Chapter One:

Choices

Fulfilling its duty

One of your flowers is about to drop off

But just beside it

A new bud is about to open

Even one of the branches reveals to us

The entire scheme of nature.

- Tomihiro Hoshino

It was like finally getting to jumpstart your life after ten years. It felt like ten eternities... But now, finally, after a long wait, it came. He had never believed it would, but it did...

And now he was free.

Brushing back the unruly locks of golden hair out of his face, Dearka Elthman looked over his shoulder and smiled at the tall, light-haired fellow in a fine-trimmed ZAFT uniform standing casually behind him, arms crossed over his chest.

"Are you just going to stand there?" he asked quietly as he smiled.

Yzak Jule smiled back. In the years, his friend's aggressiveness and choice of bad cusses had faded much over time, leaving nothing but a serious Council Member who pretty much possessed but an iota of humor. And although majority of the time placid, Yzak still had the air of cockiness that made all his smiles look like smirks. "This is what you've been waiting for, right?" Yzak said.

"You just couldn't wait to get rid of me, huh?"

"Damn right."

Dearka chuckled but stopped immediately, then examined the grown man who he used to remember as always bitter and terribly stubborn. Nothing much has changed, really. He had retained his hair cut straight across his shoulders, the scar on the bridge of his nose a faint line that could hardly be noticed unless you knew where to look. Since Dearka was used to seeing him in a crispy, starched uniform, it was hard not to notice the inches the light-haired man had acquired, nor the muscles he had developed. Merely half a head shorter than he was, Yzak was a comforting sight to see before he left the PLANTs. After all, he did not know if or when he would be able to see his friend again.

Of course, his discharge from the service had raised quite a commotion in ZAFT. After having been demoted ten years ago, he had easily climbed back up and had even gained a position in the Council itself. Except when the appointment was officially written, Dearka automatically declined. Everyone was shocked, except for Yzak, who had somehow anticipated his decision.

"A life in the military is slow, especially when you hunger for a life other than just defending a colony that has no apparent threat to it. If you want to leave, I will let you."

The former Buster pilot was more than grateful to accept the immediate action Yzak took on his behalf, having managed to walk his papers for him. And a month or so later, here he was, a traveling bag slung on one shoulder, ready to do what he should have done ten years ago.

Yzak shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. The guy honestly could not stay in one place for a very long time. "I've contacted Cagalli in Orb, and she was happy to hear that you will be visiting."

"Visiting, you say? Did I hear right?"

His friend shrugged. "What did you want me to tell her?"

That made Dearka pause. After a moment, he shook his head. "I don't know."

"Anyway, she said she will be meeting you in Orb. Send my regards."

Dearka nodded. "I will."

Over the years, Orb-PLANT relations have been going smoothly. Cagalli and Yzak had made sure of that. Ever since the peace treaty was signed, not much has been going on, except of course for the occasional hubbub of expected recollections of the war. But all that was behind him now. He did not need to think about it anymore. As of today, he was officially a civilian.

I am finally going to live…

He seldom came back down to Earth. And even if he did, he never stayed long. Yzak had been pestering him about it, too. Asking him why he took his work too seriously, why he never even took the time to go and enjoy himself. Dearka would just brush everything away. He had his reasons.

And that was because he was a coward.

Yzak turned to him, then hesitated a bit before answering. It was such an awkward sight, seeing him uncomfortable. "You're going to look for her, aren't you?"

With that, Dearka tensed. He was always running away. Not from anything else, but from himself. From the fact that he might get hurt if he tried to face the reality that was too big for him to deal with. Or from the fact that he might hurt someone…

Someone… someone…

It had been a decade since he last saw her face… she had been happy then, when the war ended. So happy. He was happy then, too, getting to see her genuinely smile. She had such a beautiful smile…

He never really did get the chance to say goodbye to her. Everything had happened so fast. Everyone in the Archangel then ended up splitting into two groups, each with their own destination. The group that decided to build bridges instead of walls had succeeded, but the euphoria of enjoying that fact was immediately swallowed up by farewells.

Athrun Zala, one of the best soldiers of ZAFT had decided to leave the service then, having fallen in love with Cagalli Yula Attha, the princess of the neutral nation of Orb. If memory serves him right, the former Justice pilot was now a bodyguard of the princess, and rumor has it that they were getting married sometime this year. It took them long enough… Dearka had always thought that Cagalli was a girl with an attitude of a demon and a face of an angel. He had been fretting over Athrun's sanity then, but was surprised to find out that they were actually getting along well and thriving.

