Title: If He Knew
Ratings: R
Warnings: m/m smut, angst and language.
Pairing: Dash/Danny Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom looks over her shoulder at the lawyers satisfied you vultures!
Note: This was written because of a challenge put out on the Danny Phantom Slash group, originally it was supposed to be a humor fic, but my mind started to run away on me when I considered how this should be done and this is the end result... lots and lots of crying.
Chapter One - The head start
Danny slunk as low in his seat as he could get, not wanting to look at what his Professor had written on the board. In large letters in bright pink chalk was the word 'Homosexuality'. For a moment his heart dropped into his shoes. This wasn't going to be one of those sex ed classes was it? But no they wouldn't do something so mainstream like that in this city, there were too many impressionable young minds, God forbid they learn something different.
The bald teacher leaned up against the wall and looked out over his classroom. Like he expected most of them were either blushing, giggling or trying to pretend that the word wasn't written on the board. He cleared his throat to catch their attention and put a score under the word before he started his speach.
"Today there is only one assignment, I'll tell you what I want and the rest of your period is free to use as you choose. However," He held up his hand before the cheering could start, "I suggest that you use your time wisely and work on the essay that I have for you today.
"The essay you have will be freestyle on the topic of homosexuality. I want good, thought provoking writting. There is no minimum amount of pages or words, however I will be grading harder those that think they can get away with writting something like 'gays are evil' and passing it in."
This last part got a few titters from the people in the backrow and he shot them a nasty glare. "It will be passed in to me in a weeks time, and in light of the fact that some of you think what you're peers think matters, you will pass it in in a manilla envelope. No one will see what you've written except for me and you and whomever you decide to share it with."
He sat down at his desk and pulled out some papers to be graded, expecting all the students to rush to leave. He was surprised however, when he looked up to find that only a few had left and there were a few hands raised in the air. With a sigh he put down his red pen and pointed to one of the upstarts, Danny Fenton.
"If it's Freestyle, does that mean it doesn't have to be exactly essay form?" The ebone haired teen played with his pen nervously.
"Precisely." The Professor smiled and gestured with his hands as he spoke, "If you want to write a poem, a list of reasons for or against, that's fine. Just make sure that you back up your reasoning."
Danny thought for a moment and then packed up his books, putting them in his bookbag before hurrying out of the class. He knew that Sam and Tucker would try to follow him so he checked the hallways for people before going intangible and sneaking through the walls. The cold brick of the walls was like a slight tingling feeling against his ghost skin and he was glad when he reached the outdoors and sat beneath a tree. The closest person was a good fifteen feet away so Danny concentrated on his human form, sighing as he pulled his notebook out of his backpack. So long as there were no ghosts around he could get work done. With the ghost zone opened up, he couldn't afford to procrastinate.
The looseleaf stared up at him with it's thin light green lines, taunting him to write what he wanted. It was a subject that he could relate to at least, unlike the gorilla project Sam pushed him into doing. To be able to write what he really wanted without repercussion? He tapped his pen against the paper gently, leaving small marks in it's wake. Whatever written was his business and the teacher couldn't say anything, except maybe that his arguements weren't strong enough. But how much could he write? A blush graced his cheeks as he started the letter.
'To the one I cannot touch:'
Danny scowled and scratched it out, that was way too flowery for him. No way a jock would be able stop laughing after that one sentence to keep reading.
'Dear Dash:'
He scratched that too. It sounded too formal, too familiar even. He wetted his lips and looked around once more, his heart pounded faster at the thought of someone finding him writting there. Sure there was hardly anyone there, and no one paid any attention to the 'loser' crowd, but there was still the nagging doubt in the back of his mind.
'Dash Baxter:
I know that we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. That we're on completely different levels of the social ladder. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about you from time to time. You're the picture of what a perfect son would be, a quarterback, popular with girls and confident.'
He stopped a moment to think, the wind rustling his unruly black hair and raising the hairs on the back of his neck. He rubbed the cooled skin, his notebook resting on his raised legs. Only a few sentences and he was starting to feel a little better.
'I guess I should explain why I'm writing this. Well, the first reason is for that English essay. I don't think I would have thought to do this unless our teacher brought it up. The second reason is I've heard that writing letters you never mean to send makes you feel better on the inside and I'm kinda hoping that will apply in my case. There's no third reason, I know it seems like there should be, but there's not.'
His pen paused above the sheet of paper and he looked up to see a couple walking out of the school, not paying any attention to him or the rest of the world. It was apparent to anyone that they were drunk on love, that neither wanted to have anything to do with reality.
"I hate them." Danny muttered, turning back to his paper.
