Gravity
Part Fifteen

So much had been thrown at him today that Neji had been certain his mind would not be able to process another startling discovery. For the past half an hour, after the quiet, potent rage that had filled him upon hearing his fate had subsided, Neji had merely sat on the edge of his bed, methodically shredding his hospital sheet into inch wide strips. He had pushed any and all thoughts of everything to the back of his mind and focused on casual, repetitive physical motions. For a time, he had been able to distract himself.

He was the only person to be blamed for his current state. If he and Shikamaru had stopped and taken turns sleeping, then he would have been more rested for battle. There had been time, but he had been unwilling to consider it, wanting so badly to be back to Konoha in the shortest amount of time possible. Hubris had driven him to carry on without pausing, and he had fallen into its clutches as surely as he ever had when young. Now he would be punished for his unbearable arrogance for the rest of his life.

A violent anger had gripped him when Haruno Sakura told him of his condition, though he had never let it show on his face. He had sat still and with a marble mask while she explained, and then, when she had left, it had begun to devour him. There was no punishment quite like the knowledge that it was all one's own doing, and every day, when he woke before dawn to begin the training that would now be rehabilitation, he would remember.

His cycle of tearing himself apart from the inside had only just begun when his cousin had been admitted to his room. If it had been anyone else in the world, he would have been able to speak to them calmly, rationally. He would have told them of his plans for extensive physical therapy exercises every morning, and he would have added that even though he would never rise to his previous skill level again, he would not be defenseless. They would not have detected how much he disgusted himself, as his eyes would have been blank, cool. His voice would have betrayed nothing.

But it had not been anyone else. It had been Hinata.

Neji didn't know when he had come to love her, but in that moment where she stood in the doorway, uncertain but so determined, he finally admitted to himself that he was lost. There would never be another woman who would make him feel the way she did, because there was not another woman in the world who was like her. So many times he had underestimated her, so many times he had passed her off as less than she was, when in reality, she was more than any man could ever dream to have.

Like so many other things in his life, he had realized too late. It seemed to be his fate to know his heart only when it was of no use to him, because for all he was a genius, he never learned.

But the most extraordinary thing had happened. Something that had never before occurred in his life; a chance to claim something that would have been lost to him. Hinata... despite how he had treated her, despite all the mistakes he had made in his life, despite everything, had told him that she loved him. She had told him in more than words, and the knowledge of it had shaken him to his very core.

For one blindingly euphoric moment, he had accepted it, and his mind had been flooded with them. He had seen himself assuring her of his own feelings and then proposing marriage, the subsequent request he would make of her father, the preparations. They would live together and have children, and they would raise them gently but with a firm hand, and they would love them, as surely as they did one another.

His life would finally have the missing piece, and though it would not be perfect, it would be as close as two mortals could obtain to perfection.

Reality had slapped him in the face seconds later, reminding him that she was promised to another man. It was as simple as that; with that truth in mind, he had closed his mind to the possibilities and accepted his fate in a way that would have made his thirteen year-old self utterly outraged. He had grown since then, however, and had realized that there were some paths of fate that a man had to walk, no matter how unpleasant they were.

Even if it broke him, he would not, for once in his life, be selfish. He would do what was right and practice the words that he preached, though they felt like poison on his tongue now.

It cost him more than anyone alive would ever know to smile at her and say, "I am honored that you would feel"

"Stop it." Hinata's voice was sharp and he was too taken aback to continue.

Her cheeks were red, though it wasn't with shame. On the contrary, she looked angry, though her entire body was shaking and betraying her true feelings. He could do nothing to mask the surprise on his face as she continued.

"Please don't sit there and tell me that you're honored I love you, but you can't feel that way about me. I... I know I'm probably the last person you could ever want to be with, and I understand that, but please, for God's sake, don't condescend me. Not in this."

Neji began to speak, but she lifted a hand to silence him, eyes bright.

"I love you. I can't help that. It's the most frightening and beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. Don't you dare sit there and throw it back in my face." Emotion had her slurring her words as they tumbled out, strain in her voice. "If you don't love me, just tell me. I'll understand. I'm not a child, Neji. I'm... not..."

Reaching up with a trembling hand, he touched her arm lightly, at an utter loss for what to say. This was a side of Hinata that he had never seen before, one that he was certain no one else had been privilege to. Years of being shoved aside, disregarded, and humored had taken their toll on her, but she had hidden it deep inside of her until this moment. She had allowed no one else to know how much she resented their treatment of her, likely out of consideration for their own feelings.

What sort of man was he to sit here and lie to them both when she was so honest? He was a coward, and that was one thing that he promised himself years ago that he would never be. If the situation hadn't been so serious, he might have laughed at himself.

Forcing himself to meet the eyes that humbled him, he answered her in a soft, subdued tone. "I would never condescend to you, Hinata-sama. I have nothing but respect for you. Nothing... but love."

Closing his eyes, he continued. "I love you. I never intended for you to feel that way about me, however, because we could never be. You are engaged to Otoya-kun, and he deserves you. I am such a flawed man, Hinata-sama. I could never make you happy as he will."

"How dare you decide that for me."

His eyes opened very slowly, their focus the hem of her kimono as she spoke.

"You say you respect me, but you make my decisions as if I were a child unable to make up my own mind. I do know my own mind, Neji, and more importantly, I know my own heart. The only person I want to be with is you."

Looking up into her face, he nearly flinched at the anger he saw there. Her every word was costing her, and tears were splashing down her cheeks, but Hinata was not backing down. She was such a strong, beautiful woman.

Expression crumbling, she dropped her hands limply to her sides and asked, "Why must you push happiness away with both hands, Neji? Can't you ever forgive yourself?"

Humbled, shamed, he dropped his own hand and could think of nothing else to say except, "I've made you cry..."

Hinata wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her silk kimono, watching him from red-rimmed eyes. She ignored his comment and asked instead, "Neji, why won't you marry me?"

"Otoya-kun..." It was the only thing he could manage.

"Otoya-kun has refused me." Shaking, she gripped her shoulders with pale hands and closed her eyes tightly. "He said... he can't marry a woman who is in love with someone else. So now I am without a fiancé. I don't care about being Head of family, Neji. I'll gladly step down if it means you might consider... even just a little bit..."

In a move that he should have performed as soon as she confessed her feelings, Neji stood and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest and holding her as tightly as he could without hurting her. Never again would he look happiness in the eyes and thrust it away. This woman, this brave, wonderful little woman had shown him that he was an exceptionally stupid man.

There was nothing to be gained by torturing himself for sins that had been repented thousands of times over.

Sliding his lips across her hair, he murmured, "If you'll have me, Hinata-sama, I would love nothing more than to be your husband."

She drew back and met his eyes, her own softened with love and tears. "Then stop calling me Hinata-sama. From now on, I'm just Hinata to you."

Slipping one hand into her hair, he cupped the side of her face with it and smiled slowly. For the first time in his life, something would be completely his. He would marry her, and then he would cherish her every day and never, for even a moment, let her feel that she was unappreciated.

He would give himself, in his entirety, to her. God willing, she wouldn't regret it come tomorrow, because by then it would be too late. He intended to speak to her father as soon as they released him from this hospital, and he would make him understand. No one would be able to deter Neji from his decision to marry his shy-eyed cousin.

This time, he would seize his happiness with both hands, and hold it gently so that he would never break its wings.