…wow…what's it been? A year? Two? Two sounds a little more accurate…Anyway, I saw this sitting on my computer and thought, "I never did finish that, did I?"
So here I am, long after everyone has forgotten me, I'm sure. I feel like I've been gone for a century…
Did you guys notice that my name changed from 'Star_Gazer' to 'Star_Gazer20'?
Kinda funky…
First, I just want to apologize –deeply- for all of those out there who read my story and waited an eternity for me to update…only to find out that I never did.
So, without hesitation, here's the conclusion to, "Illusions."
By the way thoughts are in Italics. Although there's also words emphasizing situations and so forth in Italics as well. But you're smart, you'll recognize the difference, I'm sure! ^.~
Illusions By: Star_Gazer20Haku sat before the fireplace, the glow reflecting off the room in an almost unearthly way. With his chin propped up by two arms, Haku gave a groan and rubbed his face with the palms of his hands.
What the hell had he done?
This wasn't how it was supposed to be, he wasn't supposed to find her, at all. This was a mistake he should have never made. And she wasn't supposed to say she loved him.
She loved him…He should have never even come here.
He was surprised that she had said something so brash. How did she know if she loved him? How could she know if she ever had before if she didn't even remember him?
He didn't blame her though. He had been too forward with her, too anxious to see her.
For twelve years he had known what would happen if this moment came. He predicted the worst would ensue. He almost was glad she didn't remember him.
After all, there was something he regretted. Something he didn't want her to regret.
Something that separated him and Chihiro like the back of his hand from his shoe, something he had no power over. Something that was as unchangeable as his feelings for her were.
Time.
Time was their permanent enemy.
There was nothing he could do about it. Despite the fact that he would gladly wait an eternity for her, she didn't have an eternity to wait.
Because he was a god.
He lived forever. Nothing about him died, only changed over time. She, however, experienced time with limit.
Because she was a human.
And there was nothing he could do about that. Nothing even a major god could do; this was just the way life went.
Haku deeply regretted that he found her in the first place. What was even worse is that she didn't even know he was a god.
Of course, he could stay with her. He could age with her; change himself to fit whatever she needed, whatever their time together would call for. He could provide for her, and keep her safe and happy.
But he could not die with her.
This, above all, sorrowed him most. That he wouldn't be there to softly close his eyes with her, falling asleep to peaceful eternity after they had lived a long, content life with each other. No, he would not be there to greet her on the other side.
After all, he was eternally of the earth.
Nothing would change him and make him of the heavens, not one god could alter his position. Fate would never allow him to create such a destiny for himself.
And the cruelest thing of all was the fact that she would die.
Call him selfish, brash, and even ignorant, but nothing would wound him more than the fact that she would leave him to death.
Sure, she might be reborn, but it would never be the same.
It couldn't be the same.
Haku's sad, jade eyes fell on the figure that lie across his couch. He didn't make any notion to move to her, he simply stared.
Will you ever forgive me, Chihiro?
Turning his head away in shame, Haku chuckled bitterly at the situation.
She couldn't even hear him.
The heat flickered over her sleeping body in soft hues of yellow and orange, illuminating her milky white skin. The faintest stain of a blush tinted her cheeks even as she slept, causing his eyes to become avidly soft.
She's got to be an illusion. Nothing in the world is ever that breathtaking.
He stood and walked around to where she slept, bending down. For a moment he simply studied her, contemplating whether or not to pick her up. Deciding against it, he stood and began to leave, only to stop and turned to look at her again.
There is little I can do now to change what's happened in such a short period of time.
He smiled and softly kissed her forehead.
But I swear by all of time, by every change I will undergo, and by every god, that I will never love another other then you, Chihiro. Never again, even if I face the end of eternity alone.
Eyes growing heavier, Haku fell asleep besides the couch, holding Chihiro's hand as his only lifeline.
There will never be another to replace you in my heart.
~§~
Chihiro Groaned; how long had she been asleep?
What time was it anyway?
As the blanket gathered in her lap, Chihiro rose tiredly and struggled to see against the blare of the sun coming though the window across from her.
