Title: Piggyback Jack
Author: Sierra Phoenix
Category: Humor
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack gets injured on a routine mission and the SGC gets something to talk about for weeks.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Woe is me.
Colonel Jack O'Neill crouched low in the undergrowth. The forest around him was silent, but he knew appearances could be deceiving. "No sign of Jaffa activity my ass," he whispered to his companion. "SG-12 is going to have some serious hell to pay when we get back."
Daniel regarded his companion, "How's the leg?"
Jack shrugged. He was still peeved that he'd managed to injure himself on some tree root like...like Daniel would have, Jack thought. Clearly the younger man was becoming a bad influence if Jack was tripping over things while being chased by the enemy. Adrenaline had worn off by now and his knee throbbed painfully.
"We'd better get moving," Jack relented, struggling to stand. White fire lanced through his knee and he felt his leg give out from underneath him. Daniel was instantly at his side, just barely preventing Jack from ending up face first on the forest floor.
Daniel draped Jack's arm across his shoulders and wrapped his own arm around Jack's midsection in an effort to steady him. "Serious hell to pay," Jack reiterated. Daniel repressed a sigh and started moving in the direction of the stargate, doing his best to drag Jack along with him.
"Uh, Daniel," Jack halted him, his tone the same he used whenever Jack felt Daniel was missing something glaringly obvious and Daniel returned with his own patented 'What now, Jack?' expression. Jack raised his free arm and pointed his finger about 45 degrees to the right of their current bearing. "The stargate's in that direction," Jack stated as if Daniel was some recruit that had made a novice mistake and really should have known better.
"Oh," was Daniel's only reply, and the two started off again, this time hobbling in the correct direction. "How far do you think it is to the 'gate?"
"Couple of miles," Jack told him. "Hopefully Carter and Teal'c will have already made it back there." SG-1 had come to this planet because Carter wanted to check out what could be some alien doohickey that possibly did something that might be beneficial in a way that Jack, whose eyes glazed over at 'an alien device that...', hadn't been paying attention to know how.
He had left Teal'c with Carter and opted to go with Daniel, who wanted to investigate some fascinating squiggles on some crumbling rocks that he thought might show evidence of something or other that was sure to have great significance in a way that Jack, again, had no idea.
As if sensing his thoughts, Daniel spoke a guilt-ridden, "Sorry about all this."
Jack repressed the urge to roll his eyes. It was uncanny the knack Daniel had for assuming guilt about anything and everything. Jack wasn't sure if it was something Daniel had carried since childhood or if it was something that had only happened since he solved the riddle of the stargate. As if he had opened Pandora's Box and anything bad that occurred after opening the stargate suddenly became his sole responsibility. "It's not your fault, Daniel," he placated.
Jack had relented to splitting the team on the information SG-12 had given them. Apparently their idea of 'no sign of Goa'uld activity' meant 'we didn't see a billboard engraved with "Jaffa here" so things should be clear.' Jack's knee twinged again. Yes, definitely hell to pay.
"I hope Carter and Teal'c are ok," Daniel commented.
"Their position was a lot closer to the 'gate than ours was, they've probably had time since we radioed them about the Jaffa to make it back," Jack assured him.
They walked in silence for a while till Daniel spoke again. "So how'd that happen anyway?"
"How'd what happen?" Jack asked.
"Your leg," Daniel gestured.
Oh right, Jack thought, Daniel didn't see my spectacular trip and twist maneuver with a double stumble on the dismount.
Jack replied back something garbled and incoherent, out of which Daniel thought he could vaguely make out something about 'faulty footing'. "What was that?" Daniel pried.
"I said I tripped over a tree branch, alright?" he snapped. "Why don't you just rub it in?"
"I wasn't going to say anything," Daniel said lightly, but he was barely containing a snicker and was unable to keep a grin from spreading across his face. "I mean, it's nothing to be ashamed of," Daniel continued, he wasn't going to let an opportunity like this just pass him by, "things like that happen to me all the time."
Now that was just adding insult to injury, Jack thought, but Daniel wasn't finished yet. "Even officers in the Air Force that are trained to avoid those kinds of things have to slip once in a while." By now Jack had decided that SG-12 weren't in as much trouble as he originally thought, Daniel on the other hand...
