Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold! or the title "Your Little Secret". They are owned by Viacom and Melissa Etheridge.

AN: Lyrics removed.

He'd entered the room with his current girlfriend, Patty Smith, but I knew what he was up to when he asked her to grab him a drink from the bar. We'd all changed so much since elementary and junior high school, Harold being no exception. I'd repeatedly told him it was better to look good than to feel good. The day came when he finally took my advice, as I knew he always would. His partially unbuttoned Tommy Hilfiger shirt complemented by his designer jeans of the same name were incredibly appealing to me, and the sterling silver loop pierced through his ear was to die for. If I wasn't dating Curly, I'd probably all over him right now, as hard as that might be to believe. There was only one flaw to his gorgeous transformation; he'd replaced his appetite for food with and appetite for something else.

Moving his way through the crowd of liquored up teenagers, I watched him step up to Helga and whisper something into her ear. I laughed heartily when her reaction resulted in a heavy slap laid across his cheek. She'd changed for the better herself, managing to tweeze that grotesque eyebrow into two, and wearing just the right touch of makeup to set off her crystal blue eyes. Although her attire was 'plain Jane' and not name brand, she knew how to show off her assets by wearing it in the most strategic places. My guess was she took after her dad, because she was on the verge of 6ft tall and rather large busted.

The both advanced toward me, Harold following a few feet behind Helga. I could see the distinctive scowl when she finally arrived by my side.

"Will you do something about Harold's raging hormones, Princess?" she demanded. "I don't want Pink Boy plantin' one on me when Arnold comes walkin' out of that bathroom."

"Fine, Helga," I sighed, "I'll take care of it, after all this is my party, and nothing goes wrong at my parties."

"You better do it quick, 'cause here he comes. Wouldn't surprise me if you're next on his list. We all know he likes you."

"Oh, please, Helga. Harold's going out with Patty, besides, I'm with Curly."

"Uh, huh, the way I see it, Ms. Love 'em and Leave 'em, he's playing your game."

"Unbelievable!"

"You know I'm right." Of course she was right, but I'd never admit that to anyone, least of people, to Helga.

"Hey, Rhonda."

"What do you want, Harold?" I groaned, pretending to be disinterested in what he had to say.

"Mind if I join you for a drink?" he asked guzzling down a can of beer, the foam drizzling down his face.

"This expensive wine is for acquired tastes only. Anyway, Harold, you may be drop dead gorgeous, but you're still a slob."

"And you're still a snob, but I like ya anyway." His eyes searched my entire body over.

"What do you think you're looking at?"

"I'm looking at the body that's underneath those clothes, kinda like you're doin' to me right now."

"I know what you're thinking, and I find it incredibly disgusting," I lied.

"You're lying, Rhonda. You know like me. I bet if you weren't goin' out with Curly you'd probably be in the bedroom with me right now."

"Ew! That is so gross! Go find someone else to hit on!"

"Fine. Phoebe's lookin' kinda hot right now, in her own geeky sort a way, but I'll be back."

As he turned around, I'd fought the urge to grab the seat of his designer jeans, because it just wasn't right, and Patty was my friend. Still, there was no harm in looking, and my eyes couldn't resist following that rear end all the way to his next victim. Apparently, he was getting sloppy with his lines, because Phoebe, a complete science geek who had no clue what a wardrobe was, gave him the most horrified look I'd ever seen. She ran off, then came back, bringing Gerald with her.

Now, Gerald, he was quite an impressive dresser with his stylized custom fitted clothing. How eh was able to attain the money for it was beyond me. I guess that part time job of his helped to pay for some of it. He'd trimmed his tall hair to half its size, flattering his muscular physique all the more. Every girl attending P.S. 118 High wanted to date him, but he was taken, and now matter how good looking he was, I couldn't possibly go out with the guy who'd beat in the running for class president...for the third time.

"Don't ever make a pass at my girl again, Harold!" he shouted, "Or I'll pop ya one!"

