Hey everyone, I would just like to say that this is where my story ends. That's right, this is the last chapter. This chapter is way longer than all the rest, twice as long actually. I wanted to break it in two, but you guys deserve this, my story needs to end sooner or later.
Can you believe it's been almost two years? I have developed so much as a writer, if you don't believe me, go look at my first chapters. Embarrassing…After I post this, I'm going to take some time to edit the first few chapters, because I'm not pleased with them at all, but that's not the point.
Point is, I am so glad I have readers and reviewers like you guys, you stuck with this story through thick and thin, bad and good times and you guys always encouraged me no matter what. It really means a lot. So, this story is really dedicated to all of you guys out there. I would like to shout out some names, but there's way too many.
If you ever want to talk to me, I have YIM, MSN, AIM, pick one and we'll chat. I really want to see what my readers are like.
By the way, my friend, Lilypad05, and I, have been working on a mystery/pirate/romance story that I will be posting on my account in a few weeks. Hope you guys check that out, I think it's much better than this story, especially if you love treasure hunts with clues such as Da Vinci Code, and of course…pirates! And you don't have to worry about us updating slow, because we already wrote many chapters and lilypad05 is very good at updating fast, unlike me.
Okay, enough said, because I'm getting sad that the story is finished. Hope you guys enjoy it.
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Crawling in the Dark
Chapter Twenty-Five
"I will dedicate
And sacrifice my everything for just a second's worth
Of how my story's ending
And I wish I could know if the directions that I take
And all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing
Show me what it's for,
Make me understand it
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer,
Is there something more than what i've been handed?"
- Crawling in the Dark by Hoobastank
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Kagome and Inuyasha had not seen each other in a few weeks. However, today everything was going to change. It was the opening night for their movie, "The Notebook". This should have been Kagome's day for excitement, happiness. Yet, it was not. She was everything opposite from pleasure and joy. Kagome wondered why she was feeling these emotions. It had already been a few weeks. She sighed, while lying in bed.
The last time she saw him, he saved her. But, he didn't look at her. She didn't look at him. She changed Inuyasha from the person she liked, a fun, free-willed person, to the person who was destroying her. How could this have happened? And why did she let it happen?
When she found out that Inuyasha was going to play Noah, she knew she had to change. She set her emotions aside and played along. When they became friends, she was happy, happier than she had ever been. She felt free. And that's when she put her guard down. She set down her walls and let him in. This was what it caused.
As she got up from bed to brush her teeth, she stared at herself in the mirror; she stared at the tiny raw part on her arm that Naraku inflicted upon her. They couldn't avoid each other forever. She was leaving for Los Angeles soon, and she had one last thing to say. Kagome was not quite finished with Inuyasha; she had to set things straight. Tell him how she felt. She was not going to keep her sadness to herself, the sorrow and unhappiness stabbed through her heart.
Although she knew that Inuyasha was probably still feeling the same sorrow because of Kikyo, that was not going to stop her from talking to him one last time. Even if everything happened because of her, nothing was going to change her mind.
&
Inuyasha sat quietly in his chair, eating. He turned down every single invitation for breakfast and lunch, just to sit by himself, to think.
He remembered the look in Kagome's eyes when the movie was finished filming. He remembered the look she had when they were eating together, laughing and joking. He remembered all the good, fun times they shared. It brought a smile on Inuyasha's face; he had not smiled in a long time.
Then, he thought of Kikyo, and embraced every moment he had with her, from high school to their wedding. However, his smile faded. Every time he thought of her, he thought of Naraku. The two words he said to him tore his heart apart.
"Kikyo's lover," he whispered to himself.
Although he had been through this thought process many times now, every time was different than the others. Naraku loved her and…did she love him back? Inuyasha found out a few days ago that he went to the same college; also, his dorm was right next to hers. Several of Kikyo's college friends said that they were pretty close and some even thought they were dating until the wedding, when he first met Naraku. It brought back so many memories. Kikyo then went to the parking lot to talk to Naraku, during his own wedding.
What she said he may never know, but it was because of Naraku that she decided to get in a car. It was because of Inuyasha for he had let her. It was also because of Kagome that she got in the…accident. Everything tied together, the pain he could not handle anymore.
His thoughts diverted to Kagome. What about her? Was he supposed to be mad at her forever? Truthfully, he tried blaming her on everything that happened, but couldn't. His heart and mind would not let him.
Deep down he knew that Kagome meant something to him, however he set it aside because he knew that Kagome was going to leave sooner or later. Everyone and everything that ever mattered in his life was or would be gone.
&
Kagome twirled her bracelet back and forth, and back and forth. She took in a breath and let it back out. The limo ride was the most awkward ride ever. Inuyasha was right next to her, yet she had not stolen a glance yet. The other crew members were sitting opposite from the two, talking, laughing, and joking. Kagome didn't know what to do.
