A SHORT NOTE: yes, this is a songfic chapter. Now, usually when I read songfics, I skim the lyrics… at most. However, I request that you read them in this chapter, because they're a unique part of this parody experience. The song is My Heart Will Go On, by Celene Dion, and I make no claims upon it. Thank you.
Elegantly the two heroes blitzed like comets a white line across the dour face of black space filled with tiny stars. Dib's dark form clung nobly to the back of his hound-steed, arching like a rainbow towards the deepest doomiest pits of the solar system… away from the glaring sun's glaring eye… back towards the deepest deep of deep space.
Tears froze like shining white saran wrap against Dib's pale cold face, pale with the implacable need to reach his lost lover trapped with a frycook. I do this for LUV, he thought, his manly heart thumping tenderly about, almost paralyzed by the reaching cold groping fingers of deep space… I do this for LUV for YOU, ZIM! Wait for me… wait for me… wait, so you can tell me I LUV you back…
Ponderously as a broken puppet missing strings, Dib's pale slender feminine yet masculinely strong fingers loosened their grip on GIR's fuzzy black ears… slowly, the pale defender of terra firma's torpid form was released to twirl like a frozen ballerina into darkness… his frail human body unable to keep going any longer in the frozen cold of deep space (also, jittery from the sugar rush of the skittles Gaz had switched with his suicide pills! Teehee!)
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Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
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He dreamed, as he spun in a torpid dance across the stars. He dreamed, as his internal organs twitched and sent little throbs of conflicting agony like strobelights and thumping music into his brain. He dreamed of his LUV, and all the happiness they would have together…
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He dreamed of a ship, swallowing him up like a dragon, except a dragon that was boxy-shaped and made out of metal…
"All right, Zim… take this spatula… and you know what to do…"
The diminutive green extraterrestrial whimpered softly, hefting the shining metal try in his crab-tiny hands. His slender frame strained at the sheer weight of it, as the diminutive alien strained to do as his master ordered… Hanagobaroyome groaned in pleasure, watching the diminutive invader's contorted face. "That's right. Like that. Just keep stirring like that…"
Zim whined deep in his throat, humiliated beyond belief. Oh, this couldn't be happening, this just COULDN'T be! Where was DOB, the human, his beloved human worm-monkey stinkbaby puke-creature, to save him from this? Where was DOB, his LUV…?
"Thought you would leave this behind on Foodcourtia, didn't you?" the frycook rumbled. "Well, ZIM, there's no escape! None! Not at all! No escape for you! No happiness for you! No LUV for you! None! None! None! None! None! NOOOOOOONE!" He belched like a lion full of steaming hot meat from a zebra, except more like a lion who had just torn out the remaining hopes and dreams of one handsome young irken and eaten them, except maybe his heart could symbolize that right? Anyway. "Now ladle me up another bowl of that splookyplorg," he grunted. "It ain't half bad."
Zim snarled to himself, wedging up a slab of the vicious muck that Hananobaroyome was making him cook. "YES, my FRYLORD! Your COMMAND is my only WISH! UNNFGRR!"
(a/n: yeah, pretty sick huh?)
All the diminutive invader could think about was Dib, his LUV, and how the human must be coming for him, had to be coming for him, hearts beating across the distance like magnets, pulling LUV to LUV, purity to purity, strength to strength. OH, but would Dib still LUV him now that this vile frycook had touched him? Would the PURITY AND FUROR of their passion still draw, when Zim was… no longer… pure?
Oh Dib… Dib, my LUV, you must rescue me, you simply MUST!
The tiny alien stared blankly into space, oblivious to the huge smile with big white teeth that were whiter than white like bone kinda on Sizz-Lorrs face and the huge mitt-hands reaching for him…
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Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
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Slowly Dib removed himself from his torpor of cold like a snake awakening from hibernation. "Wherefor am I…?" he whimpered. "Where doth my LUV be? My LUV, he needs me, forsooth… I cannot lie broken now…"
Slowly the broken child rolled to his dainty booted feet, his heart stirring with energy. His glazed golden eyes enfixed in a face that was surely inherited from a Greek God took in the weird contours of the area around him with dread. "Wherefor am I…? Wherefor…?"
