T.T Yes, the last and final chapter...maybe. I'm thinking about writing an epilouge too, but I'm not sure. If I do, then...I don't know.
Chapter Eighteen: If I Never Knew You
Ryou was awakened, once more, by the early morning sun. Or perhaps it wasn't the early morning sun. All he remembered before cracking his eyes open, was a blinding flash of light, and then…an absence of darkness.
Feeling something was not right, Ryou immediately bolted awake. He hurriedly scrambled about, terror filling his veins when he realized…
…there was no other occupant!
After hyperventilating for a moment, Ryou spied a note that had been scribbled hurriedly, and placed underneath the lamp. Hands shaking, Ryou reached over, unfolded the note, and began to read.
Ryou
I would've woken you up, but you looked too precious to. At any rate, I'm off to duel the pharaoh this morning. Wish me luck.
Thank you for the present last night. You really did lighten my mood with your…gift. At times it almost makes the pharaoh's duel look like nothing. I think I would rather prefer to have my little thief next to me, naked and in bed, rather than to duel someone who possesses the power that I should own.
I will be back soon. I love you.
Love,
Marik.
For a moment, Ryou could not possibly comprehend what Marik was talking about. The words "I love you" seemed to have taken Ryou's heart's attention more than anything else. It was after Ryou had finally surrendered to that terrible, lingering intuition of fear, that he had finally realized what Marik was telling him.
He had gone to duel Yami Yugi.
Terrified, Ryou bolted out of the bed, before scrambling to find some clothes. He couldn't'! He couldn't let Marik go on with the duel! At the very least, he had to say good-bye!
After scrambling into his striped T-shirt and jeans, Ryou hurried off, hoping with all his heart that the door was not locked. Thankfully, it wasn't, and within seconds Ryou was running with all the energy he could muster towards the dueling arena.
Marik!
Oh, why didn't Marik wake him up? He could've at least say good-bye!
Blinded by his fear of Marik's defeat, Ryou didn't notice that someone had bumped into him, and within seconds, pushed him through the cafeteria door. Clumsily, Ryou waved his hands for balance, before skidding onto the floor and into the tables.
"Malik!" Ryou cried out, his eyes wide.
Indeed, none other did the hikari, Malik Ishtal, stood before him. For a moment, Ryou's heart was torn between leaping for joy at the sight of his friend, or tattered with pain. For when Ryou got a better look at his brotherly friend, he noticed that Malik was wearing the very clothes Ryou would never thought he'd wear.
A blank tank top, securely fitted at the waist of his tan, khaki pants, tied with a simple, black belt.
Oh gods, no.
"Ryou," Malik whispered. "What on earth are you doing?"
"What am I doing?" Ryou repeated distantly, blinking. His mind seemed numb, as his eyes trailed over what he had come to know as Marik's attire, the very same clothes that Marik always wore when he went to duel an opponent.
"No….no!" Ryou cried. He scrambled away, accidentally knocking into the table. Distantly he felt Malik drop to his knees in attempts to help, but Ryou was still in his state of fear and desperation, and fought Malik with everything he had.
"Ryou! Please, stop it!" Malik cried, desperation in his own voice. "Ryou! Please!"
"No…no!" Ryou cried, struggling against Malik's hold. "Where is he? Where's Marik? Where's Marik!"
When Malik did not reply, Ryou's worse fears were confirmed. Yet, he still struggled, still attempted to pelt up to the arena, where he and Marik had danced two nights before, where they had watched their first sunrise together. Surely Marik must've found a way to spare Malik and himself! Surely he must've!
Perhaps at any moment, Marik would pop up behind Malik, with an odd look upon his face, before pushing Malik out of the way and engulfing Ryou in his arms. Oh, how Ryou longed for that to happen! Desperately, he craned his neck towards the door, where he hoped Marik would come waltzing through.
/Ryou….stop it./
That voice….it was that voice again! Crying out, Ryou launched himself into Malik's arms, sobbing hard, long and loud. Bakura! He was back!
/Ryou, baka, stop it/ the spirit snapped.
"No! NO!" Ryou screamed. "NO! Where's Marik? Where's Marik! Malik!" he cried, clinging hard onto Malik as best as he could. "Please tell me where Marik is! Please tell me he's okay! Please!"