Why was it so bright in here? She didn't recall having a window in her bedroom.
Or a couch.
Or a black-green-haired man slumped next to her, holding her hand.
Wait. Where was she?
Wasn't that Haku? What was he doing in here apartment? Or better yet, what was she doing in his?
Looking down at his sleeping figure, cast in the warm, friendly rays of sunlight, she sighed and carefully removed her hand from his. Sitting up further, she swung her feet over the edge to the floor and attempted not to step on his sleeping form.
She had to get out of here.
Walking away from the couch she stretched and hurried to the door to find her shoes. Hastily throwing them on along with her winter coat, Chihiro grabbed the front door knob and opened it to her freedom.
Not before turning around and giving him one last look.
~§~
He watched her from the window as she ran across the length of the snow-covered lawn beneath his apartment building. Sadly, he smiled at her departing figure.
"Wouldn't even stay for breakfast…"
~§~
She couldn't believe it! She could not believe what she had done.
What she has said to him.
All Chihiro could think while dashing away from the apartment building in the snowy weather was that this all, somehow, had to be a dream.
An absolutely crazy, psychotic dream.
But somehow, Chihiro knew for certain that it was real, the whole nine-yards of it. One way or another, she had ended up meeting up with the same stranger she kept running into, spent the day with him, the night over at his place…
Not to mention he told her he loved her.
And of all the stupid things for her to do, to follow her inebriated heart and tell him she loved him too. He was a stranger! Someone she hardly knew!
Oh, and they had made-out on his sofa by firelight…
Okay, so some things she didn't regret as much as others, if she even regretted the entire thing at all.
Did she?
Haku had been so sincere when he told her he cared about her, so gentle when he touched her. There was no way this was happening to her.
It was a dream because there was no man alive who could kiss that well.
No man that she had ever met waited twelve years for her.
He had said so much to her, and she had been so tired. Hadn't he said that he's missed her? She remembered how he claimed they knew each other from somewhere before. And they had been alone together…
Wait. He…didn't do…did he?
Blushing at her own insecurity, Chihiro found her way to the coffee shop she usually went to on Saturday mornings- or mid-morning, today.
~§~
This couldn't go on forever, and he knew that he had to find her. Sitting up from his kitchen table, Haku sighed and went to the hallway, which lead to his front door.
Something had to be done.
Grabbing a random coat that hung by the door, Haku flung the door open and rushed out into the snowy day.
~§~
She took her coat off and placed it on the back of her chair, before sitting down at the small, table-for-two. A warmly smiling waitress came and offered Chihiro a menu, which she took with a polite bow.
Glancing through the folder of coffees and desserts alike, although she had most of them memorized by heart now, Chihiro sighed.
If nothing would ease her right now, it would be a cup of hot, freshly brewed coffee. After all, coffee always made well her stress.
Pulling herself away from the tantalizing foods and drinks on the menu, Chihiro sunk further inside her thoughts. Maybe she did regret what she did with Haku. Maybe she regretted the whole thing and felt nothing for him.
Maybe she was just trying to escape from a loneliness that always had seemed to reside within her.
So now what? She thought to herself bitterly. Should she trust Haku? Should she go to the police and assume rape? Would anyone believe her? Maybe if she told her…no, her father would sue the boy blind if she told her parents. Besides, she'd tell her friends before she'd tell her parents.
Or would she?
Chihiro recalled how Lina and Saka always babied her, poking fun at her past crushes in the two years of college they had all known each other. Maybe it would be wise if she were to seek the advice of close friend, however, Chihiro couldn't make herself bring her two companions into this whole ordeal.
After all, would they even take her seriously?
This wasn't some run of the mill event, Chihiro mused, this was something that even she was unsure of where it would end up going.
Just how honest was Haku?
And more importantly, on her part, was he really a part of her past or was he just lying to her about that?
She sighed to herself. No, she would keep this to herself. If she couldn't figure it out, then no one would be able to.
