November 1981
(Epilogue)
A/N: This was suggested and so it shall be. But how does one write Sirius' reaction from James' point of view?
Sic 'em Padfoot.
Sirius sat up, jerking awake. He looked around the dark flat, listening for whatever had awakened him. No sound disturbed the silence and after a few minutes, he sighed and lay back down. He glanced at the clock. It was just after midnight. Tomorrow's a busy day. With a sigh, he closed his eyes.
"Get up, Padfoot!" James shouted in his head. Sirius' eyes flew open.
"Prongs?" he asked the darkness. There was no answer. His stomach flip-flopped and a shiver ran through him. Swallowing hard, he sat up again. He looked around the room. All Hallows Eve. "Oh, ha ha, Prongs. You got me. I give. Good joke." His voice echoed through the room. There was no answer.
"Accio wand," Sirius whispered. His wand flew from his bedside table to his hand. "Lumos," he breathed. The wand lit the room. Empty. Could it be a pang of guilt? "Nox," he commanded. The room returned to darkness. I'm missing James already and I don't leave for America until morning. Sirius lay down again and closed his eyes.
James stood before him, his face ablaze with a mingled hatred and sorrow. "You can't sleep, Padfoot! I have a job for you!" James shouted.
"I'm going to America, Prongs. I'm already doing a job for you."
"GET UP! The assignment's changed!" James threw a punch at Sirius, connecting with his face.
Pain shot through Sirius and he flew out of bed, clutching his nose. He pulled his hand away, studying it. There wasn't any blood, though it felt like there should have been. Confused and shaking, he made his way to the bathroom.
The weak electric light did little to calm him once he turned it on. He sighed and leaned over the sink. "What a bloody, screwed up dream that was," he hissed. He rubbed his hand over his nose, checking for blood. Then he looked up into the mirror. James glared at him from the mirror, piercing eyes just visible over his shoulder. Sirius screamed and spun around. He was alone in the bathroom. That thrill of panic spread through him again. He felt James press against him from behind. He closed his eyes, biting down on the scream that clawed at his throat. I'm still dreaming! James' breath tickled along his skin, hot on his neck. He felt his face brush along the side of his head.
"Peter," James whispered in his ear. And then he was gone.
The cold fear faded slowly and he opened his eyes again. Alone in the bathroom! I'm alone! I'm alone!
Peter? What about Peter? Is something wrong? Everything was fine last night. He left the bathroom, his feet moving of their own accord. Pulling on his cloak, he started for the door. He was half-way to his motorcycle before he realized he'd left the bathroom.
"Fine," he said to the emptiness around him, "I'll go check on Peter."
Sirius pulled out his wand and mounted the motorcycle. The engine roared to life and he drove away through the darkness. As he drove, the dream replayed through his mind. He suppressed the panic that was growing in him, holding it at bay. Something's wrong, something's wrong. He pulled up outside an unassuming shack, cut the engine and dismounted.
All the lights were off inside. Sirius knocked at the door. He waited, listening. There was no answer. The panic inside him threatened to break loose as he knocked again. Still no answer. He tried the handle and the door opened easily. Oh, God, no! Not Peter! He pushed the door open and slipped inside. Heart pounding in his ears, he made his way through the shack; one dark, empty room after another.
He soon returned to the front door. Peter wasn't home. Sirius stood in thought. There's no sign of a struggle. It's nearly two in the morning so he hasn't gone out on an errand. Out to the pub? Maybe he's gone to Godric's Hollow to be with James. . . "No," he breathed, choking on the wave of panic that rose in him. "No," he repeated, shaking his head. I can remember where James is! The secret!! Prongs!!
