Title: How to Slide Down Horatio Caine's Chimney in 10 Easy Steps
Author: Carolina
Rating: R for language
Category: Humor, Romance
Pairing: E/C, R/V
Spoilers: None
Author's Notes: Yet another answer to a fanfic challenge. Tis the season of challenges! The challenge has to include: snow, a Christmas angel, an argument, and the song/line 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus last night'. This fanfic is seriously more than 30 pages long. I'm not usually a fan of installments, but I'm gonna have to break it down into separate chapters. It's just easier to read and work with. But it's nearly finished, so don't worry about having to wait. I also have a deadline, so I can't make you wait. Hope you guys enjoy it! Oh, and let's all hiss at fanfictionnet for making me cut my title. Hiss!

How to Slide Down Horatio Caine's Chimney in 10 Easy Steps
by Carolina

On the 21st of December, and the end of the day shift, Eric Delko found himself on a mission.

Not a particularly important mission to the rest of the world, he was sure. After all, it wasn't a mission to stop crime, bring world peace, or even end hunger and suffering, but it was a mission nonetheless. And it was going to work.

He ran out of the elevator and made his way towards the break room, checking his watch as he jogged. Most of the night shift hadn't arrived yet, the lab was practically empty, and for a moment it felt kinda eerie. Usually the laboratories would be buzzing with energy and though he knew it would go back to normal in a couple of minutes, he also knew it wouldn't be as hectic as it could be during the summer or spring. Crime seemed to slow down a bit during the holidays, except for the occasional soccer mom trampled by a crowd as she desperately reached for whatever toy was popular that year, and really, it never took more than thirty minutes to solve a crime like that. True, the crimes, the real crimes, the shootings and robberies, the kidnappings, never took time off. But he found it always seemed a bit slow during the holidays. Maybe it was all in his head. He would have to ask someone else if they felt the same way.

Eric finally reached the break room and as soon as he opened the door, a sea of faces turned towards him. A little taken aback, his eyes immediately scanned the room for his boss.

"You're late," Horatio drawled.

Right. Follow the booming echo of Metatron, and there's Horatio Caine.

"Sorry," Eric said. "Is it over?"

"Just in time," Horatio said as he approached Eric. He put a velvet bag in front of him and added, "no peeking."

Eric drew his sleeve back, closed his eyes, and reached inside the velvet bag. And this was his mission.

Today was the 21st of December and someone around the lab, now he couldn't even remember who, had come up with the ingenious idea of doing a Secret Santa. Didn't take long for the entire lab to be excited about the game, to the point where other departments had been invited to play. The more the merrier, most people thought, but not Eric. The more people played, the less chances he would have of drawing out the name of the person he had in mind. And said person sat on the couch now, next to Frank Tripp, with one of those little smiles on her faces that let the world know Calleigh Duquesne was enjoying herself. Giddy. Calleigh was usually in a cheerful mood, but she looked particularly cute when she got giddy.

And that cuteness gave him all the more incentive to be extra careful when picking out his Secret Santa recipient. And if everything went according to plan, if the mission was successful, Calleigh Duquesne would be the name on the little piece of paper he was about to draw.

Eric felt around the bag. What seemed like hundreds of little papers grazed his fingers and he picked some of them, felt them out, and discarded them all. No Calleigh vibes coming from those. His Calleigh radar was finely tuned; he could feel her even in writing. This wouldn't really be a problem. Finally picked a particularly long one. That had to be it. Calleigh Duquesne is a long name and this paper was the longest one he had felt yet. Ha!

He pulled the paper out, made sure no one would be able to see, and read it to himself, a celebratory smile plastered on his face.

Horatio Caine!

His face fell. Horatio?

"Who's next?" Horatio said, moving towards the person next to Eric.

Horatio?

He frowned and read it again. There, in blue ink, was the name. Definitely not a typo. Horatio Caine. He read it again. Horatio Caine. And again. Horatio Caine. No, his eyes weren't deceiving him. He would have to slide down Horatio Caine's chimney this Christmas with nothing in his red bag but a cheap and crappy reason to get himself fired. Because really, what do you get a man who cares for nothing but saving Miami from the wretched hands of criminals? A red cape? Night vision goggles? Yahtzee?

Suddenly he could hear screaming in his head. No, this wasn't fair! Could it possibly be a mistake? Maybe someone meant to write Calleigh Duquesne but wrote Horatio Caine instead? They both had that 'caine' sound in there. It was entirely possible.

"Uh, H?" he said out loud before he had the chance to stop himself.

