Take Backs

By Rhiane Raine

Chapter 13: Not Alone

James watched curiously as Sirius led his son out the back door of Remus' cottage. A wave of jealousy washed over him at the notion that Sirius was closer to Harry than he was, but he quashed it down in favor of the idea of his son at least having someone he felt he could talk to. A hand on his shoulder quelled any further thoughts on the subject.

"Is he… alright, Remus? I mean, is this usually how he is?"

A kind smile flitted across his werewolf friend's face. "Is he usually so suppressed? Yes. He has the tendency to mostly keep to himself as far as allowing himself to express his emotion. You can almost always tell how he feels- he wears his heart on his sleeve, just like Lily- but the thing about him is that he never acts how he feels. If he's happy, he'll smile but never jump up in down the way you would. If he's sad, he'll put on a brave face and pretend that nothing's bothering him, even though it shows in his eyes."

"Very much like Lily, then," James agreed. He sat down in Harry's vacated seat on the sofa. "Is he… happy a lot?"

Remus followed suit by sitting next to James, a contemplative look on his worn face. "I'm not sure if you'll really like that answer. Honestly, right now he seems as happy as I've ever seen him. I've only actually known him for a couple years. When I first met Harry it was on the Hogwarts Express only a few years ago."

"The train? What in Merlin's beard were you doing riding the train? You graduated decades ago!"

"Yes, James," Remus explained slowly. "But as a hired professor, it was required for me to arrive that way. See, I taught Defense Against the Dark Arts during Harry's third year. Sirius Black, convicted mass murderer, was on the loose and everyone suspected him to try and attack Harry. I rode the train in order to be there should something happen during the journey to Hogwarts. Well, that and it was also the day after full moon. I doubt I could have made it on my own anyhow."

James winced. Recuperatation days, as the Marauders had nick named the day following full moons, was always rough on Remus. It had to be triple as bad this time as Moony would have had no animagi with him during the full moon and a bunch of rowdy kids surrounding him on the train, interrupting his much needed sleep.

"So you didn't have a good recuperation day, then?"

Remus shook his head. "Actually, it wasn't half as bad as it could have been. I arrived early enough to secure my own compartment at the back of the train and slept fairly well. I knew there wasn't enough room on the train for me to have a compartment all to myself which is why I consider myself lucky that the students who shared my compartment with me were who they were."

He couldn't fight grinning as he realized who the students that shared Remus's compartment were.

"So, Harry was there on the train with you? What happened?"

"Well," Remus began, pausing most likely to remember what happened next. "The sound of the door sliding open woke me. I was planning on going back to sleep but something they said caught my attention and it got me interested."

James was on the edge of the couch. "Yeah?" he asked eagerly. "What'd they say?"

Remus laughed. "Actually, they thought I was still asleep so I decided to continue to look that way until I managed to fall back asleep. After all, it wasn't their fault they got stuck in the compartment with the professor. If they knew I was awake then it would have been awkward and they wouldn't have spoken. All Hogwarts students should have the right to relax and have fun on the train, right? So, as I was attempting to fall back asleep, I heard part of their conversation. For the longest time I had no idea whose company I was in but I knew that one of them was a son of Arthur and Molly's, and the other two were friends of his. I had heard that Harry made friends with the Weasley's so I suspected he was one of the boys there. I knew that it was Harry when he said that Arthur and Molly reckoned that Sirius had escaped to kill him. Of course, Hermione- I later learned her name was- was very much afraid for him. Ron, it seemed, was trying to ignore the fact that a mass murderer was supposedly after his best friend. I listened for a while but eventually I couldn't help but fall asleep again. When I woke up the next time the train had stopped in the middle of nowhere. The Dementor's that were to be guarding the school's gates decided to come aboard and check for Sirius. One of them came directly into our compartment, even."

"WHAT?" James couldn't keep from shouting in shock that his son had been so close to a dementor. "B-but the Ministry is supposed to be controlling them! Why in the good name of the wizarding world did they let one of them creatures get within one hundred yards of an innocent student let alone trapped in a train compartment with one? I mean, has the Ministry really gotten to be that useless?"

Having come back from the dead, James found that it was proving difficult to keep up with the times. Many things had changed since he'd been pronounced dead; Harry was turning fifteen, Sirius was incarcerated, Remus was living in shambles, and now he was learning that despite Voldemort being alive again, the Ministry was already so far down the hill that there wasn't much to be done about anything. It was too much to take in. Suddenly, he realized that this must be only a fraction of what Harry was feeling at the moment. Remus and Sirius sure deserved some credit for being so calm and relaxed despite the terrible change of times. Though, he was glad to be back alive in a time when Voldemort was killing less but that was most likely only a matter of time.