The place was enshrouded in smoke, a mist that fuzzed and blurred the edges of everything around him. Lightheaded, the noble defender of terra firma strode confidently out into the hallway…
In the main room, which his room had been attached to by some amazing fit of convenience, a group of weird aliens was gathered. The smoke was thick as from a wildfire, and strange lights burst and flared in the defender of terra firma's head when he breathed it. Delicately he wheezed.
Nearing the center of the strange gathering, there was some bizarre creature… some creature with curling horns and shiny goggles reclining like a cat that had just eaten like six birds and was now having extreme indigestion or something… some bizarre creature reclining in a squishy chair.
Dib blinked. The SmOkE wAs DoInG fUnNy ThInGs To HiS bRaIn…!!1!!!!!!!!1!eleventlyone!!!!... "Zim," he whispered helplessly, falling to the floor, which had grown tentacles and was trying to make out with him. "Save me… from cliché anime tentacle rape… wait, what am I saying?" He couldn't understand… one of the tentacles grabbed his ass. It was kind of like being back in the nightmare world again, with straitjackets that tried to molest you. (a/n: please, please don't hurt me.)
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Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
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"Woah lyttle maaaaaaaaan!" somebody boomed. "The snooxy a little strong for you yet, eh?"
Some horrible specter loomed before him, a cone that hovered and turned torturously, unable to track, hypnotizing his mind. "Bloohlrrrrrrg," Dib drippled in reply. "Umblaoesieh? Thhhhhp."
"C'mon little buddy!" The other giggled. "Whyn'cha come talk to da BOSSSSSSSSS-MANNNNNN? He'll know what you oughta do, you betcha! Werp!"
"Mmmblurp?"
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Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're one
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Zim screamed and squirmed in horror. Hanogobaroyome picked him up by the feet and slammed him headfirst into the wall. "Shut up, Zim, k? It's just Yuki, GAWD. Get a grip."
What creature of horror and nightmare stood before him! What dementia, what horror, what nausea! Oh! Oh! Unbearable torment!
"She's just a SEX SIR, GAWD. Calm down, OHKAY? What is the PROBLEM HEYEER? Eh? Eh? Eh?"
Zim peeped, "I will only allow DIB to LUV me!"
(a/n: please don't hurt me for this either)
And then, scrambling like a spider, Zim extruded his paklegs and bolted for the exit, tongue flapping. Hanogobaroyome sighed, patted his SIR on the head, and ran after him.
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Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
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"Man," Lard Nar sighed after he had heard Dib's sordid tale… "Have I got a bad case of the munchies."
"SNACK CALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!" several aliens screamed, making a mass rush for the ship's kitchen.
Lard Nar snuffed the smoking incense with a look of deep regret, then turned to the young man who was staring anxiously at him. "Now, my boy… we must think on your problem…"
Dib let out a sigh of relief. Finally, those tentacles were leaving…
"But wait!" he cried, coming back to the human plane of reality. "Wait a moment, friend! Whereever did you find out about my plight? 'Cause I haven't told it to you yet."
"Oh, we found your doggie," the Vortian replied, waving a hand comfortably. "Cute little bugger, and he sure knows how to mosh, don't he?"
Dib tried not to think about it. "Okay, but what can you do for me? WILL you do this for me?"
Lard Nar leapt like a lightningbolt to his pointy little feet. "Never let it be said, Dib, that I, Lard Nar, the head of the Resisty, will deny the power of LUV! It must be destiny for you and this Irken, whoever he is, to have met, and destiny will bring you together! The two of you… will overcome."
Swept away with EMOTION, Lard Nar bowed his head. Shaken to the core, Dib sat… thinking…
"Oh Lard Nar! You are right… thank you… thank you so… I'll never be able to repay your charity…
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Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
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Not so very far away, Zim pressed his bare hands against the window and wept. "Dib… Dib… my love… you must come…"
END
That… was horrible. Well.
Remember the under the chair monster, think of my limbs, and REVIEW!