Title: Bewigged, Bothered, and Bewildered
Author: Dala
Summary: Jack finds himself under the unfluence of a rather unusual love spell.
Pairing: Jack Sparrow/James Norrington, plus various others
Rating: R
Disclaimer: pirates and their environs belong to the Mouse. Also, the basic plot belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy; it is based on the second-season episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" titled "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered." There are quotes sprinkled liberally throughout the fic; additional disclaimers at the end of appropriate chapters.

"I'm beginning to think it's never gonna happen," said Jack Sparrow in a despairing voice. He was pacing naked from end to end of the little rented room, while the woman he'd employed for the hour sat on the bed and did up her dress.

She raised one dark eyebrow. "I must say, I never would have guessed you as the type to set his heart on true love."

Jack shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. "Doesn't seem farfetched when I've already found the ship on which to place my fortunes." His eyes grew misty at the mention of his beloved vessel. The whore coughed politely to cover a snigger and Jack pretended he hadn't heard her. She had caught his eye because of her glossy black hair and perfect caramel-colored skin, but he'd soon found himself entranced by the way she spoke, enunciating each word clearly but with an accent he'd never heard before. When asked where she was from, she would only smile mysteriously. She had told him to call her Marielle, but he suspected it was not her real name. He hadn't pressed the issue. Many of the women working the streets of Tortuga had legitimate reasons to want to hide themselves.

"You compare a ship to a human lover," said Marielle, "but though a ship can indeed rock you to sleep and shelter you in a storm, it cannot kiss your lips or laugh or press against you in the night."

Jack flung out his hands. "Exactly, love! I'm Captain Jack Sparrow; why shouldn't I want someone t' put me above all else, binding heart and soul to me for all time? And vice versa, o' course," he added hastily off the woman's skeptical look.

She ran her fingers through her hair, smoothing out the tangles. "And have you been looking for this person?"

"Well, tain't easy," said Jack, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "'Cause of my chosen profession, y'see." Marielle nodded gravely. "'Fraid I tend to put most ordinary folk off, what with beads and the kohl and the death sentence, and as for fellow pirates...that's a pot I'd only dip into were I desperate."

"You sound desperate enough to me." She stood, fixing the black ribbon with its silver death's head pendant around her slim neck.

Jack slumped down onto the bed with a sigh. "No, 'm just blowin' off steam. Must be Lizzie an' Will marrying what's done it. Makes me feel lonely and pathetic to see the younglings so happy." He groped around on the floor for his breeches, frowning. "'Sides, with my luck I'd probably go for every other person on land or sea 'cept for that one I'm meant to seek."

Marielle paused in the process of propping up her bosom in the tight-fitting gown. "You don't believe you'd recognize love if you came across it?"

With a nonchalant peek at her half-exposed breasts, Jack shook his head. "How to know when so many of the folks I meet are the type just innerested in a short fling? I'd have to be walloped upside the head, most likely."

Marielle's lush mouth twisted in something approximating a smile, though for a second it was cold enough to chill Jack's blood. "Perhaps you'll be fortunate enough to encounter someone who'll oblige."

A low warning rumble interrupted Jack's reply. He pulled a face at the ceiling. "An' to top it all off, here comes the rain." He looked at the woman again, his eyes strangely anxious. "Listen, I'd much appreciate if you wouldn't tell th' other girls about this. I'm down this way too often, hate to find meself the butt of more jokes'n usual."

This smile showed her teeth, which were white and a bit sharper than average. "Everything said tonight was said in confidence."

"Good, good," said Jack heartily. He slipped her more coin than she'd asked for and though she counted it, she didn't comment. She let herself out and he stared at the door for a moment, contemplating legging it back to the Pearl. But he'd already paid for the room and the rain had started to pound. So Jack tucked himself under the thin blanket, and slept, and dreamed of nothing at all.