"Aw! But I wasn't doin' nothin' wrong! Honest!" He whined.

"Just get outta here! If you're unhappy with your present girlfriend, then tell her! That way you can date whatever girl you want, but don't go after mine!"

"All right! All right!"

The ruckus all this caused had me glancing over toward Daddy's private bar. Since my parents were in Europe for the weekend, I'd paid his and Mother's personal bartender a handsome lump sum in order for this party to happen. It was to my relief he'd been entertaining Patty to the point she was unaware of Harold's inappropriate behavior. I felt sorry for Patty, not because she was horribly ugly or anything, but her appearance was somewhat plain. Guilt was the other thing I felt because I was attracted to her boyfriend, even though I had one of my own. My better judgement told me I should keep her distracted and try to keep Harold from his mad rampage on every eligible, as well as every ineligible, girl in the house.

"Look, Harold." I advised him, "you might want to think twice about what you're doing before you lose Patty for good. She's going to find out eventually."

"Oh, come on, Rhonda. I'm not that obvious, am I?"

"Most people, like myself, are discreet when it comes to playing the field, Harold, but you..."

"Well, maybe I am a little obvious," he admitted, "but I'm not that bad."

"Not that bad? You got slapped by Helga and Gerald almost beat the crap out of you. What more could you possibly ask for?"

"I could ask you to um...what's that word...partake in a private session with me out on your balcony. How about it, Rhonda?" He was driving me incredibly mad with those huge puppy dog brown eyes of his that spoke sweet nothings with their gaze.

"How many time do I have to tell you, Harold, I'll have nothing to do with your unbelievably lame advances toward me?! Besides, I have a boyfriend!" Oh, how I wanted to grab him and kiss him right there! Those plump lips of his were so tempting, but I was in dire need of keeping my own secret lust for the boy under control, because if Curly ever found out, he'd go berserk. "I think it would best if you found Patty and then took her home so you two could spend some quality time together."

"I already know where Patty is. She's over at the bar flirting with the bartender, and anyway, she trusts me. What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

"Patty trusts you? I trust you about as far as I can throw you, and believe me, Harold, that's not very far."

"Oh, and I suppose everybody thinks you're so honest," he retorted. "Let me tell you a story. It's a story about a pretty black haired girl who dated a fat slob and then went out with a four eyed little freak who's totally insane behind his back!"

"That was five years ago, and you eventually got over it."

"Well, it still hurts! You probably still think I'm a fat slob too, don't you?" Before I could answer, I caught the scent of his cologne, which drove me absolutely wild!

"What's the name of the cologne you're wearing?"

"Eternity for men, why?"

"Well, it's not a scent of the highest quality, but on you, it smells heavenly." I was beginning to test my limits.

"Really? Do you still think I'm a fat slob, Rhonda?"

"A slob, yes. Fat? By all means, no."

"Then why did you say you couldn't throw me very far?"

"Because...because you've got those..." I pressed my hands into my chest and then flexed my biceps, feeling so disreputable by this undignified action.

"Ohhh! I get it!" he smiled handsomely. "You think I'm sexy, don't you?"

"Okay, I'll admit it. I like the way you look, but..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know Curly's your boyfriend, but why not have a little fun every once in a while? Honestly, I don't know what you see in the guy. I mean, I know he's not a geek anymore, but he still acts like some kind of weirdo."

"I prefer to call it, highly amusing entertainment," I retaliated, defending my somewhat eccentric, yet exceptionally loving boyfriend. "Why are you doing this to Patty anyway? She may not be all that sophisticated, but she has been to finishing school. You of, all people, should know she's a really nice girl."

"Well, yeah," he agreed, "and that's the problem. She's too nice. Why, I bet if I asked you to join us in a-a-aw I don't remember the word, but it means a threesome."

