Yami's koi: (Dodgy sad music begins) And so, here it is… the last ever Author Note I shall ever write at the beginning of a chapter of Hikari Suicide…

Nefertiri: unless you decide to do a lemon on adultfan.

Yami's koi: let's see what the reviewers think. Anyway, I've decided to write this in the present tense, which was the clear solution at the start, really… um, so. I honestly do not want this story to end. Hey, wait, that's not right… I should actually start writing things like that once I've written the chapter… So. Here's the nineteenth – and final - instalment of Hikari Suicide.

Finally, the light seems to have faded. I lower my hand from my eyes, which I had cast up to shield my gaze, and stand properly. I am very aware that I must look quite dirty, and so nervously run a hand through my hair.

As my eyes adjust, I sense someone in front of me move, and then gasp. I open my eyes fully, and then my eyebrows rise.

It's… It's Yugi Mutou. Memories of him throwing me out come flooding back to me, and I am, for a moment, scared. But now, as I look into his beautiful amethyst eyes (oh yes… I'm totally camp right now…), I can see that he is both shocked and tearful. I raise my arms weakly, shakily, and he races into them.

I bear the impact of his unexpected weight, releasing a short gasp when he jumps. He wraps his legs around my waist: his arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. Now, this is the kind of thing I'd appreciate from Bakura… but not Yugi. He must really have missed me… and this kind of touch is, in turn, making me feel warm and truly happy inside. It has been years, it feels like, since I have felt an embrace.

Fuck knows how I would have lasted a week in that shit hole.

It is now that I realise he is crying on me.

"Oh Ryou… I thought… was so worried…" He whispers to me, making me shiver. His breath is tickling my ear, and I suddenly realise that they're overly sensitive. "… When you died, I… Oh my God… I've really missed you…"

I sigh, closing my eyes as I return the embrace. "I've missed you too," I murmur, kissing the boy's shoulder in an attempt to get him off me. He simply tenses, and I roll my eyes. "Well… no offence, but I haven't eaten and you're… heavy…"

I hear a rustling behind me: someone standing up. Then I hear a warm, deep, but trembling voice… and my eyes instantly fill with tears.

"R… Ryou?"

Bakura

The light dims, and my arm lowers itself. Well, if I had known that the Gods were going to make such an interesting, blinding entry, I would have fucking… -

Oh… Ra. Snowy white hair, with spikes just a little less aggressive-looking than my own, has a hand running through it, nervously. So much like myself. His shirt is slightly dirty, with speckles of blood on it around the sides that hug Ryou's hips, but I don't care. All that I care about is that the love of my life is back with me, right in this room.

I hear a gasp then, from Yugi, no doubt. Ryou doesn't move, I think he is shocked to be back… I cannot explain how I am feeling right now; waves of happiness and shock course through my veins, and I feel the link spark back into life. It doesn't hurt, but I feel even more warmth emanating from my hikari as he allows himself to be hugged by a weeping Yugi Mutou.

Yugi whispers some bull about missing Ryou… yeah, right, like he can compare having the love of your life, best friend and hikari taken away from you all at once. I am not, however, angry. Tears begin to from in my eyes, as I see Ryou kiss Yugi's shoulder – but I sense it is in a friendly manner.

"Well… no offence, but I haven't eaten and you're… heavy…" Ryou manages to say, his voice sounded somewhat strained. I understand that it must be both from hunger and form bearing Yugi's weight, little though it may be.

Shakily I rise to a stand, my clothes making a small sound as I do so. I set my eyes on Ryou's back, wishing he would turn around.

"R… Ryou?" I ask nervously, my deep voice holding a slight waver in it from emotion.

Ryou

No… fucking way. I dare not turn around… in case this is a wonderful dream… but my feet instruct me otherwise. They turn me slowly around, and I am faced with Bakura.

His hair looks slightly damp, like he's taken a shower or something. His face too, is wet, but from looking into his beautiful, wide eyes, I know they are from tears. I swallow, my own tears managing to break free to fall down my cheeks. His eyes sweep down my body for a moment, and I feel his emotions, hear his thoughts so loud and clear from his side of the link that I almost break down into a little giggling girl.

I watch as he quietly, slowly advances, my heartbeat increasing with every step that he takes. A finger rises and brushes away my tears, then some stray bangs that had fallen into my eyes.

"Ryou…" He murmurs, his arms curling around my waist tightly. Our lips aren't touching quite yet, but I can tell that it won't be long now… won't be long until I am finally back where I should have belonged so long ago.

"I love you, Kura…" I whisper, smiling widely. I can't believe this has happened to me… I have had true happiness right here, in the arms of my yami, all this time… but I just didn't have the time to acknowledge it.

