AN: This is my "break" from my original work. However, I always wanted to write a Kagura-centric fic. I cosplayed as her at JACON in Florida. She's my first cosplay! Alright, here is! This take place after Kyo confessed how he felt about her in her POV. Based on scenes from CH 67 & 68.
When It Hurts No More
In the end...I won't come to love you.
When he said that how did I feel? Sad? Alone? Mad? Yes, I was sad that its not me that he loves. After he said that, I felt all alone...I have no reason to go see him. Mad...I am mad at myself for being the blind girl that I am and refusing to listen to his protest when I expressed my love for him.
I didn't want to hear it...
I didn't want to see it...
To see it...
From the beginning, I was lucky that he was a cursed member of our family because that means I am the only girl who could hug him whenever I want. That's not the case anymore, now that 'she' is in his life. When I heard that 'she' moved in with Yun-chan, Shi-chan and him...I became nervous because a girl is under the same roof as my beloved. I went over to meet her and see my love at Shi-chan's house. She was very kind and understanding. She complemented me for loving my neko-chan so much. I was somewhat relieved that she accepted us as us...but did she really?
Then comes along Valentines day... First, I wanted to go on a date with just my love...but he didn't want to go. I thought of an alternative. Then, I saw her and Yun-chan.
"We could go on a date with Tohru-chan and Yun-chan," I suggested. He protested at the idea, but gave in because I was crying. He didn't like being around Yun-chan, but I do believe what Haru-chan told me about them getting along better. We had a fun double date...Tohru-chan was so kind...we actually became friends.
To see it...
One day, I got the news that Shihan has returned from his journey. I heard that he's going to Shi-chan's house to see Kyo-kun. So, I made my way over a bit early, so I could see my love before he faces his master. Tohru-chan let us go get the groceries together. To do these small things with him was fun...although I made a few scenes at the store. I asked Kyo-kun at the store if he's ever going to tell her about 'that'. He avoided answering me. So, I baffled him with a little secret I know about him when we're little. I never told him what it was...
When we returned, there he stands...the Sohma dojo master, Sohma Kazuma...Kyo-kun's guardian. It was a bad day, I was surprised that he came right away. I wasn't expecting until later...
After dinner, I helped Tohru-chan with the dishes and told her a little about Shihan and Kyo-kun. She seemed pretty interested and understanding...somebody that could make it...somebody who could touch him...
To see it...
I went up to Tohru-chan's room to get ready for bed, until I caught something outside the window. Shihan and Kyo-kun? What are they doing? I was confused of what's going on. Shihan knows that Kyo-kun doesn't like the rain. Why are they meeting outside?
The rain? Could it be? Is it time?
Shihan struck Kyo with the back of his left hand and grabbed his wrist with his right. He's going to do it! It's something Kyo-kun needs to do. He could not hide this forever. Then, 'she' came into the scene. Shihan pulled it off...that barrier...
I watched that same monstrous form take over his body. The same verge of fear returned to my heart. What about her? What did she feel?
A part of me wished she wouldn't do so...and yet, another part of me hoped so...
... but she done it. She did what I could of done ages ago...
Since then, I knew what was coming. The end of my masquerade. A closing to my dream. Since then, I tried even harder to make the days when I see my love...increase and the hours with my love...longer. I forced myself to go to see him more often then I usually do...but how long could I keep this up? I have to tell him soon...
To hear it...
Summer break came along. Everybody went to the summer house but...me. When mom heard that Akito will be over there...I was furious. I want to beat the bloody hell out of Shi-chan for suggesting him to come along. During that time I was franticly nervous...Let's see whose over there? Haru-chan, Yun-chan, Momiji-chan, Kyo-kun and Tohru-chan...
Kyo-kun and Tohru-chan.
I worked on my sewing to get my mind of what could be going on down there. With Akito over there, I don't think there's much they could do. Yet, I don't want Kyo-kun to be alone. It was one of the worst summers I ever had. There's no Kyo-kun...plus, I don't know what's he doing at every moment.
After summer break ended, I immediately went to the dojo to see Kyo-kun. He's gotten taller and more handsome...but there's something different about him. I knew something's changed when he's not doing his usual yelling and sulking. Oh no...it's coming...
Kagura...we need to talk.
I don't want to hear it.
Not a single word of it.
Don't tell me now...
I quickly protested and suggested that if he wants to talk to me, he'll have to go out with me...then, I'll listen. I got something to tell him too...
To hear it...
I arrived early (like I always do) and he arrived early too! Yay! I was so happy that he came early. I asked him if he wanted to see a movie. He said no and that he doesn't even watch TV. I asked him if he still doesn't watch TV because he wasn't allowed to. He said that he just doesn't watch it often. I was surprised that he answered so maturely and calmly. I expected a yell or sulk...oh yeah...the dojo. I quickly lead him to the park where I saw 'that' for the first time...his true form.
Memories of us being together as children arises in my mind. It reminded me the real reason why I hang around him...
I was looking down on him...
But that's not all...
That's not all...
As a child, I looked down on him for being the cat. I was pitying myself for being the juunnishi I am. A boar is the last thing any girl wants to be. Even if I was a man, I'd be ashamed of being such a lowly creature. An unattractive one. Then, there was the cat...the outsider whose look down upon from all corners. However, that was not all...I grew to care for him...to hold and to love. He'd come to me...calling my name, smiling and running into my arms.
I confessed to him how I was when I was younger. He frowned a little and looked away. I walked over to the bench as a stream of thoughts came to me...
I ran.
I remembered when I saw him in his true form. I became frightened and ran away...like that lowly creature I was. Ever since then, he's become the sulky boy he was...
I must of hurt him...it must of hurt...
While I was contemplating, he came in front of me...
...told me that even though I looked down on him...
he's thankful that I was there when he had no one...
To hear it...
... then he gave me a look of solemn...and said those words...
In the end...I won't come to love you.
I was stunned for a moment. Then, got up from the bench I was sitting and stretch my arms. A quick surge of our memories flooded my mind and my eyes.
"I haven't told my confession to you," I said as I sadly smiled to myself. Then, my eyes begun to burn and overflow with tears. "I love you! I love you! I love you...I really do!" When I cried, I felt stings of pain over my heart. It has ended...my dream...
He slowly approached me and pull me close to him. It was the first time I really heard his heartbeat...probably be the last time too...
Thank you. Thank you.
I held on to him as long as possible. He was mine for that one night...even though it was to tell me those words. I was surprised when he said thank you...when I said I was sorry.
That thank you pierced my heart with sadness...and content.
Thank you, Kyo-kun for taking the time with me...
To open my eyes...
Release my pain...
And holding me at the end.
Now...
I am still hurting...
Still picking up the broken pieces of my heart.
When will it hurt no more?
The day when he'll say he loves me?
No.
Until the day we both could smile amongst one another again...
Like those days when we did...
Until that very day.
AN: Awww...she still waits for that day. Kagura really cares for Kyo so much. I'm sure she wants what's best for him...even though it hurts her.
Please read and review,
No flames,
just technical truths,
Thank you for reading,
See you in my next writing!