Author's Note: Who's been reading too much 19th century literature? :::jumps up and down::: Me! So if anything appears abnormal to you (i.e. strange use of language) in the following piece of writing, I want you to know that I am perfectly aware of it...just try not to flame me for it...
Much thanks for all the reviews!
Let's Not Say Goodbye
He was sitting on the side of his bed when Taichi arrived, his back to the door. The slender figure was framed by the window where the sunlight streamed in, so that the golden hair dazzled.
Taichi swallowed. "Yama?"
No movement, icy silence.
And Taichi cursed inwardly, cursed the rest of the world and everything in it for raising his hand and striking yet another blow to such a fragile soul, a beautiful soul. What did it matter to the universe that the one day in his life when he absolutely had to be on time was the day his car got hit from behind? What did it matter that only he was needed and wanted in this apartment on this very day to lessen whatever pain the parting of ways would cause?
Yama didn't want much, had never asked for much, and even this tiny little wish had been denied.
"I'm sorry."
"Come here," Yama said softly, patting the spot on the bed beside him. There was almost a tangible vulnerability about him that Taichi had never seen before. It made his chest clench painfully.
"I'm not mad at you." Yamato continued, still in that soft, heart-breaking voice. "I understand...it must be such a strain to...to put up with me. I've been expecting too much...even from you. You've been so good to me, Tai, even...even when I hurt you...hurt you so bad...and you never left me alone...not for one moment..."
Horror, such intense horror at what he was hearing, at the tears held behind angelic eyes.
"No!" Taichi cried, seizing that delicate, immortal like frame and holding it fiercely against his heart. "You are not saying goodbye, Yama. Don't you dare...not like this..."
"But I'm leaving!" The blonde almost wailed, then forced himself to calm. "And we'll drift apart the way so many friends do. There are things I have to say. Things I haven't had or ever will have the courage to speak of. You of all people should know of my pride. And today I throw away my pride, Tai, for you."
"If you...if you even think about telling me this is better. If you honestly believe that you'll be better off as a fading memory to me. If for one second you think I don't need you more than you have ever needed me..." here Taichi took a deep breath, holding Yama ever so tightly, "you can't just decide for other people. You don't know...have no idea...what is right and good for me..."
"But I cling! I lash out! I am cold and cruel and when I speak my words are sharp. They cut you and make you bleed yet you still come back to me day after day..."
"Because I know...how beautiful you are. Because I alone see past the shades you blind other people with and I know how much you hurt... You've never been able to push me away, Yama, what makes you think you will succeed now?"
Yama slipped out of his arms, walking forwards to stand before the window.
"I had been thinking, Tai, when I thought you weren't going to come today. And I realized that never had I expected you not to come. You might be married when next we see each other. I can't hold on to you forever. Best friends are not supposed to be possessive. I don't own you the way a man owns his lover. One day we will both be old men with white hair and trembling hands. How can I expect you to come at my call then?"
"I'm sorry I was late. I--"
"It's all right. I know you had good reason."
"And in any case," Taichi stood up to join Yama by the window. "What makes you think I won't come?"
"Because friends don't--" Yama looked startled when he was silenced with a hand over his lips.
"We are not friends."
"We are not?" Taichi shook his head. "Then what...are we, Tai...?"
And Taichi stroked the bright silken hair, leaning forward to whisper, "don't you see, Yama? We are lovers...and you do own me...in every way possible..."
He hadn't meant to say it, hadn't meant to tell Yama at all. He had, in fact, made Hikari angry by planning to let Yama slip through his fingers. And now he held his breath. If he was going to lose Yama either way...well, then he would prefer the other boy to know.
"What?"
He could see so clearly into the wide blue eyes. There was shock, certainly, but too much fear. This was commitment; this was love...everything Yama had ever been frightened of.
So to make everything even more difficult and complicated, Taichi had to say it. "I love you."
He grasped Yama's wrist before the other boy could escape, tugging slightly so that the blonde fell against him. Taichi held him there, staring intently as Yama's normally pale cheeks became stained with rose. Yet the blue eyes flashed dangerously, a return of the old, razor sharp Yama.
"Shh..." Taichi placed a finger against Yama's lips before any harsh words, words Yama would later regret, could emerge.
They were so close. Never had he dreamed of being so close to this fascinating creature. Taichi could feel Yama's warmth pressed against him, could smell the other boy's intoxicating scent. And he trembled at the thought that he should kiss those lips, that the pale body should belong to him and him alone.
"You said you'd throw away your pride for me," he whispered, moving his finger to the corner of Yama's mouth and tracing a path to his chin. "So tell me, how much do you need me?"
He watched then, with his heart beating wildly, as Yama fought with himself to answer honestly. Less than a day ago, Yama would have retorted cruelly that he didn't need Taichi at all, that he didn't, in fact, need anyone. But the parting of ways and the startling revelations in the span of an hour had changed everything.
"I...need you," Yama admitted miserably, clinging suddenly to Taichi as if he felt dizzy. "Isn't that enough?"
Hurt.
"But you don't love me."
"I don't know," Yama said, almost angrily. "I've never thought about it."
The blonde seemed to wilt suddenly, and he continued softly, "I'm confused..."
Taichi smiled at the dear expression on his beautiful face, and leaned forward to kiss him. It was a slow, soft brushing of lips. Innocent.
But Yama gasped sharply and trembled.
"It's okay," Taichi drew him closer, and Yama laid his head upon Taichi's shoulder. "You don't have to hide when I know you so well. You don't have to be afraid...to show weakness because I know, better than anyone, how strong you really are."
They stood like that for a long time, together in the light of the sun through a window. And Taichi knew that no matter how afraid Yama was, how full of doubt the angel in his arms felt, there had been no rejection in this room today.
All he had to do now was wait. And the day would come, when Yama would be ready, when he would finally allow himself to feel all that was good and right.
"See, Yama? There's no reason to say goodbye, not when you are stuck with me for a long long time..."
End
OOOOOO
Author's Note: I finished something! Yah! I always end up writing more when I have to work on English essays...I wonder why... :::sarcasm:::
Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.