"And don't worry, Jack," Daniel's grin widened, "I would never tell the other guys back at the SGC how you were outmatched by a tree branch."
"Oh would you just shut up," Jack finally cracked, then added as an afterthought without even looking at Daniel, "and wipe that grin off your face."
Jack supposed it was only a matter of time before the Jaffa caught up with them, but they were both startled at the first sounds of staff blasts through the trees coming from a little over a hundred yards off.
They were still a little under a mile from the stargate. "We're not gonna make it," Jack stated needlessly.
Before Jack could suggest Daniel go on without him Daniel had maneuvered himself directly in front of Jack, facing away from him. "Climb on my back," Daniel advised, "I'll carry you to the 'gate."
If the situation hadn't been so dire Jack probably would have laughed at him, instead he just stared incredulously at the back of Daniel's head as if he expected him to sprout Unas horns at any second. "Daniel you can't carry me all the way there. Now, head back to the 'gate and if Carter and Teal'c aren't there yet, you gate home and report this to Hammond."
Some part of Jack's mind realized his argument was going to be an exercise in futility before he even started, but he was still surprised at the fierce look on Daniel's face when he turned to look at him.
"I am NOT leaving you here Jack. Now shut up and climb on before you get us both killed." Daniel ordered, before turning his back on Jack clearly expecting him to just jump to.
Jack could barely keep his jaw from dropping. It was by no means the first time Jack had incurred Daniel's ire nor seen him argue so vehemently but he couldn't remember Daniel ever just ordering him to do something. That was more Jack's style. In fact, if the roles had been reversed Jack knew without a doubt there was no way in hell he'd have left Daniel behind and probably would have told him so using the exact same words.
"Damnit Daniel, you can be really mule-headed sometimes." Jack ground out even as he attempted to climb his way onto Daniel's back.
"Yes, you're clearly a bad influence," the archeologist shot back, and Jack couldn't help but smile. Daniel dipped his knees slightly and Jack wrapped his arms over Daniel's shoulders while pulling his legs up so they were resting on Daniels hips, much like a child receiving a piggyback ride on a brother's back.
Daniel placed his hands under the back of Jack's legs to help steady him, being careful not to further hurt his injured knee, and then at the highest speed he could manage went bounding through the trees, jostling Jack right along with him.
Jack felt like a cowboy riding a bull at a rodeo, and couldn't help but think there was no way this was going to work. If Jack couldn't keep from tripping and twisting his knee in all this, no way Daniel (who could trip over his own feet without any help) could do it, especially with the added weight of Jack on his back. With Daniel's luck they'd probably end up in some otherworldly sinkhole.
Not to mention he didn't even want to think about how he would explain this to Hammond. This was one mission where the reports could stand to be a bit edited. A team's CO having to be carried to the stargate by the resident archaeologist was nothing anyone wanted to read about. That is to say, Jack didn't want anyone reading about it. As far as he was concerned no one but him and Daniel need ever know the particular details, and Jack could always bribe Daniel with a trip to the museum if he ever entertained the notion of talking. The linguist was so easily bought off, Jack mused wryly.
Jack was jarred out of his thoughts as Daniel staggered, and for a moment he thought were going to go down, but Daniel managed to regain his footing and continued tearing through the forest at a speed Jack knew he wouldn't be able to keep up for long.
It was at this point that Jack noticed Daniel was veering off to the right in a direction that was decidedly not toward the stargate. "Left, Daniel, Left!" Daniel swung a quick glance back over his right shoulder to see how far behind the Jaffa were, swinging Jack precariously to the left, before turning left, this time tossing Jack to the right nearly throwing him off completely. "Jesus, Daniel! If you want to get rid of me just say so." Capture was beginning to sound pretty good.
"Sorry," Daniel yelped, increasing his speed even more after having glimpsed a few Jaffa not far behind. By now Daniel was drenched with sweat and gasping for air, and Jack wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to keep running at this pace.
It occurred to Jack then that they might actually die, and at the moment all he could think was how...undignified it would be to die while piggyback riding on somebody, and in the event that it happened he really hoped word never got back to the SGC.
