Disclaimer- Still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.
AN: Well, I'm back from the depths of non-existence for another round of insanity!
"So... what now?" Kuwabara asked quietly.
Kurama groaned, and sat down rubbing his head. Slamming your head against a tree is very, very painful, even for demons. And the headache had only worsened with each passing problem.
First of all, someone had stolen a very powerful object.
Secondly, Hiei was dead, thanks to Kuwabara.
Thirdly, he was still wearing this God damned dress!
"Is that ridiculous outfit impeding your thinking, fox?" Hiei asked snidely.
"Shut. up." Kurama snapped irritably.
"Yeah Casper." Kuwabara added snidely.
Hiei's eyebrow raised itself and his eye twitched. "If I had hands, you'd be dead." He stated flatly.
"Just keep thinking that, ghost boy." The redhead replied.
Before the two could continue trying to drive Kurama insane, the fox demon stepped between them. "We need to go find a way to find the Orb of Complete and Utter Doom." A sudden thought crossed his mind. "We could go see the Oracle of Deus Ex Machina."
"The Oracle?" Hiei snorted incredulously. "Fool! You know that no one goes there and does not suffer terrible price!"
"We must!" Kurama countered.
"Besides, its not like you could help anyway." Kuwabara added.
"I hate you." The fire demon muttered.
Deep in the bowels of their evil lair (made by Evil Co.), Number Two and the evil overlord plotted... evilly!
(Cue EVIL thunder)
"The heroes are heading to the Oracle of Deus Ex Machina." Number Two reported.
"Curses!" The dark lord swore, "We must stop them!"
"Sir, there are many trials a warrior must endure to talk to the Oracle." Number Two reminded him.
"Its not enough! I must send my greatest warrior to combat them!" The demon overlord roared.
"Not-" Number Two gasped.
"YES!" His superior cried out triumphantly. "Come forth my great warrior..." (Pause for dramatic effect) "MARY SUE!"
A shadow stands in front of a now open doorway, but pauses as if waiting for something. Number Two and the demon overlord glance about in confusion.
"Um... what in the name of unspeakable horror happened to my EVIL thunder?"
(One moment. We are experiencing EVIL technical difficulties. Please pause.)
(Somewhat pleasant music plays)
(Loud, screeching stop to music)
(We now return you to your regularly scheduled insanity.)
"Ahem." The demon coughed. "MARY SUE!"
(EVIL Thunder.)
Standing at the doorway was a beautiful American girl about sixteen or so. She had long blond hair and crystal blue eyes, and was a mix of every kind of demon imaginable and had more power than a nuclear missile. Graceful, tall, elegant, and with a customizable tragic past or clueless transfer student background, she was the ultimate in bad writing.
She was Mary Sue, and she was EVIL.
Far away, deep in some random mountain forest, psychic master Genkai opened her eyes from her sleeping position on the couch where some random anime was blaring out of the television.
"There is a disturbance in the Force." The old woman muttered. "Or perhaps it was that burrito I had for dinner."
"SEE! I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!" Hiei yelled, standing (or rather, floating) behind his two running comrades.
"Right, like we were supposed to know there were giant, indestructible rolling boulders around here!" Kuwabara shot back.
"Quiet, both of you, and keep running!" Kurama interrupted. Grabbing the rose from his hair, he turned it into a whip and lashed it out onto an extending stalactite... which promptly cut it off.
"You know that never works," Hiei commented.
"We're dead!" Kuwabara nearly screamed.
"Probably." The fire demon replied.
"Oh shut up! You're already dead! What do you have to worry about! You're already dead!" The redhead screamed back.
"And I'll have so much fun watching you join me." Hiei grinned viciously.
"You sick sonofa-" Kuwabara's statement was cut off as the rumble of the boulder worsened. "Oh shi-" That was all he could say before the boulder ran them over.
Somewhere in a deep laboratory in Area 51 1/2, a single generator hummed endlessly. This machine was the source of so much Deus Ex Machina, so many improbable causalities that it single-handedly saved the universe from utter destruction many times.
The machine known as the Improbability Drive.
Today, it hummed once more, and granted its power to our three heroes.
"Holy crap! Its rubber!" Kuwabara nearly screamed... again.
"We know." Hiei drawled, annoyed.
"Well, that's one problem out of the way." Kurama muttered, brushing himself off. "Let's keep going."
Deep in his evil lair, the demon overlord plotted... evilly!
(Pause.)
A Public Announcement from the Author.
I sincerely apologize for the constant use of the word evil.
We now return you to One Night.
(World resumes)
And Number Two attempted to bring sanity to this madness. "Sir, are you sure releasing the Mary Sue was a good idea?"
The demon nodded. "Of course it is! With my ultimate warrior in place, no one can stop me!" And then he began his maniacal laughter.
Number Two considered joining in, but remembered that his boss hated being interrupted or joined when laughing.
After a minute or so of laughter, it finally subsided.
"Oh, and sir," Number Two added, remembering a few missed calls while the overlord was at Best Buy, "Voldemort called. He needs to reschedule the lunch meeting. Something about killing the Boy-Who-Lived."
The demon overlord sighed. "I hope he doesn't get beaten again by that old guy and the kid. He always rants about it like a spoiled brat... maniacal lunatic." He muttered.
"And the Evil Union called. They have a meeting next Tuesday. Its to discuss what's to be done about the recent falling of the villain image and cutting back pay."
His superior swore. "Damn it! Stupid bureaucrats and their damn rules and regulations. We already conceded our damn dental plans." The overlord sighed. "Damn its hard being evil these days."
High in the celestial bodies above (also known commonly as space), a space station orbits the world of Yu Yu Hakusho. An unseen and yet omnipresent threat that waits to strike at all good fandoms.
Slowly, a well built figure strides over to a voluptuous figure who looks at the planet.
"Sir, our deployment pods are almost operational." He reported.
The woman nodded. "Prepare the troops. We shall take this fandom and destroy it." Her amber eyes glitter for a moment in the darkness.
"For we are the Self Insertion Army!"
Thanks to TypoNumber5, escptheshdw385, Time and Fate, and Hiei-Rulez for reviewing!
Q&A
TypoNumber5- I'm glad you like this so much. Number Two and Evil Overlord are just fun, aren't they? I love the dialogue between the two.
AN: For those who don't know, Deus Ex Machina refers to an improbable plot device that occurs at exactly the right time in exactly the right place. Case in point- Yusuke suddenly regaining all his strength at some desperate point in a fight. Or any episode of Yu-Gi-Oh. (Hey, I like that show, but you have to admit its true.)