that sort of thing."

Nabiki rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples in an attempt to alleviate the developing throbbing. "Anyway?" she prompted Ranma.

"Anyway, after you left, I decided to meditate for a while on stuff."

"Stuff?"

"On the curse and ki and stuff. I was thinking.."

Ranko snorted.

"I was thinking," Ranma continued loftily "you know that with training you can see peoples auras, their ki signatures, ki. I was wondering if I could see the curse."

"And that was it?" Nabiki inquired.

"Well, no I mean I've been doing this for a long time and …." Ranma struggled to come up with words to describe what he had been trying to achieve. He was also sure that he shouldn't divulge how he actually managed, whatever it was he managed. After all this was he believed part of the secrets he and Wu had discussed.

If what was happening now was part of the cure he wasn't sure if this wasn't worse than the disease.

"And I just popped out on the floor like a, like a, like a? I'm at a loss" Ranko stammered, looking at Nabiki for support.

"A physical manifestation of Ranma's curse or an ectoplasmic construct" Nabiki suggested.

Ranko nodded enthusiastically "Exactly."

"I wasn't expecting this" Ranma waved his hand at Ranko.

"Oh, so now I'm a this? I'm not even a real person to you" Ranko sniffled over-dramatically.

"Well, you could be evil" Ranma responded.

"Hey!" Ranko pointed accusingly at Ranma.

"She started it!"

"I'm a guy!"

"I didn't expect this" Ranma pointed at Ranko "I thought the curse would just dissolve and float off to Jusenkyo."

"So I could just dissolve into a pool of ectoplasmic gloop and float off to China? Is that it?"

"Well."

"That's just heartless, I mean I'm a living breathing….."

"Walking talking pool of ectoplasmic goop" Ranma finished.

"Not helping" Nabiki growled out of the side of her mouth.

"And it was gloop" corrected Ranko.

"Hey, we're cured."

"Cured?" Ranko shrieked "Cured? You call this cured?"

"Well, yeah."

"Oh, of course you're cured. But look at me."

"Well, maybe one of us had to be the girl."

"Well, why wasn't it you?"

"Well if it was me I'd be you" Ranma retorted.

"You'd be me?"

"Yeah."

"Wow" Ranko paused "You'd be pissed."

"Language" Nabiki interjected.

"Sorry."

An uncomfortable silence settled over the dojo.

Ranko sighed heavily "So I'm stuck like this?"

"I guess."

"Great" Ranko grumped.

"Just so everyone understands" Ranko switched her gaze back and for the between Ranma and Nabiki "I'm a guy."

"You're a guy?"

"I'm still me…you" Ranko faltered "You know what I mean."

"Yeah."

"Apart from those" Ranma waved a hand vaguely in the direction of Ranko breasts "and um you know." He gestured a little lower.

Ranko adopted a guise of complete misery and leant forward allowing Ranma's top to open and reveal more cleavage than is generally acceptable "You don't like these?"

"What? No." Ranma denied vehemently.

Ranko sniffled.

"Ranma?" Nabiki, unable to resist a little teasing, called in a sad little voice "You don't like breasts?"

Ranma turned to Nabiki and as he did so noticed she had raised her right hand to her collar and was dropping her hand now to the top button and was teasing it idly. It was only a supreme effort of will that allowed Ranma to raise and then keep his eyes focussed on Nabiki's face.

He swallowed heavily and turned back to Ranko "I don't like them on you" he said finally.

"Yeah. I don't like them on me either" agreed Ranko.

"Now" Nabiki said in her all business tone "this is going to create something of a stir."

Ranma and Ranko looked at her blankly.

"You and you. Separate. No curse." Nabiki paused "Cured."

"Oooh" they nodded in unison.

"How do we explain it?" Nabiki asked.

Ranko looked expectantly at Ranma "So you just thought about it?"

"Real hard" he answered.

"Well, now we know Pop'll will never be cured" Ranko giggled.

