Title: Cure for the Canine
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Rating: PG
Summary: Remus receives a ... disturbing package, must to Sirius' amusement.
Disclaimer: Rowling's. Not mine. ::Curse::
A/N: I was skimming through my folder of fanfiction I've written, in the Harry Potter fandom, and found the beginning of this little fic. I had no idea what the original plot was, since I've long since forgotten it, but I decided to finish writing it tonight anyway. HUGE NOTE: I don't know if I'm going to write a sequel. I might. And although Snape gets made fun of in this chapter - I love him, I really do. He's one of the coolest characters around. :-)
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Sirius yawned from his spot on the couch, content to just lie in the sun. He could hear Remus puttering about, muttering under his breath every so often. Who knew that quiet Remus had such an obsession with cleaning? Sirius snorted to himself. It wasn't like anyone could tell during their school days. His and James' messes always covered their entire dorm, completely engulfing anything and everything. Oh well ... at least that explained the odd twitch Remus' eye would get when Sirius threw his dirty socks across the room.
As Sirius lazily rolled over and fluffed one of the cushions, his mind registered an insistent "tap tap tap" coming from the doorway. Groaning to himself, he raised his head and peaked out the window.
"Remus, there's an owl for you." Sirius flopped bonelessly back down upon the couch.
Remus scowled at the other man, giving him a "look" that only few people had perfected him. Consequently, it was the same look that Snape used on his students, and Voldemort practiced on those he was about to put under excruciating pain. Not that it affected Sirius any.
"You could have let it in while you were up, you know." Remus said while opening the door, letting the large barn owl in.
"Someone could have seen me. Too risky opening the door." Sirius' eyes had slid shut, his voice taking on a softer tone, as if he were about to fall asleep.
"You're lying on a couch in front of an open window. I don't think there's a difference." Remus pointed out, glaring harder when Sirius only muttered something rude and snuggled further into the cushions.
"Ungrateful pain in my-" Remus mumbled, reaching for the package the owl had delivered. His eyes skimmed over the letter, widening as large as saucers when he found out what it was about.
"They've GOT to be kidding!" Remus sputtered, glaring at the owl who blinked innocently back.
"What?"
"Nothing! Nothing Sirius, go back to sleep." Quickly grabbing the package, Remus made as if to move away, but years of Quidditch training kicked in and Sirius made a grab for the letter.
He snatched it away, whooping triumphantly. With one hand Sirius held back Remus, struggling to take back the stolen parchment, and with the other he unfolded it, reading what was inside.
"Dear Mr. Remus Lupin.
As of last month, an official law was put into effect stating that each magical being who had the ability to change into canine form would be required to take all shots and medications as a normal dog. It has come to our attention that you have not yet received the medication, so they are included in the package. The owl that delivered them to you will wait until you have taken them and then return to us. If, within three hours, you have not taken the medication upon receiving it, the owl will return and inform us of such, where then more drastic measures will be taken.
Please be advised that not only is this medication for your own safety, but for the safety of others as well.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
CORNELIUS FUDGE
Minister of Magic"
Sirius blinked, rereading the letter to himself. A slow, wolf-like grin appeared on his face, as he turned back to Remus, now glaring at him. Sirius absent-mindedly noted that if smoke were to come from the werewolf's ears, he'd almost completely resemble a teapot with hair.
Shaking himself, Sirius ruffled through the package, one eyebrow raised at the contents.
"No, Sirius, really-"
"Heartworm shots? Werewolves can get heartworms?"
"-no, I mean yes, now hand over the package before-"
"Hah! A rabies shot! I always knew there was a wild look about you!"
"-I hex you into the next oblivion. And it will be-"
"Flea control? Finally, some relief! Watching you scratch constantly is very nerve grating, did you know?"
"-very painful, the most dreadful thing you've ever experienced, Sirius-"
"Do you see how long these needles are? I wonder where they're supposed to go ..."
"GIVE ME THE PACKAGE NOW!"
Sirius grunted as the full weight of his best friend slammed into him. They both landed on the carpeted floor, rolling around with several muttered curses and threats. Finally, Remus pinned Sirius to the floor on his stomach, and sat on the other man's back.
"See, now it would have been a lot easier if you had just given me the package ..." Remus muttered.
"If you two lovebirds are quite finished ..." A voice drawled behind them.
