Story: A Wedding Diary
Chapter 12
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: After they left the reception, Abbey told Jed she was pregnant
Summary: Jed is conflicted about his feelings
"I'm pregnant," Abbey said with hesitation in her voice. It was obvious she was nervous about his reaction.
Jed didn't respond verbally. He dropped her hands out of pure shock and crossed in front of her, rubbing his forehead intensely.
"Jed?" Abbey's voice was stronger this time. It had occurred to her he may not be thrilled about this, but she knew she would have been heartbroken if he turned away from her now. "I said I'm pregnant."
"I heard you."
"Please say it's a good thing."
"How long?"
"I think about five weeks. I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I'm pretty sure it was the night we had the little mishap with the condom."
He looked away. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you say something before the wedding?"
His response stung. She feared the implication. "I don't know. Are you saying you wouldn't have married…"
Hearing the apprehension in her voice, he spun around to face her. He didn't need her to continue. He knew what she was asking and it was enough to fill him with remorse. "Oh God, Abbey, no. That isn't what I'm saying at all. Oh, Sweetheart." He wrapped his arms around her.
"I don't know why I didn't tell you. I guess I wanted to be positive. I'm sorry."
Jed broke the embrace and said strongly, "There's nothing to be sorry for. You just caught me off-guard."
"I thought you were angry."
"I could never be angry about a baby. I'm just surprised...confused and scared."
"I am too. I wasn't sure how you'd take it. I should have told you before the ceremony when you came to see me, but I lost my nerve."
"That's probably because I was being a jackass," he laughed.
Jed released his hold on her and Abbey lowered her head. "I'm having doubts, Jed. We're moving to London."
"I know."
"You'll be in school. I'll be working. Will we even have time for a baby?"
"We'll have to make time."
Untying his tie and untucking his shirt, Jed walked to the mirror. Abbey followed him with her eyes, paying close attention to his body language, hoping it would clue her in to what was going through his mind.
While Abbey's thoughts were on the logistics of the pregnancy itself and what it meant for their immediate future, Jed was thinking more about the long-term ramifications. What kind of father was he going to be? Watching Abbey and her father dance just hours earlier convinced him that he didn't know how to raise a child the way Abbey's parents raised her. His relationship with his own mother and father was strained at best.
He leaned against the wall, his shoulders slouched and his posture deflated.
"What are you thinking?" Abbey finally asked after several minutes of silence.
"Just pondering the future."
She lifted him up and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, snuggling against his neck. "No matter how unsure I am, the one thing that keeps me so excited about this is that I know you're going to be a great daddy." She kissed his back and waited for him to respond, but he didn't. "Jed? You know that, don't you?" She let go and walked around to face him. "Jed?"
He closed his eyes and sighed. "How do you know that? I don't know that."
She dismissed his reply. "Don't be silly."
"Why is it silly, Abbey? I love my father, but part me also hates him. What if our children hate me?"
"You're not your father."
He walked away from her again. "I could be. This kid gets a little out of hand, starts talking back to us, like kids always do, how do you know I'm going to keep my cool? How do you know I won't lose my temper?"
Abbey didn't hesitate in her response. She didn't have to. She knew Jed well enough to know the man she married was a far cry from the elder Bartlet. "I'm sure you will lose your temper from time to time. I'm sure we both will. But that doesn't mean you're going to turn into your father."
"I was five years old the first time I remember my dad smacking me. I had been playing outside with some friends and it was getting dark. I didn't answer when he called my name, so he came up to me in front of everyone and slapped my face so hard, it knocked me to the ground."
Jed had never talked to her about his father before, at least not without intentionally avoiding her stare. Abbey walked over to him slowly, reaching out and running her fingers across his cheek. "That's not going to happen with our child."
"You're quite the optimist."
"It isn't optimism. What you just described to me and what you've told me in the past isn't discipline. It's abuse. And no matter how you were raised, you're not an abusive man. You don't have it in you."
"How do you know?"
She grinned at him coyly. "I'm your wife. I know these things."
The words brought a smile to Jed's face. It was the first time Abbey had said it out loud. It felt good. It felt right. They were finally married and nothing cemented it more than the prospect of becoming parents.
"That's cute, but…"
"Jed, do you really think I would have married you if I thought, for a second, that you could be abusive? What if you got angry with me one day? What if we had a big fight and you hit me?"
"That would never, ever happen."
"Of course it wouldn't. If I ever thought it would, I wouldn't have walked down that aisle today. It isn't who you are, Jed. I'm as sure that you would never hurt our child as I am that you would never hurt me."
Jed put his hand on her back and walked her over to the bed. He sat down next to her, staring at her in awe for a minute before reaching for a pillow. He placed it behind her and gently pushed her down. "Lay back."
"Now?"
"Just lay down."
Abbey leaned back onto pillow as Jed slipped his fingers under the hem of her slip, lifting it up so he could rub his hand up and down the length of her belly. He then leaned forward, placing his ear against her stomach. She laughed softly as she used her hands to hold his head against her body.
"Do you hear anything?"
He sat back up and shook his head. "I'm sure we will soon."
"You think we can do this? Be parents, I mean."
"It's so strange hearing that word." His eyes met hers, giving him a distinct sense of peace. "Yeah, I think we can do it."
He lowered his body back down onto hers and kissed her lightly on the lips. He sat back up for a minute, but then repeated the kiss, this time harder, allowing his tongue to capture hers. She wrapped her hands around the back of his head to pull him in closer. As he continued, his hands made their way to her panties and hose. He began to pull them down over her hips. But as soon as his fingers grazed her naked thigh, he stopped suddenly.
"What's wrong?" she asked, panting slightly.
"Is this okay? For the baby, I mean?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
"How do you know?"
"I already did my research in anticipation of this night."
Jed laughed then returned to what he was doing. She raised her hips and helped him take off her underwear then ran her fingers across his chest, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his body. His mouth explored her neck, leaving a trail of warm, wet kisses that extended down towards her breasts. He gently tugged at the fabric covering the swells on her chest, running his tongue over the mounds when they were finally exposed.
Once she got his pants off, Abbey ran her fingers through his hair, her hips grinding underneath him. He discarded the rest of their clothes, never losing contact between his lips and her skin. It didn't take much for either one of them on this night. When he knew she was ready, he entered her slowly, carefully, still a little cautious because of her condition.
Abbey wrapped her ankles behind him and urged him to let go of his inhibitions. Jed pulled her hair back off her forehead and waited for a reassuring nod before he was able to relax inside of her and guide them both towards sexual ecstasy.
"I love you," he whispered as he leaned forward to kiss her.
She repeated his words as arms held him tighter, closer.
Days later, they would board a plane, headed for a fresh start in another country, far away from their friends and family. They were preparing for a year full of challenges and possible obstacles, but none of that mattered tonight. Tonight was about comfort, reassurance, and familiarity -- the three things that made a young Jed and Abbey Jed and Abbey.
The End
TBC in The London Years