Author's Note: 05.05.05

Chapter One - reposted. Original posting date: 07.30.04.

.What Dreams May Come.

Chapter One – Dreamless Sleep

Harry shifted in his sleep uncomfortably. Sleeping had become something that he resented. For most, it was an escape from reality, but for him - it was hell.

He rolled over onto his side. His eyes fluttered as he fell into a disturbed sleep, his mind racing with images…

"Lily! Take him upstairs! GO!" The man yelled.

"James!" She screamed as their front door flew open. She tightened her grip on her crying child and ran up the stairs. She frantically looked for an escape, a hiding place- anything.

As she tried to hush the innocent, crying life in her arms, she raced into the closest room. She heard yelling coming from downstairs. There was laughter and then yelling, but she couldn't make out the words.

She huddled near the crib attempting to calm down her son. She wiped away the tears that had slowly started to fall.

"You'll never win!" He yelled at the hooded man.

The man with the bottomless eyes cackled, "Oh, but Potter, I will. I will win."

"I've defied you three times already, Voldemort, and I'm not ready to give up yet," the man hissed.

"We'll see about that," the dark cloaked man whispered as he raised his wand and pointed it at the messy haired man. "Avada Kadava!"

But the man was quick and agile and raised his wand muttering something just in time. There was a loud banging noise. The house seemed to shake as the courageous man was thrown backwards.

He crashed into a table against the wall. The table shattered as the man's head hit the wall with such force he instantly bled. The last thing he saw was Voldemort's evil smile as he headed for the stairs.

"No," the man weakly breathed before his eyes shut and he saw no more.

Green. More green. It was all green. The flash. It was brilliantly bright. There was a scream, an earth-shattering scream that hurt Harry's ears. There was laughter and the house…it was falling. It fell all around him.

And then the voice…the voice that sent shivers down Harry's spine.

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…Born to those who have thrice defied him…Born as the seventh month dies…And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal…But he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…And either must die at the hand of the other…For neither can live while the other survives...The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies…

As the green started to twist and turn and the voice repeated itself over and over, blackness over came the picture. There was a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth over the house as a dark haired, petite woman pulled a man out of the ruble.

She looked around apprehensively. The man was bleeding badly. She could barely feel a pulse. She'd never really noticed the house before, as often as she'd gone for late night walks through the strange neighborhood.

She felt a chill. Something told her to get out. She had no place being there.

She pulled the man to his feet as he groggily moaned. She dragged him with her, him stumbling over his own feet the whole time.

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…Born to those who have thrice defied him…Born as the seventh month dies…And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal…But he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…And either must die at the hand of the other…

There was a scream, a yell-

Harry woke himself up with his screech. He sat up in bed, drenched in cold sweat. The green light and the voice. It was always the green light and the voice. When he remembered his dreams, anyway.

Harry threw his feet off the bed and ran a hand over his face and through his messy hair. He grabbed his glasses and shoved them on his face. He shivered, although not the slightest bit cold.

His gaze fell down to the nightstand next to his bed. He stared at the moving picture of his parents. They looked so happy. He picked up the book lying next to the photo. It was a book full of the moving pictures - pictures of his parents, him as a baby, his parents' friends, and Sirius.

The tear fell with no warning. Harry threw the book to the floor, the noise waking Hedwig from her jaded sleep.

Harry walked to the window and opened it. He stared out into the night sky. It was a full moon and he thought of Remus.

Why didn't Remus ever find me before he taught at Hogwarts? Harry thought with anger in his veins. Why did my dad have to hate Snape so much? Why couldn't I just swallow my pride and learn occlumency? Harry berated his tired and guilt-ridden mind with questions he didn't have the answers for.

He yawned and glanced at his bed. It could not have looked more uninviting. He had no desire to crawl back in again and close his eyes. He wanted out of the house. He'd suffered enough anguish at the Dursley's. They didn't seem to care that he'd lost someone so special to him, the only person who'd ever truly shown him love besides his dead parents. They held no sympathy for him what so ever.

His hatred for them only grew. Aunt Petunia had seemed to offer a few sad looks his way once or twice. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't what he needed.

He sighed and looked at his desk upon which the letters from his friends - Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, and even Luna and Neville - were.

His eyes suddenly felt droopy and he yawned again. Harry took one last glance at the night sky before begrudgingly crawling back into his bed. He took off his glasses and put his head to the pillow once more.

Just as he was closing his eyes, however, he shivered once again. He couldn't remember his dream, but it felt so real, and so…strange.

"You look just like him, only with your mother's eyes…"

Harry fell into a dreamless sleep.

He sat on the deck of his flat drinking a glass of milk. It was another one of those nights that he couldn't sleep. The past year or so had been full of them. Not that he liked to sleep much anyway; his dreams were swirls of red and green, laughter and tears, and he could never figure them out.

He figured they had something to do with his past life. The life he remembered nothing about. The life that he'd lost almost 15 years ago.

The man ran a hand through his messy, black hair before taking a sip of his milk. He chuckled, feeling his hair sticking up as usual. For the life of him, he could never get it to stay down. Even with all the hair gunk Tiffany made him buy, it was always just as stubborn.