"It's called a menage a trois," I completed the word for him, then realized what he'd just said. "Ugh! How much sleazier will you allow yourself to get?! I'm begging you to please stay out of my sight for at least an hour so you can get your raging hormones under control! Now, look what you've done. You've got me sounding like Helga, and just because Patty's nice doesn't mean she won't pulverize you when she finds out you're a meandering snake!"

"I'd like to see that," he smirked.

"So would I."

"Hey! That's not fair! If I remember right, you dumped Curly for Robert shortly after dumping me, and ol' four eyes went crazy. Maybe that's the only reason you're with him right now."

"I happen to like Curly, Harold, and like I said before, that was years ago. He's changed, and so have I."

"I might be a little slow, but I don't think you've changed at all, and I know you still like me." He laid his eyes into mine. Oh, those irresistible eyes!

"And will you please stop looking at me like that, or I'll just have to tell Patty your little secret myself!"

"Looking at you like what? Oh, you mean like this?" I couldn't believe he'd actually do it again!

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Now do as I said and take an hour to find the self control you've lost!" Self control, something I was on the verge of losing myself.

"Oh, oookaaaay, but don't think I won't come back again," he winked.

"Ugh!" How I wished he'd leave the party all together...but truthfully, I didn't want him to leave the party.

"Hey, Hon, what's up?" I heard Curly's voice from behind me. He'd startled my body with such an uneasiness it caused me to take a step backward.

"Hi, Baby. Have you warmed up the crowd yet?"

"Whoa! Mama! They're on fire, and I've only just begun to get to the good stuff."

"You definitely know how to perform for a crowd."

"That's right, my dear. Now, give me some sugar baby before I go back to enthralling such a lively audience." When his lips met with mine, I envisioned they were Harold's and immediately backed away.

"What's wrong, baby doll?"

"I'm sorry, Curly. It's...it's just this excruciating headache I've developed from this incredibly loud music that's blasting through the walls of the house. That's all."

"Would you like me to turn it down?"

"No, sweetheart, but if you'd kindly fetch a couple of aspirin for me, I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Anything for you, my love," he said digging into his pockets. "As a matter of fact, I've got a bottle with me. Here you go, my pet."

"Thank you so much, darling."

"You're most welcome, my dear. Now, I must return to the front of the room. My fans are waiting for me!" So he quickly moved his way to the stereo, raising the volume even higher, then shouted, "EVERYBODY LIMBO! AH! HA! HA! HA!"

I suppose that's why I liked him so much. It was his downright outrageous behavior that had attracted me to the boy, and he'd transformed into a pretty cute guy himself. Still, I couldn't forget I'd imagined Harold was kissing me, when in all actuality, it was Curly who'd enacted the tender gesture. There he was in his bell bottom GAP jeans and coal colored GAP T-shirt shimming his way underneath the bar without ever coming anywhere near it. My best friend, Nadine, followed right behind him, managing to miss the bar by a couple of inches. She'd lost those horrifying unruly dread locks and replaced them with a head of neatly maintained corn rolls. Although she'd remained a complete biology freak, she certainly knew how to dress better than Phoebe.

Then came Harold, and it was to my amazement he'd barely passed through, only missing the bar by half an inch. He'd unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, which caused me to wonder how he maintained those breathtaking six pack abs. Since he was right behind Nadine, he glanced around and while no one was looking, firmly pinched her butt, resulting in yet another girl coming to me with a complaint.

"I thought Harold was cool, Rhonda, but what he just did to me while we were doin' the limbo was totally uncool. You better do somethin' before he gets any worse."

"I am so so sorry, Nadine. Don't worry, I assure you it won't happen again."

"Good," was all she answered, disappearing back into the crowd, when Harold, for the third time, attempted to start a conversation with me.

"Look, you slime ball! Toying with other girls is one thing, but making passes at my best friend is quite another, so you better start behaving yourself before I kick you out! Where is Patty?"

"Aw, I didn't mean anything by it, really. Patty's still at the bar yakking with that bartender and not spending any time with me," he complained, while taking a look into one of the mirrors hanging on the wall. "Hey, is that a zit?"