Remus spun around, wand out and wondering how someone had gotten into the house. He saw who it was and scowled. Snape's head floated in the fire, looking mildly amused as well as ... oh Remus did not like that look. Snape's face seemed as if he had just found out there was a two-in-one instant cure for greasy hair and infidelity.
"Sorry Snivellus, perhaps someday you'll find true love of your own ..." Sirius glared. Remus snorted from beside him, shaking his head.
Snape rolled his eyes. "Please Black ... if love came in the loathsome package you provide, I'm much better off with my enemies. Anyway, I'm here on orders from Dumbledore."
"Something for me to do then?" Remus asked, sighing to himself.
Snape grinned. "Not this time. I'm sure you got that little package from the Ministry?" At Remus' nod, Snape continued. "Dumbledore felt it best if Black there ... got the same treatment. I was sent to bring you his medication. And," he continued before Sirius could interrupt. "I am to sit here until he takes it."
"You can't be serious!" Black groaned.
"Oh yes, I am. Very."
Remus decided he most definitely did not like that gleeful look Snape laid on Sirius. He vaguely wondered if Snape learned that look from Voldemort - it sure seemed evil enough ...
"Now, if you please, I have an actual life, mutt. Get on with it." Snape said.
"Now, if you please, I have no life, please pity me." Sirius mocked, looking at the medication Snape gave him.
"I combined it all into one injection. Although amusing as it might be, I don't have much time to sit here and watch you."
"Oh, I'm sure." He fingered the needle. Although he didn't show it - or wouldn't, he refused to show weakness in front of that greasy-haired prick - Sirius was actually afraid of needles. Almost bordering on pure blown phobia. As a child, his parents refused to let him have anything to do with muggles, or muggle medicines. Therefore, one fateful summer he spent away from home with an uncle - long burned off the family tree now - he had been taken to a muggle doctor, for a cold. The doctor had given him an injection ... or, he was told anyway. He had promptly fainted at the size of the needle the doctor waved in his face.
"Today is preferable."
"Shut up, I'm getting to it."
"I can do it if you'd like, Sirius." Remus said quietly.
"No, no. I've got it under control." He grimaced, taking out the little swab to clean his arm.
"Ah, no, no, no Black. Think ... lower. Much lower." Snape's grin widened.
"You mean? ... oh no, no way, I am NOT-"
"Sirius, you're being unreasonable. I have to do the same thing in just a little while, and it's just a small needle-"
"THAT IS NOT A SMALL NEEDLE! DO YOU SEE THE SIZE OF IT?! IT IS NOT SMALL!" Sirius turned, glaring, pointing the needle at Remus. "How about I take this one and stick it up YOUR arse right now?! How would you like THAT?!"
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Come now, Sirius, you can't be that scared ..."
"I'm not! But really, I mean-" Remus rolled his eyes. At this rate, Sirius would never do it. Faster than the Sirius could follow, Remus stepped forward and grabbed the needle, performing a full body-bind on Sirius.
Sirius was frozen with a look of utter horror upon his face. Snape snickered.
"Now," Remus began, using the swab to clean an area on Sirius' backside. "This won't hurt a bit." He jabbed the needle in.
Sirius gave a muffled squeal and then ... passed out. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Ah, my work here is done." Snape laughed outright. "Goodbye, Remus."
Remus nodded his head to the fire as Snape disappeared. He looked over at the other needles, waiting just for him. The werewolf groaned.
---------------------------------
Sirius woke up to a smarting arse and an aching head. He wondered what had happened, then remembered - the package, Snape, the needle, Re- ... REMUS! He was going to KILL him!"
"REMUS!" Sirius got up, wincing. He limped from the couch to find his soon-to-be-a-very-dead friend.
"Yes?" Remus asked innocently from the table.
"You ... you ... you ..."
"I am awed by your extensive vocabulary."
Remus heard Sirius mutter, showing just how extensive his vocabulary really was. Remus grinned.
"You're going to pay."
"I realize that."
"Soon."
"I'll watch my back."
"It will be-"
"-painful, I know."
Sirius and Remus looked at each other. Sirius' hand itched for his wand. Right now he could think of ten temporary and very painful curses to hurl at the smirking werewolf. They were, however, interrupted again by another owl.
A letter was dropped on the table, Sirius name sprawled across it. The owl nipped the black haired man's shoulder and flew back out the window.
Sirius looked at the letter. He recognized the handwriting across the front. Snape.
Opening it, he read the contents. Two words.
"Bow wow."
This meant war.
----------------
End ... maybe ... haven't decided yet ...
Reviews = welcome.
