Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs to Kazuki Takahashi and Toei Animation. Any other copyrighted material/references belong to their rightful owners.

Yu-Glue-Oh

Chapter Two: The Eviction

Early the next day, Yugi awoke before the Kaiba brothers and, as usual, went tinkering around the manor, equipped with various cleaning utensils and a pink apron. He weaved through each and every room in the manor, cleaning it as he saw fit. When the feeling of pride at being a good Samaritan seemed closed to bursting point, Yugi decided that he wanted to share it with some of his other friends, and thus went skipping off into the street.

He soon reached Bakura's house. It was a bomby-looking place that he'd just recently decided to rent. Rather uncharacteristically of the Bakura Yugi knew and loved, there were old tyres, torn clothes, shattered bottles, bent chunks of rusted metal and just general trash littering the yard. There was a man 'sleeping' on the grass under a tree several meters away, and some red substance, that Yugi assumed was innocent poster paint, was splattered in various places on the pavement, grass and on the front porch of Bakura's place. Yugi rubbed his hands together eagerly; this place was going to be a blast to clean up. But as the short hero approached the porch, intent on letting Bakura know that he was here (again), he noticed a note nailed to the door.

"Dead till further notice. Everyone stay OUT. That includes you, Yugi. In fact, ESPECIALLY YOU, Yugi," Yugi read aloud. He pondered on the note for a little while, and then inspected the house closer, noticing that all the windows were boarded up from the inside. "I hope Bakura's alright. I guess I'll just come back later," Yugi declared. There was a loud, angry-sounding curse that erupted from the house, but Yugi did not seem to hear it. He turned on his little feet somewhat solemnly, then sulked back to the Kaiba manor.

By the time Yugi came back to the Kaiba manor, Mokuba was up and about out of his bed. He smiled happily when he saw Yugi coming back, but was disheartened at the look of disdain on Yugi's face.

"Yugi, what's wrong?" Mokuba asked with worry.

"Oh, nothing… Bakura just wasn't home, is all," Yugi pouted, slumping through the front door.

"Don't worry, I've got just the thing to cheer you up!" Mokuba grinned.

Several minutes later, Yugi and Mokuba found themselves in the laundry room. The Kaiba manor had the highest-ranked, best-working, front-loader washing machine that money could buy, and Mokuba was intent on using it for one of his glorious experiments.

This particular experiment was two birds with one stone. Mokuba got to see something he'd always wanted to see, and Yugi would have something to clean. It was for these two purposes that the washing machine was filled with several packets of oats, and then turned on. Mokuba seated himself before the glass window of the washing machine. Thank the Lord for that hole; it provided so much entertainment. So much so, in fact, that it had Yugi and Mokuba giggling happily within minutes.

Kaiba heard the ruckus in the laundry and, rather reluctantly, came to investigate what was going on. The sight he found did nothing to impress him. Yugi and Mokuba were both in front of his prized washer, watching it as it worked. This alone perturbed Kaiba, but when he took several steps into the room, he felt veins begin to pop from his forehead.

"What are you doing?!" he roared angrily, causing Mokuba and Yugi to jump.

"Don't worry, Seto," Mokuba hurried to say. "Yugi's going to clean it up. He wants something to clean," Mokuba explained, as though it was obvious what they were doing.

"What? So you're ruining my stuff, wasting my precious porridge oats and, perhaps worst of all, you're ENCOURAGING HIM?!" Kaiba bellowed.

"Well…when you put it like that," Mokuba began, but he could not finish his sentence, for Seto had begun to yell incoherently, pulling his hair out at the same time. Kaiba continued this hair-pulling frenzy in the laundry room for several seconds longer, before he turned on his tall legs and stalked out, still yelling.

He disappeared down the hallway, out of Mokuba and Yugi's sight, and his bedroom door slammed closed a moment later. Inside Kaiba's bedroom, Seto was heaving crazily, a sort of rage sweeping over him that he was struggling to contain. He stumbled desperately to his bedside table, hoping to feel calmed by the image of his Egg-Beast, but as he collapsed on his knees before his bedside table, mortification swept over him.

