Episode The Last: Freud, You Say??
And so, Peter Pants is obviously the better, if not the sole remaining, man of the two, and now has a very enormous....hat too. Everybody boards the Jolly Roger, and they sail back to London across the BBC.
John: "Hey, why isn't our father in his doghouse?"
Michael: "Yes, he's always in his doghouse on Sunday night, just after mother has wound up the clock, and then they go to the bedroom to have some hot cocoa......."
Wendy: "Am I the only sexually healthy person here?"
(John and Michael stare at her)
(she sighs) "Nevermind. Let's just go to bed."
(John and Michael start grinning)
"NO, not in that way, you little freaks.."
And so they go to their beds, where they wait patiently for their parents to join....er, find them. Where the Lost Boys and Peter Pants are during this time, is not entirely clear, though the author has a slight, mainly shrubbery-related, idea.
Mrs Darling: "Oh no, the children are back..... Maybe if I pretend not to notice them, they'll go away again." (she stalks off)
Wendy: "Hey, she just pretended we're not there! Oi, get back here!"
Mrs Darling: "Fiddlesticks. I mean, hello my lovely children, I am so glad to have you back... Oh Captai.......er, George, look who are back!" (Mr Darling joins them)
Mr Darling: "What? Who? Oh, children....must....repress.....must.......repress...."
Wendy: "Is it just me, or does he look an awful lot like Captain Fag?"
Mr Darling: "Captain Fag? NO, no, not Captain Fag, I mean, he's a pirate, and I'm a loveable, neurotic, repressed gentleman! Heehee! See how loveable and neurotic I am?"
Wendy: "How do you know who Captain Fag is?"
Mr Darling: "Erm......er.....Captain who, you say? Heehee?"
Wendy: "Captain Fag."
Mr Darling: "Captain Fag, what kind of a name is that? Though he sounds rather.... er, terrifying. Yes, terrifying. Heehee, I am neurotic and repressed."
Wendy: (shivers)
Mr Darling: "And and and..... I can't be Captain Fag, because I love children!" (to prove his point, he hugs John and Michael)
Wendy: "Yes, that's what worries me...." (right on cue, the Lost Boys come in)
Lost Boys: "Give us a mother, we want to be Freudian too."
Mrs Darling: "I'll be your mother."
Uncanon Aunt: "Yes, but let me have that one boy, the faggy one, even though I've just appeared out of thin air."
Mr Darling (hopefully): "Anyone for a pony ride? On me?"
And so, they live happily ever after. The children have mothers, Mrs Darling has an army of man slaves, and Mr Darling is being ridden. Yes, it was a most perfect life for all of them. Except for that odd voyeuristic boy, who was still gazing at them through the window.
Voyeuristic Boy (Peter Pants, remember?): "To shag..... must be an awfully big adventure."
..............or is it?(A/N: Yes it is. It was a pretty crummy end, but that was the best pun the Duchess' now proudly academic mind could come up with. Yes, she has survived her first year at university, and has proudly crowned herself Queen of Syntax. Who-ever spotted the "Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman" references in this Chapter, shall be crowned King of Literature, and we shall marry royally and have many aristocratic babies. Furthermore, the title and several descriptions relating to George Darling were inspired by icons made by the beautiful Chronographia. I would give you the link to them, but fanfiction.net does not do links, so you will have to sniff her out on livejournal or somewhere else and beg her on your well-kept middle class knees for the privilege of viewing and using them. So, my dears, this is what it is like to say goodbye. I am sure you will all miss me far more than I shall miss you. See you in my next story, sincerely yours, The Duchess. PS: we are not plural.)