About that time Jack realized that Daniel's little turn now had them heading in a direction to the left of the stargate, and he was glad that Daniel hadn't left him behind because the archaeologist certainly never would have found his way back on his own. Somebody really needed to teach him some navigation skills, Jack thought, and was on the verge of telling him so when a staff blast embedded itself in a nearby tree, narrowly missing Jack and Daniel.
It was at this point that things really started to get out of hand. A startled Daniel turned a full 180 degrees to look behind them, much to Jack's dismay, and pivoted with such speed that the colonel might have been quite impressed...if he hadn't been attached to Daniel's back at the time. As it was, Jack's added weight and gravity combined to send both men hurdling backwards, and Jack could only cling on with dread and the certainty that this couldn't possibly end well.
Jack's back impacted hard with the ground, and between that and the weight of a linguist being thrown on his chest his breath was squeezed out of his lungs in a loud whoosh. Daniel, realizing they could never get back up and outrun the Jaffa now, motioned for Jack to remain quiet which was really unnecessary, Jack thought, since he couldn't suck in enough air to breathe right now let alone speak. If he had been able to speak though he just might have given their position away on purpose, because the Jaffa might at least shoot him and put him out of his misery.
It just so happened that, by some miracle, the two of them landed in a dense thicket of bushes and if they got lucky (which Jack wasn't going to hold his breath on...well, not purposely anyway) they just might go unnoticed. After several minutes of "Jaffa! Kree!" and other sounds of searching through the nearby brush, their movements started to drift farther away.
Daniel moved off Jack, and he was finally able to get some air into his oxygen deprived lungs just enough to wheeze out, "So help me, Daniel, if the Goa'uld don't kill me first you will."
"Are you alright?" Daniel asked, inspecting his friend for further damage.
"Peachy," Jack told him, keeping to himself the fact that his knee felt like Snow White's Dwarves and all their little woodland friends were mining on it. Looking around to get his bearings back Jack discovered that their luck was still holding. Daniel's little jaunt off course had the Jaffa searching in a direction away from the stargate, so they weren't cut off from their destination. In fact, from where they were currently hiding Jack could just make out the edge of the forest and the field it opened into, and he knew the stargate would be just beyond that.
Jack's eyes sought out the Jaffa again, still moving further away from them, and he thanked whatever Goa'uld they served for picking such incredibly stupid guards. If they could just make it to the tree line before being spotted they might be able to reach the stargate in time. Jack looked Daniel over, noticing for the first time how winded he looked. And all this time Jack thought he was the one getting the bad deal in all this; it couldn't have been easy for Daniel to have carried Jack all this way. Jack nodded his head in the direction of the stargate, "Think we could make it?"
Daniel, having had some time to finally catch his breath, looked over. "Yeah I think so."
"Ok," Jack went into strategy mode, "if we can make to the clearing without being noticed we should have time to make it to the 'gate, and just HOPE that our luck holds and Carter and Teal'c are standing by."
They assumed the same positions as before, with Jack aboard Daniel's back, and began to creep their way through the forest as inconspicuously as possible. If Jack thought they must have looked ridiculous before, he knew they looked twice as much so now with Daniel lugging Jack along while trying to covertly tip toe from tree to tree like some hunchback James Bond.
They had almost reached the clearing, and Jack was beginning to think they might make it out unnoticed, when a loud shout of "Jaffa kree!" resonated throughout the forest. Daniel gave up stealth in exchange for speed and began sprinting as fast as his legs would carry him.
Major Samantha Carter was concealed behind a row of crumbling stones that at one point had probably held some kind of religious significance to whatever natives had lived on this planet before being subjected to the Goa'uld, or at least that's what Daniel had surmised when they'd first arrived. From her vantage point she could see the outline of the trees in the distance just across the clearing, and still be concealed from any Jaffa.
Sam glanced to her right finding Teal'c still covering his position, similar to hers, a few feet away. When the colonel had radioed them they hastily made their way back to gate and settled in to wait on them. That had been over half an hour ago now, and they hadn't seen or heard from them since; hadn't seen any Jaffa, either, for that matter.
She tried to ignore the seed of worry growing at the back of her mind, but it was getting increasingly difficult as more time passed. She glanced at her watch again, 45 minutes, "They should be here by now."
