A/N: Second Inuyasha humor one-shot. Written in the same style as "7 Ways to Get Her to Bear Your Child". Thanks to everyone who reviewed that story! This time, this one-shot features Inuyasha and Kagome as the main characters. Miroku and Sango make an appearance. Please read and pop in a review while you're at it. Thanks! It's muchly appreciated.
Full Summary: A companion to and set during "7 Ways to Get Her to Bear Your Child," while Miroku was courting Sango, what was Kagome up to? A little mischief involving a certain hanyou! After realizing her deep feelings for the hanyou, she'll make sure he doesn't slip away so easily. [InuKag]
Disclaimer
: I don't own Inuyasha.7 WAYS TO A HANYOU'S HEART
LE FIRST: Through his stomach.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
The way Inuyasha was gulping down bowl after bowl of ramen noodles, you'd think he would marry Kagome.She was stuffing him up, like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.
Gosh that story scared her as a child. To be cooked in an oven and eaten was not one's favorite means of death
"Finished already, Inuyasha?"
"Feh."
The hanyou threw the empty bowl over his shoulder. It joined the four he had finished previously.
"More?"
"What are you trying to do, wench, fatten me up?"
Even though he complained, he grabbed the bowl out of her hands and gulped it down.
Fifth one. At this rate, she would be out of ramen, and she wouldn't even have a date with the silver-haired demon with a black hole for a stomach.
"You could be grateful."
"Feh, I'll be grateful when you've collected all the pieces of the Shikon jewel and granted me my wish."
Okay, this was definitely going nowhere. And she was getting hungry watching him eat. It was a lose-lose situation.
LE SECOND: Through his back.
"Hey Inuyasha! You must be exhausted."
The silver-haired dog demon raised an eyebrow. Exhausted his lazyass foot. He was laying on a branch of the Goshinboku tree, half-napping, half-wondering what was for lunch.
"Not really."
"Get down here!"
"Make me!"
"Si-"
"Okay! Okay, I'm down!"
The dreaded S-word, those tacky beads. Kaede was the devil's wife, reincarnated.
He sat down, indian-style beside her.
"So how's about a back massage for those tired muscles of yours?"
"Wench, if you want a piggy-back ride, you've come to the wrong half-demon."
"I mean it!" she said, not-at-all affected by his sour disposition.
Her hands gripped the muscles in his neck, squeezing slightly.
"What are you DOING, woman!? Are you trying to STRANGLE me?" Inuyasha let out a holler.
"Hmph, just relax."
Her hands slid down his back and massaged the muscles through his shirt.
Too bad she didn't take those spa-at-home lessons, where they taught you how to really massage. To the hanyou's dismay, she just winged it.
"OWWWWWW. What the hell are you doing, wench!?"
"You must not be relaxing your muscles. If you don't relax IT HURTS!"
"No shit."
"It's a two-way thing! If you don't do your part, I can't do mine."
Inuyasha pondered for a moment.
Infinite 'Sits' into submission, or painful back trauma.
Either way, he would be crippled after this.
LE THIRD: Through his hair.
Regardless of her last two failures, Kagome continued to concoct schemes to win Inuyasha's heart.
She marched in search of him, holding a comb, hairspray, and some gel.
"INUYASHA."
Silence.
"SIT."
Crash-Boom-"WENCH."
"Let's do our hair together!"
"MMmmmfgggg uhgaj."
What did you expect? He was buried face-first into the dirt.
"What was that?"
The spell finally wore off.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
She 'hmphed' and threw the can of hairspray at his head, succeeding in giving him a large bump.
LE FOURTH: Through eliminating the competition.
"Hey Sango, Miroku."
"Evenin' Kagome."
"Hello, dear Kagome."
"What do you think of Inuyasha?" Kagome asked out of the blue.
"In what aspect?" Sango questioned.
"Erm, speaking hypothetically, in romantic terms."
"I exterminate demons, not court them," the boomerang-swinging woman replied, polishing Hiraikotsu.
"Can he bear children?"
Kagome didn't expect Miroku to say anything.
"Miroku, he's a guy."
"So no?"
"No."
"Then I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever. You however..."
Whack.
The houshi's newly-formed black eye rivaled the color of his hair.
"We don't want pregnant women weighing us down, now do we Kagome?"
The high-schooler laughed nervously and nodded. What she didn't say was she was willing to bear someone's child: Inuyasha's.
LE FIFTH: Through the damsel-in-distress method.
"HELP INUYASHA I'M DROWNING!"
Kagome flailed her arms about in the lake, hoping to attract the attention of her hanyou companion, who was dozing off nearby.
She was faking it obviously, but he didn't need to know that.
"Then learn, wench!"
"But I'm going to DIE."
"THEN LEARN FAST."
She fumed, then stood up.
The water only reached her waist.
LE SIXTH: Through damsel in distress part two, encore.
"Shippo, I need you to wear this mask and pretend you're attacking me."
"But Kagome, why?"
"I'll give you candy."
The kitsune looked thoughtful, then grabbed the mask and stretched it over his head.
It was so large it covered his entire body.
"Kagome! I can't see!"
"Just tackle me!"
The small fox stumbled around, trying to free his arms. He hit something solid, and attacked furiously, thinking it was Kagome.
"YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE MY LEG RUG BURN."
A hand plucked Shippo up off the ground, ripping the mask off at the same time.
"What the hell do you think you were doing? Playing hide and seek with yourself? Idiot."
Shippo turned to Kagome pleadingly.
"INUYASHA, SIT. DON'T HURT SHIPPO!"
Kagome snatched Shippo from the hanyou and ran off.
'But he was giving me rug burn,' Inuyasha thought to himself.
LE SEVENTH AND FINAL: Through direct assault.
It was nightfall. And a certain reincarnated girl was aggravated.
'Urggghhh,' Kagome thought to herself, 'Where is that blasted hanyou?'
Actual translation: 'Grrrrrrrr, how can I throw myself at him when he's not here!?'
She had looked everywhere. Kaede's hut, the Goshinboku tree, the well. She decided to double check, and walked back to the village.
Suddenly, she tripped over something.
Or rather, ONTO something.
Actually, make that someone.
Inuyasha, sleeping peacefully.
She smiled to herself, and curled up beside him, planning to follow him into a dreamworld.
It wasn't what she had in mind to begin with, but this would do nicely.
The warmth radiated from his body, comforting her in its embrace and coaxing her into a tranquil slumber.
She drifted off gratefully into that dreamland, where only she and the hanyou existed.
And she never wanted to wake up.
END