This is a quick one-shot I did awhile ago. Thank my Dad for the inspiration. Thank all this other stuff for atually existing so it would be funny. The only thing I own is 'I/Me', whose point of veiw this story is written.

Wolverine Vs. Satellite TV

I was just going downstairs when I was fortunate enough to see Wolverine alone in the rec. room, sitting on the couch. Curiosity piqued, I stopped to see what he would do. He was staring very intently at the TV. Which was odd, he generally left the TV alone. Suddenly it happened, he picked the remote up. This should be good. He hit a button, nothing happened. Hit it again, harder. Nothing. He turned the remote around and hit the same button again. Click The TV's picture faded into veiw. I Love Lucy.

Apparently that was not what he wanted to watch. Studying the remote, he pressed another button. That brought up information. How long the show would last, the cast, the episode title. Unintentionally, Wolvie sent himself too the food network, where he was now learning how to properly baste a turkey. Suddenly there was a color contrast box on the screen. Correction: How To Baste A Green Turkey. The box disappeared.

The guide came up. He was doing fine until he went to the search menu. After hitting many buttons a dialouge box popped up:

"Perform Search for programs containing the phrase 'DUJKLO'?"

Yes No

Yes, he would search for the long lost episodes of DUJKLO. Finally he got out of search mode and was back to the guide, but a day ahead. Scott came walking by. I made a 'shh' sound and waved him over to point out the frustrated Wolverine. Scott settled in to watch with me.

The Travel Channel. Not caring about the world's best beaches, he attemped to leave. Info. Detailed info. Angrily he slammed a few digits down. Rolie Polie Olie. In neon, messed up colors. Growling, he went back to the menu. Somehow he managed to get to the History Channel, where he feasted his eyes on several motorcycles. He watched a moment but was obviously irritated by how each bike either looked orange, green or purple. Taking the remote, he tryed to adjust the color, but changed the channel instead. Then the volume rose... and rose.

TV: "I WOULD LIKE TO USE A LIFE LINE."

The channels went down one, down one, down one. Restudying the remote he picked up another for comparison. Music flooded the room.

TV: "WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?!"

Wolverine: "Who cares."

He hit a button on the new remote. Mute. A critical look, another button pressed, nothing. A scowl. Determined, he pointed the remote straight at the TV and pushed something.

TV: "THEN HOP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPA-"

Mute. The color box. Progress? No sooner had he started to adjust the tint than he was wisked away to closed caption options. It went away.

He was watching Green SpongeBob, muted with French subtitles. I couldn't help it, my surpressed giggles escaped. Wolvie whirled around. Scott, grinning smugly, walked in and took the remote, pressed a few buttons. The color went back to normal, the volume was down and everything was in English. Then Scott put in the History Channel's number.

The screen was blank, with the message: "SEARCHING FOR SATTELITE SIGNAL"

The End