Bakura's own smile gets wider. "Aishiteru, Ryou…" He whispers, before our lips finally meet.

Bakura

Almost as if it's happening in slow motion, Ryou responds to my quiet call. His body turns to face me, tears gathering in his eyes. I can see him taking in my appearance, and I feel, for a moment, really bad that he is seeing me looking so shitty: dark rings under my eyes, damp hair. But deep down, I know that Ryou doesn't mind, but there's always going to be something inside of me that forces me to look good for him… my lover.

My own eyes glance down his body, taking in his slender, but secretly strong appearance… His watery, but happy smile… And his tearful, chocolate-coloured eyes. I have to do something about that.

I almost kill myself when I move slowly, but I dare not move too quickly… just in case this is all a dream. I raise my hand and wipe away his tears – he is too beautiful for his eyes to give birth to something attributed so much with sorrow. I then brush away his bangs so that I can stare into his eyes better.

"Ryou…" I mutter softly, my arms resting at the small of his back. We're quite close, but our lips aren't quite touching yet… and it is killing me, knowing I can have him, but I must prolong my own torture to hear those three little words again.

Right on cue, I hear them. "I love you, Kura…" His smile gets even wider – I think he too, is amazed at how we had never thought of seeking comfort in each other before. Maybe it's just me reading into this too much, but his eyes seem to flicker down me every so often… Nah. I must be imagining things.

"Aishiteru, Ryou…" I answer quietly. Not able to stand it anymore, I press our lips together.

Ryou

Oh… my god… My head spins as I circle my own arms around Bakura's back, our lips stroking against each other. His warm, velvety tongue then licks across my lower lip, and I give him access into my mouth, sighing as we do so.

Our tongues dance together sweetly, his taste so exotic and warm to me. His lips are so soft as they move across mine, his tongue so hot and moist as it caresses my own… this moment is perfect. Our link is alive with what we feel for each other, and I moan when one hand presses into the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. I feel somewhat satisfied at that, knowing that Bakura – King of Thieves, general bastard at times – wants more of me. Me! his complete opposite, for fuck's sake!

No matter what ever happens after this, I hope that I will never, ever forget this moment… the emotions, the loving touches, the scent of my yami… This is pure bliss. I can only hope that Bakura is experiencing the same as what I am.

Bakura

Fucking hell… His lips are so soft and warm. I tease him by sucking gently on his lower lip, before begging for entrance with my tongue. His mouth parts, and I meet with his hot tongue.

Ryou… Mmmm, you taste so sweet, just like how you used to be, all that time ago. Just like your old smile, the one I just saw and cherished… So wide, and sincere – like there was nothing out there in the world that could ever bother you. I can… feel his love for me, as well as need for something that I have dreamed about for a painfully long time now, and my hand rests at the nape of his neck, keeping him near to me.

The link has never been so precious to me, and I send waves of tenderness and lust, responding to what he is sending me, back down the bond. His responses are getting greater and greater, though I hardly doubt he knows it. I myself am very absorbed in this kiss, in the feel of his velvety warm tongue caressing over mine…

However, all great things such as this must come to an end. I kiss my hikari on the lips softly before withdrawing properly, eyes half-lidded in happiness. Ryou's eyes are alive with absolute bliss, and I feel a small wave of smug satisfaction that I am the one to draw this from him, me. A heartless bastard of a Tomb Robber is capable of this beautiful love.

Oh, Ryou… If this is a dream, don't wake me up…

((Ryou… I love you so much…)) I murmur down the link, receiving a delightful blush from the boy in front of me.

((I love you too, my yami…) He whispers, eyelashes fluttering unknowingly. He is very cute… It makes my heart want to melt, which isn't something easy to admit when you're supposed to be someone as evil as myself. Oh well.

As long as Ryou is in love with whatever I am, then I am content, because I would rather him love me for who I am, than the person he wishes I was.

Then, reality comes back to haunt me.

"Woot! Get in there, Bakura!" Yugi cries out, obviously overjoyed that Ryou and me have gotten together… at long fucking last, but I didn't say that because it would ruin the moment. So there.

"Yes, congratulations, Bakura," Yami whispers, and I give him a large, trademark smirk.

"What's wrong, speechless because you've actually witnessed how you kiss properly?" I ask mockingly, kissing Ryou on the cheek. I still can't believe that he is back with us, right here in my arms… and so in love with me.

Ryou

I love this man whose tongue is stroking ever so sensually against my own… Reluctantly, I hope, he ends the kiss, giving me a very small peck to show even more affection for me.