"Wh…where is it?" he gasped. Violently, he began pushing things off his bedside table; his lamp, his alarm clock, a tissue box, a glass of water – but still, the napkin with his 'baby' drawn on it did not surface. He roared and screamed, tearing his entire room apart in search of his drawing, but his search was utterly futile. He soon sat in a crumpled heap against his bed, sweaty and frazzled looking, rocking backwards and forwards, asking himself aloud, over and over again, where his drawing had gone to.

Finally one too many veins popped out of Kaiba's forehead, and it prompted him to angrily get to his feet. He stormed from his room, following the sound of girlish giggles until he found what he was looking for.

"YOU! You did this! Where is it? Where is my Egg-Beast?" Kaiba bellowed, grabbing Yugi by the scruff of his neck and pulling him up, away from the washing machine that was still swirling the oats around carelessly.

"Your…what?" Yugi blinked, staring at Kaiba innocently, having no clue what he was talking about.

"Don't you play dumb, Moto! It was sitting on my bedside table. I know you did something to it! You've taken it for yourself, haven't you? Gonna sell it to Pegasus before I get the chance, are you?" Kaiba yelled accusingly, spit flying from his mouth and showering upon Yugi with every word.

"Wait, you don't mean that piece of tissue on your bedside table, do you?" Yugi asked. "I'm sorry Kaiba… I sorta chucked that out this morning. If we're fast, we might be able to get it before the garbage man comes," Yugi offered apologetically. Kaiba's eyes suddenly flew wide open. He bolted for the closest window facing the road just in time to see said garbage truck disappearing down the road, away from the Manor.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kaiba screamed, falling to his knees. Mokuba and Yugi looked quite worried, but said nothing; they merely watched on. Eventually, whilst looking tired and dishevelled, Kaiba shakily got back onto his feet. He unsteadily turned around and dragged himself back over to Yugi and Mokuba, a look of sheer rage splayed on his face.

"You'll rue this day, Moto. I can half-tolerate you cleaning my house, cooking my meals and showering us all with your sickening love and kindness, but when you sneak into my room and take my Egg-Beast plans, then destroy them before I can make them into a torturous nightmare for you…" Kaiba growled, his eye twitching threateningly.

"This means war, and you'll regret this," Kaiba continued, as he began to back away towards the door. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even next week. But one day, one day soon, you'll regret you ever waddled your skinny rump through my front door," he glowered, pointing at Yugi accusingly.

A moment later, Kaiba had turned on his heel and swiftly exited. His bedroom door closed shortly afterwards. Seto knew what must be done now. Yugi had gone too far.

Today he would prepare the tank.

Tonight he would be gluing together a magical collage of his time spent with Yugi.

There was only one thing that Joey despised more than the news - the morning news. To make matters worse, said news was plastered on every available channel, leaving him with little to do. Luckily for him, his entertainment plans were about to become spiced up.

Tea's doorbell rang and she merrily skipped downstairs calling "I'll get it". When she reached the door, her smiled faded.

"Tea, can we use your shower?"

"I call shotgun!"

"Oh no you don't! I asked, I get to use it first!"

"No way! You'll use up all the hot water!"

"So will you! You're so dumb you'll probably stand in the stall for 20 minutes, trying to figure out where you are and why you're there!"

"I'm not dumb! You're dumb!"

"It's final. I'm using the shower first. No ifs or buts. I can't let my hair stay like this for too long, or it'll totally destroy my image."

"Hah! You said shower and butt in the same sentence,"

"Did not!"

"Did to."

"Did not!"

"Did to."

"Did not!"

"Did to."

"Did not!"

"Hey…dude, I just had a thought. We could like…have a shower at the same time."

"Tristan, the closest you'd get to that happening, is us standing in the rain together. And from this point on, I'll be sure not to do that with you either!"

"It was just a thought, Duke!"

"Ahem! Where is Scuffles?" Tea finally intervened. Duke and Tristan stopped their bickering, turning to look at Tea with stupid expressions on their faces.

"What the heck is a scuffles?" Tristan asked foolishly.

"I think she's talking about the compacted lettuce," Duke pointed out.

"Oh…" Tristan said. He thought for a moment, "You mean the green pie?" he asked.

"No, the compacted lettuce," Duke snapped.