He sighed and tilted his head back, looking at the clear night sky. He had no interest in astronomy and really knew nothing about it. But he always made a point of knowing the moon phase - tonight was a full moon - and for some odd reason…he could name the ten brightest stars in the sky.

"The sun doesn't count," he muttered out loud. "The brightest is Sirius, and then Canopus, Rigil Kentaurus, Arcturus, Vega, Capella, Rigel, Procyon, Achernar, and Betelgeuse. And somewhere after that is a star called Regulus."

All he could figure is that in his old life, he must have been an astronomer or a scientist or something. Something real smart, at least, to know all that. He'd often kept pets, mice and hamsters, even a cat for a while, and he always named them after a star.

Thinking of the stars he glanced into his flat to check on his current pet, a hamster named Phoenix. He'd been watching a documentary on cities in the United States and that name had popped out to him.

It was strange how things would suddenly pop out to him. He figured they were things from his old life, but he couldn't remember or place them if his life depended on it. Aside from his curious ability to name stars and moon phases, he wondered if he'd been big on animals. He enjoyed collecting wolf and stag memorabilia. And his dream was to own a dog. A big furry black one would be the only one that would do.

Did he have a dog before?

"Evan?"

The man looked below his balcony to see his best friend and neighbor looking back up at him.

"Hey, Tiff," Evan called down to her. "Just getting off work?"

The brunette yawned. "Yeah. Long night. I need a new job."

He laughed. "We both say that a lot, don't we?"

Tiffany smiled up to him. "Yeah. Two thirty-something year olds with no life ambitions. What are you doing up, Evan?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep is all."

"Unlock your door, I'm coming over," she yelled at him and disappeared to enter the apartment building.

Evan drank the last of his milk and walked inside. He unlocked the chain on his door and went back to the kitchen. He was staring at the cupboards when Tiffany entered the apartment.

"Hungry?" She smiled at him, holding out microwave popcorn and some sodas.

Evan laughed. "Yeah, that'll work. What else did you bring over?"

"A couple movies. They always put you to sleep," she winked at him.

"What'd you bring?" He asked her as he took the popcorn and stuck it in the microwave. He got out a big bowl, two glasses and some ice for the soda.

"I have "Rosemary's Baby' and 'Dragonslayer'."

Evan rolled his eyes. "We just watched 'Rosemary's Baby' and I hate 'Dragonslayer."

Tiffany laughed as she moved a chess piece. The two had an on-going game of chess at all times. They hardly ever just sat and played, but every time Tiffany would be over she'd make a move and some time between, Evan would make his.

"Speaking of dragons," she smiled. "Check."

Evan sighed. "You aren't actually going to beat me this time. I'll see to that."

"Evan Gryffin- did you…dust your flat?" Tiffany stood back and admired the chess set. It had been a Christmas present to him one year from her - the pieces were all in shapes of witches, wizards and dragons. It was something they both had a fascination with - magical things.

"I cleaned it up a bit, yeah. Do we have to watch one of these stupid movies? They're so corny, Tiff," Evan whined just as the microwave beeped.

"Mm, that popcorn smells good. Smells a lot better than all the drunks at the bar tonight. Fine, we don't have to watch a movie, but even if they are corny, you love them too."

Evan poured the popcorn into the bowl and grabbed the sodas. The two walked out onto the deck and sat at the small table.

"It's a nice night," Evan commented, eating popcorn. He watched as Tiffany grabbed a handful of popcorn, shoved it in her mouth and then got a cigarette out.

"I thought you were going to quit," he motioned towards the unhealthy habit she was lighting.

"I will, I will. Anyway. It is a nice night. Full moon, huh? That explains a lot about tonight's crowd. Now why couldn't you sleep, darling? Did you have another strange dream?" Tiffany's face turned concerned as Evan seemed to lose himself in his own thoughts.

She watched his gray eyes through his glasses. They looked so…worn. It was the only word she could think of. He thought too much and she felt so bad for him. She'd done her best over the years to help him. She helped him search for his lost life, she'd helped him get on his feet, find a job, find a place to live. She'd been there when he would break down from the uncertainty, the lost feeling. She'd been there to laugh with him when he realized he could only move forward and that life was magical. But through it all she couldn't give him one thing, the one thing he wanted the most: his memory of his past.

He'd slept for days after she'd pulled him from the rubble of the old house. The doctors hadn't been sure if he was going to come out of it. When he did come to, he couldn't remember anything. Not even his own name. Tiffany had come to calling him Charlie but he'd kept repeating 'Evan' and 'Gryffin' and 'hairy' when he'd be asked his name. With the strange spelling of 'Gryffin' it was accepted that Evan Gryffin must have been his name.

Tiffany had given the police the directions to the house where she'd found him. They found nothing. Not even a house.

When Evan had been released, she took him there. And the police had been right - there wasn't even a house. They'd roamed the neighborhood for hours but saw no one, nothing. Nothing that helped them figure anything out.

Evan became Tiffany's then. He had nowhere else to turn to. They became best friends and shared everything together.

