I Tried
– Chapter 30
Losing
The President's office was immaculate. Soft lights shone on the expensive oil paintings and the wall to wall carpet always smelled as though it had been freshly shampooed. It was nicer than even Rufus' office, and that was a feat not taken lightly.
Reno slid into the office with all the hairs on his neck raised up. Something heavy twisted in his gut and he worried that he'd been linked to AVALANCHE. It was an effort to keep a calm face and await whatever it was that the president was going to say to him.
"Turk." The president snorted, capping his gold plated pen. Though he'd addressed Reno, there was no outward motion to tell Reno what to do. He chose to remain standing by the doorway.
A smirk played on President ShinRa's lips. It wasn't a pleasant thing. "I've got myself quite a terrorist problem, wouldn't you say, Turk?"
Reno swallowed and nodded slowly. "Yes sir. Looks that way."
"Looks that way…" President ShinRa repeated.
Silence hung heavy in the room and Reno could almost feel himself start to sweat before the president spoke again. "You think you are pretty clever, don't you, Slum Rat?"
"I beg you're pardon?" He hadn't expected being insulted this openly, even though President ShinRa could say or do as he pleased.
ShinRa snorted. "You think you're fucking smart. That pretty woman of yours hasn't been home for a while. The two of you fighting?"
Reno clenched his fist. "I fail to see how that is relevant on anything… sir."
"Relevant? Why don't we talk about AVALANCHE?" The president flipped open a file and fingered a picture. "So does your pretty girlfriend have a twin?"
"No." Reno focused on a place on the wall near the president's head.
"Then this would probably be a picture of her, wouldn't it?"
Reno said nothing.
President ShinRa slammed the photo to his desk. "A Turk security leak… I never thought I'd see the day you slum rats would turn against me like this. You're dam-"
"The others are not involved in this at all. They don't know." Reno responded, hotly. He debated making a run for it then, but the tracking device would mean he'd lead ShinRa right to Tifa. He could just drop his daughter off and run. The shock devices needed to be close range to work…
"So you admit it?" ShinRa was incredulous.
Reno closed his eyes and then took a deep breath. "I do."
"Does this mean that you think you are brave?" ShinRa asked, steepling his fingers. When Reno didn't respond the president snorted again. "I'm not a simple man, Street Rat, I never have been. But I thought I made it adequately clear that I have a birth right over scum like you."
"I think your definition of scum needs re-evaluated." Reno hissed, he rocked from foot to foot, his hand moving to his hip.
"Pull that gun and I'll see to it you see that brat of yours regret the day food stamps stopped buying condoms." ShinRa said smoothly.
Reno froze, his hand slid back out of his jacket. "Where is she?"
"I've got Hojo watching her for a while…" ShinRa smiled. "He seemed more than happy at the prospect of taking care of her. So rare that he enjoys new pets like that."
Staggering, Reno put a hand out on the back of one of the plush chairs in the room. His mouth worked twice before words came out. "What?"
President ShinRa pointed a remote at a large television in the corner. Clearly visible in black and white were Dr. Hojo and Suzanna. She was sitting in between two SOLDIERS and holding her dragon tightly.
Reno couldn't look away. He could hear president ShinRa, but it was a whole minute before he could actually register everything that was said.
"And if the plate doesn't drop, she can continue her stay with Dr. Hojo indefinitely… are we clear?"
Without the ability to say anything, Reno only nodded and turned from the room. There had to be a way around this. He'd given up on his neck, but he wouldn't give up on Trigger. He'd have to work this out, Reno had no choice.
Reno slid out the hidden Turk exit less than ten minutes after that. He'd used the secure line to call Tifa, said to meet him and hung up without waiting for a reply. He'd have two hours tops of free movement before someone thought to look for him.
That was if Hojo wasn't already watching.
He smoked nearly two packs while making his way to the warehouse in the slums that he had chosen to meet Tifa at. Still he was shaking. The extra nicotine did nothing but make his stomach feel heavier. Reno was trying to slow his breathing, slow his pace and quit sweating. It was impossible. He was terrified for his daughter and scared for himself as well.
Though there was a freedom in choosing to be a lost cause. He knew that Tifa wouldn't have problems watching Trigger, and he also knew that he was done. Getting Trigger and hiding her would be the last thing he ever did. He knew that and was willing to do it. This was worth dying for.
When he got there, Tifa was waiting, still angry from their past fight it seemed. "What is so important Reno?" She crossed her arms under her chest and glared at him. Sleeping was obviously low on her list of priorities; purple bags made her eyes look sunken.
Angry at her lack of concern, and angry that she seemed to not be thinking about Trigger made Reno's fried nerves worse. She'd adopted Trigger months ago, but maybe she really didn't understand how in danger the little girl was. In an effort to calm himself down, Reno started slowly. "Why did you guys sign that reactor explosion?"
"To expose ourselves." Tifa responded. "We don't want to be cowards, we aren't going to hide."
"Aren't going to-" Reno shook his head and then he lost it. "What the FUCK are you thinking! God's damnit Tifa, this is a WAR, not some pissing contest! What the hell are you thinking!" His palms were flat against the table.