"Something wrong, Eric?" Horatio asked, his eyes narrowed in a way that always made Eric feel a bit vulnerable and intimidated, like he had done something wrong. But this was important. This was a mission. Not a phase, or a caprice, or even an empty stubbornness. A mission! He had to speak out. He had to get a second chance.

"Eric?" Horatio asked again and Eric could feel his heart beating faster, faster, until his hands were a little sweaty. His voice was gone. Everyone was looking at him, including Calleigh, and he felt like one of those suspects Horatio always questioned, fear making them piss their pants before their lawyers even got there. And then Horatio rested his hands on his hips and, well, that was it. Game over.

Fucking Catholicism.

"Nothing," Eric said, sitting down. He looked at the little piece of paper again and let out a sigh. Horatio. He would have to buy a gift for Horatio. Not Calleigh, not even Alexx. Horatio.

What a stupid, stupid game.

As Ryan dunk his hand into the little velvet bag, Eric looked up at Calleigh and caught her smiling at him. She didn't try to hide it, because of course friends can look at each other as many times as they want without it meaning anything. And that's what he was to her. A friend. A funny friend. A pathetic friend.

Nothing more.

Because who the hell was he to think he could be worthy of Calleigh Duquesne? She was only a goddess, and what was he? Suddenly Eric understood how Charlie Brown felt every time that little red haired girl was around. Good grief, he would never be able to handle fifty more years of this.

He smiled back, feeling like his insides were practically melting and his cheeks burning, until Valera whispered something in Calleigh's ear, stealing her attention away from Eric. He frowned. Both women started laughing, and he thought he could see Calleigh's cheeks turning red. Valera was looking in his direction, still whispering something in Calleigh's ear, and Eric looked around. Next to him, Sam Belmontes watched the same scene with a smile on his face. Of course. Who wouldn't blush at the sight of Sam? The man was an Adonis. Hell, get a couple of Mojitos in Eric's system and he was sure even he would go home with Sam. No qualms. The man was that goddamn beautiful.

"You can't catch a break, can you?" Sam suddenly said.

Eric frowned at him. What, now he was bragging about it? Jesus Christ, how rude. Eric sank in his chair and just rolled his eyes. Stupid Valera.

"Alright, everyone," Horatio said when the little velvet bag was empty; "you know the rules. Your gift cannot exceed thirty dollars, you cannot tell anyone who you got, and no cheating," Horatio said, reiterating those last two words like he was reading everyone their rights. "Who you got today is who you're buying a present for, period. Go home, have fun shopping. See you all tomorrow."

People began to gather their things and walk out of the break room, but Eric stayed behind, his fingers playing with the little paper in his pocket. Well, this was it. He might as well kiss his mission goodbye. Not only did he lose the chance of getting Calleigh her gift, but he would have to buy one for Horatio as well. It was like some sort of horrible and cunning joke from above. Ha ha, except not so much. Why did he have to agree to play this idiotic game in the first place? Right. Indifference with just a pinch of cowardice. A deadly combination.

"You okay, Eric?"

He looked up to see Calleigh in front of him, looking at him inquisitively, and a warm smile instinctively appeared on his face. Though he couldn't see himself, he was sure his cheeks were bright red and suddenly he felt like an idiot. Why did she have to be so beautiful? God, he was pathetic.

"Yeah," Eric said and looked down, glad the butterflies in his stomach didn't fly out as soon as he opened his mouth. No way would he have been able to explain that one.

"I think I might be getting the flu or something," he added, and coughed a couple of times for dramatic purposes. Horrible lie coming from a horrible liar, but at least she bought it.

"Oh, no," Calleigh said gravely, pressing her hand to Eric's forehead to feel his temperature. "Do you want some tea or something? I've got Tylenol in my locker."

He looked at her and smiled, trying to hide the way his skin shivered at her touch. Pathetic indeed. "Nah, I'll be okay. Thanks, Cal."

Calleigh smiled warmly at him, patted his shoulder a couple of times, her touch lingering but not long enough for him to think much of it. "See you tomorrow, then."

"Yeah, see ya," Eric smiled and watched her walk out of the break room. When she was out of sight, he took the little piece of paper out of his pocket and read it again.

Horatio Caine. Blue ink. Not a typo.

Suddenly Eric found himself shaking his head. That couldn't be it, could it? His parents hadn't almost died in a tiny raft that practically just floated all the way from Havana to Miami so he would end up having to buy a gift for Horatio Caine. He owed them that much. So he took a deep breath, feeling determined again, stood up, and walked out of the break room. This mission was going to be successful if it killed him.

To be continued...