Grumbling crossly, Chihiro turned her head when the sound of two familiar voices filed into the coffee shop.
Chihiro nearly jumped up in surprise as she saw Saka and Lina enter, laughing about something Lina said. So, using her menu as a shield, she hid herself from their view as they took a table behind her. Chihiro was about to leave when she thought she heard her name…
"I haven't seen her all morning. I tried calling twice but no one answered." Lina said, sighing as she flipped through a menu.
"That's not like Chihiro. Maybe something happened? Do you think she's okay?" Saka added, glancing at Lina worriedly. Lina merely waved a hand without looking up from her menu.
"Naw, I saw her just yesterday with some guy. She looked perfectly safe. She probably went to his place to crash for the night." Despite Lina's nonchalance, Saka all but rose from her seat and slammed a fist unto the table. Lina looked up at this, however.
"Don't worry!? She could've been raped!"
"No, I doubt it, Chihiro's smarter than that. Besides, it was probably just that Haku guy she kept running into. Chill out, Saka, you'll have another hernia if you don't settle down."
"I'm telling you! That Haku is a complete stranger! How do we know she's even safe with him?" Chihiro nearly screamed in frustration as she pushed the two arguing voices to the background. Forcing herself to her feet while grabbing her coat from it's hanging place on the back of her chair, Chihiro cautiously made her way to the door with success, leaving the menu on her vacant table.
Perhaps it was still to early for coffee.
~§~
Chihiro found herself hurrying to get back to her apartment before she ran into anyone else.
Thinking again about Lina and Saka, Chihiro silently agreed to herself that she had made the right decision not to tell the two. It's not that Chihiro didn't trust them, in fact she do so with her life-
Well, Saka at least. She wasn't so sure placing anyone's life into Lina's hands was such a bright idea…
Chihiro saw her building come into sight, smiling and giving the thoughts about her friends one last over glance, she smiled.
They were only concerned about me. For that, I'm not going allow them to know anything else. That why, they won't have to worry even more for my safety.
Chihiro climbed the stairs to the fifth floor and raced to the door that was her own. Smiling in a way that released her tensions, Chihiro stopped at her door and rummaged around in her coat pocket for her keys. Where had she put those blasted things…
Finding them, Chihiro placed them into the lock, only to find that the door was already open…
~§~
She looked around; many of the lights that she had turned off yesterday morning were all on.
Strange, who could be in my apartment? No one else has a key but myself.Readying one of her shoes in the air just in case some madman was to pop out of nowhere, Chihiro, rounded the corner of the living room.
And there, sitting on her couch, woman's magazine in hand, was Haku.
He looked up at her like he lived there, acknowledging her presence briefly before turning back to his reading, "You girls actually read this stuff?" Haku said, a disgusted look on his face as he quoted various articles, "'How to Make Him Want You: Ten Easy Steps.' 'How to Shave Without Getting Those Nasty Little Bumps.' Oh and this one's certainly a life changer! 'Victoria Secret's Advice Column,' this week's advice, 'What to Wear On Prom Night." Chihiro stared at Haku, mouth agape.
"What the hell are you doing in my apartment?"
Haku looked up at her unfazed and patted the seat next to him. Tossing the magazine back on the coffee table in front of him, Haku turned serious.
"Sit down and I'll tell-" But before he could finish, Chihiro burst into hysterics.
"Sure as hell you'll tell me! What do you want with me anyway!? Why do you keep following me around! Stop stalking me!" At this, Haku looked at her bewildered.
"Chihiro…" He tried. But she would have none of it.
"No, Haku, I don't even know if I can trust you!" If she was planning on saying anymore, she wouldn't have been able to, because Haku slammed her up against the nearest wall with ungodly speed and defined precision before she could.
Gazing fearfully at him from behind the hands she raised in front of her face, Chihiro whimpered.
His look was so cold, the coldest she had ever seen him wear.
Haku didn't bother talking at first, he merely sighed and loosened his hold on her, although he did not release her entirely.
His hands found their way around her waist while his head fell upon the nap of her shoulder blade. She could feel as his hands betrayed him and began to wander.
