Title: Twisted Fairytale

Author: Kisu

Pairings: SasuNaru or NejiNaru, ShikaIno

Ratings: PG…for perverts and violent slaps

Summary: Orochimaru, the evil warlock released the Kyuubi to wreck havoc upon the world. After the Fourth seals him into his son, Naruto and Ino exchange identities. Naruto grows up as the princess of Uzumaki castle and his cousin Ino, assumes the identity as the vessel of the Kyuubi.

A/N: Another parody. A/U fic. Since all these fairy tale versions have been popping up, I decided to start one of my own! Yay!

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me…boohoo.

Chapter 1: Of Ramen and Perverts

A soft warm glow of the bright yellow orb broke through the horizon and slowly made its way into the sky. A light breeze swept through fields of emerald green grass and the song of birds filled the air. Shadows that the night had placed temporarily onto the world slowly disappeared as the warm rays caste over a large castle. Its two towers rising high, one of them in which a figure lay sleeping peacefully.

Golden curls framed a young face as the figure breathed steadily. Rosy pink lips slightly parted and pale eyelashes fluttered as the young beauty stretched luxuriously, the white sheets stretching taught around the slender body. Slowly eyes, heavy with sleep, opened to reveal a shade of astonishing azure blue. Those eyes roamed around the room to land on a man who sat in the corner, hunched over a sketchbook. The young beauty shot up in bed, eyes wide with anger.

"HENTAI!"

The shrill scream rang throughout the castle, but no one paid it any heed because this happened nearly every morning. But everyone had to flinch when they heard the sound of something solid impacting flesh.

"My, my Naru-chan!" The man laughed with a perverted grin on his face. "You hit so hard!"

"What are you doing in my room?" The beauty demanded, breathing heavily. The man ran his hand over his inflamed cheek and stroked his chin suggestively.

"You look so beautiful in the morning, that I couldn't resist." The man said.

"Jiraiya…" The beauty threatened.

"One day you will look back and feel grateful that I took you in…" The man began.

"I live here."

"Feed you, clothed you…" He continued.

"I can feed and dress myself."

"Raised you into a proper young lady…"

"I'm a boy."

Jiraiya stopped in mid-sentence and stroked his chin. "So you are." He replied as if it had skipped his mind.

"You!"

Even though he looked like a girl, sometimes acted slightly like a girl, and had men that threw themselves in his footsteps. Princess Naru-chan was actually a boy. Why wasn't he a prince? Well, you can thank his guardian for that.

Jiraiya, who was Naru-chan's guardian was also a pervert and wore trashy romance novels in his spare time. So after Naru-chan was placed in the perverted author's care, he decided to raise him as a girl. Why, you ask? Because girls were more delicate than boys and since they lived in a time where most rulers were male and hot blooded. There was sure to be a few perverts like Jiraiya.

---

A long time ago, there was an evil sorcerer named Orochimaru. He used to serve Sarutobi the Third but after an argument, Orochimaru sold his soul and released a giant fox demon from a scroll. Sarutobi manage to wound Orochimaru and suffered severe injuries. Soon after, he past away and his only son, Sarutobi the Fourth assumed the throne. (But everyone just called him the Fourth).

The Fourth married a hime from a prestigious Japanese family, and they lived peacefully as King and Queen until Orochimaru came back and released the fox demon from the scroll. Thus, the Fourth sealed the demon into his newborn son and died shortly after. The Queen lived on for several more years until she also passed away from poor health and left the three year old prince to Jiraiya.

The man didn't have the most favored hobbies but he was very strong and the perfect person to rule the Uzumaki territory until the princess was old enough to hold the throne and possibly marry—either male or female, it still wasn't known.

---

"You're nearing your sixteenth birthday, Naru-chan." Jiraiya said, seriously as he picked up his sketchbook from the floor. "You have to decide who will be your consort soon."