Lacus Clyne, the songstress and former rebellion leader, had taken to helping around in the orphanage for the first five years of the post- war setting, and she seemed to have been enjoying herself until that time when Kira finally snapped. Kira Yamato… the Coordinator who piloted the Freedom Gundam… Dearka could not help but cringe at the memory of that strong body, but possessed a soul broken by emotional abuse from a girl who was equally bitter then as Kira was bitter now. At the age of twenty-one, Cagalli had already hired a private psychiatrist to help with his recovery, or at least this was according to Yzak, who was surprisingly updated with the happenings of their lives. This was probably because of the constant meetings the former Duel pilot had with Athrun and Cagalli over the years. It seemed as if his social skills had improved over the years of having to handle more than just the front lines in a war machine.

Kira had recovered somehow, according to Yzak, however one could still see him staring blankly up into the sky, murmuring time and again about countless lives and failures… Lacus had tried to be strong for him, but proved to be too weak herself to overcome the grief he was feeling. Five years after the start of therapy, a lot has changed, but the change was still not enough. Dearka planned to see Lacus in his "visit" to earth. Kira, too.

Sai Argyle returned to Orb as well, Yzak said, although he still did not know why his friend said it to him. The guy was apparently into engineering, studying well and getting full credit on the construction of the space colony, Heliopolis II. Sai. He never really cared much about him. He could barely remember his face.

Now the only person who Yzak did not update him about was Miriallia Haww... And since he was naturally not going to ask first about the issue, it was never opened to begin with. And so it was a ten-year mystery to him, whatever happened to her…

And now I'm out to find out what…

Dearka clutched his bag tighter as he turned around, lowering his chin to his chest and sighing before answering his friend's question. "I'll try to find her, but I have no assurances I will succeed."

Once again, his friend hesitated, uncrossing his arms and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Dearka."

"What?"

"She's still in Orb. Cagalli will know where she is and what she's been doing over the years."

This made the dark-skinned Coordinator's head shoot up, suddenly whirling around and facing his friend again. He eyed him suspiciously. "Why do I have the feeling that you've known this for a long time now …?"

This made Yzak's blue eyes widen incredulously, jaw dropping open. He recovered a second later but it was too late; he had already given himself away. Yzak realized this too, and finally sighed in resignation. He looked away. "Dearka, you met her at sixteen. Look, there are other girls out there. How can you be sure that what you're feeling for her is still the same thing you've felt for her then?"

Dearka blinked at him, shaking his head in disbelief. He himself had asked that many times before. And not just once had he tried to play around with many other girls in PLANT. Many women would line up for Dearka Elthman, and whoever went out with him once would always want to go out with him twice. He had been in bed with different women for over the years, but earthly pleasures were never enough for him…

Something was missing…

And her name was Miriallia.

"Yzak, every time I lie in bed with a woman, and I close my eyes, I see her. Every time I would look up into the blue sky, I'd remember her eyes. When I eat and orange, I'd remember her hair. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with dreams about her. For ten years, the only thing I've been seeing in my mind's eye is her. I can't get her out of my head… "

Yzak frowned. "Why?"

"I…" Dearka fumbled with the words. Finding nothing, he turned on his friend angrily. "If I knew that, don't you think I would have done something about it? I'm not exactly enjoying myself with this love-sick attitude. But I can't forever dream about her face. There has to be something more to my life than just dreaming… " And with this, he sighed and clamped his friend's shoulder. "How is she? Please tell me."

Yzak met his eyes levelly, examining them for a brief instant. But when he finally opened his mouth, the words that came out of it made Dearka's lungs give. "She's getting married, Dearka… She has been engaged for three years now…"

And the world exploded then and there.

This can't be happening…

Yzak shook his head sadly. "I didn't know how to say it to you when I found out…And I thought you didn't really care… so I - "

"Who is she engaged to?"

"What?"

"Who is she engaged to?"

Yzak once again looked away. "She's engaged to Sai Argyle. They've been seeing each other for five years or so, I think."

This is definitely the twilight zone…

Trying to shake the unfamiliar feeling of insecurity bubbling around in his gut, he shifted his hold on his bag and turned to walk away towards the direction of the shuttle. "Tell Cagalli I'll meet her in Orb. I'll call you when I get there."