Hearing her, Teal'c replied, "Indeed."
Then she saw it. Movement at the edge of the clearing, a bulky form breaking away from the trees and moving at a quick yet jerky pace. She shifted her position and readied her weapon, sparing only a quick glance to confirm that Teal'c was doing the same. The shape became clearer and Carter squinted, "I think that's Daniel."
"I believe you are correct, Major Carter." Teal'c agreed.
Not seeing any threat yet, Carter slowly stood revealing her position while keeping her gun trained in the direction of the trees. As the Daniel moved closer, she frowned, "What's that on his back?"
Teal'c, who was also standing now, sounded just as perplexed, "I believe it is Colonel O'Neill."
Sam only had a scant few seconds to ponder what the colonel might be doing attached to Daniel's back before a voice yelled across the distance, "DIAL THE GATE!!!"
It was then that Carter and Teal'c noticed a group of Jaffa breaking away from the forest. Their response was immediate; Teal'c took up a defensive position covering Jack and Daniel as they made their way to the stargate, and Sam began punching in chevrons.
She had just punched in the IDC when Daniel neared the gate, huffing and looking about ready to drop. He didn't even slow when he reached the steps up to the stargate and ran right on through the event horizon without so much as a word. Carter followed behind them with Teal'c bringing up the rear.
As they exited the wormhole and entered the embarkation room, the iris slid shut behind them preventing any danger from following them through. Daniel was standing on ramp looking completely exhausted and breathing haggardly, slightly hunched to offset the colonel's weight.
General Hammond came rushing in, presumably from the control room, with an anxious look that always accompanied any unscheduled gate activity. "SG-1, what happened? Is everyone alright?" He scanned the team for any sign of injury, pausing longer than necessary to puzzle at Daniel's worn appearance and Jack, who was still clinging on to Daniel like some overgrown squirrel monkey, before turning back to Sam for an explanation.
"Daniel and the colonel ran into some Jaffa while exploring, sir," Carter stated. "Teal'c and I are fine, but the colonel..." Sam looked at the two weary men, not entirely sure what the situation there was.
"I'm fine, sir," Jack informed him, "just a little trouble with my knee. I do have a suggestion though, the next time we come across some planet with unbearably hot temperatures and alien mosquitoes the size of raccoons, I volunteer SG-12 to investigate."
"I'll take that under advisement colonel. Are you sure you're alright?"
"Oh yeah," Jack nodded vehemently. "In fact, Daniel, you can put me down now," his voice took on a decidedly impatient tone.
"I don't know colonel, that injury could be serious," Dr. Fraiser, who had just arrived with two nurses and a stretcher in tow, stated cautiously. "We should probably get you on the stretcher, just to be on the safe side. Unless, of course, you just want Daniel to carry you." Janet's face was serious, the perfect picture of professional composure, but those who knew her could sense a hint of sly amusement in her demeanor and Jack just knew she was getting a kick out of this.
"Oh no," Jack scowled at her from over Daniel's shoulder; he'd suffered enough indignities for one day thank you very much. "I'm not getting carted out of here like Daniel."
Daniel frowned, an expression of 'what's that supposed to mean?' crossing his face, and if Jack had seen it he would have realized his mistake. It didn't go unnoticed to Janet though as she quirked an almost-smile and stepped aside to allow Daniel off the ramp as he headed in the direction of the infirmary.
"You can put me down now," Jack told him. No way was Jack going to allow himself to be paraded through the halls of the SGC while clinging to Daniel's back. The sight of the base's wonder boy archaeologist giving a piggyback ride to the base's second in command was not something base personnel was going to let Jack forget. Hell, he'd be laughed right out of his command. Surely Daniel wouldn't... "Daniel, where are you going?"
"Ah, come on Jack...I've carried you this far I might as well carry you the rest of the way," Daniel threw out flippantly, and Jack didn't have to see him to know he was grinning impishly.
"Damnit Daniel, if you don't put me down this instant so help me I'm gonna..."
Jack's voice trailed off as the pair exited the gateroom, followed closely by Dr. Fraiser and entourage. General Hammond was smiling when he turned back to Carter and Teal'c, and said, "Welcome back SG-1."
END