Silence greeted him, and almost distinctly, Ryou could hear Malik gulp slightly.
"R-Ryou…" Malik whispered hesitantly, "I think…I think you have to calm down first."
"No!" Ryou cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "No! NO! Please, Malik! Please tell me he's okay! Please!"
"Ryou, I'm sorry," Malik whispered. "He's gone."
Days passed. The Battle City finals had ended, and so did the dream.
Yugi and his friends were none the wiser that Ryou had fallen in love with a Darkness. If anything, Yami was still friendly to Ryou, and Ryou was friendly back. Ryou could never tell Yugi that his darker half had destroyed the only person Ryou loved with all his heart. Yami, no matter how regal and cold he may have seemed, would feel terribly guilty, but still heroic. He would've said, "I'm sorry about that, Ryou, but it was for the fate of this world. The only thing I could give back now in apology is my own consolation."
But Ryou didn't want any consolation.
For a week or so, Ryou did nothing but exist. He hardly ate, he hardly drank. He merely slept day in and day out, feeling lifeless and dull. If he could, he would've thanked Yami Bakura for taking over his body occasionally to at least feed him, but Ryou had a suspicion the spirit was only doing so because Malik told him to.
The spirit himself hardly spoke to Ryou at all, and Ryou no longer had the will to fight him. So when Bakura decided to start living with Malik upon their yatch, Ryou made no complaint about his forgotten apartment, nor anything else. Malik was still feeling terribly guilty, and Ryou knew that Malik would be forever in his debt, but Ryou made no move to even speak with Malik. He didn't hate his brotherly friend. He just didn't wish to speak any longer with anyone. He was still in denial.
One night, while Bakura had taken over his body and was screwing with Malik once more, a miracle happened. It was a sad miracle, none of the less, but it managed to jostle Ryou out of his reserved and depressing manner.
He was in his soul room, staring at the ceiling, reflecting back upon the times he and Marik had spent together. Tears streamed down his cheeks without sound to accompany them.
He's gone, Ryou thought to himself. He's gone. Gone forever. Why didn't I wake up? Why didn't he wake me up? Why didn't he at least say goodbye? Why?
Sobbing, Ryou rolled over on his side, curling up into a ball.
Why didn't I protect him? Why? Why didn't I wake up, run to Yami Yugi and beg him to stop? Why didn't I?
Suddenly, a soft creaking noise from his soul room door alerted him. He didn't even turn around, his shoulders shaking as he buried his face into his pillow.
"Go away, Bakura, please," he mumbled brokenly.
"Ryou," said a voice softly. "It's me."
Eyes shooting open, Ryou tensed. It was not Bakura. Not Malik. Then who….?
"M-Marik…?"
His heart freezing, Ryou jumped from his bed and swiftly turned about. He gasped, stepping back, as indeed…
From the doorway, stood Marik, looking grim. Head spinning, Ryou stumbled back, clutching anything he had in his way. He made contact with the table, and was thankful to steady himself with it.
"Mar…Marik?"
"Hello, Ryou," Marik said softly, easing the door open. "May I come in?"
"Marik…" Ryou whispered. "You….you…you're here! What are you…what are you doing here?"
Marik arched an eyebrow, stepping into the room. His eyes were a dull amethyst then, as though he held a secret, or perhaps a proclamation, that he dare not say.
"When Malik left a bit of himself in you," the Egyptian said softly, "so did I. But Ryou, I have to warn you, this is not permanent. I only came back because I had to see you one last time."
Shaking, Ryou turned away from his lover, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Why?" Ryou whispered, clenching his eyes tight. "Why…? Why did you go…?"
He received no reply from the Egyptian. When he heard only silence, Ryou's denial and mourning overwhelmed him entirely, and he threw himself into his soul room wall, banging against the walls with all the strength he could muster.
