Obligatory Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and whatnot, though I would like a pet Envy or something. Oo

Close Enough to Touch

by Dejiko Mew Mew

There are days when it seems like the rain will never end. There are days when the sun refuses to shine and nights when the moon hides itself. There are times when it seems I can't fall any further into sorrow, and I feel that I may as well stop breathing.

"Al... Don't touch me... We don't know what it could do..." Nii-san had explained to me.

I thought that we had suffered enough. I thought then, It's bad now, but at least it can't get any worse... And perhaps it hasn't. Perhaps I am just being selfish, as usual, for wanting that which I should not have. But I don't ask for much; I don't believe that I ask for too much.

And I wonder what Nii-san is thinking, as he sits beside me now, his eyes set on a distant answer, an answer which may or may not exist. I wonder what he's thinking, and I wonder if I would be too rude to ask, so I sit in the silence and wait for him to break it.

Nii-san... His brow is sternly folded, his mouth slightly upturned. His metal hand snugly grabs at his cheek as he sighs heavily. It is in this instant that all signs of aggravation disappear and his true disposition, one of pained sorrow, is revealed. I looked away at once. He wore that expression so often; It was perfectly engraved in my mind, but it still re-carved itself each time I had to see it.

"Al..." he spoke then. The suddenness of it caused my heart to jump, somehow.

"H-Hai, Nii-san?" I replied quickly. I didn't look at him.

"Are you... mad?" he questioned. And with this, my heart sank.

"Of course not, Nii-san... Why would you ask that?" At this time, I forced myself to look again into his glazed eyes. He simply shrugged. At this gesture, I knew I would not hear any more words from him, unless I were to prompt them first, and a response, even then, was not guaranteed. Why? Why was it so hard to talk to him when situations like this occurred? Why, when I needed most to hear his voice, was it the wrong time to ask for it?

It was times like these where I would smile and laugh for Nii-san. I was the one who was supposed to remain optimistic. I had to remind him that we still have each other, no matter what form we may be in, no matter what distance may come between us, no matter what. I knew that, and yet...

Anxiety was building up inside of me. Would it never end? I was beginning to become clouded by fear and desolation, and I thought then that I would forsake everything to just embrace him right now. I would tell him that he's done well and that he doesn't have to suffer anymore. I would tell him that I love him and that he doesn't need to worry about me anymore. I would smile more than I've ever smiled and I would be so happy to know that Nii-san wasn't hurting anymore.

But it wouldn't happen like that.

By now, we've gone through so much together. I should have had an answer to anything Nii-san could have possibly questioned. And I should have always had a smile for every tear that he wouldn't shed in front of me. I owed him that much, at least.

"Nii-san... What are you thinking...?" I finally bring myself to ask, a slight hesitation in my voice. He looks at me in a funny sort of way... It's strange. Is that surprise? Is he surprised that I asked such a thing?

"The same thing as you... apparently," he says with a bit of a laugh on his breath. I don't quite understand, but of course, I don't need words for Nii-san to understand that. "I wanted to ask you the same question," he elongates.

"Me? But... why?" I have to ask.

"You were so... quiet..." he replies softly. "I know you said you weren't mad, but... I was... scared..."

"Nii-san..." is all I can answer.

"But I am relieved," he smiles wide then. "It was all in my head."

I laugh for him then. There are sides of Nii-san that I see so rarely I sometimes forget that they exist. It'ss reassuring to me somehow that our minds were running the same wavelengths throughout this anguished silence. It's a bit of a realization that even without physical contact, we're still connected to one another, and in that sense, maybe we really are close enough to touch...