It was too late for him to convince himself that it was selfish of him to show himself at this time… but he knew that he could not stay here. Not when he knew she was still there… It didn't matter… He had to see her…

I've been dreaming about you… wanting you from afar… hoping against hope that you were the woman lying beside me at night… I've waited too long… please don't let me be too late…

Miriallia Haww sat humming to herself that late afternoon, waiting for the sun to set in the horizon, coloring the sky with beautiful hues of reds, oranges and yellows. Sitting under a leafy tree, her knees pulled to her chest, her arms hugging her legs to her closely, she was waiting for Sai to come pick her up from Onogoro Elementary, where she was teaching for over five years now.

Sai. Dependable Sai… He had been a comforting presence after the war. He had been always there for her, always patient when she'd cry about Tolle…

Or about him…

She immediately shoved the thought away. No. She should not think about these things… It was not right.

Of course, she had been guilty of thinking about these things for over the last few years, when Sai had proposed, and presented her with a silver ring, asking her if he would marry her. A whirlwind of emotion had caught her off-guard then, sending her reeling. She had said yes, of course. Cagalli was scandalized. She could remember the princess' words then.

"Mir, you said yes? But…but Mir! Do you love him?"

The question was something she wished she never asked. Love… It was an overrated thing… She had been snagged by love twice before, and failed by it, twice before. The answer was simple, however mean-spirited it might sound. She was not in love, but Sai had been a security blanket that was always there. And she needed security. She was twenty-six. Her parents had been nagging her about settling down, and they seem to like Sai a lot. So what was the problem?

She knew that there was a lot, though…

She looked down at her wristwatch and frowned. It was already five in the afternoon… Sai should have been here by now. Suddenly, her cell phone rang. Rummaging into her purse that was sitting beside her on the grass, she flipped it open then pressed it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mir? It's Sai."

Miriallia frowned. "Where are you?"

"Mir, it's an emergency. I need to fly off to Heliopolis II tonight. Where are you?"

"Here where I always wait for you. Aren't you going to pick me up?"

"They need me to calibrate a few stuff in the colony… I was informed just two minutes ago. I… dammit! I'm sorry!"

Miriallia sighed. She felt her patience being tested, but she knew that it was going to be a waste of energy to get mad at Sai for something he could not help but do. It was his job after all… "It's okay Sai. I can go home by myself anyway… When will you be back?"

"Tomorrow evening. I really am sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"Don't worry. I'm okay. You'd better go."

"All right." Then there was an awkward pause. "Mir?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you…"

Goosebumps danced up and down her arms. Miriallia swallowed hard, then laughed shakily, trying to brush his confession aside. He always did say that to her, but words, along with their meaning, were hard to depend upon… "Goodbye, Sai. Take care." And she hung up.

Thinking that there was nothing more to do there, she slowly got to her feet, brushing the bottom of her knee-length orange skirt. The sun was now making its descent and Miriallia shielded her face as she looked out into the horizon. Sai had said he'd take her to Heliopolis II as soon as he finished his work. It was a good promise. She was looking forward to it.

She hugged her purse to her chest as a swift breeze played with her shoulder-length hair. She smiled and turned to leave.

And gasped as she discovered someone standing warily a few feet away from the tree she was sitting on, a huge bag slung over his shoulder. Squinting to see his face in the light of the orange setting sun, she frowned. "Who the heck… "

She guessed he was about a foot taller than she was, with broad shoulders and a mop of wavy, blonde hair. The man was looking at her!

Feeling suddenly uneasy, she backed away a step.

When the man saw that she was leaving, he immediately called out.

"Don't go! Please?"

Miriallia's eyes widened at the sound of his voice. She knew that voice. For some weird reason, she knew that she could never forget it. Ever.

"Dearka?"

And with that, the man nodded. "Hello, Miriallia… " The dark-skinned man started towards her, and he automatically impressed upon her his towering height. My, had he grown…

And she suddenly felt her knees wobble dangerously and she reached to balance herself on the trunk of the tree. No… How could this be? This was not happening to her! It can't possibly happen to her! It's been ten years…

She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she looked up at his face. That dark, handsome face. Those penetrating eyes… Is her past haunting her? Why was he here?

She will not let this happen! She had worked so hard to get where she was right now. And nothing could possibly ruin this for her. Pulling her right hand back, she swung it hard, smashing her palm against the face that had been invading her thoughts for the past years. He didn't even flinch or try to dodge it. He let her slap him across the face freely, and she didn't know why, but the mere act of it made her madder.

She beat on his hard chest twice. "You!" She dashed the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "You… never even said goodbye…!"