((Ryou… I love you so much…)) Bakura whispers down our shared mind link, and I feel my cheeks redden. I am surprised that I do this – I am actually something like what I used to be, before all of this shit? Oh well. I guess miracles can happen.

((I love you too, my yami…)) Is my breathy, delighted response, and I feel my eyes close very slightly for a few seconds. I know little in how to seduce someone, but I sincerely hope I just didn't make an idiot out of myself there. I've been his lover for less than five minutes – I don't want him to be laughing at me now, do I? He is, after all, the sole… well, main reason… why I tried so hard to return as quickly as possible to this place.

This beautiful moment is, however, short-lived, so I do not know how Bakura reacted to my probably shoddy attempt at eyelash batting. And who is to blame? Why, no other than Yug Mutou…

"Woot! Get in there, Bakura!" He exclaims happily, watching us with great approval. I manage to somehow suppress another blush, but instead replace it with a small-satisfied smile.

"Yes, congratulations, Bakura," The King of Games manages, and I feel more than see my beautiful Bakura give him a very evil grin. Immediately I know he is about to make a comment about his comment, but I decide not to comment myself, in case my comment is just as lame and stupid as this one.

"What's wrong, speechless because you've actually witnessed how you kiss properly?" He questions evilly, giving me another small kiss on my burning cheek. From his mind link, I can tell that he is amazed… But I think it is because someone as pure and as innocent as myself has fallen in love with him, the creature of darkness.

Man, that sentence really needs revising now, doesn't it? It's something that I should have said, in that perfect world I keep thinking about.

But now I am grateful that I no longer need to focus on an imaginary world. Bakura has shown me that the perfect world can be that of one when they are in love, so long as everything works out according to plan. Perhaps not everyone can appreciate this, but I don't want to know why they feel so heartless about this sacred, beautiful thing called love.

Seriously, though. If I get any sappier, people will begin to mistake me for Yugi. And I wouldn't want that now, would I?

"Maybe they are, Bakura, but I think they should go practise right now at their house, since I'm so… Well, tired," I say teasingly, rubbing my knee very suggestively against Bakura's groin.

Bakura purrs, and jabs his thumb to Yami and Yugi. His eyes narrow ever so slightly, and my stomach tightens: that look is so sexy…

"There's the door, gies. Please leave… I wouldn't want my poor baby to be tired now, would I?" He grins, knowing only too well what I meant – his mind is too focused on that subject to not take anything in a sexual way, after all.

Yugi nods, and Yami is dragged out of the room by his hikari's small hands. Before I can look up at Bakura, I feel myself being pushed back into the sofa, and his lips are back on mine.

Bakura

Fucking hell… now I know why the Pharaoh gets boner's so easily… hikari's can be so hot when they want to be. My groin begins to react at the feel of Ryou's leg rubbing against it, and I groan very quietly, very slowly.

"Maybe they are, Bakura, but I think they should go practise right now at their house, since I'm so… Well, tired," He whispers, and I know immediately that he is anything but sleepy. Ryou wants me to make love to him… And I'm not about to let my own wishes go unfulfilled now, am I?

I point my finger at Yami and Yugi a bit harder than I intended, but it cannot be helped… My lust is fogging over my mind.

"There's the door, gies. Please leave… I wouldn't want my poor baby to be tired now, would I?" I say with a smirk, a thousand innuendoes coming into mind with every passing second. If these two don't leave soon, then they're going to be in for some very hot action: I don't care who watches, so long as my Ryou is happy. Honestly, I would jump through a Ring of Fire, kill one thousand men, suck off any man, get my hair shaved… anything… Just to see Ryou smile. It's just something so precious to me… I don't want to sound like some sappy, clingy girl, but it's nothing but the truth.

And if you have a problem with that… Then please, go fuck yourself.

Yugi grips onto Yami's hand, pulling into where I can only hope is out of my house. I don't think Ryou sees it, but I notice Yami wink at me very slightly, and I grin before leaning down and capturing Ryou's lips, pushing us to fall backwards onto the couch.

My tongue swirls around his, hands tangling themselves in his silvery locks, before sliding down his back and inside his jeans, rubbing against his warm backside, mapping out every contour.

He moans beneath me, and I rise up, just to make him crave for me. I can tell that he is aroused – it is evident, I think, from his jeans (Take that how you will). Smiling when his eyes pout up at me, ever so cute and pleading, I lean back down and offer Ryou my entire body…

After their… Activities, Ryou's POV

Bakura leans his head against mine as we slowly calm down, wrapped in each other's arms. A thin but fluffy blanket covers us just barely, and I snuggle up with my lover further. To have ever thought I could deny this seems unbelievable now… But then, I have been saying that way too much recently. It's getting old.