Sirius ran from the shack, leaping onto his bike. He gunned the engine and took to the sky. Stinging drops of rain played across his skin as he coaxed more speed from the bike. If I can remember where Prongs is, the secrets out! There's no reason to keep it anymore! Oh God, Prongs! Tears joined the raindrops in his eyes. It's my fault! I sent you Peter and he . . . He was the spy! All this time! Oh, Remus, I should have trusted you! Prongs, I'm sorry! It's all my fault! The thoughts continued through the hours to Godric's Hollow. He left the clouds behind and the cold, uncaring stars replaced the stinging rain. Their stern glares bored into him as he flew. Prongs, I'm sorry. Please be wrong, Sirius! For once, be wrong!
Before him, the dark earth was suddenly bathed in an eerie green light. A sickly green skull pulsed in the air before him. "No!" he screamed. Then he blinked and the skull was gone, the light emanating from the trees below, no longer green, but a brilliant white. "No, no, no," he said, under his breath. I'm seeing things now. Please be alright, Prongs. A lump formed in his throat, his heart sped up around it. Please, God, let him be alright.
He banked towards the light, landing in the lane, just down from James and Lily's home. The bike roared to a stop and he leapt from it before the engine had died, running through the front gate and up the walk. Then he stumbled to a halt. "No!" he bellowed. The house was gone! The white light pulsed and wavered over the rubble that remained; like a magical fire, giving off light but no heat. It sent stark shadows trailing over the ground and there was no way to hide from the truth it revealed. The house had exploded.
Sirius ran forward, his eyes drawn to a too familiar form. "Prongs!" he cried, throwing himself onto his prone friend. "No," he whispered, pulling him over onto his lap as he knelt in the rubble. A cold, dead weight had settled into James. Sirius held him close, hugging him. No, Prongs, no! Not you! Please God, it was supposed to be me! It was supposed to be me! Somewhere, dawn was approaching, the sky lightening. Somewhere, birds were waking, singing in the trees. But not here. Sirius closed his eyes and held his friend, drowning in pain and loss. "No, Prongs, no."
A quiet, pitiful sobbing engulfed him. Sirius opened his eyes, blinked the tears away, and looked around. In the half-light, he picked out the giant form of Hagrid, Dumbledore's errand boy. He too knelt in the rubble, cradling a pale form. Red tresses fell across Hagrid's arm. Lily! Sirius set James down gently and rose. He staggered through the remnants of the dining room and threw himself down beside Hagrid.
"She's gone!" Hagrid cried, looking over at Sirius. Bending over Lily, Sirius gazed into her face. A peaceful smile played across her still lips. Sirius lay across her, hugging her close. Lily! I promised to keep you safe and here you are! I'm sorry, Lil! So Sorry! I let you down. "It's all my fault," he whispered through his tears, his lips brushing Lily's ear. Hagrid laid a heavy hand on his back; lending him a friendly touch. Wake up, Lily, please.
"He killed my sweet Lily," James said. Sirius gasped and jerked away from Lily. He looked back towards James. The body was as he'd left it. Sirius looked at Hagrid. He was still crying quietly over Lily. He didn't hear it. Are you haunting me, Prongs? In his mind, James smiled at him; his old, care-free smile; his mischievous smile. Sirius stood shakily, a hand on Hagrid's shoulder for support.
I know I let you down, Prongs. Hagrid took Sirius' standing as a signal and laid Lily down in the dust. He sighed heavily and started to stand. Then he stopped.
"Merlin's beard," he breathed. Sirius gaped as Hagrid leapt over Lily and fell to his knees before a pile of bricks and drywall. Sirius followed him, staring down at the rubble pile. A chubby hand, powdered white with gypsum, opened and closed, grasping the air.
"Harry!" Sirius fell on the rubble, digging through the bricks and boards that had buried the baby. A pitiful cry wavered from the debris. Sirius took hold of Harry's hand as Hagrid started digging. Harry squeezed his fingers. Alive! "Dear, God! He's alive!" Laughter bubbled up from his throat. I've got him Prongs! I've got him! Hagrid moved the last piece of drywall. Bright green eyes masked by drying blood gazed up at them. Sirius choked on a sob, "Harry."
