Devotion 4

Disclaimer: Terry isn't mine, but Russell Crowe is grin

Author's note: Oh, thank you so very much for the reviews. They sure made my day. I wanted to update more often but lately I found myself in a rather annoying writer's block... I keep staring dumbly at the screen wondering what I should write even though I have the whole damn history in my head sigh oh well...

Also, thank you organized-chaos for the heads up. I new it was Australian but with Terry in London and so much England in my head I ended up writing British accent when it should be Australian. Mumbles: I knew that... =]

T-T "Have you ever loved someone, not like a dog or a parent, but someone you find out of dumb luck that makes your life everything you never thought it'd be?" T-T

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Chapter Four – When a door closes, there's always an open window.
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She was frozen at first. She knew what to say --she had rehearsed the words thousand times in head in the few minutes it took her to call Dino, yet all the words she thought she knew by heart, had suddenly vanished, disappeared in a puff, her mouth just wouldn't link with her brain so she just froze. She pressed the white cordless phone tighter to her ear, breathing in deeply, searching desperately in her head for the words to say; anything, she just needed to say anything. Anything at all.

For a lightening second that seemed like hours to her, she saw everything pass in slow motion, just like in those bad old movies, or maybe in comedies she had watched thousand of times before. Feelings, images, surroundings, everything was in slow motion; even the wind that was soft blowing outside was slower. Her breath, she could hear herself taking in and out deep slow breaths, waiting, anxious, nervous, frightened.

"Dino?" She asked -whispered with what rested of her strength; still having an internal battle with believing that was happening and not believing in anything.

"Yes. Who's speaking, please?" Though the voice in the other end of the telephone was eerie familiar, Dino couldn't quite put his finger on it and name the voice's owner. As always he had checked the caller's ID before answering but the unfamiliar number hadn't helped at all.

"Dino, oh god, I'm so relieved I got you."

Dino couldn't stop his mouth from falling open as the moment the voice was recognized, like a light that had just been turned on. Immediately his mind wandered to Terry, images of him filling his head and how broken he was. "Mrs. Bowman?" He asked, even though he knew it was her, but just for the sake of making sure she was really whom he thought it was.

"Call me Alice, please." She said almost immediately, her husband's last name not so inviting in the moment, as she felt as if she shouldn't be called by that anymore, not while she felt as if she cheating on him with all those thoughts of Terry.

"Why-why are you calling me? Something happened? How do you have my cell phone number?" The last sentence came out added in a rush, as Dino realized that he hadn't give her his number and he was sure it wasn't in the list. He made sure it wouldn't be there.

"Terry gave it to me when he was in Colombia. Listen, I need his number. I've been trying to call him but none of his numbers work. I can't reach him."

"What do you need him for?"

"I need to talk to him."

Talk to him; make him feel more sorry for himself than he was already feeling. Dino ran a hand through his short hair, rubbing his face softly as he brought his hand down. "Alice, he changed his numbers."

"Well, than give the new ones to me."

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Because this would only make him all the more miserable. He didn't know if he should tell her that, though. He didn't know what had happened between them and even if he had found out Terry was in love with her he didn't know what went on with them when they were in Colombia. Did she know his feelings for her? Did she know anything –something- for the matter?

"Dino, please. You have no idea what's been going on... I need to talk to him."

"Alice, and you have no idea what Colombia made to him. You have no idea what's been going on with him..."

"But I intend on changing that." She cut him off, her voice strong and determined like she had never heard herself sound before. She wanted to make things right between them, wanted to know if all that was happening, all that she was feeling was only a game of her heart and mind, only memories and images she'd never have or if it was mean to be, if she should be with him.

The last time she saw him, the way his eyes were... They weren't sparkling anymore, they didn't hold that light, that glow she always found herself amazed by, or the honesty she saw in them, didn't see the warmth she was used to. All that she could see was hurt and pain and love. God, so much love in them, so much that she felt overwhelmed, she didn't know what to do and when he just interrupted her and told her to go she did. She was so confused by what was happening that she couldn't react, couldn't fight for it and tell him what she wanted.

She just turned and went away like he told her to.

It was supposed to have happy ending. Wasn't fairy tales supposed to have happily ever after?

But this isn't a fairy tale, Alice –she heard that annoying voice in the bottom of her head.

Yes, it is, she screamed back. It has to be...

"I love him!" She whispered, out of nowhere, hoping that with that admission he would feel sorry for her and give her what she wanted. And she wasn't lying, God... she wasn't lying. She knew that right then, she wasn't lying, it wasn't an admission of a moment of desperation –well it was, but it didn't make it any less truthful.

Dear Lord... she loved him. And what about her husband? What about Peter?

Dear lord...

The silence that followed her words was almost deafening, and that moment she understood what people meant when silences could be deafening. It almost made her lose her audition. It made her wish she was deaf. And then all that was left was her capacity of begging.

"Please, Dino, please. Just one number."

She heard the sigh, then, heard his breath coming in and out in slow motions, carefully not to choke. "You have to promise you won't hurt him."

"I swear." She said immediately, smiling widely when his words reached her brain.

He took a small book from the drawer and opened it on the letter T, and slid his finger down until he found the number he wanted and gave it to Alice, asking one more time for her to be careful, not to make Terry feel bad, as if he was his only child and wanted to make sure the world wouldn't be a bad place for him.