He strokes my hair soothingly, and I finally catch my breath. My eyes begin to fall to a close, and I feel a light, loving kiss being pressed to my forehead, and then a whispered:

"Never forget that I love you… You've always got me…"

All that I can do in response is have a warm, satisfied feeling from within being stroked down slowly along our sleepy, tender mind link. I can barely lift my head anymore… It's really unbearable right now, the tiredness.

The only thing right now that could make this moment more perfect… Is if it stays with me forever.

Six years later

"Ryou! Come on, we're going to be late picking the kids up from school!"

I frantically brush my teeth; managing a "Coming!" after spitting out the strong-tasting alkali. Before I dart out of the room to get changed, I give myself one long, hard look in the mirror.

My scars… from where Marik stabbed me, and from where I tried to kill myself, have never faded. It's almost like my memory, really… For not one day as ever passed where I thank the Gods, knowing how lucky I am to be here, with my husband, and our two beautiful little children. I smile at myself, seeing nothing more than the innocence I had once had when I was about twelve years old… Just for one moment…

Sadly, life goes on. The look fades, and the image of myself from six years ago goes with it. I grin, and find myself some clothes (that is, the ones that Bakura hadn't torn off of me an hour ago), putting them on at top speed.

"RYOU, SWEETHEART!"

"COMING!" I call back, leaping down the stairs, running my fingers through my long, snowy hair. Bakura smiles at me at the bottom, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"I love you," He whispers, before opening the door, taking my hand as he bolts it, locks it and mutters some Egyptian incantation to further protect our beautiful little house. I almost roll my eyes at this, but Bakura gives a solid reason for doing this: He never wants anything to be taken away from him, ever again. Because the last time it happened, he almost died.

We jog to the school, and arrive there just in time to hear the bell signalling the end of the day ringing. A few minutes later, we hear the bright, happy sounds of chattering and laughing school friends, exclaiming in delight as they spot their parents, waiting for them at the gates.

And somewhere amongst the crowd, I spot two small, beautiful little boys, and I give them a large smile, running over to them frantically.

"DADDY!" They scream as I pick them both up, one in each arm, whirling them around until they complain about becoming dizzy. Bakura reaches out and takes Joel, the less energetic one of the twins, into his own arms, giving mine a break. He's so thoughtful sometimes.

I suppose now I had better describe our two little beautiful sons. I'll start with Joel, since he was born first. He has a short, messy mop of black hair, with a cute fringe that obscures some of his face – something that I doubt any of the teachers here approve of. He is the more quiet of the two, but can have his special little moments where he comes out of his shell once in a while – but I wouldn't change him for the world.

And now, we have Benjamin – but whenever you call him that, he freaks out, so now it's simply Benji, or Benj when you get to know him better. He looks so much like his twin; it's almost questionable as to if they're not just clones of each other. Beneath his messy, long fringe, he has the same azure eyes of his brother, and the same little features that make my heart swell with pride – after all, this is what I helped to raise. Benji is the louder, and therefore more mischievous of the two twins: but again, there is nothing that I would ever want to change about him.

"So, Benji… Joel… Did you two have fun one your very first day of school?" I ask, eyes brimming with happiness at the mere thought. A strong sense of pride washes over me, and I try to let it show on my face by giving the boys 'Daddy's special little smile.' It's a face I only give them to let them know that they've done really well, and that they'll be rewarded for it later on.

Benji nods frantically, giving me the strongest hug he can muster: he knows too damn well what that face means, and I love him for it. My heart swells as I feel his small little hands wrap around my neck, giving me a loving embrace.

"It was great! We made lots of new friends, Daddy, they're all so nice!" Benji giggled, poking his brother in the arm. "And Joel wet himself again."

"I did not!" Joel insisted, turning red, "At least I didn't tell Kimberley that I love her!"

"Shut up!" Benji retorted, whilst me, Bakura and his twin laugh.

"Hey, Ryou! Benj and Joel are in the same class as Amethyst is!" Yugi comes over, his tears actually falling down his cheeks. Yami stands next to him, holding a very pretty girl's hand. She has purple eyes, with gorgeous dark brown hair, and a very cute looking face. Benji and Joel squeal in excitement, squirming out of mine and Bakura's arms to talk to their long-time friend.

For one second, I step out of this perfect moment, and sigh. Nothing else could have made me happier, and I swallow back my tears… The twins are only four, and therefore too young to understand that you can also cry out of happiness, and not just from sadness. I hold onto this memory, but as I said earlier… Life goes on.

You know something, this is what I have always wanted: being in a loving family, with the love of my life and our friends… all living together in complete harmony…

… Forever.

