August 13, 2004

The Station House

9:30 A.M.

The three detectives passed Munch's desk on their way out ot the trial. He noticed Munch was still working on something, and it didn't seem like he intended to move. Elliot raised an eyebrow at the others.

"John?" he said. Munch looked up. "You coming?"

"Wasn't planning on it. I have to finish this."

"Um... oooookaaay," Olivia said, confused. "You do know it's Nellie's trial? You know... the little girl who adores you?"

"Well, I have to finish this," he said. "Just... go without me."

The detectives exchanged looks again.

"You know what? I forgot I had another report to file, so you guys go," Fin instructed. Elliot and Olivia nodded, seeing his point. He wanted to talk to John alone. They left, quickly.

"I'll take care of it," Munch offered, knowing perfectly well that there was no report.

"No, I'm not too interested in what Grey has to say 'bout this," Fin said. "It's his day to testify."

"He's showing up?" Munch asked. "After what he did?"

"He claims he didn't do it," Fin said. "Nellie's mom gives him an alibi, and without Nellie's testimony, the weapon, or fingerprints anywhere, he's probably not gonna get pinned for it."

Munch sighed. "Damn it."

"Damn straight," Fin agreed. They sat in silence, Fin working on a completely fabricated report about why a pickle shouldn't be eaten after ice cream (it was the first thing that popped into his head). Finally, Fin began pestering Munch, as John had known he would, eventually.

"Why ain't you goin'?" he asked.

"You mean why aren't I going?" Munch asked. Fin rolled his eyes.

"Cut the grammar lesson, Professor," Fin demanded. "Just tell me what's goin' on with you."

"I have a report to file Fin," Munch said, simply.

"So this has nothin' to do with your personal feelings?"

"Exactly. That's the point. I let my feelings get in the way, and this is what happened. Just... nevermind."

"So you think this is your fault, too?" Fin rolled his eyes, again. "Man, how many vics gotta be raped for you to know that it's the perp's fault?"

"I said nevermind!" John snapped.

"Well I'm not going to!" Fin shouted back. "This is stupid, John, and you know it!"

"Look, I let my personal feelings get involved. Again. I got hurt. Again. You'd think I'd learn. I didn't. I'm paying for it."

"You're paying for it? You're paying? Last time I checked, you weren't the one with a dead little brother. Last time I checked, you weren't the one who was raped. That was Nellie. And Nellie is probably scared as hell right now. So, if I were you, I'd get my bony ass down to that courtroom. But I'm not you. And I don't think I want to be. You're just a selfish bastard who thinks he's the victim. Well, we've got real victims, and one of 'em reached out for you, and you're pushin' her away. Like you do with everything."

Munch glared. He found himself glaring a lot. And it was mostly when another perosn was right. This time, Fin was more right than he'd ever been.

"What do you want me to do Fin?" Munch finally asked.

"Thought I made that obvious."

Outside the Courthouse

10:00 A.M.

John stepped out his car and surveyed the area. Some people were walking down the steps, some up. A couple were walking around the sidewalk aimlessly. One girl was sitting on the steps, her knees drawn up to her chest, and her eyes closed, as if hoping that she wouldn't be seen. Munch recognized her immediately and went to stand over her.

"Nellie? What are you doing out here?" he asked. "Grey's about to testify."

"John? You... you came. Why?" she asked, ignoring his questions.

"Because I enjoy the fresh New York air, and where better to get some than outside a courthouse while a rape trial's going on?" he replied, sarcastically. She looked to the sky and sighed.

"You're a woman," she said, as if speaking to God. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I wasn't aware God was woman, but sure, why not?" Munch said, sitting down beside her.

"Exactly. Why shouldn't She be a Woman?"

"Technically, God doesn't have a gender," Munch said. She eyed him warily.

"You don't seem like a very religious kind of guy to me," Nellie observed.

"I grew up Jewish," he explained. "Hated it though. God never did a damn thing for me, why should I worship his every move?"

"Never did anything, huh?" she said, looking away, sadly. "So, what am I, chopped liver?"

"Oh, come on, you know what I mean."

"No, Detective, I don't," she snapped, turning around again, to send him a glare.

"What happened to reading me like a book?" he asked, ignoring the glare. She looked straight down at the steps. Her brow creased, as if concentrating, trying to read the words that she must have thought were incripted in the concrete.

"Things change, John," she said, finally. "Everything does."

John watched her, not knowing what to make of her. She was small and yet so strong. So much stronger than a lot of the other victims he was used to. He hadn't known why he had gotten angry when someone called her a victim until now. It was because she wouldn't have wanted to be known as a victim. She wanted to be strong, and she didn't want to be dismissed as some weak person who couldn't take care of herself. But as John looked at her, read her face, he realized that she was a victim. She was a little girl, innocent and afraid. Just needed someone to comfort her. Unfortunately, Munch wasn't sure if he was the best person to do that.

"I don't know what to say to you," he said, finally.

"Why? You've never had a problem before."

"That's because you were helping me," he explained. "Now, I'm supposed to comfort you, and I'm not good with that. I'm not good with a lot of things."

She shifted her gaze to watch him. "Really? Because I think you did just fine."

John smiled at her, and stood up, with some difficulty. "Are we going in or what?"

Nellie shrugged, still on the steps. "I'm not sure. I don't want to see him anymore, but I don't want him to know that."

"I'll be right there. If you want to leave, you can tell me, and we'll go, okay?" She thought about it for a minute, then stood next to him.

"All right, I guess."

"Good. Let's go."