"Yes, well, you can imagine the sort of response that the dementor got." Remus looked him in the eye. "I used the patronus charm but it seems that Harry was already affected by the dementor. Before it even left completely, Harry had fainted dead away. When he came around he seemed to think that he had heard a woman screaming. Luckily, I had some chocolate on me…"

A horrible sense of foreboding seemed to be positioned frozen beneath his skin. He swallowed. "And the screaming? ... Whose was it?"

"His mother's," Remus whispered. "Later in the year the dementors decided to have an impromptu feast during a quidditch match. Harry, being affected so tremendously, had a nasty fall and lost his very first quidditch game ever. Even though he had no idea who I really was, Harry asked me to teach him how repel the dementors in case they came to the next match. I accepted because I couldn't stand to see him so defenseless and desperate for a solution to his reaction to the dementors. Also," Remus grinned slightly. "It was a good excuse to be able to spend time with him. He's amazing, James."

Amazing, yes, James was beginning to see it himself. All of his son's accomplishments and admirable traits were enough to make anyone proud. If only he had been there to witness his son's wonderfulness first hand.

In hopes to rid himself of the guilty longing that James had been feeling, he asked Remus about how the lessons with Harry had turned out. The answer he received threw him through a loop. His son could cast a corporeal patronus! The more he learned the more stunned he was with his son and his abilities. It helped to know that neither Remus nor Sirius were seen by Harry as a replacement father figure but he was sure that Harry had been inching closer to just that in regards of Sirius. When he voiced his concern to Remus, he was reassured that what Harry wanted more than anything was to have his real father there with him, as his father. Remus also hinted in his own opinion that when they got better accustomed to each other and their roles, that Sirius and Harry's relationship would go back to what it had been when Harry was little; a godfather/godson friendship. Back then James had been the father and Sirius had been more the godfather who would sneak new toys to Harry every visit and would encourage him to hide his Daddy's glasses.

His thoughts were interrupted when Harry followed by Sirius came back into the house. James tried to read their expressions for a hint on how their talk had turned out, but Harry face was nothing but passive.

The rest of the day passed in a timeless manner. The four of them played chess, cards, and other easy games to pass the day but in the end they wound up simply telling stories from their years at Hogwarts. This was perfect for James, who had a strong urge to learn all he could about Harry. It had started by telling Harry about a prank or two that they had pulled while at school, but since he had seemed keen to hear it, James had indulgently continued. In a way, it was almost as if he were passing along family secrets or something. Then again, the Marauder's were family. Except for Peter Pettigrew, that is.

Somewhere along the line, James had told all his best stories and had begun to answer Harry's questions ("Did you always know you were a wizard?", "If Mum didn't like you during school, why did she marry you?", "What did you do for a living, after Hogwarts?"). When he had sated Harry's curiosity, he began slipping in questions of his own. Eventually he got Harry to agree to tell his life story.

Though he had known about the Dursleys, it still infuriated him to hear of Harry's poor life within their care. His son was a very brave and smart young man, James had decided just after hearing of how Harry had dealt with his bullying cousin and uncle. He knew it was true after Harry told him about his quest for the philosopher's stone. It was somewhat fortunate that Dumbledore hadn't stuck around a while longer, for James would have no mind left after giving the Headmaster all the pieces of it. Letting a first year stop a fully grown wizard, who had been sharing his body with Voldemort, from getting the stone and thus coming back to life!

Things got worse from that point. When James heard how Harry had slain a thousand year old basilisk he had nearly had a heart attack. His son had been up against a deadly, venomous snake that lived under the school… and had almost been killed by the poison!

"If I EVER hear that you have gone after some lethal… monster, I swear you will not like the punishment young man!" He had sternly said.

Harry arched an eyebrow and sighed as he looked away. James swallowed, resigning himself to wait for Harry to tell him the rest of his story, without doubt, another deadly creature hidden in it somewhere.

Sure enough. After the dementors that nearly sucked out his son's AND his best friend's souls, came a Hungarian Horntail, blast-ended skwets, grindylows, and a huge toxic tarantula. The tale of Voldemort's rebirth almost brought him to tears at hearing what his son had to endure.

James' resolve fell away as he saw his son tremble in his ill state to tell how he wished he could have saved Cedric. He reached out and put his arms around his boy, wrapping him up as tightly as he could much like he had done when Harry was a baby.

"You're not alone, Harry. I know I wasn't here then, but I'm here now. I promise to always help you whether you need advice, someone to talk to, or even if you just need company. You're not alone… we're not alone," James said as he looked up at Remus and Sirius from his son's shoulder. They weren't alone as long as they had each other.