"Why!" he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Why? WHY! Why did you go! Why didn't you just…why didn't I…Why didn't I do anything! Why didn't I protect you! Why didn't I help you! Why! This is all my fault…this all my fault…it's my fault you're gone…you're GONE…you promised, you promised, you PROMISED you would stay, you promised…"
He choked, sobbing hard as he threw himself into the wall again, blood tricking from his temples as he recklessly continue to plummet his anger and denial and depression into his beating fists, which were now red and raw…
"WHY!" he yelled. "Why! Why is it always everything I care for taken away from me! Am I an omen? Am I just bad luck? Why? Why is every little hope I ever have always diminished!" He threw himself into the wall once more, more blood tricking his temples as he continued to yell desperately. "WHY? WHY? WHY DIDN'T I PROTECT YOU? WHY DIDN'T I DO ANYTHING? WHY? WHY? THIS IS ALL MY FAULT…THIS IS ALL MY FAULT…! I SHOULD DIE FOR WHAT I'VE DONE…!"
Suddenly, firm hands gripped his wrists, sufficiently ceasing any more attempts of his self-punishment. Ryou continued to sob, struggling fruitlessly against his lover's efforts.
"Let me…let me go…!"
"Ryou," Marik said solemnly. "Stop."
Ryou panted, choking on his sobs as he slowly slumped his shoulders. "Let me…let me go, please…" Ryou choked out, feebly reaching out to punch the wall once more. "P-please…just let me go…let me die…"
"No."
Warm arms circled around his shoulders, slowly leaving his wrists. Ryou continued to sob, wriggling exhaustedly in attempt to get away.
"P-please…" Ryou whispered. "Let me…let me die…let me be with you…"
"Ryou, stop," Marik repeated softly. "Stop."
Ryou swallowed, slumping against Marik's hold entirely. Sobbing, he laid his head exhaustedly back on his lover's shoulder, his own shoulders shaking with sobs.
"Why…?" Ryou whispered. "Why did you go?"
"I didn't want to," Marik said softly, as one hand gently slid up to cup Ryou's cheek. In one slow, tender movement, that very same hand wiped away Ryou's tears. "Believe me, I didn't want to."
"Why…?" Ryou whispered again. "Why? Why didn't….why didn't you at least say…at least say goodbye?"
"Didn't I?" Marik replied, slowly turning Ryou around to face him. More tears streamed down Ryou's cheeks.
"A note? That's it?" Ryou cried. "Why didn't you wake me up? Why didn't you at least say goodbye?"
Marik gave him an unreadable gaze. "You were finally so happy," he whispered distantly. "I didn't want to see you cry again."
This quiet declaration had finally rendered Ryou silent. He sat there, staring up at the spirit form of his lost lover, tears streaming down his cheeks in salty rivers. His shoulders shook, his palms ached, and his heart hurt.
Gently, Marik pulled them upwards, careful to steady Ryou, as the Light had not seemed to regain his stable footing. Ryou longed to stay in those arms forever, longed to cherish that warmth against his. Longed for Marik to stay with him forever.
Sobs slowly ceasing, Ryou timidly wrapped his arms around Marik's neck, drawing them closer in the tender embrace. As he buried his face into the crook of Marik's neck, he felt his lover slowly tighten his own embrace, gradually beginning to rock them from side to side.
For a moment, a silence fell upon them. It was no longer the silence they were used to; the sweet, soft silence that appreciated each other's presence. This silence was grim, terrifying. Ryou never wished for Marik to leave, and now, holding his lover so dearly, Ryou didn't think he could ever bear to let Marik go.
"Don't cry, Ryou," Marik whispered softly. Gently, the Egyptian pulled back slightly, just so enough so he could stare deep into Ryou's rich chocolate eyes. "Don't cry. You know how much I hate to see you cry."
"I can't…I can't help it," Ryou whispered back. "I know it's such a brat of me, but I can't help it. I can't lose you, Marik. I don't want to go back…I don't want to go back, living my life without you."
"You're not a brat," Marik said. His gaze looked expressionless, monotone, but deep in those amethyst eyes, they were clouded with mauve and lavender, mourning with sorrow. "You're not a brat. I don't ever regret our time together."
"You've shown me….you've shown me what's it like to be loved again," Ryou said, his voice breaking. "I don't think I could ever go back….to that world where no one else cares for me. It's selfish of me, I know, but Marik, I need you! I can't let you go!"
"In that world," whispered Marik softly. "You are still loved, no matter what. Someone still cares for you in that world where you think only lies loneliness. I still love you."