"Tell me your story, but make it quick, because frankly, I'm starting to lost my patience with you."

After he'd dragged on and on about how he genuinely liked Patty, but always had an eye for other girls. I'd just wanted him to shut up, partly because he was starting to annoy me, but mostly because he was turning me on, and I couldn't control my own lust too much longer. What had me so frustrated I wanted to French this guy so bad, yet I'd made a promise to myself, I would be a player no more, and that promise meant no cheating on Curly.

As I contemplated on what I should do about my crisis, Sid and Lila approached us. She was holding his hand and I wanted to gag at such a highly nauseating public display of affection, because I couldn't possibly understand what she saw in Sid. The long hair he'd always worn was now half way down his back and he sported one of those icky goatees I'd always hated. I preferred my men clean shaven. He might not have had a lot of money, but the clothes he wore? I mean really, there was no excuse.

Lila, on the other hand, was so incredibly beautiful, with her so so lovely chestnut hair which she'd finally freed from her braids after the eighth grade. Her clothes were always fashionable since she'd been sewing patterns taken out of the most exclusive magazines from the time I'd first met her. She was still the most popular and the best dressed girl in school, besides me, of course.

"Hey, Harold, who ya gonna bag tonight?" Sid bluntly inquired which caused a slight chuckle from Lila.

"I was thinkin' I'd join you and your girlfriend in one of the upstairs rooms," he joked.

"No way! It gives me the willies just thinkin' about it, besides, Lila's not that kind of girl, are ya babe?"

"I'm oh so certain I'm definitely not," she smiled. "Oh, Harold, you're ever so much an awful flirt!"

"Mind if Lila and I use one of your bedrooms?"

"It's just that this music is oh so loud and I'd like to have an ever so private conversation with Sid," she commented, staring lovingly into the little twerps eyes.

"I could care less what you two do in private," I replied, "just don't ruffle up the designer silk sheets."

"Oh, please," Sid remarked, "as if we were gonna passionately make out and roll around all over the bed."

"Sid!" Lila gasped with wide eyes.

"I'll have no more of it!" Because my standing so close to Harold and what Sid had said seemed to blend into one idea, I felt the need for some breathing room. "Do whatever is you're going to do, and remove yourselves from my sight! I'm going out onto the balcony for some fresh air."

Before heading out to the balcony, I stopped at the bar to refill my glass of wine and to make small talk with Patty who was deeply engrossed in a conversation with Stevenson, our personal bartender. She seemed completely oblivious to what was happening around her. It may have been wrong of me not to enlighten her on the situation, but I just couldn't. After all, this was Harold we were talking about.

No sooner had I stepped out onto the balcony than I heard Sheena's high pitched cry.

"How dare you act in such a vulgar manner!" she tried to let out a yell.

This was followed by a rock hard body slamming into mine, causing me to spill the wine I'd been drinking onto my dress, and before I knew it, Harold was over top of me, giving me a kiss right on the lips!

"That is it, Harold!" I screamed. "How dare you spill wine all over my custom made one of a kind Caprini gown, and on top of it, lay those filthy lips on top of mine! "Anyone else would be smart enough not to engage in physical activity with me, but you, you've crossed the line!"

What Harold didn't know was that I wasn't quite as distraught over the dress as he might have thought I'd been. The stain could easily be removed at Curly's parent's local dry cleaning business. It was his fabulous kiss which set my insides aflame that caused my complete discomposure.

Not wanting to be seen looking like a walking disaster, I sneaked my way past the crowd and into my bedroom to find another suitable article of clothing to wear. Little did I know when I got there, that Stinky had been comforting Sheena who was crying because she'd performed an act of violence on none other than Harold.

"I can't believe I shoved Harold like that. You know how I detest violence. Oh, I feel so ashamed!"

"There, there, my darlin'. I reckon it must o' been that wine cooler ya had. Why don't I take ya home?"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea."

