First, the disclaimer:
Orpus and Belzon (brothers) have joined forces to form an authoring entity the likes of which has never been seen, but cannot call themselves Tenacious D, for that name is taken by a kickass band formed by the very embodiments of rock, Jack Black and Kyle Gass... but ignore that. And no, that ain't an ad. It is an opinion.

Okay. Orpus and Belzon do in no way own any of the characters portrayed herein. Any and all similarities between these people, places, and events, and the corresponding factors in the real world are purely coincidence and will be ignored with extreme prejudice.

Still, BO Studios does not own any characters portrayed here. Heck, we don't even own a copy of the game (Windwaker)! Or a Gamecube! We just play it at a friend's house!

One final note: BO Studios is quite well-versed and experienced in all forms of fanfiction. Our favored writing style is that of the script format, as though it were a play. So shut up.

-Shortly after saving Hyrule and all that stuff, Link takes a vacation to his private cabana in the middle of the sea, where he engages in his most favorite hobby in the whole wide world (other than running in really little circles): napping. Suddenly...

Tetra: at the top of her little pirate-mistress lungs LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK! GET YER PREMATURE SIDEBURNS ON THIS SHIP NOW!!!

Link: falls off his little floaty pool mattress and swims frantically to the ladder They're calledeartails, you snotty pirate apothem! Whaddaya want?!

Tetra: Do you even know what an apothem is?

Link: Um... yeah. You.

Tetra: Get onboard now, we have business.

-Later, Link, having dressed himself appropriately (i.e., pants), finds himself on the receiving end of a young blonde pirate mistress' glare.

Link: What? Is there something on my face, or have you fallen for my devilishly good looks? wiggles eyebrows in a provocative manner

Tetra: Shut the hell up. You're here because of a debt.

Link: Cool, I get a prize? ;)

Tetra: ºoº No you filthy urchin, because you owe me!!! (aside) Dear goddesses, what a perv...

Link: What?! I done don't not owe no none a' you no nothin'! Nope!

Nerd pirate: Wow, a septuple negative!

Niko: Does that mean you do... owe some of us... something?

Tetra: Only thing you're owed, Niko, is a keel-haulin' for giving him all our stuff. That and a brisk butt kicking. Gonzo?

Gonzo: Yes, miss?

Tetra: You and Mungo go get the chain. After you've keel-hauled Niko, go fetch my butt kicking boots.

Gonzo: But I just shined them. Bloodstains don't come out easy, you know...

Tetra: I SAID DO IT!!!!

Gonzo: Y-yes, ma'am! Come on, Mungo. grabs Mungo's leash and pulls him over to Niko, who has pissed himself like the little impure beaver that he is

Niko: No, not the chain! ANYTHING BUT THE CHAIN!! tries to build a dam to block their path

Mungo: Luuk, fluffy beevur mayk dam! crushes Niko

Link: Whatever... well, I'm a very busy man, so I'd best be going. If Gramma don't know where I am, she gets gassy.

Tetra: Oh no, you ain't leavin' til you've paid us back for what you've taken. Nerdo!

Nerd pirate: I have a name, you know...

Tetra: Yes yes, but the authors forgot it so I'll call you Nerdo.

Nerdo: Oh...

Tetra: Go get... very sinister the bucket.

chorus: dun dun dunnn

Nerdo: No, not... the bucket!

chorus: dun dun dunnn

Tetra: Would you assholes walk the plank already? pushes chorus off the plank into shark-infested waters

chorus members: Dun! Dun dun! Dun! DUUUUUUUUN!!!

Tetra: Okay, now where was I... oh, yeah! Get the bucket or I'll kill your family!

Nerdo: I don't have a family.

Tetra: points a pistol at his groin Ever want one?

Nerdo: Oh, here's the bucket!

Tetra: Good. hands bucket to Link You can start by scrubbing the main deck.

Link: looks in bucket, sees only old cold soap-scum liquid Where's the brush?

Tetra: You don't get a brush until you reach the rank 2nd class senior swabbie.

Link: What rank am I?

Tetra: Turd.

Link: What?! After I saved your ass twice?!

Tetra: Yes. If I'd neglected that, you'd be lower.

Link: ...How low we talkin'?

Tetra: Turdlet class F. You'd be swabbing with your tongue and taking orders from Niko's colostomy.

Link: Ewwwwwwwww....................

-Much later

Tetra: HEY! What are you doing sitting at the table?

Link: Me?

Tetra: Crap, you're stupid... only first class swabbies can sit at the table!

Gonzo: Awww...

Tetra: ...And above, moron!

-Not as much, but still later

Tetra: about to change into her nightgown

Tetra: ¬.¬ You're a turd, stupid. You don't get to sleep.

Link: I know. I was just gonna watch.

Tetra: O.O draws pistol and unleashes several rounds YOU SLIMY SCUMMY HEAP OF BLOODY BURNING RAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Oh noes!

-The next day

Link: scraping deck with swollen hands heuuuuuugh... (think Godfather noises) heuuuuuugh...

Gonzo: Ah. You've begun to swell. Don't worry, it'll go down with rest...

Link: dry scratchy throat hooraaaaay...

Gonzo: ...but you won't be seeing any of that for weeks!

Link: sob sob sob

Tetra: Well, I see he hasn't been bleeding. He's up for promotion.

Link: hooraaaaay...

Tetra: You are hereby promoted to junior swabbie.

Gonzo: ...and they'll be oozing with pus and snot! And then...

Tetra: Gonzo, stop makin' him cry. That's Niko's job.

Niko: Hooray!!!!!! You'll be lucky if you keep all your fingers, kid! And toes!

Gonzo: ...and did I mention the parasites?

Link: passes out

Niko: DID I SAY YOU COULD SLEEP, YOU FILTHY WORM?!