Tiffany's worst fear was that Evan would remember his life and leave her; he was all she had. And she didn't think it would be easy to start over again when she was slowly approaching 40.

"I don't know, Tiff," Evan started. "The only thing I remember from this one is a flash of green light and a floating skull."

"Did it have the snake coming out of its mouth again?"

He shook his head. "Not this time, it was just a big skull. But there was sound in this dream. Whispers. 'And either must die at the hand of the other'. Over and over. It was bizarre and unsettling." Evan shuddered.

Tiffany took a long drag on her cigarette and pushed her dark curls behind her ears. "That is creepy, Evan. Look, it was just a dream, though. We've searched this city up and down for skulls with snakes and green items and we've come up with nothing."

Evan pushed his soda away from him. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, Tiffany. If you have other things to do, go and do them."

"Evan," Tiffany's look softened. "That's not what I'm saying. God, I've spent years, Evan, years, trying to help you. Do you think I'd just throw it all away because I was tired of it?"

"Well, I'm tired of it. I'm sick of wondering and thinking about it. I'm sick of it being in my mind. I'm sick of living in a past that I don't have."

"So stop," Tiffany took a deep breath.

Evan chuckled. "Easier said than done, love." His expression turned from amused to morose. "I just…I wish I knew who I was."

Tiffany reached across the table as a slight breeze blew. "I know who you are. You're my best friend. You're a sweet man who's caring and gentle and knows how to have a good time. You're hot for an old man, a real looker, but I get to be the one to curl up on the couch with you and watch movies."

Evan smiled. "Yeah…but, Tiff, it's all surface value. I don't know what things mean to me. And I'm not hot."

Tiffany laughed. "You are. And you know what else- I bet you were popular. I bet girls swooned at your feet and you were smart and got good marks. I'll bet you played sports and you had a lot of friends. And you absolutely knew how to have a good time. I'll bet the room just lit up when you walked into it, just like it does now. And any enemies you had? Pure jealousy. That's the only reason they disliked you."

Evan laughed. "Why do you think I was so perfect? It's almost depressing to think if it was like that. And I just disappeared? If that was true, then why didn't anyone look for me? I really doubt it, Tiff. Besides, I'm a dork by today's standards. I'm too tall, my hair is messy, I have glasses, and I'm skinny."

Tiffany sighed and rolled her eyes. "You are the perfect height- women like a man who can protect her. You're hair, yes, it is a mess, but it makes you have this boyish look and it's really cute and sexy. The glasses - hot, Evan. Hot. It makes you look like an intellectual, which you are. And you aren't too skinny. You have muscles. You have abs. And be thankful you aren't fat."

"What, like you?" He teased her. Tiffany was hardly fat. Her petiteness made her look a bit on the round side, but hardly by any standards was she 'fat'.

She stuck her tongue out at him and then titled her head. "Look, I know it's depressing, Evan. And I will gladly sit up all night and talk you through it. But…it's been almost fifteen years, darling. We've searched everywhere we could think of, we've done everything we could imagine, and we still don't have answers. But you can't let that stop you from living now. You were given a second chance, Evan Gryffin. Take it and run with it. Be someone who you can look back in fifty years and be proud of."

There was a moment of silence while Evan thought about this before he sighed and looked to the sky once again. "Right. Look, I need to get to bed. And you should too. Don't you have a date tomorrow, for lunch?"

Tiffany groaned. "Yeah…I agreed to go out to lunch with that Malcolm guy downstairs. You know, that's what you need, Evan-"

"I'm not interested, Tiffany, don't start," Evan sighed again as he stood from the table. He grabbed the now empty bowl and the glasses and headed inside as Tiffany followed.

"Evan, a woman in your life, besides me, would do you good. I mean, even if it's just for some fun. Get you back into…"

"Into what, Tiffany? Back into what? I'm living my life, aren't I? I'm here, with you, I'm working and living. What else is there? At least for me? I can't date anyone. I have no desire. No one compares…"

"No one compares to whom?" Tiffany said in a small voice. He'd always get this far in the argument, but could never finish the sentence.

"Whoever it was that I was in love with, Tiffany. Who ever she was, she was perfect and I fought for her. I know that. I can feel it. And I couldn't pretend with someone else when I don't know if…if she's still out there."

Tiffany swallowed and nodded her head. "I love you, darling. Just know that, okay? I'm going to bed. Try and get some sleep, alright?"

Evan nodded as Tiffany squeezed his hand and left his flat. He turned out all the lights behind her and locked the door. He remembered the deck was still open just as he was about to head to his bedroom.

He stopped and stared into the night sky one last time for the night. The full moon was bright and the stars were twinkling around it like a perfect painting.

He shivered, thinking it might not be as beautiful of a picture to all. It held mystery and horror, yet beauty and romance…

He locked the sliding door and headed for bed. He crawled in with a hefty sigh.

"Damn it," he said aloud, realizing he forgot to turn out the light. "Sometimes I wish there was a way to do things without getting up all the time."

He got up and turned out the light. He crawled back into bed and pulled the cover up tight around him after laying his glasses on the nightstand.

He closed his eyes and wished for dreamless sleep.

...huggles n cookies...

...missers...