For a moment he considered going in a different strain of thought, talking about couples. Then again that was just sidetracking him from what he wanted to get out. Perhaps later in the letter he could suggest it? After all, it wasn't like Dash was ever going to read it.
'I know I'd be safer to tell my feelings to someone I'd actually have a chance with, but I can't help it. I'm not sure when it started, but all I know is that if it ever stopped I'd feel empty inside.'
The thought made his eyes water slightly and he stopped to take a deep breath before continuing.
'Before I go to sleep at night, I wonder what it would be like to be closer to you. Even just to be your friend would make me feel incredible, so long as I could be near you. I probably sound like a stalker now, or maybe just totally stupid.'
He stopped once more, not sure how to continue. Could he really be uninhibited with what he really wanted? He could feel sweat gather on his upper lip and wiped it absently before scratching down the next sentence.
'What's on the next page is a bit more personal and graphic so I'd appreciate it if you didn't read it.'
He blushed even writing the words and slumped lower against the tree, the bark scraping his t-shirt and roughly abrassing his back. He turned to the next sheet of unmarked paper and continued his letter, not bothering to look up anymore. He knew that if he saw even one person anywhere's near him he'd loose his nerve and have to start with something completely different.
'There are times when you're chasing me down the hallways, I don't have time to think and get cornered somewhere out of sight of the teachers. That's probably the time when you look the most incredible to me. You're eyes are so filled with anger and when you're about to pounce on me, I sometimes hope you'll suddenly see me in a different light. You'll understand why I let you beat me ever time and take some pity, change that anger into a kind of fury or frenzy that neither of us can stop.
'You're hands are like iron on my arms but I don't bruise that easily, so I don't mind. You push me against walls, and shove me into lockers, and punch me so hard that it hurts to breath but I don't mind. I don't mind, as long as it's your hands that hit me. Don't take me for a masochist, I don't enjoy the pain, I'll just take whatever I can get. It's really pathetic that all the time you're rough with me, I wish you'd slow down and kiss away the hurt.'
The teenage halfa stopped and swallowed the lump in his throat. If he had known it would hurt to get this out he wouldn't have started, but he knew that he couldn't stop here. There was so much more he wanted to tell Dash, even if he'd never read those words. He could feel the tips of his ears turning red and crouched closer to the paper in an effort to hide the words as he wrote.
'I had a dream of you once, you let me stand next to you and put your arm around my waist. It was like you were trying to let me know that you own me, and I agreed with you quietly before you pushed me down. We were laying together in the middle of the football field and there was no one left in the city, I don't know why. You still had that smug smile on your face and you were holding my wrists above my head so I wouldn't be able to touch you. I remember how much it hurt to be close and not be able to touch you. I wanted to pull you down to me and demand a kiss but I knew it wouldn't be allowed.
'You were so superior sitting between my legs, lording it over me that you controlled what happened. One hand still held my wrists easily but the other started to rip away my shirt, it made me so hot to think of how strong you are. I think I protested but you shut me up quickly, taking me by the nipple and twisting fiercly. Maybe I am a masochist, because I liked it and I asked you to do it again. You only smiled and unzipped your pants, grabbing me by the hair and shoving my face to your crotch.
'I have to confess, I snuck a peek at you in the gym showers. I know how well endowed you are and in my dreams you knew what I did. You started by gently tapping the head of your cock against my lips and I opened my mouth for you, expecting you to ram yourself down my throat. But you didn't...
'You kept one hand in my hair and let me lick you. Your other hand was still working my nipple and making me hard. I was whimpering against your thick dick, I wanted you to do something but I didn't know what, I still don't. You just pumped yourself into my mouth, your fingers still pinching and rubbing my chest until I thought it was on fire. Then your hand slid down my stomach to my pants and you pushed your way inside to stroke me too.
'Then you look down at me and say: '
"Hey! Fentina!"
Danny nearly jumped out of his skin, catching his notebook before it scattered the pages. Not five feet from where he sat was the one person that haunted his dreams. He grabbed for his bookbag and ended up knocking it over, spilling the few textbooks that he had carried with him. Feeling ridiculous the lithe boy scrambled to push them back in, hearing Dash laugh at him as he did so.
"Why so jumpy? Do I make you nervous Fenton?" Dash took a few steps forward and leaned over the young boy. "Boo!"
Danny smiled up at him anxiously, his hands shaking as he collected his things. His breath caught in his throat when the jock picked up the notebook he had been writing in and waved it in the air. He froze in a half crouch on the ground, the strap of his bookbag in one hand.
