Closeted

By: Calypso Diangelos

Summary: There's more to a closet than just clothing and forgotten objects. Minor angst.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hikago

Authors Note: Thank you to Kiya Sama for the beta! That said, this isn't really shounin-ai but it's definitely Ogata/Akira oriented. It's kind of sad but for those of you sick of angst there's a more light hearted Isumi/Waya and Hikaru/Akira one in the works. : ) Also, in case someone doesn't know: Onii-chan is big brother Otouto chan is little brother. (Thanks for correcting me!) Have fun reading!

-
Your love leaves nothing
but a bitter shell
and a forlorn heart
that cries because it is forgotten.
-

Ogata Seiji has a shirt in his closet, something so hopelessly small and desperately old that it was hard to believe he owned it. Amongst the white suits and various silk shirts the plain red cotton seemed almost offensive somehow. Ogata hadn't worn that shirt since he was 17, but he couldn't just throw it away. Once upon a time that shirt had stood for something.

The young Ogata Seiji had hated his father, so much so that at age 16 he'd dropped out of his expensive private school and moved out of his father's penthouse. Working full time at a Go salon, he'd managed to afford a cheap apartment in a bad part of town. His sizable trust fund, left to him by his long deceased mother, would be out of reach for another four years. Touya Kouyo had met Ogata when he bought that salon from its previous owner, Seiji had challenged him to a game with his job on the line. One game later, Seiji suddenly found himself with a direction in life. Within the month, he was studying with the Meijin and in three months he had moved into the guest room of the Touya residence.

Kouyo had bought Seiji the red cotton shirt, and six months later, on his 17th birthday, he had been wearing it when he held a certain sleepy, smiley baby for the first time. Touya Akira wasn't the only addition to the Meijin's new family.

Across from the shirt, buried amongst the rack of various ties is a faded yellow one, slightly ripped and unfashionably old. Ogata had bought it when he'd passed the pro exams at age 18. Baby Akira had loved that tie.

"On'chan!" Smiling, and unsteady on his feet, Akira had taken his first unaided steps towards that tie. When he fell into Ogata's open arms, one hand immediately latched on to it. In his other hand, the little boy held a Go stone; the smooth white glass was clutched tightly in the chubby fingers. With a giggle, the little boy slammed the stone down as he'd seen his father do - straight onto Ogata's nose.

Buried in the back of the closet is a paper box, flattened against the wall and covered in dust. At its foot is a tiny blue sports car; a child's toy.

"Vroooooom!" Ogata Seiji and Touya-Kouyo tried to locate the source of the sound. In the large, bright new apartment there were many nooks, crannies, and objects a three year old could hide under or in. At twenty, Ogata Seiji had finally come into his inheritance. For the first time, he could afford to live comfortably on his own. At last, Ogata noticed a paper box sliding across the room - curiously moving on its own. With a smile, Ogata walked to the box and lifted it up. "Onii-chan!" Lifting his arms to be picked up, Akira waved his toy at Ogata.

Leaning against the paper box is a tiny crutch, made for a child.

"Play with me Onii-chan!" Six year old Akira smiled up at Ogata, pulling on his hand and trying to lead him to the Goban in the next room. Across the table, Touya San glanced disapprovingly at her son.

"Akira! Behave!" With a knowing smile, Koyo cast a sidelong glance at the pretty medical student who sat across from Seiji, knowing very well why his wife was trying to keep their son from dragging Ogata away. At twenty-three, Seiji still ate the majority of his meals at the Touya residence, in part because Touya-san wanted to make sure he ate something nutritious and in part because she thought it was high time he found a nice girl to settle down with. Next to Ogata, Akira pouted.

Letting go, the little boy walked out of the room. In another ten minutes there was a clatter in the next room. When the family went to see what had happened, they found Akira in the middle of a mess made by an overturned Go table. The child had not cried out once, even though his foot was twisted at an awkward angle. With pain in his eyes, the child looked guiltily up at his mother,"I'm sorry 'Kaa-san." Before the boy's mother could say anything, Ogata walked over to him and held him close.

"I'm sorry too otouto chan." Akira's eyes shone with something more than tears.

Across town, there is another closet, on the second floor of a house in a sixteen year old's bedroom. There's a white suit in the closet. It hasn't been worn in years but still looks brand new. Akira bought that suit when he was nine years old; it was the first and only piece of his wardrobe he'd selected for himself. The suit had defeated him, it had changed him with one wearing just as Shindo had changed his whole life in one game.

Akira wore the suit to Ogata's engagement party. At nine years old, he felt that three days a week and the occasional match at his father's Go Salon wasn't nearly enough time with his Onii-chan. Wearing a white suit and blue shirt - like Ogata did whenever he had a match, Akira had flung himself into seiji's arms. Nine year old Akira still knew how to be something other than serious.

There'd been a photographer at the party and a beautiful bride-to-be with long raven hair and no skill at Go. She clung happily to Ogata and cooed over Akira. Akira didn't like her in the least. The photographer wanted a picture of Akira and Ogata. As the shutter closed, Akira begged Ogata not to get married, smiling for the camera even as he said, "if you marry her, I'll lose you."

Ogata looked sadly at the little boy as the photographer put away his camera. The wide eyed smile was just a little too much too bear. "Akira, don't ever call me Onii-chan again." and that had been the end of it.

The marriage never did happen, and Ogata Seiji never got engaged again.

Akira still has the photograph of that moment, the picture that marked the beginning of the end. It marked a metamorphosis that changed Akira into a stoic youth and Ogata into something dark. The change didn't end until there was nothing left between them other than Go.

The photograph lies in a drawer, under a plain white envelope that holds a greeting card. On the cover of the card is a picture of a blue sports car. Akira faintly remembered a toy that looked somewhat like it.

The card had come the day he passed his pro exams. Akira had come home from the Go institute to find it on his bed. Inside, there was one sentence.

When you make six-dan, the car will be waiting for you.

Akira had put the card away with shaking hands, he had asked for that car a decade ago. Perhaps something other than Go remained.

In Ogata's home, there are also drawers. Drawers filled with clothing and knick knacks, papers and books. In one drawer, there is a drawing, a child's drawing. A blue green tree, made in crayon, looming over a picnic. "Onii-chan, when you win the Jyudan title, we'll have a picnic!" Akira had promised when he was five.

Ogata had won his title, but the picnic stayed in the picture. Akira had forgotten his promises, even though Ogata had kept all of his.

Akira saw only Shindo now.

The promise was, like the past, only a memory.

The memory, like something unwanted, stayed closeted.

Only Go remained between them. Go and Shindo for Akira. Go and Sake for Ogata.

Everything else, was closeted.