This is a re-post, formerly under the name of 'fukeruhp'. Should this story be taken down again, anyone who is still interested may find it at Thanks for your support!

DISCLAIMER - I do not own Harry Potter or am in any way making money off of this fanfiction. All writes and privilages go to the author. - END DISCLAIMER

A quick note to explain this a little.

I wrote this mainly for a break from my continuingly depressing fics. It's humor, and it picks up right in the middle of a story, it seems like. No worries. I explain things as I go. . But for you impatient few, here's a bit of background.

Harry's graduated Hogwarts after his seventh year being a basic war zone. He battled Voldemort, won, and went into hiding from the wizarding world for seven years. In that time, Hermione and Ron got married, had a child, and are now expecting number two. Life goes on, and Harry gets a letter from Dumbledore asking him to take over the ever-elusive Defence Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts.

And so our story begins, with Harry Potter's return to the wizarding world. As a teacher…

Chapter One

"This…is going to be interesting," Harry muttered to Hedwig under his breath.

The large snow-white bird chirped an agreement from his shoulder, and Harry returned his gaze to the large castle that served as an elite school for witches and wizards. His own old school, almost eight years ago.

Hogwarts.

"You know, I don't think this is such a good way to get back into the wizarding community," Harry fretted.

Hedwig nipped his ear sharply, hooting reproachfully.

Harry grinned slightly. "Right. Too late to back out now." Gently he shifted his owl's perch to his arm and looked at her fully. "What say we dust off our Gryffindor courage and do this?"

Hedwig hooted, pleased by her master's show of backbone, and flew off towards the castle. Harry sighed, shrugged away thoughts of doubt, and quickly mounted the steps to the main entrance hall.

He waved his wand at the doors as he approached them, and found himself face-to-face with an aged McGonagall.

"Good evening, Mr. Potter," she said, a faint trace of a smile on her lips.

"Hiya, Professor McGonagall," Harry grinned back. "I'm glad to see you again."

"And I you, Harry," she replied warmly, her strict reserve fading a little. "I can't tell you how pleased we were that you accepted the position as the professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Harry shrugged. "Albus sounded desperate, and truthfully…I wanted back in." He smiled reminiscently as he stared up at the moving pictures and staircases. "It's been quite a while since I was around other witches or wizards."

"Far too long," his old House Head agreed. "Come. I'll walk with you to Albus' office where you'll meet all the professors." She gave him a mildly sarcastic look. "I dare say you do not need the directions, even after all this time."

Harry grinned and laughed a little. "I remember the way like the back of my hand." He looked around, absently noticing little things that changed. A gargoyle here, instead of a dragon. The archway being smaller. Of course, that might have to do with his growth spurt after graduation. He now stood at a respectful five foot and ten inches.

"Say," he asked suddenly, remembering something. "Is the twins' prank still here? The marsh one?"

Minerva pursed her lips in an effort to hide her smile at the memory. "Yes. It's still preserved. And still off limits, Harry. Do make an effort to remember that."

Harry laughed. "I'll do my best."

They arrived at the entrance to the Headmaster's office and Minerva stated the password. Sourdrops.

Harry chuckled. "Good to know some things never change."

"I'm sure you'll find quite a few familiar things here, Harry," Minerva replied. "After all, it's only been seven years."

"Yeah…"

Harry entered the office of Albus Doumbledor after Minerva, and stood for a moment, taking everyone in. McGonagall had been right. He recognized nearly everyone there. From Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick to Professor Snape and even Hagrid.

" 'Arry!" The large man cried in delight, scooping him into a bone-crushing hug.

"Hullo Hagrid!" Harry wheezed. "Can't breathe much."

"Huh? Oh! Right!" Hagrid placed him down with a wide grin. "Sorry about that."

"No harm done," Harry assured him.

"Welcome back, Harry," Professor Trelawney breathed, her voice still whispery. "I foresaw this day the moment I laid eyes on you."

"Ah…good to know," Harry muttered, deciding not to bring up how she always had a death fortune for him in his student days.

"It seems," Snape drawled, "that you are a distinctly persistent pest, Mr. Potter."

Harry smirked at the Potions professor. "Sorry, Severus. Looks like you lost out on another chance."

The man only glare balefully at him, withholding further comments.

"I am most glad you have decided to return, Harry," Dumbledor rumbled, rising from his seat. "Now we are almost ready to begin."

"Oh?" Harry looked around. "Who's missing?"

"My replacement," Severus snapped.

"You're leaving?" Harry demanded, shocked.

Severus glared at Harry. "Yes. I have more than fulfilled my part of the bargain in dealing with you and your lot. Not to mention the stary-eyed children that came after you. I am taking my retirement now, before you get fully back here and cause another riot around these formerly quiet halls."

"But…But, who will berate and mentally scar the students?" Harry stuttered. He'd never pictured Hogwarts without Snape's ever annoying, and often times depressing, presence.