This is it- Was all Chihiro could think above the pounding of her heart He's going to…going to…to…
She tensed further when she felt his breath on her ear. Then, in the merest of whispers, he spoke to her with a gentle hum of his voice echoing off the walls of her ears.
"Such a beautiful sound, your heart makes, its melody surely must be an envy to even the gods…"
Chihiro choked back a sob that she suspected would've come out as a moan if she had not suppressed it. When she found her voice, Chihiro questioned her confusion at his words, "..gods?" She could feel the curve of Haku's soft lips turn upward in a content smile against her earlobe. Then, gently, he kissed it, leaving her to shudder violently in delight.
"We see everything, little one…" Haku whispered, once again, into Chihiro's ear, "How else would I be here." Nuzzling her hair, Haku kissed a trail down to her shoulder. Chihiro, in response, craned her neck to give him more access, "How else would I return."
"A god?" Chihiro found herself saying, "You are no god." Haku didn't respond but kissed his way lower past her shoulder blade. Chihiro, despite her disbelief of his claim of heavenly divinity, was unable to stop herself from reacting to his touches.
"I came back to retrieve what was taken away from me."
Behind a moan, she spoke barely above a whisper, "A god would never make that mistake; leaving something precious behind as you say you had done, so long ago." Haku stopped then, slowly nestling his way back to her face. Looking her in the eyes with an almost fatal look, Haku pressed his forehead against her own.
A flutter of memory flew deep within her mind, only to settle as soon as it had come.
"The only reason I left, was to find you. I promised you something then, and I intended on keeping it."
Chihiro looked at him confused, "What did you promise me?"
"That we would met again one day."
The two stood in silence. Chihiro stared ahead at the intensity of his eyes and wanted to believe him…
But she was too scared. This wasn't going to work.
Pushing him away from her, which surprised him, Chihiro smoothed out her clothes and rushed into her bedroom, "This is ridiculous!" He could hear her shouting from the other room and decided to wait until she came back out.
When Chihiro returned, however, she held a suitcase in one arm and her purse in the other.
Haku just stared at her blankly.
"Promise me something else, Haku?" Chihiro said, walking towards the door, "Leave me the hell alone. I don't know what life of mine you were in before, but you don't belong in this one." Haku could only watch the door slam.
So this was how it was.
This is how he would spend the rest of eternity.
Like hell he would let that happen…
~§~
Chihiro made her way down the busy streets of Tokyo that were filled with people and snow wherever one looked.
That was a disaster.
Struggling to keep up with the bustling crowds, Chihiro dug through her purse extracting a small purple cell phone while managing to keep one hand firmly grasped around her suitcase handle. Placing her purse strap back over her shoulder, Chihiro proceeded to dial a number quickly while balancing her cell phone expectedly between shoulder and ear.
Not to mention that she was cutting her way through the crowds to the train station.
When Chihiro's serious, frantic face went to happy and relieved, someone picked up on the other end, "Hi, mom? This is Chihiro; I'm going to be visiting for a little while."
~§~
Chihiro sighed, lying on her bed staring at the ceiling.
It was a good thing she came home. Nothing helped more than just going home.
Home, She mused, wondering if he, Haku had a home. In truth, she had tried to forget about him, push him to the back of her mind.
But that didn't work; that never worked.
It had been a full week since Chihiro fled from her own apartment seeking refuge from a certain river god. Since then, Chihiro stayed with her unaware parents and relaxed for the break she had. She called her friends after she got here, explaining where she was.
And she had also called the college, dropping her classes.
Her parents, although finding their daughter's decision to drop out of college for the meantime shocking, felt concern for the obvious signs of depression they believed Chihiro to be expressing. Even though Chihiro wasn't particularly depressed, she did feel something akin to lonely.
Staring outside her bedroom window as another stray, unkempt thought of Haku drifted across her mind, Chihiro nearly screamed in frustration and turned away her head.
She didn't even notice her cheeks were wet.
The next thing Chihiro heard was a sob that escaped her throat.
