could not resist.
Shiva: Wuss.
CA: Oh you know it! -grin-
Flaitheas: May I inquire as to just how Wacky got her silly-string covered claws into you?
CA: Well... uh... ya see... I was kinda... um... distracted... and she, uh... she, um, she
managed to catch me in the hall...
Shiva: She was watching her taped previews of The Chronicles of Riddick.
Flaitheas: I see. Well, it seems we must all now pay. What is the song?
CA: Um, it's "The Truth About Men" by Tracy Byrd, Blake Shelton, Montgomery
Gentry, and Steve Warner. I think. Something like that.
Flaitheas: I suppose the show must go on.
CA: And so, on it goes! -drumroll- TA-DA!
SANITIZED: LYRICS HAVE BEEN REMOVED. THIS IS THE FFNET APPROVED, SANITARY, MADE-FOR-KIDDIES VERSION. TO VIEW THE ORIGINAL, GO TO MY SITE AND VENTURE UNDER "THE WORKS" AND THE APPROPRIATE SHOW.
Iruka still wasn't quite sure how it all had happened. Of what he remembered, it seemed
that either gods were against him that night or it was on those weird little twists of fate
that left a man wondering just which way was up and if he hadn't had a just a tad too
much of the liquid courage.
It had started out simply enough. Iruka had decided to take a night off and go down to the
kareoke bar. This one was designed for adults only, and therefore had a multitude of
various liquors to be served. He wasn't the drinking type, but the place was notorious for
knocking its customers dead with a blend of kareoke, sketches, and the regular stand-up
comedians-- and he was in the mood for some good humor.
Iruka, sadly, had been a well-known bachelor most of his adult life and even back in his
teenaged years he hadn't dated much. It never used to bother him, not until it seemed
everyone around him had a girlfriend or fiancée or even a wife. That was one of the
reason he had come here; he needed some cheering up.
Then, he had noticed her. The barmaid from Heaven. He had walked over to order a
spritzer and about fainted when she turned around. Being the shy type, he had stuttered a
great deal before managing to make his order. He knew he was blushing as much as
humanly possible and had no chance of hiding it. She only smiled, gave him his drink,
and walked away, leaving poor Iruka dumbfounded.
It went downhill from there.
In walks who else but the "jounin parade", as Iruka had dubbed them recently. It was
Kakashi, Asuma, and Ibiki, along with their girlfriends Anko, Kurenai, and some new
jounin Iruka could never remember the name of, respectively. He had tried to get away.
He was even considering Kawarimi no Jutsu. But before he could react, a hand landed on
his shoulder and looked up into the mostly-hidden face of Kakashi.
"Hey, 'Ruka, didn't know you were into this... stuff," Kakashi said, the ever-present
drawl in his voice. His visible eye already had a slight more merriment to it than usual,
and Iruka knew he had already had a drink or two. So had the other guys, apparently.
"I-I-I'm not," he replied, still recovering from his encounter with barmaid.
"Yeah, yeah," Kakashi told him, with a knowing look. "C'mon, why don't you join us?"
"Oh, no, I couldn't intrude--"
"I insist! Hey guys, can 'Ruka join in?"
"Get over here!" Ibiki called.
"Wanna a cigarette?" Asuma asked. He patted his pockets as Kakashi walked Iruka over.
A concerned expression crossed his features. "Let me rephrase that. You have a
cigarette?" he asked, hopeful.
"No, I don't-- uh, no, not with me," Iruka said. He had started to say that he didn't smoke,
but the last time somebody had said that to Asuma they received a very long and very
strange lecture. He had been there to witness it, and that was horrible enough, as far as
Iruka was concerned.
"Well, don't just stand there, Dolphin Boy, sit down!" Kakashi said, nearly pushing Iruka
down into the booth.
Poor Iruka. Poor, poor, Iruka.
A half hour later, Iruka had been force-fed several drinks, and although light ones (on his
insistence), they were beginning to get to him. He still managed to notice that he seemed
to be the unwanted fifth-- or seventh, as the case may be-- wheel. He sighed, why didn't
he put up a better fight?
The girls seemed to be a little irritated by his presence. At first, he couldn't figure out
why, it hadn't been his idea to come over. Then it had hit him-- they all were on one large
date. Iruka may not have dated very much, and was as confounded by women as much as
the next guy, but even he could tell from the dirty looks himself and the other guys were
getting that they weren't happy. And from the slight experiences he had had, Iruka knew
that when a girl ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, especially the guy.