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Rating: PG
Summary: Remus receives a ... disturbing package, must to Sirius' amusement.
Disclaimer: Rowling's. Not mine. ::Curse::
A/N: I was skimming through my folder of fanfiction I've written, in the Harry Potter fandom, and found the beginning of this little fic. I had no idea what the original plot was, since I've long since forgotten it, but I decided to finish writing it tonight anyway. HUGE NOTE: I don't know if I'm going to write a sequel. I might. And although Snape gets made fun of in this chapter - I love him, I really do. He's one of the coolest characters around. :-)
--------------------
Sirius yawned from his spot on the couch, content to just lie in the sun. He could hear Remus puttering about, muttering under his breath every so often. Who knew that quiet Remus had such an obsession with cleaning? Sirius snorted to himself. It wasn't like anyone could tell during their school days. His and James' messes always covered their entire dorm, completely engulfing anything and everything. Oh well ... at least that explained the odd twitch Remus' eye would get when Sirius threw his dirty socks across the room.
As Sirius lazily rolled over and fluffed one of the cushions, his mind registered an insistent "tap tap tap" coming from the doorway. Groaning to himself, he raised his head and peaked out the window.
"Remus, there's an owl for you." Sirius flopped bonelessly back down upon the couch.
Remus scowled at the other man, giving him a "look" that only few people had perfected him. Consequently, it was the same look that Snape used on his students, and Voldemort practiced on those he was about to put under excruciating pain. Not that it affected Sirius any.
"You could have let it in while you were up, you know." Remus said while opening the door, letting the large barn owl in.
"Someone could have seen me. Too risky opening the door." Sirius' eyes had slid shut, his voice taking on a softer tone, as if he were about to fall asleep.
"You're lying on a couch in front of an open window. I don't think there's a difference." Remus pointed out, glaring harder when Sirius only muttered something rude and snuggled further into the cushions.
"Ungrateful pain in my-" Remus mumbled, reaching for the package the owl had delivered. His eyes skimmed over the letter, widening as large as saucers when he found out what it was about.
"They've GOT to be kidding!" Remus sputtered, glaring at the owl who blinked innocently back.
"What?"
"Nothing! Nothing Sirius, go back to sleep." Quickly grabbing the package, Remus made as if to move away, but years of Quidditch training kicked in and Sirius made a grab for the letter.
He snatched it away, whooping triumphantly. With one hand Sirius held back Remus, struggling to take back the stolen parchment, and with the other he unfolded it, reading what was inside.
"Dear Mr. Remus Lupin.
As of last month, an official law was put into effect stating that each magical being who had the ability to change into canine form would be required to take all shots and medications as a normal dog. It has come to our attention that you have not yet received the medication, so they are included in the package. The owl that delivered them to you will wait until you have taken them and then return to us. If, within three hours, you have not taken the medication upon receiving it, the owl will return and inform us of such, where then more drastic measures will be taken.
Please be advised that not only is this medication for your own safety, but for the safety of others as well.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
CORNELIUS FUDGE
Minister of Magic"
Sirius blinked, rereading the letter to himself. A slow, wolf-like grin appeared on his face, as he turned back to Remus, now glaring at him. Sirius absent-mindedly noted that if smoke were to come from the werewolf's ears, he'd almost completely resemble a teapot with hair.
Shaking himself, Sirius ruffled through the package, one eyebrow raised at the contents.
"No, Sirius, really-"
"Heartworm shots? Werewolves can get heartworms?"
"-no, I mean yes, now hand over the package before-"
"Hah! A rabies shot! I always knew there was a wild look about you!"
"-I hex you into the next oblivion. And it will be-"
"Flea control? Finally, some relief! Watching you scratch constantly is very nerve grating, did you know?"
"-very painful, the most dreadful thing you've ever experienced, Sirius-"
"Do you see how long these needles are? I wonder where they're supposed to go ..."
"GIVE ME THE PACKAGE NOW!"
Sirius grunted as the full weight of his best friend slammed into him. They both landed on the carpeted floor, rolling around with several muttered curses and threats. Finally, Remus pinned Sirius to the floor on his stomach, and sat on the other man's back.
"See, now it would have been a lot easier if you had just given me the package ..." Remus muttered.
"If you two lovebirds are quite finished ..." A voice drawled behind them.
Remus spun around, wand out and wondering how someone had gotten into the house. He saw who it was and scowled. Snape's head floated in the fire, looking mildly amused as well as ... oh Remus did not like that look. Snape's face seemed as if he had just found out there was a two-in-one instant cure for greasy hair and infidelity.
