How would you love me?
Inuyasha scowled out the window, waiting desperately for the sun to peek out over the mountains. He flexed his useless human fingers and cursed the silence that plagued the hut he was confined in.
"The night is nearly over."
He whirled around to face his companion, his eyes dulling a bit as he gazed at her profile. Her shoulders were relaxed as she stroked the fur of the kitsune gently snoring in her lap. But there was no smile on her lips. She rarely smiled in his presence anymore.
"Would you--" he broke off, humiliated with the emotion that threatened to fill his throat.
"Would I what," she asked quietly, not bothering to turn to face him. She only looked at him when it was necessary now. The hanyou tried not to let it hurt so much.
"Would you take me as I am now?" When he was met by her silence, he fumbled with his words, unsure of what to say or how to say it. "As a human?"
She sighed, and kept her voice low. "What would it matter, Inuyasha?"
"Just answer the question, wench!"
She laughed then, and it was lifeless. "What would you have me say?"
Anything. Whatever you want. Just talk to me! Look at me!
"The truth."
She nodded in agreement, lifting her eyes to stare out the window. Morning was coming. She could see the first signs of light spilling over the land. The houshi and the taiji-ya slumbered, oblivious.
"I would."
He longed to reach out to her, to say something, anything to ease the sadness that seemed to block him out whenever they were together. But he watched the sunrise instead, watched as it slowly made its way to their shelter. It was beautiful. He felt like crying.
He felt the transformation begin as soon as the first ray touched his skin. His claws sprouted from his helpless mortal hands, his canines lengthened and sharpened into fangs as his black hair slowly shifted to pure white. But his heart remained human. And hurting. He cursed it, but the pain would not abate..
She wouldn't look at him.
"Would you..."
"What, Inuyasha."
He stood then, and moved directly in front of her. She could not turn away, not without waking the child in her lap. She would have to face him.
When she did, he wished that she hadn't.
Her eyes were dull as she looked at him. There was no spark of laughter, no mischievous glint– not even an angry glare of light. He stumbled back a step, a clawed hand fisting over his chest.
She looks like Kikyo.
"Would you...would you want me this way?" he asked her desperately, cursing when she looked away. "Look at me! As a hanyou?" His voice rose in agitation and he grasped her arms, not noticing that his claws had broken the flesh. "As a filthy half breed!"
Her expression didn't change as crimson stains blossomed on her sleeves. "I would."
"Would you want me as a demon," he whispered, dread leaking into his gaze as he remembered the mindless terror he felt whenever he came out of his transformation. Fear that during his transformation he had slaughtered her, and mindlessly lapped at her blood. "Would you want me as a demon?"
She looked at him then, and he nearly wept at the wry twist of her lips. She should have never had to look that way. Defeated. Weary.
Did I do that to you? Is this my fault?
The thought sickened him.
"Would you kill me?"
He gasped, hurt taking hold of his chest and gleefully squeezing out his air. She turned away again.
"I would never--"
"I suppose it doesn't matter, Inuyasha." Her hand stilled on the kitsune's head, white and pale. "I would."
The boy reached for her, hesitantly touching her shoulder. She said nothing as he gathered her cold, limp fingers in his large hand. The kitsune mumbled softly in his sleep.
"You would take me as a human?"
"Yes."
"You would take me as a demon?"
She sighed then. "Yes."
"You would," he broke off, fighting down the fears that choked him. "You would--"
"Yes," she murmured. He fingers flexed in his hold– once, twice– before going limp again. "I would take you as a hanyou."
"But tell me, Inuyasha," she said suddenly, looking out the window once more as the rooster announced it daybreak. "Would you take me as Kagome?"
Would you take me as I am?
000000000000000000000000000
"Kagome-chan!"
She turned, a small smile on her lips. "Sango-chan."
Inuyasha desperately wished that she would smile at him like that again. The girl bounded up next to them, deliberately ignoring the hanyou.
"Kagome-chan, let's go to the hot springs! We deserve a break, ne?"
The other girl's reluctance was apparent as she sneaked a glance at the frowning demon boy.
"Keh."
She smiled then, a small movement of her lips that warmed his heart, before she let the older girl pull her away.
He watched her go, watched as the kitsune jumped into her arms and squealed excitedly about his upcoming bath.
"You never answered her question, you know," Miroku's staff jangled quietly, stating his presence. "Not particularly fair, seeing as you bombarded her with your own, ne?"
The hanyou huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at the smiling houshi. "You woke up. You interrupted my answer when you copped a feel at Sango, you hentai."
Miroku's grin turned slightly sardonic as he viewed the sulking boy in front of him. "My apologies, I was merely trying to help."