It finally must've hit the breaking point. Despite receiving the dirty looks, Ibiki, Kakashi,
and Asuma were too drunk to notice and had just continued on with their antics. Iruka
would've excused himself, however, he was stuck smack-dab in the middle. But it
must've hit the breaking point, because Ibiki's girlfriend-- Iruka still didn't know her
name-- announced that she was going to the "powder room". And, surprise, surprise,
Kurenai and Anko followed her without a word.
"What's their problem?" Asuma said, still on the lookout for a cigarette.
"Who knows," Kakashi replied with a shrug.
"Now there's one mind I can't crack-- a huffy woman!" Ibiki declared, sending his
companions (even Iruka smiled) into rounds of laughter.
"Actually, I think I might now," Iruka said. All eyes were on him. He cleared his throat.
"What, you mean to tell me that 'Ruka understands women? Call the Hokage, I think a
miracle just happened! A man understands a woman!" Kakashi teased. "Unless, there's
something you'd like to tell us...?" Iruka blushed and shook his head vehemently.
"No. And no, I don't understand them any better than you guys do. It's just the looks
they're giving you are obvious even to me; you're just too drunk to notice," Iruka
informed them.
"Alright, O-Great-Knower-Of-Women," Ibiki said, making Iruka sweatdrop, "why don't
you tell us what their problem is?"
"Well... I'm assuming this was supposed to be some kind of mass date, right?" Heads
nodded. "Well, you know how women are-- they like romantic stuff. Even I know this
isn't romantic by a long shot. I mean, first you take them to a bar, albeit a nice one, then
you bring an uninvited friend over to join you without their consent, and on top of it all,
you get drunk. Let's face it-- they're pissed."
"So what do we do?" Kakashi asked. The merriment was even greater before and Iruka
idly wondered if he was really as drunk as he appeared to be.
"I guess... show 'em how you feel," he answered. Asuma snapped his fingers.
"I got it. Huddle up," Iruka didn't think he had meant him as well until Kakashi (who was
next to him) literally dragged him over. "Okay, this is a kareoke bar, right? Well, what
better than to sing them a song?"
"That's a good idea," Iruka offered. "Which one?"
"The song," Asuma said, giving a meaningful look to Ibiki and Kakashi. They nodded.
"The song?" Iruka questioned.
"That's the one!" Ibiki said. "C'mon fellas, let's get this show on the road!" Iruka felt
Kakashi grab him by his shirt collar and drag him up out of the booth.
"No, wait, I'm not in on this!" he protested. It fell on deaf ears, and he was forcibly
dragged towards the stage. He fought, but despite their being drunk, they all now had a
death grip on him and he knew there wasn't an escape route this time. He sighed, and
managed a glance over to the bar. She was there, looking straight at him, eyebrow raised.
At least if the song's good I might be able to get her phone number or something, he
thought.
Iruka didn't pay much attention as the guys spoke with the stage announcer. He did try
and slip out of his jacket, but they seemed to have expected this. His undershirt was also
in their vice-like grip and there was no way in hell Iruka would lose both. Not in public,
not with the girl of his dreams watching, and sure as hell not with the returning girlfriends
watching.
They all gave him a questioning look. He just sighed and shrugged, showing them that he
was as clueless as they were, really, and was just getting dragged into it by default.
Literally.
Iruka was forced on stage where the lined up. It seemed Asuma had been elected
spokesman, since it was his idea. He grabbed the mic (after missing it a few times),
punched in the song number on the kareoke machine, and announced what they were
doing while it was finding the song and getting ready.
"Ladies, ladies, ladies," he said with grin. Then, as an afterthought, "And guys." He
paused and grinned again. "In response to messing up really, really bad tonight with our
girls... well, mine, Kakashi's, and Ibiki's, actually. Iruka hasn't had a girl, in what, two
years, it's been?" Iruka was redder than an infuriated Uchiha's eyes. "Yeah, well,
whatever, some have it, some obviously don't. Anyhow, we're up here to tell our girls the
truth about our messing up tonight. And that, my friends, is the truth about men!"