She looked at her red, gracefully draped down to the floor, Gucci gown. It was the most beautiful dress Kagome had ever seen, and she was wearing it. Everyone told her that she had to shine down the red carpet.
"Kagome, we're here." This was the first time in two weeks that she heard Inuyasha talk to her. The way he said her name, it was gentle and soft. She couldn't help but look up, and lock her eyes into his for a moment.
She smiled at him, "Let's be happy, okay?"
They both knew what she meant, for both of them had not been happy in the past two weeks. For whatever reason, they had to pretend tonight, put their acting to the test.
Kagome licked her lips and nodded. The door opened. She put on her biggest smile and walked out, side by side with Inuyasha. She then put her arm around his and together, they walked down. He was so warm, and she felt like all the emotions she felt in the past two weeks were drained out of her.
&
Inuyasha smiled, he did not know whether it was a real smile or he was pretending. But, it felt good. Kagome was right next to him, and although he was not supposed to like her after everything that happened, he couldn't help but feel the gentle touch of her hand on his arm, take in her soft fragrance, and just cherish the moment. It might be the last time, for nothing was ever going to happen between them.
As the cameras flashed and the crowd went wild, Inuyasha pulled her closer. They smiled to the cameras, while walking down the red carpet.
"She is gorgeous!" some of the fans screamed out.
"I love her dress!" other people said.
Inuyasha looked at her. "What about me?" he joked.
"Are you jealous?" she laughed and continued to cling onto his arm.
The relaxed conversation came so naturally. It seemed like they had forgotten about their past.
"He is hot." This line caught both of their ears. Kagome couldn't help but laugh out loud, while Inuyasha turned around to see who it was. They knew they were not acting like how they were supposed to on this occasion, but it was such an experience, they couldn't think of how to act.
Kagome looked around the crowd, cameras flashing, fans wanting autographs. However, a little girl caught her eye, standing in front of two girls older than her. They were shoving her to the side and yelling. The little girl tilted her head down and bit her lips.
"Come with me," Kagome whispered to Inuyasha.
Led by Kagome, the two walked towards the little girl. Kagome knelt down and looked at her. The girl looked up, but afraid to look into her eyes. She smiled, trying to think of something to say, "You are such a pretty girl; just don't let anyone tell you what to do, okay?" She then gently took the pen from her hand, "What's your name?"
The little girl finally looked into her eyes and smiled, "Sakura."
"Sakura, cherry blossom, what a pretty name," She then signed the poster Sakura had in her hand and returned the pen back to her.
"Thank…" Before the little girl could continue, she was cut off by the two girls that were shoving her. "Oh my god! Give it to me!"
Kagome stood up, looked at them, and then smiled, "It's hers."
The two girl's eyes widened, then looked down, in shame, "Sorry, we didn't mean it."
"Good." She and Inuyasha then turned around and walked away.
"That was a little too nice of you don't you think?" Inuyasha whispered to Kagome, "Who cares about a little girl?"
She couldn't help but hit him softly on the chest. "You'll learn to care one of these days," she whispered back, joking.
The two of them walked into the building. Both were excited of what the movie turned out to be. As they sat in their seats, distress surrounded them again. They didn't know what to say, so they just sat and watched through The Notebook.
&
"Help me carry on
Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes
To navigate the darkness
Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?
How much further do I have to go?
How much longer until I finally know?
Because I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me."
"Wow, that was really deep." Kagome heard the voice of a girl behind her. The movie was over.
"It kind of was, huh." Inuyasha even had to admit, some parts were touching.
Kagome nodded and looked at him, "It didn't seem like it was going to be this emotional when we filmed it. We messed up every scene." She then laughed.
Inuyasha chuckled slightly, "Yeah, I don't think we filmed any scene in one try. And it's weird to see your face on the big screen."
"Well," Kagome nodded, "we'll have to get used to it."
Kagome looked at him. It was now or never. "Do you wanna go for a walk?" She tried asking as politely as possible, but she knew the question was going to cause some tension.
Inuyasha nodded silently. The two of them got up and headed out the door. The moon was full and bright enough to cast shadows among the two. They just walked for a while, trying to get away from the noise of the city. She was still wearing her dress, walking on the pavement with her heels. She cast a glance at him. He looked like he was thinking. The moon reflected upon his eyes. She tore her gaze away.
Without thinking, they wandered towards a lake and strolled onto the dock. Kagome took a seat and he sat next to her. Kagome loved the beauty of the water, especially under the bright, lit moon. If they had a place, this was probably it.
They both turned to look at each other, wondering what would happen next. Kagome took the first step. "I'm going to talk for a while and you just listen, okay?" It was not a question; she did not want to ask him for permission. However, Inuyasha merely nodded. She focused her eyes back to the lake. "You might not like everything I'm about to say." She didn't wait for him to nod this time.
