Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the show, except for Mark who is an original character, made up for this work of fiction.

A/N: This is slash, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, this is your warning.

Hold on to me love

You know I can't stay long

All I wanted to say was I love you

And I'm not afraid.

"Stay with me," I whispered, the sound almost inaudable. You still heard me though. Fighting to turn your head to look at me, you still heard me and tried to speak. "You know I can't promise that Carlos. I won't be here forever." Your voice was raspy and weak as you breathed the words in my ear.

I could see the sparkle in your eyes was fading, that small light that you had always had, the one that let the world know that you were happy. It had started to fade almost a year ago, when you had been diagnosed with brain cancer. You had told me almost as soon as you found out, exactly a year next thursday.

We had gone through so much since then. The doctors appointments, the hospital trips, the chemotherapy, the radiation treatment. It took a toll on both of us. You did your best to keep our spirits up even through the worst... even though it nearly killed you.

Shifting closer, I gently pulled your body closer to mine, pressing my chest to yours. I nearly burst into tears you were so thin. I could feel every bone in your body standing out sharply against me, could feel the amount of weight that you had lost in the last few days in the way that your ribs stuck out.

You placed your hand under my chin, gently forcing me to look at you. Your incredably blue eyes stared out at me from the emaciated face that they were trapped in, surrounded by sunken, dark, black circles. Silvery tears shone in your eyes as you stared at me, your face inches from mine.

"I love you," you said, your eyes burning into mine. "I know," I whispered back.

Can you hear me?

Can you feel me in your arms?

We had been together for such a short time, only two and a half years. I knew in a way that happiness was not to be had for us. A long history of failures and disappointments told us that. But we tried, no one can say that we didn't try. We faced your family's disgust and our friends hatred together, we moved away from our long time home to come to this dingy place of soaring buildings and dirty concrete.

We tried to overcome everything in our way with our love, and we did. But even we cannot overcome something like this. Even now I can hear you labored breathing in my ear as the pain in your head grows, the pain medicine wearing off. The tumor, about the size of my fist, pressing against your skull.

Holding my last breath

Safe inside myself

Are all my thoughts of you

Sweet raptured light

It ends here tonight

Brushing back the limp strands of sweat darkened blond hair, I kiss your lips softly. The heat in your chapped lips steals all of the moisture from mine. You lock your eyes with mine, a feverish light glowing in your blue depths. I feel your love like a small pressure behind my eyes travelling along our silent bond. "Be back in a moment," I say, my voice barely disturbing the silence of the room. You just smile weakly at me, that sparkle back for just a moment.

Padding out to the kitchen, I reach into the cupboard to grab a glass. Without realizing it I take out wineglasses. The ones from our joining. Clear crystal bases curve up into shaped red glass, delicate frosted patterns dancing around the edge. As I stare at them I come to realize what you have been trying to tell me all morning. What I didn't want to accept.

When the medicine makes you tired and you fall into a dreamless sleep, you won't be waking up again. You'll pass over the threshold into a new place and leave me here to fall apart. Alone.

I'll miss the winter

A world of fragile things

Look for me in the white forest

Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me...)

The ringing of the phone interupts my train of thought and I stare at it silently. That would be someone calling from work calling in to find out why I am not there. I was supposed to go back to work today, but I couldn't leave you. Not today. Not on our anniversary.

To stop the insistant ringing I pick up the phone. "Carlos? You there?"

"Yeah," I whisper dully, not wanting to disturb you.

"What are you doing? You're late. You had better show up in a minute or Doc is going to kill you."

"I..." I start to say, but the click of the phone being hung up cuts me off.

Hanging up the phone I grab the champaigne, wineglasses, and the medicine, and go back to our room.

You smile gently at me and I feel the tears start to fill up my eyes. You're so beautiful, how could God do this to you? To us? We never did anything to anyone that could warrant something like this. I sit gently on the edge of the bed next to you, and slide behind you above your head. Carefully I pull you up to rest against my chest. A small sigh escapes your lips as you rest your head on my shoulder.

