Author Notes:
I hope that don't mind this chapter being a song-fic. The extra long disclaimer explains that I admit I do not own the song, but I am sure Disney won't mind me borrowing the lyrics to emphasise the chapter. It does help advertise the movie so I shouldn't see it being a problem. I apologise from changing the odd word or two in the song, but I was writing about Shang and saying "who is that girl I see" would have made no sense…
Old Author Notes:
Sorry
about the wait. I've scrapped my update day for the moment. Check my
fanfiction progress diary for more details.
This is the final
chapter I'm afraid, but do not get upset if you want it to continue.
It will.
I am doing a separate story for the next part, since I've
decided to go through Mulan II in Shang's POV as well. Of course the
beginning will be slightly different to the movie, since I'd wrote
the engagement before I saw the sequel's version of the
engagement.
This chapter is a song-fic to Christina Aguilera's
version of "Reflection". Some of the lyrics sounded like
they fitted in with Shang. This is just a summary of Shang's
feelings, before I continue with the next part of the story.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer:
By the way, as you already know I DO NOT OWN Mulan, DISNEY DOES!
AND I don't own the song "Reflection" either. Disney owns the song, Christina Aguilera owns the voice behind the pop version. The lyrics may be changed slightly for this fic but all credit for the lyrics and overall song goes to Disney. I don't claim to own it and am not making any profit by having it here. Any complaints just mail me from my bio page.
Chapter 9: Reflection
Look
at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll
never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
I was taught by my father to be a man, strong, powerful, never showing weakness. I play the role of the uncaring Captain. Those soldiers. They never bothered to look underneath the façade that I created when I was younger - the image of the man that my father taught me to be. No-one cared to think that I was a person with emotion and not a tool for the army. No-one that is, except 'him'.
Now
I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not
fool
My heart
Men do not show their emotion. Emotion is weakness. In war, it is weakness. Love. Love in China is as orderly as an army. Matchmakers. Arranged marriage. Men get a 'perfect' woman. Women get the strong, emotionless man they were raised to accept. But my heart told me otherwise. It told me this was wrong.
My heart pointed elsewhere. It pointed in an appealingly wrong direction. A morally wrong direction that seemed like it could ruin my father's honour. And like a real man, I hid it as best I could.
Who
is that man I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my
reflection show
Who I am inside?
Stern, cold, full of ambition. That was how I appeared, looking at my reflection. I knew that wasn't me. I knew. But no-one else realised. Except 'him'.
I
am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I
believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside
my heart
And be loved for who I am
But, what would people have said? The looks I would have been given. How would my father have reacted. He died with honour, and made me feel even more guilty about my feelings. The forbidden feelings that I now could never reveal, in order to save the honour my father had earned the family name. The honour I had to live up to. How could I live up to it with those feelings in my heart?
Who
is that man I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my
reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that
I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection
show
Who I am inside?
I had to pretend that I didn't care. I had to live with the fact that I would never know the truth, because I was too much of a man to embrace my feelings. Too scared to ask myself that question, too worried to face that person and admit something that was not only wrong socially, but something that may not have been reciprocated.
There's
a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To
know the reason why
I had to say something. I had to. My heart kept screaming it out, but my pride ignored it. My pride overpowered it. And it hurt more than anything. But I couldn't say it.
Why
must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I finally warmed to these feelings, and my heart fell into turmoil and yet it rejoiced at the same time. 'He' was a 'she'. My feelings were normal. They were acceptable. I was in love with a woman. Not a man. This one person, in my whole life, this person knew me. She could tell from the start what kind of person I was.
I
won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When
will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my
reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside? Now. Now that I am with Fa Mulan, I can see clearly who I am and where I belong. I belong with her.
The End
Old Author Notes:
The next story will be out some time soon. Not saying when, since I have lots to do, but soon. Until then, I'll keep updating the diary on to tell you where I'm up to. Bye xxx
Author
Notes:
Thank you for the ongoing support of this
fanfic. You people help inspire me and all of your comments and
criticisms are useful. Thank you for your support.
I'd like to acknowledge everyone who has reviewed up until now.
(16th June 2005) - total reviews: 98
Multiple reviewers in bold. Times reviewed in brackets (if multiple reviewed)
MiniEllie (x5)
blackdragonofdeath13
Jhs Rocker baby (x4)
Amber14
alibi girl
dizzydragon
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Veasse
Grendel the Abominable Snowman
Dragon Spirit Fighter
Fay-chan
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A Cute But Psycho Bunny (x2)
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oneredneckgoddess
Lover not a fighter (x2)
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x authentic
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Lalie Elhini Atta
Angel452
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Jedi-Bant
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Yoshie (x2)
akie
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hpdigigal
LilPippin
MeLaiya
colorguardbaby23
StarTraveler
Mangamaniac (x7)
Apologies for mistakes.
Hope to hear from you when I upload the sequel.
Bye xxx