"But you're not coming back," Ryou whispered, a tear trailing down his face once more. "You're going to be…in the Shadow Realm…forever…"
It was as though the world had suddenly exploded. The single thought of Marik, the person Ryou loved with all his heart, was now wandering in the coldest, loneliest world anyone could possibly dream of, surrounded by darkness and ice, was shattering to hear. Ryou couldn't bear the thought of Marik in the Shadow Realm. How long could Marik wait, before the Shadows could reduce him to one of itself?
"The Shadows are nothing to me," Marik said bluntly, soothing Ryou's bangs from his face. "They don't concern me at all. You, however…" He leaned forward, his eyes piercing into Ryou's, before they clouded with sorrow and regret. "…I'm concerned about you."
Ryou bowed his head, staring at his feet. He felt Marik edge closer, until they were both pressed together, sealed by the warmth between them. He felt Marik's hand slowly trail up his back, before easing into his hair, and stroking each strand with loving gentleness. The other hand reached up as well, before protectively holding Ryou close around the shoulders, the hand resting upon the base of Ryou's neck. The Light shivered instinctively at their closeness….would he ever feel such warmth again?
"I don't regret ever meeting you, Ryou," Marik said softly into his ear. "Believe it or not, you've shown me different things too. With you, I like to be more human than Darkness, but sometimes, I don't have much of a choice in the matter." He gently kissed Ryou's cheek, before nuzzling the Light's tender throat. "I still love you, Ryou. And I would give up my life for you."
Ryou felt his eyes prickle once more, his fingers shaking as his heart swelled with sorrow at Marik's tender words. He pressed closer towards the Darkness, burying his face once more in Marik's shoulder, as the Darkness continued to manipulate his hair.
"I don't…regret our time either," Ryou whispered. "I loved our time together. All I wish is that I could relive them, over and over, in my dreams, and hopefully, in the future with you."
"Perhaps we can," Marik whispered. "Normally, I hate if when fate intervenes, but sometimes fate is better at handling precious things than I am." He drew back, staring deep into Ryou's eyes, before his hands trailed down to Ryou's, holding them simply in his grip. "Like you."
Gradually, he raised one hand, while the other slithered around Ryou's waist. Almost upon instinct, Ryou reached his other hand up and rested it upon Marik's shoulder, before looking once more into Marik's eyes.
"One last dance?" Marik asked softly.
Music flittered into the soul room, possibly because of the sorrow within Ryou's heart. It was not the song that they had last danced to, the happy, romantic one that they shared upon the blimp. It was different…sadder, but full of love, and memories.
"One last dance," Ryou whispered.
As they did, Ryou distinctly heard the voice of his own lover accompany that of the music. It was distant, as though hardly uncomprehending. But Ryou knew.
If I never knew you…
If I never felt this love
I won't have no inkling of how precious life can be
And I never held you I won't ever have a clue
How at last I'd find in you the missing part of me
In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes so dry your eyes
And I'm so grateful to you
I have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you.
As they continued to rotate upon the same spot, their movements slow and precious, longing to live the moment they shared forever, Ryou stared up into Marik's eyes. His face was void of any emotion, any sign of pain or sorrow he may have felt, but Ryou could see it in his eyes. Those eyes…those captivating eyes that pierced hearts and scared others, were now shining with that loving trace of lavender.
Perhaps it was merely his soul room, as Ryou never remembered actually opening his mouth to do so, but within moments, his voice had also resounded in the room. Perhaps it was the voice of their hearts that were singing; spilling the pain, the sadness that they both shared, into notes and lyrics, because the actual simple words were too hard to say out loud.
(If I never knew you I'd be safe, but half as real
Never knowing that I could a love so strong and true
I'm so grateful to you
I had lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you)
The voice of his lover slowly resounded into the room, desperate and eager. Driven only by his heart's instincts, Ryou threw his arm around Marik's neck, drawing them as close as they could possibly get, his lips just hovered by Marik's.
I thought our love will be so beautiful
( somehow we made the whole world bright)
(( I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night
But still my heart was saying we were right ))
"Don't ever leave me," Ryou whispered, his vision filled once more with his tears. "Please don't ever leave me."
