The tears don't fall,

And I wonder why..

Why silence seems,

So,

Like Eternity..

And why,

I must bear,

It, pain...

(no hope echoes deep..)

Mingles with,

tears, rain-

Fall.

Deep,

Dark,

Warm with cold,

Agony, slpinter,

Crakkle.

Rage hides effective,

gloomy Friday

(no hope.. why so?)

Mask Me,

Cloak My,

Moi, me, Tu, him, son, his...

Identity/Identite.

And you all wonder why I laugh, I grin, I smile... Why I seem so innocent?

Put your picture on my wall, 'cause it reminds me that it's not so bad..

At first, I tried ignoring all of those cold glares, the stabbing slithers behind my being, but they, no. You. You wouldn't stop.

There were days where I would run. Run from me, them, everybody. I would try to detach from myself, but there was always that sparking, malvolent laughter inside of me that kept me, me. As much as I despised that I couldn't loose myself, as much as it tore me apart, I was always back together at the end.

There were days where I would lay down on the bed and sob all of my tears away, until there were none left to come. And then, my heart would cry because my eyes had given up.. As my soul was cracking too..

My fragile mirror, spattered with blood.

The soggy pillow would become a nightly occurence sometimes, when I could somehow hear my clock ticking out of synch with my heavy, harsh sobs and afterwards my sniffles, when I was too exhausted to get up to blow my nose. The warmth that my worn blanket would give, I could not feel it, no. The warnth was lost beneath the cold, because I was too.

The dark nowhere, needed much, numb but the ultimate torment...

It hurts to me..

My snotty, supposed-to-be-white t-shirt, my shorts covered in dirt from tripping, and my bloody knees scraped from my escape in the trees. No one wanted to play, at all, not with who their mummys and daddys said was a bad boy. Not that evil, demon, monster, thing,orphan,it,murdererevilmonsterthing!..

me.

Not playing, no toys, no books..

I don't wanna go to school in these mornings, these heart-heavy, colourless mornings. Especially the ones when I realized that it wouldn't be rainging lightly, where they would just leave me in peace.. Not like the other days where I would just wish to have an off switch, or a plug I could just pull.. Then I wonder what they would do.. Laugh?

Then was also the ones when I didn't dare ask.

But I didn't understand why they rebuffed me, and stomped down on my fragile confidence..

Until one day. When I had an idea..

When I just put on a smile and told me to be happy and grin at everyone. That it woud all end, and that I would get time to fill that hole back up with something new.. But for now, just hiding it would have to do.. I would have to put an empty happy in place, and so I did.

But then, I forgot that the lie was a lie.. I forgot what was supposed to be real, 'cause it had been so long, only glimpses of "real", but never the real thing.

I had managed to fool them all, but while they continued, I had managed to fool myself too..

I kept my silly grin plastered on, and bottled the sad away for later, only to forget it on a shelf...

Then, I tried a silly game. A prank, they called it, and a pranker they came to call me.

Then, they had a reason, and so had I.

Then, I could, and had made,

A reason:

For them to hate me.

The tears don't come,

And I wonder why,

Looking out of my window,

I see it all, Rain..

Even if I could,

It could all be great...

Put my picture on the wall,

'Cause it reminds me that it's not so bad,

It's not so bad,

It's not so bad at all...