"Dude, it was totally not a lettuce. We've been through this like, a billion times," Tristan complained.

"If we'd been through it a billion times, then your stupid head would've exploded. There's no way your tiny brain could comprehend such a big number!" Duke chastised. Tristan got especially huffy after this comment and grabbed Duke by his front. His spare hand rose up in a fist, intent on smacking Duke in the chops with it. Tea disliked violence, particularly when it took place on her doorstep, so she stepped between Tristan and Duke.

"Tristan, beating people up will not solve your—eww! Why are you guys all wet?" Tea shrieked, when she made the mistake of placing a hand each on the two boys' chests. She recoiled immediately, backing away into her house, eyeing the boys with disgust.

"I dunno," Tristan shrugged, letting Duke go.

"We fell in the sewer," Duke spat, looking unimpressed.

"Eww! That is disgusting!" Tea squealed, looking around frantically before settling to run her soiled hand on the closest wall, as if hoping to get the germs off.

"Well you told us to go down there!" Duke protested, believing he should be the one screaming and rubbing himself on walls right now.

"Yeah, I also told you to find Scuffles, so where is he?" Tea collected herself, putting on her angry demeanour, hands secured to her hips expectantly.

"The compacted lettuce? We couldn't find it," Duke said uncaringly, strolling into the house. He couldn't help but like the way Tea frantically moved out of his way, as though she was in fear of his sewer germs rubbing off on her.

"Yeah, we couldn't find the green pie, so we gave up, permanently," Tristan added, equally as uninterested. He too waltzed past Tea and into her house, bee-lining for the couch were he settled next to (a perhaps equally smelly) Joey. Duke in the meantime, sauntered into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Tea could stand to tolerate Duke in her shower, but outwardly gagged at the thought of sewer water on her couch. She stomped over to Tristan and stood in front of him, blocking his view of the TV.

"Hey, come on, Tea, the TV's on!" Tristan complained, looking thoroughly upset.

"It's the news. You hate the news," Tea said through gritted teeth.

"Do not," Tristan argued. With this response, Tea took a mere step to her left, unblocking Tristan's view of the TV. She watched him intently as he sat, 'watching' the news. Sweat soon formed on Tristan's forehead, his eyes began to quiver, he sucked his lower lip into his mouth and bit it, his nostrils flared and his breathing became erratic. Ten more seconds and he cracked.

"Okay, okay! I can't take it anymore!" Tristan yelled, he suddenly grabbed the remote from Joey's hands and hurled it across the room. It collided with a closed window, broke the glass, and then went flying outside. Joey screamed and hurled himself off the couch with so much force that it nearly toppled backwards in his wake. Tristan did a similar thing, stumbling over the coffee table and tipping it (as well as Joey's food and drink) over as he rushed after Joey, out the front door. Tea could hear the two of them outside screaming and panicking.

"Dude, we gotta find dat thing!" Joey yelled frantically.

"I know man! I have no idea what I was thinkin'!" Tristan cried back, somewhat apologetically.

"How could you lose sometin' so valuable?" Joey scolded, rustling through Tea's rosebushes outside and screaming girlishly when they prickled him.

"I dunno man, but hands down, I've never done anything so stupid, thoughtless and insensitive in my entire life!" Tristan attempted to repent. Thanks to this utterly brainless comment, Tea began to feel her blood boil. She began to shake all over and settled to storm outside and give Tristan a piece of her furious mind.

She swung the door open, took a step out and began to scream, "Tristan you dim-witted, thick, stupid, moron! I swear, if you-"

"What…what da heck is dat thing?" Joey suddenly cried. Tea could see it too, and it had been the thing to stop her midsentence. She stood on the doorstep of her house, gawking, her eyes fixated fearfully at the far end of the street. Was that…? No, it couldn't be. There was no way that was Yugi being chased by that big green thing. Sadly, Joey soon confirmed the ghastly speculation that Tea was trying to shrug off.

"YUUG!" Joey screamed, before he went charging off down the street. His blonde hair was billowing madly across his face, and he was yelling obscenities as he rushed towards Yugi.

"I'm coming, Yugi!" Tristan also yelled a second later. He too went charging off down the road. Tea screamed after them both, rushing out of her house to the middle of the road.

