Songs of the heart

AN: I got an idea on my head and I wanted to write it. Although I'm still finishing my other fic I just wanted to post this. I don't know if I'll continue this or not...anyway...Enjoy!

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Buffy's POV

I don't know what led me to go to her apartment. I don't know how many weeks have passed since I've seen her. She's on prison now in LA...where she belongs. At least that's what Angel told me. He also told me that she's changed and that I should give her another chance. Another chance?! I've given her so many chance but she's so stubborn being evil and all and decided to steal my body and sleep with my ex-boyfriend! And now she manipulated Angel and his gang into believing she's changed! I sometimes can't understand Angel. I mean she poisoned him and tried to kill him and now he's giving her a chance. I was so angry when I saw them in LA hugging each other. I don't know if I was jealous of her or...of Angel. Yeah...that's right...I loved her. That's why I'm so angry that she betrayed me! I trusted and then she sides with the mayor.

I slowly opened the door to her apartment that the mayor gave her and stepped inside. Nothing's changed...though the window seems to be fixed. I slowly walked inside and looked at the window. That's where...I stabbed her. I still can't believe that I did that. But there was no other way right? I mean it's either her or Angel...and I choose her. It's easy to choose her...because she turned evil. Did I do the right thing? Did I really have to gut her in the stomach and left her in the hospital for eight months? I would probably be angry if someone gutted me and left me in the hospital without anyone caring what my condition is. But I care for her. I even visited her in the hospital a couple of days just to see how she's doing. But I guess she's too busy with the coma thing to notice that.

I then walked around and noticed a cabinet in the corner. I opened it and found nothing. I guess she took everything. I then opened the drawer and saw a cd with my name on it. I picked it up and opened it. It was a cd alright. I looked at the back and looked at the songs that was listed but nothing is written there. I frowned and looked at the front again. My name was written on it. I wonder why? I took it and quickly went towards my house. I quickly went upstairs towards my room, opened my stereo and played it. Once it started playing the song...it reminded me of Faith...

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

50,000 tears I cry
Screaming,
Deceiving,
And bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
...go away...
Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reach the bottom

I dive again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning with you (drowning with you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm, going under

Blurring and stirring the truth that comes out
(I don't know what's real and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts is my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I dive again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning with you (drowning with you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through,
I'm, so go on and scream
Scream at me, so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under

I dive again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning with you (drowning with you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through,
I'm, going under (going under)
Going under (drowning with you)
I'm going under

What is this? Why does it have my name on it? Why? I was asking that in my head as the song faded. It was replaced by another loud one.

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

"I wonder where the music is being played. I never thought you were a fan of Evanescence and Avirl Lavigne's music..."

I looked at the door and saw Dawn leaning at the door. She walked towards me and sat beside me. She saw the case of the cd and took it. She had her eyebrow raised.

"There's a cd named Buffy? How come I never heard of it?"

Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide

Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going newhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then i don't care were not going newhere

I took it away from her.

"No...I found it at Faith's...apartment..."

"What were you doing there?"

I shrugged at her not really sure what the answer is. She looked at me while frowning.

"She named it after you?"

I shrugged again. Maybe...but...why? I shook my head as another song came up. It came up soft but then loud. I guess the cd really belonged to Faith. She really liked loud music...

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

Cities grow
Rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one that's gone
I'm still here
Still here

Seeing the ashes in my heart
The smile the widest
When I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I tried to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted to take from me
Is everything that I could never be

Cities grow
Rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one that's gone
I'm still here

Maybe tonight
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember
I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole
When I saw you yesterday
But you didn't noticed
And you just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

Cities grow
Rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
The lights go out, the bridges burn
Once you're gone, you can't return
I'm still here
Remember how you use to say I'd be the one to runaway
But I'm still here

As the song slowly faded I looked at Dawn who was now laid on my pillow looking up at my ceiling.

"Uh...what's the title of that song?"

"It's 'I'm still here' by Vertical Horizon. You should really listen to the radio more..."