"That would be me," a smooth, deep voice said confidently, entering the room.

Harry turned and felt his eyes go wide. A man stood there at a nice, even six feet tall, shining silver hair falling around his ears and into his sharp grey eyes. He was lean and toned, something the robes did little to hide. Still, it would have taken Harry a moment to place the familiarity that struck him, if it wasn't for the smirk that graced the man's lips. Confident, cocky, arrogant, and condescending. The four things that embodied his former enemy.

"Malfoy?!" Harry gaped. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Harry!" Minerva snapped. "Watch your language!"

"Sorry Minerva," Harry muttered reflexively.

Draco Malfoy, bane of Harry's existence and mortal enemy for over six years, threw Harry a confident smirk. "Don't you have ears, Potter? I just said I was taking over Severus' position as Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House." He turned slightly to include the other professors and Dumbledore in the conversation. "I would have been here sooner, but trouble arose at the Manor before I could get away." He shot Harry an arrogant look. "Not that you would know much about that, Potter. Having run away and all."

Harry bit his tongue and looked away. He refrained from shooting back that he knew exactly what was going on. That Hermione had taken pains to make sure Harry was kept up to date on how Draco had been turning his life around. Becoming a respectable wizard and pulling free his family name from the dirt. Besides, Draco was right. Harry had run away.

"Get over it, Malfoy," Harry muttered.

Draco snorted. "Weak comeback, Potter. Lose a bit of that Gryffindor pride you always paraded about?"

"Speaking of the Gryffindors," Minerva cut in, seeing Harry start to get angry. "Albus, I would like to request appointing Harry as Head of the House, since I have more than enough work with the Order."

Harry glanced at Minerva and tried to summon his old, eager curiosity. Nothing was there but a deep, bone-weary exhaustion. He'd learned more than he ever wanted to during his seventh year. He was content with just looking after himself and not going after trouble from now on.

"No demands, Potter?" Draco prodded mercilessly as ever. "Don't want to know everything about everyone's secrets?"

"With age comes wisdom, Malfoy," Harry replied dryly. "A pity your age didn't come with maturity."

Draco glared, at a loss for a comeback on that one, and none to happy about it.

"Very well, Minerva," Dumbledor agreed. "So long as Harry does not mind the added responsibility, I think it would be a good idea."

Harry shrugged. "I don't mind, Albus. I think you're right. It'll be fun helping my old House out."

Dumbledore beamed. "Excellent. However," he continued, pinning first Harry and then Draco with stern looks. "I would like to take this moment to state that I do not want to see your old rivalry reborn. Hogwarts has not seen such intense enmity as the two of you produced since the original members had their falling out, and it is my wish that we do not see it again."

Harry threw Draco a glare, who met it with one of his own. "I'll do my best, sir," Harry gritted out.

"So long as Potter stays out of my way, I won't have any problems," Draco sneered.

Harry resisted the urge to growl his frustrations. He hadn't been here and hour and already he regretted coming.

"Excellent! Well, then, the students will arrive in two weeks time," Dumbledore concluded. "Please feel free to make yourself comfortable until then. Not forgetting, of course, the course outline for your classes. Good day."

Harry stood, confused. "Course outlines?"

Draco snorted. "Come on, Potter. Surely even you have plans on what you're going to actually teach your students."

"Uh…Well, no…" Harry admitted reluctantly.

Draco looked pained. "Plans, Potter! You know, those flimsy things you made up in DA? Plots? Guidelines?"

Harry had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. "Well…you see, we never really had time to make up actual plans, per say… Mostly we just winged it."

Draco stared at him in shock. "What about when we stormed Voldemort's stronghold? You had a plan then, right? Right?!"

Harry flushed defensively. "The plan was to get in, get Hermione back, and get everyone out alive. The rest I just made up as we went."

"You what?!" Draco was horrified. "You…but we…We risked our lives for something you just made up as you went?!"

"It worked, didn't it?!" Harry demanded, getting angry. "And I don't remember hearing you offering any suggestions, Malfoy!"

"That's because I didn't realize we were being led by a suicidal psychotic!" Draco yelled. "What would you have done if someone had been taken? Or killed?!"

"Well, it didn't happen, so get off it!" Harry growled.

"As amusing as this term is undoubtedly about to become," Snape drawled. "I'll be taking my leave now, Albus. Good luck, Draco."

Draco paused long enough to bid the former professor a polite good bye. Minerva used this brief truce to usher Harry out the door, saying she would help him settle in. It seemed their feud had not, as Albus predicted, died down. If anything, it had gotten worse.

Hogwarts was in for some excitement. Again.

Merlin save them all.

That's the first chapter. Reviews would be greatly welcomed, since that's the only way I'll know how to improve upon my writing and better please you, the readers. Thanks!