"I thought we became friends during these few months, almost a year." She said, nodding to herself, and thinking what to say next. She had thought out about everything, but, just being with him, her mind froze. Everything she planed out was forgotten. "I didn't know that it would be possible after…well, high school. I know it was such a long time ago." She couldn't help but laugh at herself in pity.
"But, it did happen. I loved being your friend. Being with you, it made me happy; you took away all the stress in life. Although we both suffered a little, but it didn't matter to me nearly as much as being your friend. I was happy just to be close to you." Kagome shook her head, "now I sound pathetic."
Inuyasha looked down, he wanted to say something, but had promised that he wouldn't. Kagome was in so much pain, talking to him like this. He could feel it.
"And as we started getting closer, you took me out to dinner, it was the sweetest thing, but, you kissed me. Although it did not mean anything to you, it meant a lot to me."
"Then, you and Kikyo were going to get married. And I accepted it, and I didn't want to stand in your way. I was happy for you if you were happy to be with her. Although it was somewhat…hard for me, I really did mean it. I just wanted you to trust me." Kagome's words were flowing out more smoothly now. Everything she had gone through, all her feelings she kept in her chest, were coming out. "I would have hated to lose a friend like you."
"We spent time together and had fun. Well, at least I had fun." Her voice was getting shaky, but she held on and continued, "And when I got hurt, you rescued me, took care of me, twice. You took care of me as nicely as anyone ever did in my life." She fought back the tears in her eyes. "Even if I never see you again, I will never forget it." She paused and hoped that tears won't slip out. She wanted to keep them in her eyes, she didn't want to sound or appear weak.
"I trusted you, and I thought you cared about me. Not like a girlfriend, I trusted you to be my friend." She was getting to the most dreaded part.
"The wedding happened before I knew it. I remember you coming to me for guidance a few days before, you were wondering whether you really wanted to marry her, the commitment. Although it caused me so much pain, but I helped you through it, I supported you. I was afraid that if I did anything else, it would…be a repeat of high school, because…I liked you," Kagome brushed a tear out of her eye before it could fall, "I just didn't want to get hurt again."
Inuyasha looked at her; he did not know he caused her so much pain. He always thought it was one-sided, but now, he knew. Why was she telling him this?
"I told myself to get through it, because everything was going to be over soon. At the wedding, I tried to stay, I really did. And I'm so sorry that I left. After I found out what happened in the hospital, it tore me apart. I couldn't stop thinking of you, because…I failed you." Kagome put her fingers in her hair and brushed in down gently. "When we saw each other at the hospital that day, I was begging on the inside for your forgiveness. And let me just say this one more time, I'm sorry."
She straightened herself out, trying not to let the tears that were blurring her vision slip down her face. "But, no matter how much it hurt, I went to the funeral. I wanted to be there to support you. Although I knew I already lost you, I didn't want to admit it. I knew you wouldn't like me anymore."
She couldn't hold back her tears any longer, "I thought at least we could talk it out, I could tell you what happened, and we could just end it. And then you told me you never wanted to see me again. I felt so close to you, and then you were gone from my life. We didn't even get to talk. Is that how it is? Do I cause you so much pain and unhappiness? Do I make you suffer?" Kagome started to cry, but continued between her tears, "Or is that how you are? Do you let people get close to you just so you can disappoint and hurt them? Or do you just hate me that much?"
Inuyasha looked up, his eyes were just like Kagome's, they were shimmering. He looked at her. "Kagome, no, that's not how it is with me," he said painfully.
Kagome was trembling, "Then how is it?" She looked at him.
Inuyasha sat up a little; he looked at his reflection upon the lake. "Now it's my turn to talk, you just listen, alright?"
"Okay."
Inuyasha took in a breath, "I never hated you Kagome, I never even disliked you. After I drove you out of the funeral, I needed time to think, to sort out my emotions. I realized something, Kikyo didn't love me, she loved me for my money, she even had Naraku. I remember every conversation I had with her, it was about how famous and rich I was going to get." He smiled pitifully at himself. "I was so blind."
"I did love Kikyo though, ever since high school, but it was not the love I wanted." Inuyasha stared at his knuckles, he opened and closed them. "When you broke up with me during high school, it hurt a little, but I knew it was somewhat my fault because I was so self-conscious regarding letting people know about our relationship. Then, Kikyo came to me, we had previously dated before. She sounded so worried and caring, so…I took her in. My group tried doing some stuff to you, but I could never do it. Deep down, I knew I still had some feelings for you, no matter how much I tried to deny it, it was there. However, that was a long time ago, we were so young, and I let it go." His voice got softer. He was telling Kagome everything that he had kept inside of him.