I know you hear me,

I can taste it in your tears

I pour the wine carefully into the glasses and pass one to you. Your hand shakes as you take it. We sit silently, a comfortable silence. After we finish the first glass I fill them up again to the brim. Grabbing the bottle of pills from the bedside table, I take out three and hand them to you. You take them all at once, nearly choking as they stick to your dry throat. I sooth you silently, rubbing my hand over your back in steady circles. I'll be here for you. I'm not going anywhere.

We don't need to talk, no words need to be said between us. There is nothing left to say. We said it all in those few years that we had together, and now it leaves us in a silence. A comfortable silence. Nothing left to say.

Holding my last breath

Safe inside myself

Are all my thoughts of you

Sweet raptured light

It ends here tonight

Slowly I can feel your body relax against mine, your muscles going weak as the pain-killers do their work. Twisting slowly, you turn around in my arms. Tears slide slowly down your face. It's like all your spirit is leaking out through your eyes, those beautiful eyes that held so much pain for the last year, and now are peaceful, like all the pain is leaving you.

Finally, you'll fly again. You'll soar above the world again, soar like the way you made me fly when I first met you and you smiled at me. Your spirit will spread wings of love and light and lift you far above this world of pain, fear and waiting to a place where someone who loves you more than a mere mortal can, will take you back into their arms and hold you tight.

You smile as you look into my eyes, your pain gone and that sparkle dancing as bright as they day when we first met.

"'I'll wait for you my love, for what is heaven without your light?'" you quote at me teasingly.

"'Nothing but a dark and dreary place, drizzling my painful tears, until I see your face again, come to light my way'," I answer back in a whisper. You press your lips gently against mine and I can almost feel the touch of God already upon you in the love that passes through you to me, for surely one man cannot hold all that emotion in his earthly body.

Holding tight to each other's bodies, we slide down on the bed to lie facing each other, the black satin sheets contrasting sharply with your snowy skin. I take the wine glass from your grip and place it with mine on the bedside table, before bringing my arms back up around you. You snuggle into my body, your arms around my waist, your forhead pressed against mine, your blue eyes staring deeply into my own. It feels almost as if you are looking deep into my soul to find something, something that is so important for you to know before you leave.

"I love you Mark," I whisper, meeting your gaze steadily, putting all the love that I have for you into that connection that only we can feel.

You smile at me, a blinding smile that seems to light up the room and burn away all the misgivings and bad feelings that have been hanging over us for so long. I feel so free and light, like nothing could happen that would change this moment. Then you close your eyes and snuggle back into my chest, the light dimming.

Closing your eyes to disappear

You pray your dreams will leave you here

Your breath tickles my neck and I twist to give you a kiss on the forehead as you slip silently into sleep. I bring my hand up and play with your hair, twisting the short golden locks around my fingers.

We stay like that for hours, just you and me. I can feel when you slip away from me. Slowly, not all at once, but like a bucket with a small hole in it. A little at a time.

I don't move or stop playing with your hair as I feel your last puff of breath steal across my neck like a whisper of your lips. I don't look away from the same spot on the wall as I continue to hold your stiffining body tight, my body heat keeping you warm. I don't move when I hear banging on the door and my co-workers yelling through it for me to open up. I don't move when I hear the sound of a key being turned in the lock and the door opening. I don't move when I hear them tramping through the house yelling for me to get out there.

I don't move when I hear them open the door to our sanctuary and see us. They go silent, gathering in the door and staring at us. I feel anger as they stare at your exposed body, not caring about mine in the least, but I can't get the strength to tell them to leave us alone.

One set of footsteps comes over to us and leans over the bed on your side. Slender woman's fingers softly touch your neck, searching for a pulse, then recoil as they feel the cold clamminess of your skin. I continue to play gently with your hair even when I hear the person beside you let out a sob.

But still you wake and know the truth

No one's there.

Say goodnight, don't be afraid

Calling me, calling me as you fade to black...