Brace yourself.

-CAP





It was not a good day. It had been a great night, but it had ended up as a very bad morning. Link's head hurt, and Navi was buzzing around it. Wait… there were two Navis now. Damn, Link thought. I must have got really drunk.

"SOLINKWHATDOYOUWANTTODOTADAY,DOYOUWANTTOGOCHASEDEKUSCRUBS,DOYOUDOYOUDOYOU?"

"Did you get into the coffee, again Navi?

"NO,WHYWOULDYOUASKTHAT,DOYOUWANTTOGONOW,HUHUHUHUHUHUHUH?"

Certainly a bad day. Link got up, and promptly fell down again.

"Navi, do we have any Tylenol?"

"TYLENOL,WHAT'STHAT,DOESITTASTEGOOD,CANIEATIT,DOWEHAVEANY?"

Link sighed. Maybe Mido would have some. After about 4 or 5 tries, he finally managed to raise himself. The ladder, however, was a different story. He began to climb down the first rung, but missed by about 5 feet and fell. He hit the ground hard.

"Dammit!"

"DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT!"

"Shut up, Navi. Just shut up."

He got up and headed to Mido's house. He banged on the door for a minute, and finally heard a voice from inside.

"Don't come in!"

"It's Link! I need Tylenol!"

"Don't come in!"

Link chose to ignore that. He swung the door open, calling as he did:

"I'm coming in, Mido, so you'd better SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!"

He was greeted by the site of Mido in bed with another Kokori boy, and they were going at it like rabbits. Navi flew in, and began to chatter.

"HEYLINK,IHEARDYOUYELLANDWHATINTHENAMEOFALLTHAT'SHOLYISTHAT!"

"C'mon, Navi, let's go."

"Wait!" called Mido. "I'll be out in a sec."

They waited patiently outside for Mido to get his clothes on.

"That was a site I really didn't need to see. Especially with this hangover."

Mido came out a few minutes later, still tightening his belt.

"What's a matter? Hard to believe I was gay?"

"Not at all. I always suspected it. That was very disturbing, though."

"Oh. Well, I don't have any Tylenol, but Saria might."

"Why would she have- oh. Nevermind."

And so, the merry crew traveled to Saria's house in search of Tylenol. They reached her house and rapped on the door till she came and answered. She had an angry look on her face.

"What? Make it quick, or I'll rip your head off."

"Umm… do you have Tylenol?"

"Do I look like I have Tylenol, dammit?

"Are you PMS-ing?"

"No, dipshit, I'm PMH-ing."

Suddenly, a rock flew from nowhere and pegged her in the head.

"Dammit, what the f*** was that?"

A larger rock hit her in the back of the head.

"Who the f*** keeps doing that?"

"I do," came an ominous voice.

"Who the f*** are you?"

"I'm the censor," it said, as another rock hit her head. "I don't appreciate your needless swearing."

"Fine, I'll stop, you bas-" She stopped as she noticed a large boulder resting precariously on the top of her house. "You nice person," she finished.

"Nice save," said Link.

"I don't have any dam- darn Tylenol, but the Deku tree might."

"Alrighty. Let's go then," said Mido.

"Hey, did you know Mido was a fag?" he said as they walked.

"That's an offensive term, Link."

Navi had finally calmed down slightly, and began to sing.

"Weeeeeeeee're of to see the Deku Tree!"

Link waved a fly-swatter ominously in front of her. She stopped abruptly.

They finally reached the Deku Tree's meadow, and Link voiced his request.

"Great Deku Tree, we come in search of Tylenol."

"What in the name of Nayru are you wearing?" came its reply.

Link was startled by this request. He looked down at himself.

"It's a tunic- the same thing I wore for my whole life."

"You can't be serious. It looks like a skirt. How can a man wear that?"

"I don't know," said Mido. "It's actually quite comfortable. Plenty of freedom."

"Even Mido? I mean, seriously, he's supposed to be your leader."

"He doesn't count," replied Link. "He's a flaming homo."

"Ah. Sorry, Mido. Well, Tylenol. Let's see… Ah! There's some near my root over there."

"Gimme!" yelled Saria, leaping toward the box. "Wait a second… this is Advil!"

"Advil's okay."

"No it's not! When I need pain relief, I need Extra-Strength Tylenol, not this crap! Who the f*** do think you are, giving me this shit?"

She was hit in the back of the head with a rather large rock, and promptly passed out.

"What was that?" asked the tree.

"The censor. Anyway, gimme the Advil."

He shoved it into his mouth, and felt the pain subside a tiny bit. Saria had been right, this stuff was crap.

They turned to go, and were about to leave the meadow when they realized Navi was not with them.

"Navi?" Link called, turning around. He saw her hovering oddly over a pile of crushed up Advil.

"Whooo-hooo! Hey Link, man, comere! This shit really messes you up, man!"

She was struck by a falling acorn, and fell to the ground unconscious.

"You'd think they'd learn," came the ominous voice.

This was certainly not a good day.