"All right, everybody out!" I commanded, announcing my presence. It was to my dismay there was more than one couple residing in my bedroom. Arnold, along with a cackling Helga, came bursting out of my closet door.

"Great party, Rhonda," he said with an enormous grin on his face.

"I don't even want to know! Now, shoo!"

At least there were no more highly passionate couples lurking in my bedroom. Finally, I could find another piece de resistance to impress my guests with. Being the closet door was still opened, I was able to view the several magnificent gowns hanging up in it. Then when I thought about what Arnold and Helga might have possibly been doing in there, I immediately slammed the closet door and shuddered. I made a mental note to myself to take those clothes, along with the stained dress, to be cleaned.

"I'll just have to find something from the dresser drawers."

I'd settled on a pair of black designer jeans and a scarlet pullover. They weren't something I'd wear to one of my own parties, but they'd have to do since there was no way I was about to wear anything from the closet. I would have to think up some kind of excuse if anyone asked as to why I wasn't dressed properly. Opening my bedroom door, there stood Harold, who was waiting for me out in the hallway.

"Hey, Rhonda."

"Hello, Harold. What do you want this time?"

"I figured since you kicked everyone out of your room, and everyone's partying hard downstairs, you an' me could have that private session I was talking about earlier. You look really sexy in that outfit."

"Look, you already know I think you're incredibly handsome, but what does you, Patty, and myself add up to?"

"Huh?"

"It adds up to there is absolutely no way I'm going to participate in whatever kind of sick animalistic fantasy you'd like to play out with me!"

"Suit yourself, Rhonda, but I'm at least smart enough to know you'd enjoy it."

"As if!"

"You're not foolin' me at all. I have another idea. How 'bout when the party's over, you meet me out at Tina Park. Curly's so drunk right now, he'll probably be passed out by that time, and Patty's gotta get up early so she can take the CLAST. What do you say?"

"Will you stop torturing me?!" I hollered. "I already said I liked you, but I just can't do that to Curly, or Patty, so do yourself a favor and go find some other girl to fool around with!"

"So you do like me. I guess I'll be seein' ya at Tina Park then."

"If you don't stop undressing me with those eyes of yours, I'm going to march downstairs and settle this for good!"

"No! Don't do that!" Harold pleaded with me. Ever since he'd had his braces removed, that row of sparkling pearly whites were irresistible to look at. "Patty'll kill me!"

"Good!" I lied once again. "Then maybe she'll give you what you deserve!"

"So, you'll meet me at the park?"

"I'll think about it," I mumbled under my breath.

"I'll see ya there then."

"I said I'd think about it!" I cried out.

Did I dare take the risk of engaging in a secret rendezvous with Harold after the party? I was thinking perhaps I could sneak out the back door while my overnighters were sleeping, then after a couple of hours, sneak back into the house. No one would ever know. All I had to do was plan my strategy of how I was going to calm the lively crowd downstairs. Considering most of them were plastered, I reasoned a little classical music might possibly sedate them and headed for the living room.

Though it came as no surprise, when I set foot into the area, most of the partygoers had already passed out, including Curly. This was my cue to send any sober guest on his way home, if there was any.

"Hey, Rhonda. Have you seen Harold?"

"Oh! Patty! You frightened me!" I'd lost my balance for she had startled me. "I'm sorry, but no, I haven't."

"Oh. Well, can you tell him I had to leave because I needed to get home so I can study a little bit in the morning before my test tomorrow."

"Uh, sure!" I felt so awkward and ashamed of myself for lying to her.

"By the way, your bartender knows how to tell a great story. Well, I'll see you later."

"Bye now."

About thirty minutes after she'd left the party, I'd made my decision to carry out my plan and left for Tina Park through the back door. Thanks to the fact my house was nearby, it was a relatively short walk to the place. Immediately upon recognizing the attractive gentleman standing before me, the butterflies in my stomach began fluttering rapidly.