"Sorry Snivellus, perhaps someday you'll find true love of your own ..." Sirius glared. Remus snorted from beside him, shaking his head.
Snape rolled his eyes. "Please Black ... if love came in the loathsome package you provide, I'm much better off with my enemies. Anyway, I'm here on orders from Dumbledore."
"Something for me to do then?" Remus asked, sighing to himself.
Snape grinned. "Not this time. I'm sure you got that little package from the Ministry?" At Remus' nod, Snape continued. "Dumbledore felt it best if Black there ... got the same treatment. I was sent to bring you his medication. And," he continued before Sirius could interrupt. "I am to sit here until he takes it."
"You can't be serious!" Black groaned.
"Oh yes, I am. Very."
Remus decided he most definitely did not like that gleeful look Snape laid on Sirius. He vaguely wondered if Snape learned that look from Voldemort - it sure seemed evil enough ...
"Now, if you please, I have an actual life, mutt. Get on with it." Snape said.
"Now, if you please, I have no life, please pity me." Sirius mocked, looking at the medication Snape gave him.
"I combined it all into one injection. Although amusing as it might be, I don't have much time to sit here and watch you."
"Oh, I'm sure." He fingered the needle. Although he didn't show it - or wouldn't, he refused to show weakness in front of that greasy-haired prick - Sirius was actually afraid of needles. Almost bordering on pure blown phobia. As a child, his parents refused to let him have anything to do with muggles, or muggle medicines. Therefore, one fateful summer he spent away from home with an uncle - long burned off the family tree now - he had been taken to a muggle doctor, for a cold. The doctor had given him an injection ... or, he was told anyway. He had promptly fainted at the size of the needle the doctor waved in his face.
"Today is preferable."
"Shut up, I'm getting to it."
"I can do it if you'd like, Sirius." Remus said quietly.
"No, no. I've got it under control." He grimaced, taking out the little swab to clean his arm.
"Ah, no, no, no Black. Think ... lower. Much lower." Snape's grin widened.
"You mean? ... oh no, no way, I am NOT-"
"Sirius, you're being unreasonable. I have to do the same thing in just a little while, and it's just a small needle-"
"THAT IS NOT A SMALL NEEDLE! DO YOU SEE THE SIZE OF IT?! IT IS NOT SMALL!" Sirius turned, glaring, pointing the needle at Remus. "How about I take this one and stick it up YOUR arse right now?! How would you like THAT?!"
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Come now, Sirius, you can't be that scared ..."
"I'm not! But really, I mean-" Remus rolled his eyes. At this rate, Sirius would never do it. Faster than the Sirius could follow, Remus stepped forward and grabbed the needle, performing a full body-bind on Sirius.
Sirius was frozen with a look of utter horror upon his face. Snape snickered.
"Now," Remus began, using the swab to clean an area on Sirius' backside. "This won't hurt a bit." He jabbed the needle in.
Sirius gave a muffled squeal and then ... passed out. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Ah, my work here is done." Snape laughed outright. "Goodbye, Remus."
Remus nodded his head to the fire as Snape disappeared. He looked over at the other needles, waiting just for him. The werewolf groaned.
---------------------------------
Sirius woke up to a smarting arse and an aching head. He wondered what had happened, then remembered - the package, Snape, the needle, Re- ... REMUS! He was going to KILL him!"
"REMUS!" Sirius got up, wincing. He limped from the couch to find his soon-to-be-a-very-dead friend.
"Yes?" Remus asked innocently from the table.
"You ... you ... you ..."
"I am awed by your extensive vocabulary."
Remus heard Sirius mutter, showing just how extensive his vocabulary really was. Remus grinned.
"You're going to pay."
"I realize that."
"Soon."
"I'll watch my back."
"It will be-"
"-painful, I know."
Sirius and Remus looked at each other. Sirius' hand itched for his wand. Right now he could think of ten temporary and very painful curses to hurl at the smirking werewolf. They were, however, interrupted again by another owl.
A letter was dropped on the table, Sirius name sprawled across it. The owl nipped the black haired man's shoulder and flew back out the window.
Sirius looked at the letter. He recognized the handwriting across the front. Snape.
Opening it, he read the contents. Two words.
"Bow wow."
This meant war.
----------------
End ... maybe ... haven't decided yet ...
Reviews = welcome.