Disclaimer: If I owned Dragon Knights, the bookies would come out faster.

Warnings: Rating for sex, swearing, strong emotions, violence, mild gore and angst. Het, future yuri, possible yaoi. Some instances of DAM (Dark and Morbid), but I'm still working on this, so lets give it time.

Dedication: To all the wonderful, wonderful, incredibly special people who reviewed (or will review) my first Dragon Knights Rath/Cesia story, "Here Without You". No, I'm not dead, and I haven't forgotten you guys! Thanks for your caring and support!

Summary: A first person story of Cesia, inside look at her character, good and bad. Multiple Cesia pairings. Dark, but not extremely. Switching personalities between Cesia and Dark Cesia (dominance battle).

Pairings: Cesia/Rath, some Cesia/Nadil. Side Shy action.

:Chapter One:

I was raised by a witch. She was an awful haggard woman, wrinkled and horrible with a stinging tongue and an even sharper walking stick. She wore a shapeless sheet of black, rough material draped carelessly over her body, her eyes dark and hidden above a hooked, protruding nose. I hated her for what she did to me, her foul temper when angry, but she did teach me. She taught me many things, things I never would have learned if it weren't for her minute caring.

But what I didn't know then was that it was all training. Training for the day Nadil would call for me. And that day came all too soon. There was a mounting fear and mild torment starting in the depths of my soul then, past the point of consciousness. I didn't know it, but it was the implantation and growth of a demon. A demon that would one day grow strong enough to overpower me, drive me over the edge of sanity, and then return me from it, with no memory of what I had done. That was before I lived in fear, before I learned to cope, before I realized that it was just another part of me.

A self-concealed demon is a breeder of darkness, of insanity, and ultimately, of reckless self-abandon. It is a horror to experience, a devastating, memory erasing terror. It feeds on feelings, devouring joy, and releasing pain, causing an effect that both numbs your soul as well as causes intense inner turmoil. It's a sickening, writhing ache that never dulls and never wavers.

That's what Dark Cesia does. She manifests the worst, creating someone that really isn't me, but wears my expressions, my voice, my skin. She's a vicious, ambitious bitch; and yet...she's still a part of me. A facet--a flaw--in my personality. To live when you are demon is frightening. You can feel it's voice echo in your mind, over and over, but you can't make it stop. Can't take away, or drown out the sound of its endless drone. She whispers spite and hatred into my mind, spreading it like a dripping toxin, the poisonous words resounding in my head. The Dragon Lord gave me the Dragon Amulet to seal her away. And while I wear it, she can't get out. Can't get out, can't wreak the havoc I know she desires to do. Can't hurt anyone but me.

But hey, life goes on, doesn't it?

My world was spinning out of control. Everything I knew as stable and reliable was failing, fading. Dark Cesia had overpowered me, forced me to pour Revival Water over Rath, laughing when it splashed over Kai-stern's exposed arm. Kai-stern returned me to the castle, the Dragon Amulet once again bound to my throat. But Rath was gone. I wonder if Rath knows how much I worry about him, how much I want to protect him from himself. I have learned that Rath is embarrassed by the fact that he feels weak, that sometimes he needs to be needed, to be loved. But he feels that no one understands him, and that hurts me. I understand him more than he thinks. After all, I live with a demon constantly eating at my soul, just as he does. But I can only know to a certain extent. I cannot be Rath; I can only watch him from afar, hold him when he needs to be held, and love him in secret.

Do tell me what you think! I love all kinds of feedback. Hope everyone's summers going well, and please support this poor authoress! All my friends are off vacationing, so I thought I'd take my chances with this story. Please review!