"Or Ryouga" Ranma smirked.

Ranma and Ranko suddenly developed twin grins that Nabiki found distinctly disturbing.

"We'll give them some mystic.."

"Mumbo, jumbo the…" Ranko continued.

Ranma interrupted gesturing grandly "lesson of the pools…"

"Is one that each….."

"Must learn on his own….."

"It is a pathway each must travel…." Ranko intoned sagely.

" a long and mystic journey…"

"of self discovery….."

"Self discovery, I like that bit"

"It's good, of course only I could have come up with something so good" Ranko said in a superior tone. Ranma wisely said nothing, for which Nabiki was grateful.

Ranma grinned broadly "Then we can say it came to me in a vision."

"Came to you in a vision?" Ranko interjected "Why didn't it come to me in a vision?"

"Well I'm Ranma."

"No. No. No. It came to me in a vision."

"Why would it come to you in a vision?"

"Because I could understand the vision" Ranko declared as if it was an obvious fact.

"And that's because?"

"Because I'm the smart one."

"You're the smart one?"

"Of course I'm the smart one. I'm the girl."

"Hah, I knew you were a girl."

"You are not making it easy for me to like you" Ranko growled.

"I got an idea" Ranma's grin broadened further till it became wide enough to be life threatening "I got the vision while I was in girl form."

"Well obviously, that what I was saying" Ranko replied in what Ranma was coming to categorise as her annoyingly superior tone.

"What if the vision could only come to me while I was in girl form?"

Nabiki, who had been feeling left out of the plan making at this point decided it was time for her to reinsert herself into proceedings "What Ranma is saying is that you tell the others that only in the cursed form will the others receive their visions."

"Oooooh, sneaky, I like it."

"And I came up with it." Ranma said proudly.

"That's only because you're sneaky and evil."

"I'm not evil."

"Nabiki, tell him he's evil."

"It's not too late to get the mallet." Nabiki threatened.

"You wouldn't hit a girl would you."

"It's a very attractive option" Nabiki countered "and I'm a girl too."

"Well I suppose that if I am now a girl" Ranko smiled disarmingly "we can have girl talks and I can tell you all about me, I mean him. You know what I mean."

"Uh, ok" Nabiki stammered not really knowing how to take this latest change of tack.

"I know all his secrets" Ranko smirked.

"Really?" Nabiki looked interested.

"Hey!"

"Embarrassing secrets."

"Hey!"

"How embarrassing?"

"Very."

"Nabiki!" protested Ranma.

"I need" Ranko began standing up.

"Pants" finished Nabiki and Ranma covering their eyes.

"Oh yeah" Ranko smiled brightly hands on her hips.

10 10 10

Akane studiously ignored the looks.

Today had been her first time in a golf tournament, which had gone remarkably well. Once she had resolved her issue of driving one or two fairways too far from the tee. Putting however remained an issue.

She grumbled "Damn Ranma for being right about needing control."

Kasumi had been girlishly delighted that Akane was taking up a sport. Akane was not excited, girlishly or otherwise when she saw the outfit Kasumi had prepared for her golfing debut. Akane was not quite sure what to think of the outfit and was certain that thinking of it was definitely not a good idea.

A garish combination of stripes (both wavy and straight), checks, polka dots and tartan that were almost certain to invoke seasickness and dizziness in any that observed it. Akane herself was only able to function if she kept her gaze forward looking and avoided even a casual glimpse of her reflection.

Akane had raised numerous objections to the outfit when Kasumi first produced it. However Kasumi's inherent sweetness and iron fisted resolve that her sister should be garbed in traditional golfing attire had worn Akane into submission.

Akane was not certain what was traditional about the colours and patterns of her clothing and doubted mightily that any one culture would have produced such a hodge podge of styles. Kasumi was adamant that golfers were renowned for their eccentricity in dress and Akane had no option but to comply.