~§~
Yuuko was happy to she Chihiro back home, she really was, but this had to stop. Sighing as the mother placed the last of the towels into the closet next to Chihiro's room.
What was making her cry so much?
Yuuko had wanted to act her place as mother and try to help her daughter, but she felt a strange distance that the two now shared.
You feel that way because your only child is all grown up. The little voice in the back of her mind gently said, while she always has a home and family here, there are still other place and people she's come to love the same.
Love?
Yuuko prodded that thought and smiled.
So her daughter was in love.
~§~
The weather was nicer; warmer, here. Chihiro sighed, gazing out into the blackness that was the night, through her bedroom window. Her tear-stained cheeks had dried no long ago, as Chihiro gazed at the thunderstorm outside of her window.
Yes, the weather at home was far more warmer than the wintry Tokyo.
Chihiro was restless, like something was crawl under her skin; an itch that she couldn't find nor reach to scratch.
Anther sound of thunder and Chihiro could've swore she heard something. Glancing at the large, red numbers blaring '12:45 a.m.' on her clock, Chihiro shrugged it off as the storm.
But then she heard something again.
Aggravated, Chihiro grabbed her robe and exited her room, softly padding down the hallway to the stairs. As Chihiro made her way down the steps, she carefully examined her surroundings, watching for any slight movements. When she found one, she nearly laughed stupidly.
Just a stupid branch tapping against the window next to the door. How foolish of me to think…Chihiro smiled and turned around to head back upstairs.
Then she felt something. Something that echoed off her heartbeat rather her ears.
What was that…I just…felt? Like…running water…
Turning around Chihiro stared back at the door. For some reason, when she looked at the door, she felt that same felling again…
Running water? Could it be because of the rain?
Chihiro, interested in the feeling she got every time she looked at the front door, took a breath and held it, while taking a step closer to the entrance.
The feeling got stronger. Every steps she took, it grew more frantic.
Once she found her hand on the doorknob, Chihiro released her breath, and held another one. Unlocking the deadbolt with her other shaky hand, Chihiro threw the door open in a quick clumsiness that ended up making her nearly fall backwards.
There, standing drenched in the rain outside of her house, was Haku; smiling at her warmly.
What the hell?
She wanted to move but she couldn't; to speak, but her voice was also silent, instead, she found herself mouthing out words to him.
Why are you here? She asked him, moving her lips slowly to form the words. He smiled wider, if possible and responded to her through the glass.
Chihiro's eyes widened even more.
He…he…had mouthed out…had said to her…
He was here for her.
She brought a hand up to the glass door the separated them, he walked up to it, placing his hand over hers from the other side. She could barely make out his voice as he spoke, but managed to, somehow.
"Always separated…that's how it seems we meet." His sad, olive eyes reached hers, "I have opened my door to you, won't you, yours?" The last of his sentence came out as a whisper. Haku, closing his eyes, pressed his forehead to the glass. Chihiro watching his movements, seemed somewhat surprised, if not saddened. So, closing her eyes as well, Chihiro placed her forehead up against the glass where they would've touched.
"You opened a door that I'm not sure I recall, or if I ever will again. However, I'm willing to try." With that, Chihiro opened the door that separated them.
Haku immediately stole her away into his arms in the deepest hug imaginable.
Within his arms, Chihiro laughed bitter-sweetly at the story that had become her life, "I will try, Haku, because I know in my heart that nothing is truly forgotten, you just can't always recall it."
Haku smiled, and took Chihiro further into his arms, if even possible.
Perhaps there was hope; there was always hope.
And that hope would be his foundation with her; the support beam of their hearts.
Is there's one thing time would never steal from them, it was love.
Because he knew he would love her that long.
~Fin~
Wow, almost two on a school night, I'm a bad girl! Lol! Read and Review, I'm just dying to know how everyone loved the conclusion to "Illusions." Did anyone understand why I called it that anyway? Go do some deep thinking if you can't!
(Did you guys also catch Zenbia's quote at the end? )
-StarGazer20