"The first year of college, I thought about where you were and how you were doing. Eventually, the thoughts disappeared; all I could think of was Kikyo. I wondered if I was in love. Remember when you and Ayame walked into our Fourth of July party? It brought back so many memories that I couldn't handle anymore. So I decided to get closer to Kikyo to shed away all these reminiscence. And, it worked, I almost forgot about you. I proposed to Kikyo." Inuyasha took in a deep breath, trying to flash his life before his eyes.
"When they invited me to rehearse for the movie, I still had Kikyo in mind, I didn't expect that I'd actually make the part." He smiled bitterly, "and when I found out that you were playing the other role, I…I just didn't know what to do anymore. It made me look back on the last couple of years, and no matter how hard I tried to stop looking back, I couldn't. I realized that I could not escape from…reality." Inuyasha didn't know if his words made sense or not, it was straight from his heart.
"I just never thought we could meet each other again and it didn't help that we lived right next to each other. I knew you were going to turn my life inside-out again, and…you did." He looked over at Kagome; she seemed to be concentrating on what he had just said. "We became friends so fast, and you were so selfless. I couldn't help but…admire you."
"Me?" Kagome had to cut in.
"I'm not done talking," Inuyasha chuckled slightly. "We spent so much time with each other, just having fun, being ourselves. You made me feel open and free to do whatever. When I'm with Kikyo, I'm…bound, I can't do everything I want to."
He rubbed his temples, "The few months that we filmed the movie, it felt like the good times in high school. Although filming was very stressful, but being with you, there was none."
"Kikyo left me alone for a while and I almost killed myself when I realized that I nearly forgot about her. But, it did not kill me as much as the night that you got hurt. From that night on, I told myself that I would protect you, because I did not want to see you in that condition again." He looked up at the moon, the light was getting brighter, the clouds were fading away.
"Back to Kikyo, every time she brought up the marriage, I found myself avoiding the topic. I wondered if I did the right thing by proposing to her. That's where you came in. You helped me through it, and I couldn't have asked for anything more, you are a friend that anyone could ever hope for and I am so glad I found you."
"During the marriage, I was so nervous, but I kept thinking of your soothing words. When I watched Kikyo walk down the aisle, I couldn't help but look at you from the corner of my eyes. I wanted to know what you thought. And, when you left, my mind couldn't concentrate. During my vow, when you abruptly left, I kept wondering where you were. I know this sound pitiable, but, part of me I could feel you. I felt your pain and your sorrow." His voice was nearly a whisper.
Now, this was Inuyasha's most feared part. "When I found out about Kikyo and the car accident, my world stopped. And when I found out about you involved in it, I just didn't know what to do. I know I was mean to you, but what would you do if you lost someone you loved? However, I didn't mean it, and I'm so sorry, Kagome."
Kagome looked up at him; it was the first time he apologized so sincerely. It wasn't even his fault. She smiled at him.
"When…I saved you from Naraku, I couldn't bring words up to say to you. I knew that I needed to sort out my thoughts or I couldn't go on like this. I knew I couldn't stay mad at you forever."
Kagome was getting tense, she wanted him to continue, yet, she didn't want to hear it.
"And, during the past two weeks, I realized something. I realized that although I lost someone I loved, I had someone who loved me right next to me and I loved her for it." Inuyasha paused, wondering if the words came out right.
Kagome froze, she was scared to think what he just said, what if he didn't really mean what she thought he meant?
"The reason I stayed away from you is because every time I'm near you, I don't think straight. I needed to get them straightened out."
Kagome stole a glance at him.
"I really wanted to see you, but I knew I couldn't. But what would that mean? I set aside my feelings for Kikyo that I've had for years for a girl that I acted with a few months? I didn't want to be that type of guy. And also, I thought you didn't want to see me, because of how rude I had been to you. I felt like I didn't deserve you." Inuyasha shook his head, but he wanted to laugh for his stupidity.
"But, I've thought it out. When we walked down that red carpet this evening, I felt something. It was something that I did not feel when I was with Kikyo. I just wanted to be rational; I didn't want it to be a…dream."
Kagome couldn't help but smile, she asked innocently, "Is it a dream?"
Inuyasha studied her face carefully and wrapped his arm around Kagome's waist. He smiled, "It doesn't have to be."
Together, they sat there, looking into the starry sky. They had gone a long way and still have a while to go. But for now, they held on to each other, embracing the moment, recollecting the past, and awaiting their future. Whatever the future may hold, they were ready to face it together.
They are each other's light, shining through the shadows of uncertainty, breaking away the mystery. They will no longer be crawling in the dark.
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I have a feeling that some of you will be disappointed with where this story ends. However, I just think they shouldn't end on getting together, they should start over. And whatever may happen next, in the future, use your imagination.
I hope you guys enjoyed this story, thank you so much for all your support and reviews, they really mean everything to me.
Now, with that said, I really hope you all enjoyed it.