With everyone, with the exception of Ranma and Nabiki gone from the house for the night Akane had no intention of staying the watch the two of them make cow eyes at each other. Not only was it depressing, she was certain they were also laughing at her and possibly plotting against her. Not that she was paranoid of course, people had been plotting against her for years. It was only natural that Ranma and Nabiki join in.

When she had announced she was not staying at home with Ranma and Nabiki her father and Kasumi had insisted she visit her new fiancé. Most embarrassing of all Kasumi had insisted she retain her golfing costume.

'At least' Akane mused 'no one is likely to notice me in this outfit, they may notice the clothes but can't or won't be able to see anything past that.'

For which she was very grateful.

Akane sighed mightily as she arrived at the door to Ukyou's restaurant and steeling herself against the humiliation to come, pushed open the door.

11 11 11

It was a quiet night at Ucchan's.

The Nekohanten was having a two for one special night after Shampoo and some of her doggy friends had rampaged through the café one afternoon leaving chaos, noodles and customers strewn in their wake. Added to that there was a drunken shogi tournament being held in a neighbouring ward which had attracted many of the locals.

Ukyou was considering shutting early when the bell and one of the strangest and disturbing sights she had ever seen wandered into her restaurant. It was, it appeared for a moment to be some form of advanced urban camouflage. The person seemed to be in motion even when still and her eyes thankfully were unable to stay focused on the individual. Anytime Ukyou's eyes seemed to focus, her stomach rebelled and waves of nausea and vertigo threatened to send her to the floor.

It was only with a supreme effort of will that Ukyou was able to focus beyond the garish colours and conflicting patterns to discern to face of "Akane?"

"Yes" the miserable reply came.

"What is…." Ukyou closed her eyes and waved in Akane's general direction.

"Golf" Akane stated as if that explained it all.

"Riiiight" Ukyou drawled drawing out the word to its' maximum possible length, understanding not at all.

Akane shuffled towards the counter.

"You know I have spare clothes in the back" Ukyou offered, thinking of her customers and her own health. The few customers she had were looking a trifle green as she was certain she was as well. Ukyou was glad that her customers generally paid when ordering their meals

Akane lunged over the counter and hugged Ukyou with tears of joy in her eyes "Thank you. Thank you."

Akane disappeared into the back room of Ucchan's and Ukyou followed.

It was not five minutes later when Akane reappeared, Ukyou looked up from her grill to see Akane clothed in less jarring apparel.

"You have no idea how grateful I am" Akane said.

"You have no idea how grateful my customers" Ukyou glanced around her restaurant "all two of them are."

"I can guess." Akane answered wearily.

"So how?"

"Kasumi."

Ukyou blinked.

Kasumi's idea of a golfing outfit."

"Just be grateful she doesn't design racing colours for jockeys."

Akane giggled "Oh no. All the jockeys falling over and …"

"And all the horses falling over and throwing up."

"Not to mention the television audience."

Akane accepted a glass of soft drink from Ukyou and dropped a paperback book on the counter.

"'Samurai's Passion'" Ukyou read.

Akane nodded "Kasumi gave it to me. It's full of heaving bosoms.."

"Heaving bosoms?"

"Yes" Akane answered "and throbbing manhoods."

Ukyou rocked back shocked "Throbbing manhoods?"

"This conversation is not going to get very far if you keep repeating everything I say."

"No, sorry, I mean" Ukyou cast a nervous glance about her to see if any of the customers were listening in. "It's just that, well…"

Akane leant forward, her eyes wide "What? She gasped.

"You know, that with the curse and all, I'm…."

"A boy?"

"Not all the time." Ukyou responded offended.

"Yes" Akane prompted impatiently.

Ukyou took a deep breath "Akane , since my, the incident…"

"Yes."

"Akane," Ukyou blurted "there are things happening in my pants I have no control over."

Akane gasped shocked "You don't think?"

"What else could it be?"

Akane looked at the paperback on the counter in shock and swallowed heavily "I thought that Kasumi was a little silly with these books but…"

"It could all be true" Ukyou finished.