All color drained from Iruka's face as he realized just what he had gotten himself into. He
had thought they were going to make fools of themselves singing a love song. Wrong.
They were going to make fools of themselves, period. He sighed. He had no chance of
escaping still, and a snowball's chance in hell with barmaid now. Well, he couldn't get
away and he was already screwed (and not the fun way) in the relationship department,
so, he begrudgingly decided, why not?
The music began and, still being the leader, Asuma started off.
MISSING WORDS
Everyone joined in for the chorus (yes, including our lil' Dolphin Boy)...
MISSING WORDS
The vice like grip gone, now, all four guys had their arms wrapped over each other's
shoulders. It seemed like a planned thing, but really, they were just trying to keep each
other from falling flat on their faces.
Kakashi took over for the next verse, managing to sound (almost) not drunk...
MISSING WORDS
Iruka would've laughed hysterically if he didn't know it would probably be the signature
on his death wish. The girls all wore different expressions on their faces. Anko seemed
slightly amused (note: slightly), Kurenai was ticked, and what's-her-name seemed
shocked. Iruka quickly looked away and down to the little screen in front of him, starting
the chorus up again.
MISSING WORDS
They now were managed some sort of never-practiced and severely out of sync can-can
dancing, their arms still linked over each other's shoulders. Iruka kept running into
Kakashi, Ibiki into Asuma, and Asuma into Iruka as Ibiki took up the next verse...
MISSING WORDS
Well, it was official. There was going to be three dead jounins and one dead chuunin
before the night was over, Iruka had no doubt. Oh well, too late now. Might as well go out
with a bang. Naruto would be proud of me... He seemed to sing even louder as the chorus
came 'round again.
MISSING WORDS
They had finally coordinated their movements at least somewhat passably, only problem
was all four were now getting a bit dizzy. Still, they belted out the last part of the song
with as much gusto as they could managed without passing out...
MISSING WORDS
Iruka was actually left alone to do the last line. He hadn't known, so he was
scream-singing as loudly as he had been. His voice echoed off the wall as the music
ended and silence rang out through the bar. Nervous and about as steady as klutz on a
high wire, Iruka watched with relief as several guys stood up and started applauding
loudly. Then they were joined by others, and then those others were joined by others, and
so on, until almost the entire male population of the bar were on their feet.
Iruka stumbled off stage as the chorus was started up again, this time by the whole bar.
He managed to make it to the bar itself and sit down. He looked over at the booth where
he received passing death glares from the girls. Then Kurenai said something and called
the girls into a huddle. Uh-oh, Iruka thought, I'm definitely staying out that one!
He heard a throat clear behind him. He turned around and saw it was her-- the barmaid.
"Not bad... for a first-timer," she said, smiling.
"Uh... Uh-huh..." Iruka said in all his macho glory. He was grinnin' like a Cheshire cat
and he knew it, but for some reason didn't seem to care too much. Ah, the power of liquid
courage.
"So... another spritzer?" Iruka continued to stare until she quirked an eyebrow at him. He
blushed yet again, and gave a small nod. He stared at the bartop this time until his glass
was given to him with a napkin underneath.
Lifting up his drink he saw numbers on the napkin. Correction. Numbers and a name.
Smiling, he folded up the napkin, put it into his vest pocket, and looked up only to find
her gone. He sighed and looked over to the stage where the chorus was still going, only
from the floor. The guys had fallen, but were not deterred by their predicament.
Iruka could only imagine what the girls had planned for them. He grinned again, knowing
that, despite being in the middle of it, he wasn't involved this time.
No, this time, he had his own plans for the evening.
CA: So, was it funny? Considering it's almost 1 AM, I say it's not bad, myself.
Shiva: -smirk- Not too bad, there, Ace. More storylike than a songfic.
CA: Yeah, I know. I babble. -sweatdrop-
Flaitheas: Not necessarily a bad thing. You can talk yourself out of almost every situation.
CA: True, true...
Flaitheas: However, you do have tendency to go on and on...
CA: -sweatdrop- Oh, shaddup!
Shiva: Speakin' the truth, Ace.
CA: Grr. -ignoring them- Well, folks, you know the drill. Click the pretty purple button,
type in your opinion (flames fine), and click the pretty purple button in the pop-up box.
There, now see, it's that hard, now is it? (Go ahead and smack me. I deserve it. -grin-)