Part 3: Krycek v.s. The bananas!

Krycek strolled into Grocery Garden; quietly humming the tune of Richard Simmons new hit song. It really was a good song. Although, the horrid visuals could be kept aside!

He passed the 'Special Someone' aisle, and decided to take a looksie. He reached out for the special glow in the dark condoms, but then remembered! It was 'Maxed Out' condoms! Krycek positively despised Maxed condoms! The memories filled his mind and he made a queasy face...

It had been only two moths earlier. He had purchased Richard Simmon's BRAND-SPANKIN'-NEW mac-and-cheese a lotz! It was not a pretty site! Mulder (who was living with him at the time) had claimed that the box of tasty cheeses were planning a sneak attack on his teddy bear, Mr. Snuffles. Krycek had denied all claims, remembering when Mr. Snuffles had Eaten all of his stuffed pony's ginger snaps! This was obviously some SICK twisted way to anger him even more!

So, without Krycek knowing, Mulder had strangled and murdered the box before he could touch Mr. snuffles! But alas! What about Krycek!

HE carefully took out the Macs of cheese and placed them in an empty condom box! HE then took out his Hello Kitty painting kit and disguised it as the evil box he had done away with!

But Mulder's Painting skills could never cover one thing---the 1800 number! Krycek, being a horrible cook, burnt the Macaroni.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number on the box. Soon, Skinny man Trent answered the phone.

"Hello, complaint department, if you can lose it, we can find it!" Trent said into his handy dandy handless phone.

"WHY IS MY MACAROONI UNDER COOKED!?!?" Krycek screamed into the receiver.

"Sir, we do not accept metaphors." Trent stated, wondering what in gods name it could mean.

"MY CHEESE IS PRACTICLY DISENTIGRATED!"

"Sir, you have obviously misused our product!"

"MISUSED MY ASS!" he yelled.

"Just as I suspected." Trent spoke back.

At that Krycek slammed down the phone. It was only later he had discovered the paint on his hands and had scratched it off the box. Before he could get to Mulder, he was in court for molesting an orange smoothie.

Even if he hadn't violated the poor product, Krycek hoped he was put away for killing his macaroni!

But he was still his friend, and he was gonna bake him a banana pie. (with a special SECRET ingredient. Not poison—not pot—not a nail filer! But a tennis ball1)

Oh Krycek had his reasons! Oh how he did! But that would be saved for later. Now all he had in mind was the bananas. When he got to the fruit and assorted cell phone aisle, his heart nearly stopped. All of the bananas...were gone.

To Be Continued

Watch out for part 4! Reyes v.s. the shopping carts!!