"That's not fun." Naruto, (since Naru-chan was a nickname) pouted. The look was indescribably cute as he stood there in an oversized shirt that hung off a slender shoulder and revealed soft flesh the soft creamy color of peaches. Jiraiya flushed a healthy crimson color before glomping onto the boy, his white ponytail swing wildly.

"I'll never give you up!" He cried. "Whichever man wants to take my Naru-chan away must defeat me in a fight to the death!"

"Man?" Naruto twitched as Jiraiya finally released him.

"Get dressed and come down for breakfast." Jiraiya ordered as he walked toward the door. "Wear that pretty blue kimono that brings out your eyes."

Naruto just stared as the door swung shut and he quickly rushed over to bolt the several locks on it. Then with a sigh, he walked over to his closet and swung the doors open. Clothing from kimonos to yukatas, to shirts, slacks, and tunics made up the extensive wardrobe. Naruto's fingers picked out a kimono he hadn't worn before. It had been a gift from his cousin Ino, along with most of the other kimonos, and this one was white with a pattern of blue flowers.

He drew the shirt over his head and dropped it onto the floor, staring at the figure in the mirror. A young boy wearing white shorts stared back at him. Unlike most boys, he was slender like a girl and that made most of the young ladies jealous and the lords drool. Either way, he attracted both sexes, although usually much more males.

With quick fingers, he put on the kimono, tying a white sash where the obi was supposed to go. He didn't care for obis because they were drawn so tight that you couldn't breathe in them. Then, slipping into a pair of sandals, he unbolted his door and walked down the curving stairs. Jiraiya stood on the bottom, scribbling madly in a notebook that he had exchanged from his sketchbook.

"You didn't wear the blue one." He complained.

"I don't listen to perverts." Naruto responded, coolly as he regally stepped off the last stair and joined Jiraiya on the bottom. Jiraiya shut his notebook and slung his arm around Naruto's shoulders as he guided him to the dining hall.

"Your guest will be so disappointed. Blue is his favorite color." Jiraiya grinned. Naruto frowned up at him as his guardian swung the double doors open and revealed the one person that Naruto disliked greatly in the world, next to dogs and perverts. This person was a pervert and he had a dog. So Naruto abruptly turned around to head back to his room. But Jiraiya grabbed him by the back of his kimono and dragged him into the hall.

"NARU-CHAN!"

"Kiba." He grounded out as he pasted a false smile on his face.

"GOOD MORNING!"

Naruto warily took a seat across from the savage looking boy. He wore a gray hooded jacket with fur lining and had two red marks down his cheeks. Much like Jiraiya's extensive markings. Kiba was the son of a wealthy lord that got rich from stealing from the poor. Yes, Kiba's father was a merchant and one that stresses his prices to unbelievable levels.

"Want some sausage, Naru-chan?" Kiba asked with a feral grin. "Akamaru loves them." His trusty companion barked from his side.

"No thanks, Kiba." Naruto replied with hidden disgust. He didn't want anything that Kiba breathed on, touched, or was simply near. In this case, Kiba had touched the plate that the sausage was on and probably breathed over it because Kiba was greedy when it came to air. Naruto solemnly selected an apple from a dish of fruit on his right. Kiba hated apples so it was safe.

"Eww." Kiba said as if on cue. "Apples are gross." Naruto stared at him before taking a bite into the red shiny fruit, watching Kiba squirm as the juicy crunch echoed in the silent dining hall. "AHHHH!"

"Naru-chan, behave." Jiraiya lectured as he peered over the top of his newspaper. (Yes they did have newspapers in that time period) Naruto stared at Kiba and took another satisfying wet crunch. Kiba's eyes were wide with horror and he furiously dug into his eggs as if he could rid the taste of the apple that he envisioned in his mind.

Akamaru suddenly sat up, his nose twitching as he sniffed the air. Then he took off like a bullet and soon there was a yowl of a cat and something that sounded priceless crashed onto the floor. Naruto shot up from his seat and a look of fear crossed his face. He threw his apple onto the table, which bounced off his plate and hit Kiba squarely between his two eyes.