"Is this for Lancer's class?" Dash ask curiously, opening up the notebook, "Maybe I could have it huh Fenton? I don't know what to write, so you just think of something else while I take this."
"No!" Danny panicked and jumped for the notebook.
The blonde laughed and held the book above Danny's head teasingly. He looked at the pages and squinted slightly to read the hastily written notes. A small blush crossed his cheeks and the free hand that held Danny away clenched in his shirt. The jock's jaw tensed as he scanned through the love note and his knuckles started to turn white from how tightly he held the notebook in his grasp.
"Fenton, what the -fuck- is this?" He growled, not bothering to turn to look at the scared boy.
"It's just... it's nothing, it's really nothing. I was just-"
Dash finally looked at him, silencing his babbling. The anger in his eyes was far more heated than normal and Danny felt ice set over his heart. He knew this would happen, it was the small town attitude that almost everyone in the school had. He wanted to tear his eyes away from Dash's angry, handsome features but he found himself frozen. This wasn't the way he wanted him to find out. It was supposed to be different and beautiful and filled with understanding.
"Please... please don't..." The shorter boy whispered, tears choking his voice.
The quarterback threw him back against the tree he'd been resting under and ripped the two pages out of the notebook furiously before hurling it at him. Quickly he brought his arms up to shield himself and felt it slam against his forearms. He winced at the numbing sensation that went up his arms and stared stupidly up at his crush. The blonde towered over him, his fists at his sides.
"Get the hell out of my sight."
It felt like his heart was being slowly ripped apart, piece by piece. Tears rose in his eyes but he refused to let them fall in front of Dash, he could spare some dignity at least. His hands were shaking as he picked up his things and stood up. The jock didn't make a move to hurry him with his fists and Danny almost wished that he would.
"Didn't you hear me? I said get the hell out of here!" Dash yelled at him, blue eyes narrowing.
Clumsily Danny rushed off the school grounds, heading for home. His parents would flip out to see him skipping school but he didn't know where else to go. He wanted to dig a pit and throw himself into it. He knew Dash would react that way.
He'd said the same thing in the dream.
End Chapter One
Danny: OO W...where's my fluff and romance? Where's the humor?
Nika: ummm, nowhere apparently.
Danny: still quite stunned Nika: This was written in a day and has no beta so please excuse any typos or anything that you find. The title on the chapter? Sometimes love is like a race, now which of the boys is going to win? Who knows.
Pairing: Dash/Danny Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom looks over her shoulder at the lawyers satisfied you vultures!
Note: This was written because of a challenge put out on the Danny Phantom Slash group, originally it was supposed to be a humor fic, but my mind started to run away on me when I considered how this should be done and this is the end result... lots and lots of crying.
Chapter One - The head start
Danny slunk as low in his seat as he could get, not wanting to look at what his Professor had written on the board. In large letters in bright pink chalk was the word 'Homosexuality'. For a moment his heart dropped into his shoes. This wasn't going to be one of those sex ed classes was it? But no they wouldn't do something so mainstream like that in this city, there were too many impressionable young minds, God forbid they learn something different.
The bald teacher leaned up against the wall and looked out over his classroom. Like he expected most of them were either blushing, giggling or trying to pretend that the word wasn't written on the board. He cleared his throat to catch their attention and put a score under the word before he started his speach.
"Today there is only one assignment, I'll tell you what I want and the rest of your period is free to use as you choose. However," He held up his hand before the cheering could start, "I suggest that you use your time wisely and work on the essay that I have for you today.
"The essay you have will be freestyle on the topic of homosexuality. I want good, thought provoking writting. There is no minimum amount of pages or words, however I will be grading harder those that think they can get away with writting something like 'gays are evil' and passing it in."
This last part got a few titters from the people in the backrow and he shot them a nasty glare. "It will be passed in to me in a weeks time, and in light of the fact that some of you think what you're peers think matters, you will pass it in in a manilla envelope. No one will see what you've written except for me and you and whomever you decide to share it with."
He sat down at his desk and pulled out some papers to be graded, expecting all the students to rush to leave. He was surprised however, when he looked up to find that only a few had left and there were a few hands raised in the air. With a sigh he put down his red pen and pointed to one of the upstarts, Danny Fenton.
"If it's Freestyle, does that mean it doesn't have to be exactly essay form?" The ebone haired teen played with his pen nervously.
"Precisely." The Professor smiled and gestured with his hands as he spoke, "If you want to write a poem, a list of reasons for or against, that's fine. Just make sure that you back up your reasoning."