She balked at his tone but if looks were anything to go on, Tifa Lockheart had hit rock bottom herself. "What are you trying to say? How long can you poke from underneath and use little side streets to almost get your way? I'm not going to cow down in front of ShinRa! You are right, this is a war and wars need heroes not cowards!"
"That's the most pretentious bullshit I've ever heard! I swear, what the fuck is Barret feeding you people?" Reno snapped back. "Tagging like a pack of gang brats is not a way to get a name ANYWHERE!"
She slammed her on hands on the table then. "How about you be a little more condescending, Reno! Maybe it will get through my thick head then!"
"Well when the plate on sector seven drops, how's about that for a reality check!"
Tifa jerked up as though he'd hit her. "What! Who!" Her fists clenched. "We have to stop them! You're in there, that'll –"
"Tifa! I am doing it!"
Silence. "Reno?" She asked after a while as though she thought that it wasn't him. "You can't do that Reno… you can't! Just tell them no! What about all those people?"
Reno didn't care about other people at this point. He had one person that needed him and one person to care about. "I don't care. That plate is coming down."
"You- you don't- What about me!" Tifa snapped, her eyes watered, but she didn't cry.
He had it. That was all Reno could take. Not one question as to why. Not one. "What about you! You've made it fucking obvious that you are number one to you, well NEWS FLASH, you don't have priority in this matter. And for ALL matters regarding me you never will!"
"How can you say that! I'm doing this for you! I'm doing this so that we can get out from under ShinRa! Don't you get that sacrifices had to be made!"
Suzanna was not going to be one of those sacrifices. But apparently, his relationship was going to be. Reno was going to explain, he wanted to. "Tifa, you don't understand-"
They were nose to nose by this point and her hand crossed his face with blinding speed. Reno almost fell to the side, catching himself on the table. He'd forgotten how strong she could hit. Tifa had never hit him before. "Don't you –" She was crying now. "Don't you tell me I don't understand! When will I ever understand? I can't understand being in danger, being a parent or even what it would mean to have sex with you, as far as you are concerned! I'm tired of it! I'm not going to stop fighting, and if it means that I have to fight you… then…"
She wiped the back of her hand against her eyes. "Then I will, Reno. This isn't something I can turn my back on."
Reno could feel a bruise form over his cheek already. He looked up to Tifa, she already had the door open, she was still crying and shaking. Reno didn't want to explain anymore. She wanted her hero? Fine, let her have her blond hero, he never was a hero anyway. "I won't let you get in my way, Tifa."
And before he could regret it the door slammed shut. Reno sunk to a chair, he didn't chase after her, he didn't have the energy. Reno slumped down on the table as another realization flooded over him. For the first time in years he was truly alone. Suzanna was taken from him, Tifa had left. He closed his eyes as pain crashed behind them. With nothing else to do Reno ran, even though he didn't have anywhere to go.
He wasn't thinking about where he was going until the door to Padre's church leaped in front of him. He stood at the door; it was very much in need of repair since Reno's last entrance almost six years ago. Padre, he'd read, had taken a new position for a large church in Junon. Reno had been too embarrassed to find out more. Padre wouldn't have liked to talk him anyway.
It didn't stop the fact that the priest was the one person that Reno really, truly wanted to talk to at that moment.
The interior was dusty, flecks of it danced in the lights that were partly obscured by the dirty stained glass windows. Reno walked slowly down the rows of pews, trying not to think about Mariah and how he had let her down. He stopped in front of the alter and looked up at the tarnished cross. It seems so fitting, to have the gold flaking off and a Turk standing before it.
A wave of anger flooded him, "What the hell do you want from me?" Reno screamed at the figure. It didn't answer, no angels sang, nothing happened. Reno punched a fist down on the dust covered alter, causing a cloud to rise around him.
Without thinking he flipped the old alter over. The clang of the ancient worship table attacked every untouched corner of the church. The noise was deafening. Reno was shocked at himself, all the things he'd done in his life, he'd never defaced a church.
Reno sat on the overturned alter and stared at that dusty cross yet again. It seemed ironic that he'd try to talk to God now. The deity had never listened before. He looked around, the dust made it impossible to see anything but the figure in front of him. "What did I do? Who I am making up for?"
Regrets washed up in his face. The names of people he wanted to apologize to, the faces of people he'd wished he'd listened to, and all the things he could have done differently antagonized him. Reno wished he could have said good-bye to his mother, to Mariah, to Padre…
…to his daughter.
Reno was so close to losing the one person that needed him most, no, the one person that he needed most, "and I don't know why." He finished out loud. His head felt as if it was going to explode. Resting his elbows on his knees, Reno pushed his forehead into his palms to calm the pressure. "What else can I say? I'm sorry." Reno shut his eyes and for the first time in years, he actually cried. "I tried."
(fin)
A/N: Thank you all so much for reading this story. Thank you for the reviews, the friendships and all the love you've showered me with. I hope that the following stories in this arch are as well received as this one has been. I promise to tie up the loose ends in future stories. We will see if it all works out in the end.
I'm removing Completion from the archives here. There are going to be drastic changes to this story and to the plot so it all fits with my newer ideas. Thank you all again, please look for the next story, Rude: Running My Mouth