Alice thanked him so many times before hanging up that she was almost sure Dino would regret giving her Terry's home number. His house number, she had his house number. Now nothing would stop her from finding him, talking to him, nothing. And deciding she would see him instead of having a phone talk with miles of ocean between them, with the chance he would hang up on her face or even not answer it, she locked his number in her mind, very carefully and tenderly for future use. Seeing him in person would be so good and wonderful that she just put the card with now the new number of Terry in her pocket and dialed another number, hoping the telephone operator would give her his address.

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She had to call Peter; she had to let him know she wouldn't be home for a while. Since their last fight, the one that he decided for both of them they should give a break he, had gone to a hotel, deciding that sharing the same house for the time being wasn't wise. So he went and let the big, empty house to her, so empty now that she almost felt depressed.

Alice didn't have courage enough to talk to Peter, she didn't want to face him right now, but then, how would she tell him she was leaving? How could she tell him she wasn't sure if she wanted to be married to him anymore without hurting him? The conversation she had with Patty came back to her mind then, remembering her that it could be hard but it needed to be done; if she wanted to seek out for her happiness she'd have to cause someone pain. But did she really want to cause Peter pain?

No, she thought rather dramatically. She couldn't hurt him, she couldn't just... He had been so good to her before, so loving and nice and sweet. How could she be able to ruin everything they had because of a curiosity, doubts?

She had loved him one day, and now she'd have to hurt him.

Just like she had promised she wouldn't.

She sighed loudly, and got up from the bed to take a shower and maybe clean her head for a while. Then she'd call Peter and ask him to come over.

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She was as nervous as she had been the first time she met Peter. Their destiny had crossed paths some time ago but it seemed these same paths led to different ends, and as sad as it could be, it was true.

Alice paced the room back and forth until she sat on the couch, realizing that if she kept that up she'd wear a hole in the carpet. This was going to be harder than she thought. If the nervousness was a hint of how she would feel than she was sure everything she didn't want to come would come and she'd feel much guiltier than she wanted.

She would break his heart, and she didn't want to feel any guiltier than she was feeling already. Peter was a really nice person, very kind and good, and all she wanted was to make him feel happy and not sad or miserable. That was the last thing she wanted. Even under the circumstances she still cared a lot about Peter.

Hearing the keys turning on the door not far away, Alice jumped up and with her nervousness right up on the front, she quickly searched for something to do, to pretend she wasn't just as nervous as she was feeling. Then, a couple of seconds later, Peter's silvery head peeked in the living room, as he walked further into the house.

Their eyes met and strange, new feelings washed within her, which Alice had no idea what it was. It made her feel relieved somehow, made her feel sad, guilty. But with the strangest part, it made her feel as if she could smile.

Bewildered, she looked down, averting his eyes as much as she could, not daring to look up and stare at the blue orbits she found herself amused for so long before.

"Hey." He said, finally, a moment later, as he tried to cast a glance at her eyes, but impossible to do so. She would not look him in the eye.

"Hi." She said just as silent as a scolded child, and moved her foot softly, back and forth, as if she was stepping on a cigarette. Then she sighed deeply and not taking more of it, she looked up, finally meeting his eyes again.

She should get it over with already, she should just end their both miserableness and talk him for once that she was leaving –not for always, but just for a few days, enough to get her head cleaned and eased. She should just him for once and all and flee from there, far away until her heart and mind felt guilt and pain no longer.

Watching as he fumbled with an invisible string over his coat, trying to be rid of it, she searched for the words to say, but knowing that there was no easy way to do that. "I'm leaving.' She said finally, truthful words, quickly and easy.

He stopped his moves immediately, freezing as if he had just been caught in an ice storm, turning him into an ice cube. "What?" He asked bewildered, even knowing what she had said and that she meant it.

"I'm going away for a week. I thought it would be better to have a small trip somewhere and clear my head."

Confusion and anxiety escaped within him and showed on his physical appearance "Oh." That was all he could reply with, still surprised.

"It's not-it's not for too long. Just a short term trip to somewhere. I'll be back within a week."

"So... you're really taking this seriously. You're really considering this, aren't you?" He said with a hint of bitterness in his voice that almost made her forget about her guilty, which she thought she should feel.

"Peter..." She groaned in a small whisper, bringing one hand up to run through her short golden hair. How she wished she had a cigarette right now. "Please, don't make it harder than it already is."

"So, wanting you is making it harder?" He spit every word out, a defensive attitude coming to the front, as he took a step towards her. "What's wrong with you? You don't want us anymore? If you want the divorce just say it. We don't need this stupid game anymore –I don't need it."

"I never said I wanted the divorce."

"Well, than maybe it's just me." He whispered with saddened eyes and stared at her, waiting for her to say something back, but as surprised as she was she could not muster anything out. So he left, he turned and headed out, leaving her alone in the living room, reviving this exactly same scene a few months back, the same words that had left his mouth then, a day before he had been kidnapped.

That was it, she thought, it's the end.

She searched for the couch and sunk into it, letting all her weight rest on the fluffy cushions as she stared ahead, unfocusedly. It was the end of their marriage, their once burning love. But truth be told, it wasn't the ending of their life, she had still so much to live, so much life ahead of her.

It was just the beginning of a better, happier life.

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Chapter Four is through! Share your thoughts, be kind ;] Any English mistake, pwese [baby face] it's not my native language. I try, I really try to make it right sigh. Sorry... I'm rather dramatic today.

Thank you for reading. And listening to my ramblings.