Danny thought for a moment and then packed up his books, putting them in his bookbag before hurrying out of the class. He knew that Sam and Tucker would try to follow him so he checked the hallways for people before going intangible and sneaking through the walls. The cold brick of the walls was like a slight tingling feeling against his ghost skin and he was glad when he reached the outdoors and sat beneath a tree. The closest person was a good fifteen feet away so Danny concentrated on his human form, sighing as he pulled his notebook out of his backpack. So long as there were no ghosts around he could get work done. With the ghost zone opened up, he couldn't afford to procrastinate.
The looseleaf stared up at him with it's thin light green lines, taunting him to write what he wanted. It was a subject that he could relate to at least, unlike the gorilla project Sam pushed him into doing. To be able to write what he really wanted without repercussion? He tapped his pen against the paper gently, leaving small marks in it's wake. Whatever written was his business and the teacher couldn't say anything, except maybe that his arguements weren't strong enough. But how much could he write? A blush graced his cheeks as he started the letter.
'To the one I cannot touch:'
Danny scowled and scratched it out, that was way too flowery for him. No way a jock would be able stop laughing after that one sentence to keep reading.
'Dear Dash:'
He scratched that too. It sounded too formal, too familiar even. He wetted his lips and looked around once more, his heart pounded faster at the thought of someone finding him writting there. Sure there was hardly anyone there, and no one paid any attention to the 'loser' crowd, but there was still the nagging doubt in the back of his mind.
'Dash Baxter:
I know that we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. That we're on completely different levels of the social ladder. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about you from time to time. You're the picture of what a perfect son would be, a quarterback, popular with girls and confident.'
He stopped a moment to think, the wind rustling his unruly black hair and raising the hairs on the back of his neck. He rubbed the cooled skin, his notebook resting on his raised legs. Only a few sentences and he was starting to feel a little better.
'I guess I should explain why I'm writing this. Well, the first reason is for that English essay. I don't think I would have thought to do this unless our teacher brought it up. The second reason is I've heard that writing letters you never mean to send makes you feel better on the inside and I'm kinda hoping that will apply in my case. There's no third reason, I know it seems like there should be, but there's not.'
His pen paused above the sheet of paper and he looked up to see a couple walking out of the school, not paying any attention to him or the rest of the world. It was apparent to anyone that they were drunk on love, that neither wanted to have anything to do with reality.
"I hate them." Danny muttered, turning back to his paper.
For a moment he considered going in a different strain of thought, talking about couples. Then again that was just sidetracking him from what he wanted to get out. Perhaps later in the letter he could suggest it? After all, it wasn't like Dash was ever going to read it.
'I know I'd be safer to tell my feelings to someone I'd actually have a chance with, but I can't help it. I'm not sure when it started, but all I know is that if it ever stopped I'd feel empty inside.'
The thought made his eyes water slightly and he stopped to take a deep breath before continuing.
'Before I go to sleep at night, I wonder what it would be like to be closer to you. Even just to be your friend would make me feel incredible, so long as I could be near you. I probably sound like a stalker now, or maybe just totally stupid.'
He stopped once more, not sure how to continue. Could he really be uninhibited with what he really wanted? He could feel sweat gather on his upper lip and wiped it absently before scratching down the next sentence.
'What's on the next page is a bit more personal and graphic so I'd appreciate it if you didn't read it.'
He blushed even writing the words and slumped lower against the tree, the bark scraping his t-shirt and roughly abrassing his back. He turned to the next sheet of unmarked paper and continued his letter, not bothering to look up anymore. He knew that if he saw even one person anywhere's near him he'd loose his nerve and have to start with something completely different.
'There are times when you're chasing me down the hallways, I don't have time to think and get cornered somewhere out of sight of the teachers. That's probably the time when you look the most incredible to me. You're eyes are so filled with anger and when you're about to pounce on me, I sometimes hope you'll suddenly see me in a different light. You'll understand why I let you beat me ever time and take some pity, change that anger into a kind of fury or frenzy that neither of us can stop.
'You're hands are like iron on my arms but I don't bruise that easily, so I don't mind. You push me against walls, and shove me into lockers, and punch me so hard that it hurts to breath but I don't mind. I don't mind, as long as it's your hands that hit me. Don't take me for a masochist, I don't enjoy the pain, I'll just take whatever I can get. It's really pathetic that all the time you're rough with me, I wish you'd slow down and kiss away the hurt.'
The teenage halfa stopped and swallowed the lump in his throat. If he had known it would hurt to get this out he wouldn't have started, but he knew that he couldn't stop here. There was so much more he wanted to tell Dash, even if he'd never read those words. He could feel the tips of his ears turning red and crouched closer to the paper in an effort to hide the words as he wrote.