I glared at her. I'm a slayer! I don't have time to listen to music when some demons are wrecking havoc in my town! I sighed and laid beside her. I waited and listened for the next song. I was surprised when I heard it. I never thought that Faith would be into this kind of music. I think it's called 'Tattooed on my mind'...

Maybe you soon
Forget about all
Or maybe you'll miss it like I do
But one thing's for sure
I'm all knocked out
I spend too much time thinking of you

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
'Cause I can't get you out of my dreams

I don't wanna write
I don't wanna call
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That's how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams, oh

Oh yesterday
I was feeling safe
All I do today
is trying to be brave
And no melody can seem to soothe my mind
Now I curse you for being
So sweet and so kind

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
And your face is tattooed on my mind
'Cause I can't get you out of my dreams
Yes I know you're tattooed
On my mind you're tattooed

It was nice. Dawn leaned at her elbow and looked down at me.

"You know...I've been thinking..."

I grinned at her.

"Really?"

"Yes! Anyway...one of my friend told me that...songs expressed one's feelings. Maybe...maybe this is Faith's feelings...for you...she named the cd after you right?"

I stared at her for awhile then looked at the ceiling again. Is Dawn right? Is this...is this Faith's feelings for me? The first three songs was about her hating me...and the fourth one was about...love? Is she telling me that she...she loves me? I shook my head as another song came up. Another love song...about not giving up on it.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I leaned at my elbow and looked at Dawn. I was about to ask her what was the title of the song when she said...

"It's called 'White Flag' by Dido..."

Maybe I should listen to the radio more often... I laid my head again at the pillow and closed my eyes. Another song was being played. Just like the other three it was another 'Faith' music. It was loud but...I understood the meaning of it... (Someday by Nickelback)

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

Yeah...I wonder too why we didn't see the signs and why we wound up like that. I never wanted to fight her but...she knew how to push the right buttons...

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

[Solo]

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when

'You're the only one who knows that'...That line is somehow stuck on my mind. I guess it is up to me when that day will come. Will it be tomorrow...a month...a year until I forgive her? Why is it that I hated her in the first place? Oh yeah...because she threatened my family...friends and lover to death...and...betrayed me. That's why I can't forgive her... But Angel forgive her...why can't I? I shook my head and decided to think later as another song came up... It was a soft one...a very soft one...totally unFaith like...but then again...I don't seem to know her anymore...(One Last Cry by Brian Mcknight)

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

Cry.....

I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I goota put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

She gave up on me...she gave up her love... I clenched my teeth hard trying to control my anger. I then noticed that my cheek is wet. I gently moved my hand to my cheek and found out that I was crying. Why was I crying? Because she gave up her love without even trying. She's a coward! I felt Dawn's hand holding mine. I turn to look at her but she had her eyes closed. I gripped her hand tight and tried to stop crying but...the tears just keeps on falling. I closed my eyes and just listened to the next song. It just made me cry more...(The Reason by Hoobastank)

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

I couldn't take it anymore that I laid my head on Dawn's shoulder and cried. She held me tight trying to make me calm down.

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Faith's POV

I'm laying on my the upper bunk with my hands resting on my head as a pillow. I'm bored! I've inside this stupid jail for...4 months now! I know I can escape in here but...I'm not gonna. I know it's stupid but...what the hell. Nobody wants me outside of this prison anyway...not even her. I can't seem to get the picture of Buffy and Beefstick on my head. That was when I woke up from that coma that she sent me. That was for Angel and then when I woke up she broke up with him?! I was so mad and jealous that I did what was easier. Be evil. Since that's what they expect me to do anyway. Ahh to hell with it! It's in the past so it should stay there! I sighed and closed my eyes. I was about to fall asleep when the guard tapped he bar with his handy dandy stick.

"Faith! You've got a visitor!"

Oh goody...another visit from Angel. I wonder how soul boy is doing. I stood up and followed the guard towards the phones are. I slowly walked towards the booth smiling. I walked towards the end booth and stopped smiling. I think I turned into a cold blooded coz I felt cold, from head to toe. Why the hell is she here??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shook my head as she tapped the glass and pointed towards the phone. I took a deep breath, tried to calm myself and pick up the phone. I smiled at her trying to ease the tension that's building.