"Ramen!" Naruto shrieked as he ran out of the hall, followed by Jiraiya and a dazed Kiba. "Kiba! If he harms my cat, I will kill you!"

"Akamaru! Bad dog!" Kiba yelled as he dreaded the thought of the beloved princess hating him.

---

Since Naruto didn't like dogs, he especially despised dogs that chase his kitty up into a tree. Long after Naruto had ordered the guards to drag Kiba and his dog away and out of the castle, he was still trying to coax his beloved pet to come down.

"Ramen, he's gone." Naruto pleaded, blue eyes bright with worry. "Come down or you'll hurt yourself." The poor kitty meowed as it stared at him with wide blue eyes. The pitiful mew tore at Naruto's heart and he glared at his guardian. "Jiraiya! Make yourself useful!"

Jiraiya who had stationed himself next to the trunk, opened an eye drowsily and frowned.

"Hah?" He blinked.

Naruto angrily threw a rock at his head.

---

"Are we there yet?"

"Just about!"

The young man who sat next to the carriage window tore his gaze away and glared at his mentor, Hatake Kakashi who was also a skilled knight of course. The man always wore a mask that covered half of his face and had silver hair that purposefully covered his left eye.

"Remind me, why do I have to come again?" He demanded, his dark eyes narrowing in irritation.

"Because your older brother wanted you to get away from home for awhile." Kakashi replied, cheerfully. "Maybe meet a girl or too, no one is as introverted as you."

"I like being introverted." Sasuke replied, coldly as he turned back to the window.

"There you go again, putting on your ice prince act." Kakashi smiled.

"What act?" The boy responded in puzzlement.

Indeed, Uchiha Sasuke the most sought out bachelor, second to his older brother was stuck in a carriage and on his way to the Uzumaki territory. Itachi, his older brother had gone to him and told him that he needed a life. A life?

Sasuke knew he had a life. Everyday he got up, trained, studied his books, rode his horse, and fenced. His only goal in life was to surpass his older brother who was perfect at everything. So he worked hard everyday and at night before going to bed, he would promise to defeat Itachi very, very soon. Because his older brother flinched when anything came near his face, especially if they were ink brushes. That was why, Itachi never picked up an ink brush in all his life. He always made his servant, Kisame do that for him.

"Bwaha." Sasuke mumbled as Kakashi shot the boy a strange look.

"Ano…" Sasuke turned to look at his cousins who sat across from him. Hyuuga Neji and Hinata belonged to the strongest kingdom in the country of Konoha and they resided in the Hyuuga territory. In fact, all the kingdoms branched off from the Hyuugas. The Uchiha kingdom was one of them. Hinata was the first princess of the Hyuugan Empire and heir to the throne, Neji was her first cousin and there were rumors of an arranged marriage between the two. But that was just rumors.

The Hyuuga family was proud of their distinguished bloodline and they kept it pure Japanese if possible. So keeping the bloodline in the family was a general thing to do.

"What is it, Hinata?" Neji asked, as he opened his eyes to stare at his timid cousin.

"The Uzumaki kingdom has a beautiful princess." Hinata said, quietly. "Kiba told me: "she has hair like the golden sun and eyes the color of the ocean"."

"So she's blonde." Neji said, plainly. Hinata blushed and nodded timidly. "Why do you talk to Kiba anyways?" Sasuke and Neji glared at her, no one liked Kiba much, especially since his father was a conniving man. Almost everyone had a brush with the stingy merchant lord.

"H-He's my friend." Hinata stammered.

"A princess eh?" Sasuke mumbled as a variety of young ladies crossed his mind. She probably was like the others, giggling fan girls that his parents pushed onto him. Unconsciously, Sasuke smirked as he remembered scaring off a particular girl with pink hair and soft green eyes. His parents had been furious at him for weeks.