"It's times like this I wished I'd paid more attention to all those Personal Development class lectures" Akane admitted.

"You mean those lectures about. You know?"

Akane blushed and nodded.

"You didn't pay attention?"

Akane looked guiltily at the table top "Well, no. I was too worried that Ranma was getting perverted ideas from whatever the class was about. I mean you saw the pictures?"

"Pictures?"

"You weren't paying attention either?" asked Akane.

"Thinking up recipes for Ran-chan's lunch" admitted Ukyou "Paperwork for the restaurant."

"Well I think it's a good thing that one of us was keeping an eye out for perverts" Akane stated.

"Really?"

"Well with these all throbbing manhoods running around willy nilly you can't be too careful."

"Willy nilly?"

Akane shrugged.

"You may have a point Akane. What else does this book say?"

Akane search through the book for one of the many dog-eared pages and pointed out a paragraph for Ukyou to read.

"He gazed deeply into her eyes the burning strength of which melted her heart and ignited fires within her feminine core…" Ukyou read.

"See, fires, sounds dangerous" Akane interrupted.

Ukyou nodded "Oh my, you don't think."

"Her bosom starts heaving in the very next paragraph" Akane confirmed.

"This is serious stuff" Ukyou was pale yet unable to turn her eyes away from the pages of the book clutched tightly in her hands.

Akane nodded.

"Have you finished this?"

"Not yet."

"Can I…., when you've finished, purely for research…." Ukyou's voices faded as she reached a particularly explicit passage and gasped "Oh my."

"You Ok?"

"And there are more of these?" Ukyou asked her hands trembling as she turned the page.

Akane nodded "Kasumi's got a box full of them."

Ukyou eyes widened "A whole box?"

"A whole big box."

"And Kasumi's read them all?"

Akane nodded.

"That could explain some things."

Akane hung her head guiltily "This is my fourth."

"Fourth?" Ukyou was shocked.

Akane nodded sadly in confirmation "I don't know what's come over me it's…"

"Depraved" whispered Ukyou her eyes widening as she reached an outstandingly lurid paragraph.

Akane again nodded sadly.

"Her luscious lips lured the samurai's closer and till he clasped her to his naked chest, his turgid member pressed hotly against her belly with only the delicate folds of silk between…"

Ukyou looked up at Akane who was flushed and breathing heavily as was Ukyou herself.

"Turgid member? What's a turgid member?"Ukyou asked.

Akane just shrugged.

"Now we have to worry about turgid members as well?" Ukyou asked.

Akane nodded and gestured for Ukyou to continue reading.

11 11 11

Nabiki and Ranma waited patiently outside the furo for Ranko to bathe.

"What do you thinks she is going to do?"

"He" corrected Ranma "and I have no idea. Oh wait."

"What?"

Ranma's reply was cut off by a cry from within the bathroom "Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot."

"Oh" Nabiki sighed.

Ranko called out "Still a girl!"

Nabiki looked at the door "Do you think there's going to be any hot water left?" she asked.

Ranma shook his head sadly "No."

"Aaaargh. Still a girl. Oh Dammit. Oooh,ho ho. Still a girl. Nooooo. Aaaargh. Hot Ho-o-o-o-o-t. Dammit" a very solid thump from a body hitting the floor was clearly audible in the hallway "STILL A GIRL."

"How long do you think she's going to keep this up?" Nabiki asked.

Whatever reply Ranma was going to make was interrupted by a very loud splash followed by a long loud undulating cry from beyond the door interspersed with the sound of a body wildly thrashing about in the water of the furo.

This went on for some time before the cries, shrieks and splashing were ended by the sound of a body once again hitting the floor.

"Oooooh" came a whimpering cry from beyond the door "I think I've burned places that should never be exposed to boiling water."

Nabiki sighed deeply and rubbed her throbbing temples.

"This could go on for a while yet" Ranma guessed. "Days probably."