Getting closer, Joey noted the large tank that was chasing Yugi. Kaiba was somehow manning the tank, or it seemed he was, though he had his head and shoulders sticking out of the gunner's hatch (as opposed to the driver's hatch). He was laughing crazily, dramatic female opera music billowing out from inside the tank.

"Kaiba, stop!" Yugi was pleading, as he desperately tried to outrun the green, Kaiba Corp tank. He was about two meters ahead of it, but he was getting tired, aware that he wouldn't be able to keep running on his tiny legs for much longer.

"This is for sneaking an extra spoonful of sugar on my cornflakes when Mokuba wasn't looking, Moto!" Kaiba laughed manically, ignoring Yugi's pleas. He cranked up the volume on his stereo and increased the tank's the speed. Yugi wailed in desperation, contemplating letting the Pharaoh "out to play". He soon decided against this decision, for the Pharaoh would surely be too old fashioned to understand what the tank was, or how dangerous it was. If anything, he'd probably turn around and try to duel with it. No, Yugi could not and would not risk such a thing.

"Back off Kaiba!" Joey suddenly roared. Yugi looked up and noticed him charging forwards.

"Joey, no!" Yugi screamed, but he was too late. Joey came flying up to the tank, thrusting one of his fists into its front. As was to be predicted, his insignificant fist merely deflected off the hard sheen wall of the tank. Joey hobbled on his feet, waving his hand around painfully. As the tank was actually travelling quite slow, all else considered, Joey was able to evade getting run over, joining Yugi's side as he jogged for his life.

Sadly Tristan, who had seen Joey's failed attempt at stopping the tank, did not learn. He came charging, as equally fast as Joey had, towards the tank. Instead of hitting the front of the tank, Tristan opted to hurl his eager fist at the turret. He was unlucky enough to hurl his fist straight down the turret neck, where he got stuck up to his shoulder. He screamed, feebly kicking as he was lifted off the ground as a result. Tristan's violent kicking did nothing whatsoever to help Joey and Yugi, who now had to contend with dodging Tristan's big feet, as well as concentrate on running forwards.

Kaiba's level of satisfaction skyrocketed after Tristan's move of stupidity, and he cackled uncontrollably, banging a fist on the tank's roof to try and vent his feeling of entertainment further. Tristan continued to scream and thrash for several seconds before Kaiba got bored with him. He aimed his turret high, much to Tristan's horror, and fired. Tristan's screams could be heard across the neighbourhood as he was sent flying back towards Tea's house. Perhaps it was an act of God, for Tristan landed in the most convenient place available.

Tea watched in mortification as the airborne Tristan destroyed her roof. A moment later, from out in the street, Tea could hear Duke screaming angrily inside the house for Tristan to get out of the bathroom, and to "wait his turn". When Tristan apparently didn't move or leave, Duke came storming out of the house, a towel around his waist.

"Tea! Tell Tristan to wait his turn!" Duke barked, but his attention was swiftly averted. "What is that?" he asked, spotting the commotion heading his way down the street.

"R-run!" Tea screamed, she turned tail and began to flee down the street. Duke followed suit, and eventually the tank had gained on the pair. Yugi, Joey, Tea and Duke were all running in a straight line, screaming and trying to pull each other along. None of them seemed to have the brains to simply get off the road.

"Kaiba, have mercy!" Yugi pleaded once more.

"Why? So you can claw your way back into my manor and alphabetize my underwear again?!" Kaiba yelled furiously.

"No, no! I swear I won't!" Yugi cried, tears now running down his face. His tears spilled backwards, splashing onto the dirt marks that Kaiba's tank had accumulated during its ride out. Kaiba glowered, his demented brain taking even this as an act of kindness, believing Yugi was now attempting to wash his tank for him.

"Grrr, DIE!" Kaiba roared, slamming on the accelerator as far as it would go. The tank picked up speed, its four victims screaming girlishly in response to its speed lurch.

"This, this reminds of that time, on prom night," Duke panted.

"You…you mean that time where those angry fathers chased you?" Joey asked, also out of breath.

"Yeah, and if I outran them, I'll sure as heck outrun this chump!" Duke yelled determinedly. He instantly began to pick up speed, his towel flapping majestically in the wind. His outburst seemed to fuel the morale for the rest of his friendship squad, and they too picked up speed.