"Hey B! Nice of you to visit! Miss me?"

She rolled her eyes and glared at me. I guess she didn't come here for a heart to heart talk...

"Let's cut the crap Faith and tell me what the hell is this?"

She held up a cd that has her name on it. SHIT!!!! I thought I lost that cd!!! How the hell did she got it?! I sighed again and kept my usual smile.

"You came all this way just to ask that? And here I thought you're going to share your little life with me..."

Still glaring...

"Cut the crap and answer me."

"Okay, okay...keep your pink panties on B...you want me to tell you what that is? Okay...it's a cd. You know the one that plays music."

Still glaring with a little bit of clenching her teeth.

"You know what I mean Faith! Tell me what's the meaning of this!"

I sighed again tired of being a bitch. I closed my eyes trying not to .

"It's...it's what I feel for you B...all my feelings for you are there...but I know you already know that huh...?"

Silence...too much silence. I can't seem to look at her but when I did...she had her eyes closed and I think she's thinking. I sighed again and looked at her.

"B? You alright?"

She sighed and opened her eyes to look at me. She's not glaring at me anymore. That's good.

"The song...One last cry...when did you felt that?"

I looked away from her as I remember the song.

"It's when I woke up from the coma...I saw you and Beef- I mean Riley in the magic box..."

"Why...why didn't you tell me?"

I looked at her this time. No more lies and secrets...

"Tell you what B? That I was in love with you and that it hurt me when you choose Angel and Riley over me? That I tried to reach out to you when I killed Alan but you were to fucking busy about Angel to help me?"

She's shocked about what I said. She then looked down not looking at me. I was getting tired of this...

"B...let's just stop this okay? I'm tired...tired of fighting you. I just want peace. I know you said you'll beat me up if I apologize but...I don't care anymore if you'll kill me...do it if you want. But I'm still sorry for all the shit that I did to you...I'm sorry...for hurting you. Sorry if I let you down..."

She closed her eyes again, thinking. It took her a minute to look at me again. This is where she'll say that 'you had your chance Faith and you blew it...' but instead she said...

"I'll try...I don't know if I could forgive you but...I'll try."

I smiled at her and well...she smiled back. She looked at the cd again.

"I guess I should return this to you..."

"Nah...keep it for awhile until I get out of here and get it from you..."

She nodded.

"Okay...but you know...I also had a song for you..."

"What's that?"

"It's 'Officially Missing You' by Tamia..."

I don't know that song...it's been a while since I had some music around here. She took out a letter and handed it to the guard. She looked back at me smiling.

"It's in there..."

I nodded and heard the guard come near me. He handed it to me and said...

"It's time to go..."

I nodded and looked at Buffy. She had this sad look on her face. I smiled trying to make her smile.

"I guess I'll be seeing you B..."

"I'll visit you soon."

That made me smile more. I stood up and walk towards where the door towards my cell is. I trun to look at B one last time and see that she's doing the same. I smiled at her and she forced a smile.

As soon as I was out of her sight, I opened the envelope and looked at the paper inside.

Faith,

The moment I heard your cd, I can't help but think of all the things that happened to us. All the good and bad. Dawn made me realize that holding a grudge is bad for the health so I, decided to give you the 'I'll think about it' routine. I want to forgive you but, please give me more time to get to know you again since you've changed. Anyway, there's a song attached here that made me think of you. I hope you like it. And I hope you understand. I'll visit you whenever I can, I promise you that. Until then, be good so that you could get the hell out of there.

Always,

B.

Officially Missing You

By: Tamia

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

All I do is lay around
Two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all
I don't know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say baby safe to say
That I'm officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way
To let go of you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially
It official
You know that I'm missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I'm officially missing you

I can't help but smile as I read the letter. She missed me...and I also missed her. I guess it'll take her quite a long time to forgive but...the hell with it...I've got a long time till I get out of here anyway...

End...or should I make a sequel???