"I knew you'd come," he's stated with a voice so loud that it was my duty to silence him.

"Sh! I told you never to shout so loud if we'd ever agreed to a secluded encounter!" I replied in a hushed tone.

"Then let's skip the talking and get right to the action," he said, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"Well, I could...no, I can't...I won't...oh, why are you making this so difficult for me?!" I asked in a state of complete disarray, while slipping out from underneath his affectionate embrace.

It doesn't have to be as hard as you make it out to be, Rhonda. It's just you an' me in the park with nobody else around, and you know we both like each other. So, what if you have a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend? A little kissing ain't gonna hurt anyone, 'cause no one's gonna know."

That did it. My hands seized the back of his head, and I pressed my lips so hard against his, his eyes grew to the size of my mother's antique tea saucers. He welcomed my kiss by slipping his tongue into my mouth for an intensely passionate reception. His large hands then slithered underneath my blouse and made their way around to the front of my chest. Surprisingly, his moves were very gentle and quite stimulating to the touch.

At the age of twenty one, he had enough hair on his chest for me to massage my fingers through. I'd quickly discovered this was to his pleasure, for with each stroke from my hands, the kissing became ever more fervent, resulting in my body being thrown to the ground.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Harold," I spoke to him between breaths of air, "Your seductive ways have my senses drenched with untamed desire, and to be perfectly honest with you, I find it deliciously flattering."

"If that's how you feel about me, why don't we take it to the next step?" he asked while staring wildly into my eyes.

"What do you mean, the next step?"

"You know...what's one of the expressions people use...get our grooves on?"

"I know what you mean, Harold, and here's my answer to your question. No way! Absolutely not!"

"Aw, come on, Rhonda, you know you wanna do it with me. I can tell by the look in you're looking at me." My firm reply wasn't enough for him to stop from continuing to unbutton my jeans and insert his hands down the front of my pants. I promptly responded by sitting up and slapping him across the face.

"I said no!" I shrieked just before cupping my hands over my mouth after realizing what I'd just done.

"I'm sorry! I have no self control!" Harold wailed. "It's just that you're so darn pretty an' every time I get near you my heart starts pounding like a jack hammer, an' I know it was wrong because Patty's my girlfriend an' Curly's your boyfriend an'...an'...I just can't take it any more!"

"It's okay, Harold. I mean, it's not entirely your fault, after all, I kissed you first. You're not the only one around here who can't control their lust. I guess your attempt to have an intimate fling with me is just your way of saying how extraordinary you actually think I am."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"But no matter how marvelous looking that bod is of yours, the fact still remains that you and I are both accounted for. There's no point in denying it."

"Do you think that maybe someday when neither of us is dating someone, that we might get together?"

'There's the strong possibility of you and I becoming a couple in the future, but for now, I'm going to continue dating Curly, because I do believe he's not mature enough yet to handle another break up with me. At least night right now. You, yourself aren't mature enough to date me, at least not in the serious sense."

"Wow! You just said a mouthful, and I don't know if I understand everything, but I sorta get it. I really like Patty, but I don't think she'll be the girl I'll spend the rest of my life with, and who knows? Maybe I will end up marrying you. Uh...Rhonda?"

"Hmm?"

"You might wanna think about changin' your pants when you get home."

"Oh-my-gosh!" I gasped horrified after I'd observed the wet patch on the seat of my pants. "How dare you look in that region of my body! That's it! I'm telling Patty!"

"No!"

On Monday, after everyone telling me what a 'fantabulous' party I'd had over the weekend, I finally sat down next to Harold in physics class. Not only did this prove he could be smart when he took the time to apply himself, it also proved he wasn't as stupid as people perceived him to be.

"Hey, Rhonda."

"Hey, Harold," I answered. "So, did you tell Patty what happened between us?"

"No, did you tell Curly?"

"No."

"Whose secret is it now, then?"

"Will you please quit looking at me like that?"

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is always appreciated.