"I didn't need any help."
"Oh? And what would your answer have been, Inuyasha?"
The other boy was silent for a moment before letting his long bangs conceal the turmoil in his eyes. "I...I...."
"You wouldn't have answered, Inuyasha," Miroku sighed noisily as he prepared for his trek to the hot springs. "And it is simply unfair to Kagome-sama to not be able to. Especially after--"
"What do you know, you stupid lecher!" Inuyasha scowled. Miroku merely smiled. Heading to the hot springs for a peek at his lovely Sango, he hesitated and murmured back to the sulking boy.
"You cannot keep them both, Inuyasha. The past and the present do not stay still forever. You must pick your future."
"Keh."
Inuyasha yelped and rubbed his offended scalp as the houshi calmly shouldered his staff. "Do not be a fool, Inuyasha. Kagome is growing weary, and truthfully, Sango, Shippo and I are tired of seeing you hurt her. Remember her answers to you last night. May they aid you in your decision."
"You think you're so smart," Inuyasha yelled after the dark haired boy. "There are shikon shards to be found! Why would I waste my time on such a petty matter when we are so close to finding Naraku?"
"Think about it, baka," Miroku called over his shoulder. "Without peace in your heart, you cannot be victorious in anything."
The dog demon's frustrated oath made Miroku laugh; he whistled a cheery tune as he made his way down the rocky slope.
He's so hopeless.
00000000000000000000000000
"Doushite, Kagome-chan?"
The girl sighed, letting the water slide over her skin as she stared into space. "Nothing, Sango-chan. Absolutely nothing."
The older girl bit her lip before going on. "Is it about--"
"No." The denial was sharp, and Kagome instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry, Sango. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just..."
The taiji-ya reached out and laid a tender hand on the younger girl's shoulder. She bit her lip as she searched for what to say. "I'm sorry, Kagome-chan." The words left her feeling useless as the other girl's eyes suddenly welled up with tears.
Shippo immediately crawled up and nestled his head underneath Kagome's chin, offering his comfort. "Don't cry, Kagome. Please...please don't cry..."
She shook her head in denial, furiously wiping the offending moisture away with a shaking hand. "I'm not. I'm fine."
She took to rubbing the soap over her shivering arms, trying to ignore the pitying looks from her friends.
"I'm fine."
0000000000000000000
"Inuyasha! Its time for dinner! I made ramen– your favorite."
He didn't answer her, and her shoulders slumped. He was still angry. She went over and poked him. Hard.
"HEY! What is the matter with you!"
"Leave me alone, you stupid wench!"
"You're acting like a child. I had to care for man– he was sick."
"You're acting like a bitch!"
"Inuyasha--"
"Dammit, Kikyo--!"
A gasp. Silence. Kagome tried to steady her breathing as pressure built slowly behind her eyes. The hanyou sensed it, and turning, realized his mistake. Too late.
She bolted, uncaring and oblivious to his screaming of her name.
000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Kagome-chan--"Sango stopped, unsure of whether or not she should go on. "I--"
"I'm fine."
"I think that you should beat the baka up," Shippo offered, gently stroking the older girl's cheek with a small paw. "Osuwari him into oblivion!"
"Shippo!" Sango warned, shooting him a knowing glance when the demon child pouted at her.
"It's okay, Sango," Kagome chuckled, resting a loving hand on the kitsune's head. "I'm okay."
Satisfied with her answer, Shippo splashed back into the hot water, floating aimlessly on his back and chattering about whatever popped into his head. Sango's gaze remained worried, but the taiji-ya merely hugged the girl and moved away to wring out her dark hair.
As Kagome listened to her friends' ramblings, she closed her eyes in order to block out the pain. Lifting a pale hand out of the spring, she traced the surface of the water, humming lightly and wondering.
What would it be like...to simply...?
A sharp voice cut off that thought, panicked at its formation.
No.
To be free–?
He'd never forgive you...
Who would care anymore?
A tear slipped, unnoticed, from her closed eye. And inside, she wept.
Who do you see when you look at me, Inuyasha?
Who do you want to see? 000000000000000000000000000
Some japanese words you may not know...
Houshi-- monk
kitsune-- fox
taiji-ya-- demon slayer/demon hunter; what Sango is
Doushite-- are you okay? What's wrong...
Osuwari-- SIT! 0000000000000000000000000000
Author's Note:
Hey guys! I know, I know, I have waay too many unfinished stories out right now, but thsi idea popped into my head one night and kept bugging me until I sat down and wrote it out. Don't worry, though. I have no intention of stopping Forever or Surrender. Just wait until you see what I have cooking up!
Keep reviewing!
Ja ne!