"You're right, Duke! And we'll do it together!" Yugi declared proudly. Kaiba retched at their friendship love.

"We'll see about that!" Kaiba yelled, but he was sickened to see that Yugi and Duke were proving true to their words. Tea and Joey too had increased their determination. The four of them were excelling, speeding out of reach from the tank. They seemed to be thriving, pulsing on their friendship spew. It made Kaiba infuriated. He tried to go faster, but the tank was at its limit. His geek-squad victims began to speed ahead of him by one, two, five whole metres.

But Kaiba was intent on running them over; he would not give in either. At least...that's what he thought. If only he'd taken into account the off chance that something would wander onto the road that he didn't subconsciously wish death upon every waking second of his life.

Suddenly, before Kaiba himself had really acknowledged what was happening, the tank came to a skidding stop. It jerked violently to a halt, the momentum throwing Kaiba around briefly. There was a smell of burning rubber in the air and the sound of the tank hushed considerably. Yugi was the first to stop running, his friends following his example after a second or two. They all turned to look down the street, wondering what had made Kaiba put on the brakes.

The look on Kaiba's face was strange. His eyes were wide, his brow was furrowed, his mouth was a thin line, his nostrils were flared, and he was staring intently, at the road directly in front of his tank. Tea followed his line of sight and was joyed at what she saw.

"Scuffles!" Tea cheered, rushing back to the tank. Tea picked the turtle up from the centre of the road and cradled it. "Isn't Kaiba so nice, stopping for you to cross the road like that?" she beamed. Kaiba scowled at this statement, how dare that wench suggest such a thing. Before Kaiba could open his mouth to protest, Yugi and Joey and clambered atop the tank, on either side of Kaiba.

"Aw, you do care," Yugi grinned stupidly. Kaiba made a noise of disgust when he found two short arms suddenly wrapped around his shoulders.

"Get off of me!" Kaiba panicked, bringing his hands above the tank where he waved them around disapprovingly, but Yugi would not relent in his hug. Duke and Tea also climbed atop the tank while Kaiba wasn't looking. It seemed they'd all forgotten why the tank and Kaiba were even here in the first place, for suddenly they were all patting Kaiba on the back and lavishing him with heroic praise. Kaiba repetitively told them to get off his tank and to get back in front of it so he could grind them into the pavement, but they merely chuckled as though he was joking.

"There's one thing I don't understand, though," Tea piped up after several rounds of praising Kaiba had come to pass. "Why was Scuffles out here? Didn't he get flushed?" she questioned.

"You mean da mouldy bread roll? Oh, I chucked dat thing out da window yesterday, Tea," Joey enlightened.

"WHAT?!" Duke suddenly yelped. "You mean it was out here the whole time, and it was never even in the sewer? For cryin' out loud," he complained exasperatedly.

There was a silence that followed this comment. Everyone looked blank for a moment (bar Kaiba who was grinding his teeth angrily), before they stupidly began guffawing at Duke and Tristan's pointless exploits. Kaiba was caught in the dead centre of this stupid, pointless laughter, and his eye began to twitch. He was beginning to realise the horrible truth about his feuding with Yugi and friends.

He would never win, would he? Kaiba began to feel very depressed about this revelation. And would he ever be able to make some beautiful art piece out of Yu-Glue-Oh? This was all becoming too much for poor Kaiba; he settled that he would just throw in the towel and give up his hatred for Yugi and his friends. He would just put his pride aside and learn to tolerate them. It would be a bleak, perhaps meaningless, existence for Kaiba, but it would have to do. He began to feel even more depressed now, but luckily those fools always knew what to say to reinspire Kaiba's hatred.

"Say Kaiba, can we drive dis thing through da drive through?"

"Hey, that's a great idea Joey! Let's go to Burger King."

"Oh Yugi, can't we go somewhere healthy?"

"Tea, health food restaurants don't have drive throughs. If you were eating health food, you'd be fit enough to walk to the counter."

"Oh come on, Duke. We can visit both places, Tea. I'm sure Kaiba won't mind! Will you Kaiba?"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

"Is...dat a no?"