'I had a dream of you once, you let me stand next to you and put your arm around my waist. It was like you were trying to let me know that you own me, and I agreed with you quietly before you pushed me down. We were laying together in the middle of the football field and there was no one left in the city, I don't know why. You still had that smug smile on your face and you were holding my wrists above my head so I wouldn't be able to touch you. I remember how much it hurt to be close and not be able to touch you. I wanted to pull you down to me and demand a kiss but I knew it wouldn't be allowed.
'You were so superior sitting between my legs, lording it over me that you controlled what happened. One hand still held my wrists easily but the other started to rip away my shirt, it made me so hot to think of how strong you are. I think I protested but you shut me up quickly, taking me by the nipple and twisting fiercly. Maybe I am a masochist, because I liked it and I asked you to do it again. You only smiled and unzipped your pants, grabbing me by the hair and shoving my face to your crotch.
'I have to confess, I snuck a peek at you in the gym showers. I know how well endowed you are and in my dreams you knew what I did. You started by gently tapping the head of your cock against my lips and I opened my mouth for you, expecting you to ram yourself down my throat. But you didn't...
'You kept one hand in my hair and let me lick you. Your other hand was still working my nipple and making me hard. I was whimpering against your thick dick, I wanted you to do something but I didn't know what, I still don't. You just pumped yourself into my mouth, your fingers still pinching and rubbing my chest until I thought it was on fire. Then your hand slid down my stomach to my pants and you pushed your way inside to stroke me too.
'Then you look down at me and say: '
"Hey! Fentina!"
Danny nearly jumped out of his skin, catching his notebook before it scattered the pages. Not five feet from where he sat was the one person that haunted his dreams. He grabbed for his bookbag and ended up knocking it over, spilling the few textbooks that he had carried with him. Feeling ridiculous the lithe boy scrambled to push them back in, hearing Dash laugh at him as he did so.
"Why so jumpy? Do I make you nervous Fenton?" Dash took a few steps forward and leaned over the young boy. "Boo!"
Danny smiled up at him anxiously, his hands shaking as he collected his things. His breath caught in his throat when the jock picked up the notebook he had been writing in and waved it in the air. He froze in a half crouch on the ground, the strap of his bookbag in one hand.
"Is this for Lancer's class?" Dash ask curiously, opening up the notebook, "Maybe I could have it huh Fenton? I don't know what to write, so you just think of something else while I take this."
"No!" Danny panicked and jumped for the notebook.
The blonde laughed and held the book above Danny's head teasingly. He looked at the pages and squinted slightly to read the hastily written notes. A small blush crossed his cheeks and the free hand that held Danny away clenched in his shirt. The jock's jaw tensed as he scanned through the love note and his knuckles started to turn white from how tightly he held the notebook in his grasp.
"Fenton, what the -fuck- is this?" He growled, not bothering to turn to look at the scared boy.
"It's just... it's nothing, it's really nothing. I was just-"
Dash finally looked at him, silencing his babbling. The anger in his eyes was far more heated than normal and Danny felt ice set over his heart. He knew this would happen, it was the small town attitude that almost everyone in the school had. He wanted to tear his eyes away from Dash's angry, handsome features but he found himself frozen. This wasn't the way he wanted him to find out. It was supposed to be different and beautiful and filled with understanding.
"Please... please don't..." The shorter boy whispered, tears choking his voice.
The quarterback threw him back against the tree he'd been resting under and ripped the two pages out of the notebook furiously before hurling it at him. Quickly he brought his arms up to shield himself and felt it slam against his forearms. He winced at the numbing sensation that went up his arms and stared stupidly up at his crush. The blonde towered over him, his fists at his sides.
"Get the hell out of my sight."
It felt like his heart was being slowly ripped apart, piece by piece. Tears rose in his eyes but he refused to let them fall in front of Dash, he could spare some dignity at least. His hands were shaking as he picked up his things and stood up. The jock didn't make a move to hurry him with his fists and Danny almost wished that he would.
"Didn't you hear me? I said get the hell out of here!" Dash yelled at him, blue eyes narrowing.
Clumsily Danny rushed off the school grounds, heading for home. His parents would flip out to see him skipping school but he didn't know where else to go. He wanted to dig a pit and throw himself into it. He knew Dash would react that way.
He'd said the same thing in the dream.
End Chapter One
Danny: OO W...where's my fluff and romance? Where's the humor?
Nika: ummm, nowhere apparently.
Danny: still quite stunned Nika: This was written in a day and has no beta so please excuse any typos or anything that you find. The title on the chapter? Sometimes love is like a race, now which of the boys is going to win? Who knows.