Yami's koi: (Cries) Well… that's it, everyone. The final instalment of Hikari Suicide. Complete.

Nefertiri: man, is that the best ending you could have come up with? Jeez. You really do suck.

Yami's koi: shut your mouth, bitch. But man… this fic has meant a lot to me, over the past… what, has it been a year since it began? It must have been. Yeah. It was the second fic I published on this site, and at first, I didn't like it all that much… but when I think back, I realise that I didn't like it because it showed everyone my vulnerable side. 'Cause authors put a little bit of themselves into what they do, right? Well, I did just that, but also included several personal experiences in there, too, and when I read back (it took me over an hour to do so!), I thought wow. I survived a really bad period in my life… and I'm here now to tell the story.

I know that not everyone can say the same… Because they're no longer with us, and I'm sorry. My heart reaches out to every single person who ever has taken a knife to their wrists and questioned whether or not they want to live or die: I've been there. I know how hard it is to just put that knife back for one moment and think. I know that the reasons why I did cut myself… still do… they still haunt me sometimes, especially when I listen to certain songs, and I realised… I can't spend the rest of my life wishing I would die. But I can spend it knowing how much I would have missed out on: the kisses, the sights, the experiences, the tears, the everything. Sure, I may still scar myself at times, and do things I regret… but it only makes me stronger, after all.

I'm not just saying this. I know what it's like to be at a point where you're about to break for the last time. People who cut themselves are not attention seekers. They need help, yes, and maybe even a bit of love… But definitely not the label of being an attention seeker. That's just wrong.

If anyone ever wants to talk about something like this, then I have two email addresses that you can contact me on. The first is the second is . Don't hesitate, okay? Ignore the email in my profile… I'm taking that account down soon anyway. I'm always here for anyone… I'm willing to try and help. The offer's open to anyone who wants it. I don't mind: I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't being serious. Just keep me in mind.

On a lighter subject, I want to thank every last person who's ever sat there and thought, 'Hikari Suicide? Sounds good,' and actually read what I have written, and gone, 'Fuck.' Good. 'Cause that's what I want. A good author can make someone say 'holy shit,' but an amazing author has something else: the gift to make someone cry, or vomit, or do something physical that makes them change. Even if you change for just one moment, I've done my job correctly.

So, to everyone and anyone who's shown enough interest in this fic to write me a review… This is for you. And never, ever forget that your support over the past twelve months has encouraged me to make this one of my best fucking pieces yet. I love you gies. Now… I'm ending an HS chapter for one… last… time… (Hugs and kisses) Any form of feedback: review, an email, fanart… will be greatly appreciated.

X yamiskoi X

Yaoi and Yuri (Manga/Anime specific).

Yugi x Yami. (YGO)

Ryou x Bakura. (YGO)

Jou x Seto. (YGO)

Mokuba x Seto. (YGO)

Ryou x Yugi. (YGO)

Bakura x Yami. (YGO)

Malik x Marik. (YGO)

Yoh x Amidamaru. (Shaman King)

Horo x Ren. (Shaman King)

Anna x Jun. (Shaman King)

Amidamaru x Mosuke. (Shaman King)

Yoh x Hao. (Shaman King)

Yoh x Silva. (Shaman King)

Naruto x Sasuke. (Naruto)

Iruka x Kakashi. (Naruto)

Sakura x Ino. (Naruto)

Naruto x Iruka. (Naruto)

Goten x Trunks. (Dragonball Z)

Goten x Goku. (Dragonball Z)

Yaoi (Real person)

Bam Margera x Ville Valo. (Pro Skater/Jackass/Viva La Bam x Singer from HIM)

Migé Amour x Lily Lazer. (Bassist from HIM x Guitarist from HIM)

Lily Lazer x Ville Valo. (See above)

Migé Amour x Ville Valo. (See above)

Frank Iero x Gerard Way (MCR Guitarist x Vocalist)

Bam Margera x Johnny Knoxville. (Jackass/etc x Jackass)

Ryan Dunn x Raab Himself. (Viva La Bam x Viva La Bam)

Joel Madden x Benji Madden. (Both from Good Charlotte: Twincest!)

Pierre Bouvier x Jaret Reddick. (Lead from Simple Plan x Lead from Bowling For Soup)

Non manga/anime yaoi/yuri/het.

James x Sirius. (Harry Potter)

Harry x Sirius. (Harry Potter)

James x Sirius x Remus. (Harry Potter)

Lara Croft x Kurtis Trent. (Tomb Raider – Games not movies)

So, um, yeah… I'm quite the little perv, aren't I?