Nabiki nodded and taking hold of Ranma's hand led him downstairs.

The now familiar call of "Still a girl" followed them.

11 11 11

"Plush? I'm plush?" Ranma sighed "Well at least I know where I am."

Ranma teetered on rounded feet and waited for Wu.

It wasn't long and and a plush Naruto waddled up to Ranma from behind a plush hill where plush bunnies gambolled among plush flowers.

"I thought this form would make you feel comfortable?" Wu smiled indicating Ranma and his plushy forms dressed in martial arts attire "the martial arts thing that is not the plush."

Ranma was starting to consider that if one of the after effects of dying was that you started to gain amusement from invading peoples dreams and turning them alternatively to Lego or plush he was going to start at looking seriously at methods for living forever. The afterlife must be he thought rather dull and over-rated.

"Well, how has your day been?"

"Seriously?" Ranma asked.

"I may have the most deranged ….."

"Sister?"

"Brother." Ranma corrected.

"Brother?"

"She insists she's a boy."

"Very odd."

"So did this happen last time someone cured themselves of a Jusenkyo curse?" "Ranma asked.

"It's never actually happened before?" Wu admitted.

"So you never?"

"Do I look stupid enough to ever go anywhere near Jusenkyo?"

Ranma examined the plushy figure "At the moment…"

"Well, yes. But no. Never been cursed, well not Jusenkyo cursed if you know what I mean."

"So this is all new."

"I can answer some questions though."

Ranma breathed a sigh of relief "I really need answers. I mean why is she…"

"He" corrected Wu.

"He, so…" Ranma waved his stubby plush arms in frustration.

Wu smiled benevolently "Ah, there's the thing. You didn't just get rid of the curse."

"Huh?" Ranma responded intelligently.

"Oh, the curse is gone no doubt about it. Well apart from the fact that it is sleeping on the Tendo's lounge. But you got rid of some other things at the same time."

"Like what."

"Things you thought were wrong about you."

"Wrong?"

"She, sorry, he is still basically you, only you find that some things about her" Wu shook his head, "him are more pronounced."

"Like what?"

"She will be more impulsive, less polite. He'll pay less attention in school. Impatient, hot headed, prideful."

Ranma pondered this for a moment "So I won't be these things anymore?"

"Less so than you were, or should I say less inclined to be" Wu paused "Think of her, uhm, him. It is very hard to get that right. Think of him as you only with some of your traits exaggerated."

"And me?"

"Oh, you are you. Only those traits which you considered important are stronger. Those you prize."

"Oh." Ranma nodded, "her memory seems to have…"

"Holes. Yes, she. Sorry he is not a perfect copy, so there a few holes in her memory. Nothing to worry about though. It just makes her" Wu pondered for a moment "different."

"She's definitely different" agreed Ranma.

"An opposite of you in many ways."

"So she's evil."

"What? No. Just more impulsive, maybe more self-centred. She lives for the moment."

Ranma breathed a sigh of relief.

"A little unbalanced maybe, but not evil."

"You don't have to put up with her" Ranma groused "I don't think anyone is ever going to get another hot bath."

"Give her a couple of years."

"Years?" Ranma grumped. "No one will be happy with that news."

11 11 11

A cold wind blew across the Neriman plains. Deep within the heart of the Nerima Park a vast plain spread as far as the eye could see.

Primitive huts constructed from the detritus of the world beyond the park gathered in solemn camps, huddled together for protection. The wind howled between the huts and whistled in the cracks and hollows in walls of the hats, rattling decorations of tins and brightly coloured wrappers strewn from poles at the entrances to huts to keep away the evil spirits.

A pall of fear had fallen over the camps of the Stone Age Martial Artists. Families clung together and started at each noise.

Not in the camps of the Fluffy Bunnies, no-one huddled in fear. No-on cursed the darkness and the howling winds.

No-one moved.

Toys and tools lay where their owners had dropped them.

They were nowhere to be seen.

11 11 11