Hagrid picked him up gently, "It's a miracle," he breathed. "A miracle, Sirius." Sirius took him from Hagrid, held him close. "Outa all this, he's alive," Hagrid said, breaking into tears again.
Harry was still crying. Sirius held him close, shushing him, "It's okay, Harry. I've got you. I've got you. Wee Wee's here." Okay, Prongs, you can rest easy. I've got him. Lily, I've got him.
"Dawn's comin'," Hagrid said. "I. . . Er. . . Dumbledore sent me to look fer survivors, Sirius. An', well, I've a long walk ahead of me."
Sirius opened his eyes and looked up at Hagrid. "What? What are you saying?" Hagrid was holding his hands out. Holding them out for Harry.
"Dumbledore sent me to look fer survivors. And, well, 'arry is a survivor. I've gotta take 'im to Dumbledore."
"No," Sirius said, shaking his head. "No, he's my Godson, Hagrid. I'll take him." Sirius turned away from Hagrid, holding Harry close. Hagrid was talking still, but Sirius wasn't listening. James was there again. His eyes blazed with fury and sorrow. Sirius' breath caught in his throat. "I said I'll take him. I've got him," Sirius said to James. James shook his head.
"Give Harry to Hagrid. You've got a job to do." Sirius blinked and James was gone.
I'm losing my mind. Sirius stared at the spot he'd last seen James. He looked over at James' body lying in the rubble and then down at Lily. Sic 'em, Padfoot. A cold distance engulfed him, driving away the sadness, leaving only a flickering fire of anger. Yes, I have a job to do. "You're right, Hagrid," Sirius said. Hagrid stopped mid-sentence.
"I am? Oh. . . Right then." He held out his hands for Harry.
Sirius smiled sadly and kissed Harry on the nose. "I've got a job to do, Harry," he whispered against his skin. "But I'll be back for you." I promise. He handed Harry to Hagrid. "Did you say you've a long walk ahead?" he asked Hagrid.
"Yeah, firs' to Hogsmeade then by train to London."
"Take my bike, Hagrid. I won't be needing it."
"Yer flyin' bike?" Hagrid asked. "Oh, Sirius, I couldn't do that."
He held up a hand, "I insist, Hagrid. It'll be best for Harry if you hurry on your way."
"Alright then," Hagrid said and turned away. "Kinda makes me wonder who their secret keeper was though," he muttered as he surveyed the ruins. "That one 'as a lot to answer fer." He stomped off through the rubble, pausing at James' body, before disappearing through the front gate.
Sirius waited for the thrum of his bike's engine to fade into the distance before he turned away from the rubble and the bodies. That one does have a lot to answer for. He gave himself to the magic, fading away and reforming as a large, bear-like dog. Snarling, he galloped away, testing the air for any scent of Peter.
The End
A Final Note:
Can't write Hagrid's accent to save my life! Oh, well.
I want to thank all my readers for their support and interest. And, more importantly, my reviewers for their words of encouragement, praise, and yes, even criticism. Hugs and kisses to all of you.
Special thanks to
HeartofBlack, for convincing me to continue this story after chapter seven.
Madam Pudifoot for introducing me to the wide world of fan fiction.
MacKitten for the epilogue request.
Firechick77 for helping me with my dialogue.
I hope you enjoyed this journey. I do read every review and if you see something lacking, feel free to point it out. I will not apologize for my take on Dumbledore here, he has a rebel group to lead. I rather enjoyed my Remus-as-spy plot line, even if it wasn't canon. And thanks for the heads up about anonymous reviews, Trinity Day. But I like knowing people's names. James the Chaser vs. James the Seeker? I guess I watch the movie an awful lot.
I can't think of any other points that were brought up.
Even though this story has come to an end, feel free to comment on it, future readers. Mind you, flames will be dragged out into the street, tie-dyed chartreuse and neon pink, and then dipped in cod-liver oil.
MaryslilLamb here, Sirius Star on Immeritus.