"Ah, we're here." Kakashi announced as he closed his novel and slipped it into his pocket. The carriage turned the corner and revealed a magnificent structure of white marble. A large fountain stood in front and spewed crystal clear water as the carriage drove around it and stopped by the doors. They slowly got out of the carriage, blinking into blinding light.

Sasuke growled and grabbed Kakashi's arm. "What is this?" He demanded. The light was making his head hurt.

"The sun?" Kakashi suggested in confusion.

"Why is it so bright?" Sasuke growled as he shielded his eyes with a hand. Back at home, it seemed to be always cloudy because they lived near the ocean and the ocean always brought storms.

"The air is so clean." Hinata said as she breathed in deeply. Neji nodded as his silver eyes intake the bright colors of his new environment.

"Hyuuga Neji and Hinata. Uchiha Sasuke and his caretaker, Hatake Kakashi?" A voice asked.

They turned to stare at a man who had come out to greet them. His brown hair was pulled up in a ponytail and a dashing scar ran across the bridge of his nose. Kakashi looked at him in interest. "Welcome your highnesses." The man bowed respectfully. "I am Umino Iruka, the princess's caretaker."

"Where is she now?" Kakashi asked, itching to take a look as this beautiful princess.

"Probably doing her nails." Sasuke grumbled as he continued to squint at the bright sunlight.

"Where's her cat?" Neji asked, abruptly. He loved cats and he wasn't interested in seeing the princess but the lovely feline.

"Her…?" Iruka repeated, an uneasy look running across his face. "The princess is occupied with other matters, her guardian is probably with her."

A shrill shriek cut through the air and Sasuke looked around with wide eyes, because when someone shrieked like that, a mob of fan girls were probably around the corner.

"Ramen!" A feminine voice cried. "Jiraiya you baka, why didn't you catch him?" A white blur shot through the bushes and into Sasuke's arms. Sasuke stared at the furry creature in disgust.

"What is this?" Sasuke managed as his face scrunched up.

"A cat." Neji replied, his silver eyes softening. The Hyuuga prince reached out to touch the feline when the same voice interrupted them.

"Ramen?"

There was a rustle in the bushes and they all stared anticipating as a slender figure stepped out. The sunlight seemed to bathe the creature in ethereal light as large blue eyes filled with relief stared out at them. Her golden hair was tousled to give her a sexy look and her kimono had become disheveled, baring a smooth creamy shoulder. Her cheeks were slightly pink from running and her lips were parted as she caught her breath.

Kakashi stared and blood shot out of his nose. Iruka also quickly covered his nose with a handkerchief as blood trickled from his nostrils. Hinata blushed and covered her mouth with her hand.

"She's really pretty!" She managed. Neji ignored her; he only had eyes for the cat.

Sasuke's throat suddenly felt dry as the girl looked around and her eyes caught his. Those blue orbs widened and she strolled forward. Sasuke's pulse quickened as he breathed in quickly, regretting it when he discovered the alluring scent that radiated off her.

"I-." He began as she stopped in front of him.

"Ramen!" She cried as she scooped the cat from his arms. She nuzzled her nose into the cat's fur and the cat mewed happily. Sasuke flushed as he realized how close she was and how much skin she revealed. The kimono slipped a little more off her shoulder. Iruka quickly ran over her and adjusted her kimono, one hand still holding onto his nose.

"You look like a mess." He scolded.

"Sorry." She grinned, making her even more radiant.

"Naru-chan!" A loud voice boomed as a man leapt over the tall bushes and crushed the girl to him. "Don't dare you scare me like that! When you jumped out of the tree, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" One hand made its way down her back and she shrieked in outrage.

"PERVERT!" The princess screamed, slapping the man hard across the face.

They all stared.

The man laughed boisterously.

No one noticed the cat was gone.

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=D Hang tight for my other fics faitful readers!…I am having a crisis with angsty plots…teehee.