Closing his eyes, Marik gently claimed Ryou's lips in his own. Ryou's eyelids fluttered shut, wishing to never depart with those silky, soft lips.
"I will never leave. I love you."
Somehow, those few words seemed to explode Ryou's world in a flight of fiery compassion and love. The more he heard it, replaying it over and over his head, the longer he wished to stay in Marik's arms. His heart was driving him insane, thumping with passion and sorrow and love…
(Oh, if I never knew )
There's no moment I regret
(If I never knew this love)
Since the moment that we've met
(I would have no inkling of)
If our time has gone too fast
(How precious life could be)
I've lived at last!
(( I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd made the whole world bright))
(I thought our love would be so beautiful
We've turned the darkness into light)
((And still my heart is saying we were right!))
By this time, Marik's soul had begun to dissipate. This scared Ryou more than anything in the world, as he watched, immobilized, as Marik's deep, tanned color began to dissolve. It began with the edges of his figure, eating away the deep, rich color within him, and leaving behind only a transparent sheen.
"No…no!" Ryou cried, hurling himself into Marik, clutching the Egyptian tightly around the neck. "No! Please! Don't go!"
"Ryou…" Marik whispered. Gently, raising Ryou's chin with a now ghostly finger. "I will never leave your side. Never." That same finger slowly trailed downwards, and flipped open the locket that hung from Ryou's neck. "I will always be with you. No matter where you go."
Tears streaming down his cheeks, Ryou slumped in defeat, clutching hard onto the only thing he felt he had left. Yet, he didn't sob, or cry out any longer. There was no longer anything he could do. Marik was going to go, and the only part of him that would be left within Ryou, would be his memory.
Slowly, Marik bent forwards, and claimed Ryou's lips. Both of them longed to savour each other's lips one last time.
We were right
And if I never knew you
I've had lived my whole life through
Slowly, very slowly, as though if they went any faster the moment would shatter, they left each other's lips. Already, a majority of Marik's body had vanished, the only remnant a transparent sheen. As the Shadows continued to conquer his soul, he stared deep into Ryou's eyes.
"Be strong for me, Ryou," he whispered. "Can you?"
Despite the tears in his eyes, Ryou was determined not to let them fall any longer. As he gently stroked the remaining color in his lover's face, he nodded his head.
"I will," he whispered. "Will you…will you come back?"
For the first time since he had reunited with Ryou, Marik smiled. It was a tender, loving smile, that lingered upon his lips as he bent down and engulfed Ryou's once more. Ryou's eyes immediately fluttered shut, his fingers gently caressing Marik's cheeks, before brushing away the golden bangs that tickled his temples.
"I will," Marik said finally. "I promise. I will never leave, and I will come back. Mark my words." He opened his eyes once more, idly brushing Ryou's bangs away from his eyes. "I promise."
By now, even the transparent sheen that had been the only remnant of Marik's soul had begun to disappear as well. The Egyptian seemed to be glowing, glowing from deep within. It was a bright, white light that shone from his ghostly chest, before filling his transparent figure.
"I love you!" Ryou cried out.
The bright light had replaced Marik's skin entirely. Now nothing left of his previous, rich pigment was present, except for the remaining transparent sheen in his face. Slowly, gradually, he began to drift upwards, disappearing into the light from within as he did so.
"I love you too, Ryou," Marik whispered. "Be strong for me."
"I will!" Ryou cried. "I will! I'll wait! I promise I'll wait!"
Marik smiled, as the bright light grew in size. "I love you, Ryou. Never forget me."
There was a bright flash of light, as the ball of luminosity combusted, consuming anything of Marik's soul that might had been spared. It shone bright, hovering high above Ryou's head, before flashing once more, and disappearing altogether.
There was nothing left.
Weakly, Ryou sank to the floor, upon his knees.
"I will never forget you," he whispered. "I will wait, and I will always love you. Always." He looked up once more, where the hovering light had just been, before crying out, "I love you, Marik!"
(Empty as the sky)
((Never knowing why))
And distinctly, he heard Marik's voice, for a final time. It were almost as if the Egyptian were right next to him, breathing into his ear.
"I love you too, Ryou."
((Lost forever
If I never knew you…))