Title: Happiness
Author: bookworm835
Category(s): Drama/Angst
Summary: Remus Lupin visits the cemetary to talk with James, Lily, and Sirius. One-shot. Terrible summary but please R&R!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! Wish I did, but I don't. Wah.
A/N: Sorry for the absolute cornyness of it all. Not nearly as sad as I would've liked. Review anyway, though, constructive critisism is nice too.
The cemetery was bright and sunny. Quite the opposite of how the only being in it was feeling.
The sun reflected off of the grim headstones. A faint breeze picked swayed through the emerald-and-gold-tinted spring trees and bushes and made the grass look like a shimmering sea of green. The wind picked up pink blossoms from a beautiful purple-green-leafed tree and gently lowered them to the ground. One slowly drifted down and fell into someone's brown-gray hair.
Remus Lupin picked the flower from off of his head with his free hand and let it float to the ground. In his other hand, he held a bouquet of delicate wildflowers of varying specimens, each vibrant and rich in color. He was staring at the three marble tombstones in front of him. Each had a different name of his late friends.
James Potter.
Lily Evans-Potter.
And now....
Sirius Black.
The sun's reflection shone in Remus' face and glimmered in the tear that silently made its way down his face.
"H-hello, Prongs," Remus stammered, blinking away more tears. His voice was cracked and each breath he took made him shudder slightly. "It's me... Remus, remember?"
He gazed into James' name engraved on the headstone. Remus swallowed. "I -- I'm sorry I haven't come here as often as I should.... I've been busy in the Order. Did you know, Harry defeated -- he defeated --" He swallowed again, hard, a lump forming in this throat, blocking his speech -- "You-Know-Who...." he couldn't bear to speak the Dark Lord's true name where he stood, "for the f-fifth time. Y-you should be proud. I -- I am. I just... wish that you were here to watch him grow up with me."
The wind blew again, pulling more tears quietly from Remus' yellow-green eyes. "I think he misses you, truly," Remus said lamely, then hastily added, "I -- I mean, I know he misses you. Y-you too, Lily...." He turned to her grave and took another shuddering breath. "But... he won't admit it." He laughed dryly, rubbing his patched sleeve across his face. "S-sometimes, James, I think he's channeling you.... He's incredibly proud and dignified. Oh, and his patronus... it's you."
Remus shifted his weight from foot to foot and handed the bouquet of flowers to his other hand nervously. "So... in a way, he sees you every once in a while.... That's something I'm proud of.... Teaching him to see you...." He chuckled hollowly and his voice drifted away, carried by another sudden zephyr of cool air.
He waited for a very long time, as if waiting for a response, though he knew that he'd never hear any of their voices again. Yet another tear escaped his eye, and the wind brushed it away. Remus could almost swear that it felt exactly like Lily's slender hand brushing away his tears so many years ago.... But those tears were nothing compared to these.
"An-and Lily," he went on, his eyes darting over to James' wife's tombstone. "I -- I can't believe... that you're gone. Everything's been incredibly lonely... so I hope that -- wherever you are -- you're happy... with James and Sirius...."
For another moment, he paused, and gazed solemnly at the grass and earth below her headstone. A muscle in his face twitched as he continued, his subject changing to something that made him very uncomfortable.
"M-my transformations...." For a second, he considered dropping the subject before it started. But he went on anyways. "They're hard to bear, even since the new Wolfsbane potion created. I -- I liked it better when I had you three with me and was in pain than now when I'm alone but feeling fine." He sighed and looked up towards the sky. A cloud drifted lazily over the sun, cooling the atmosphere. "Alone...." he repeated ironically. "Yes, it's lonely, even with Harry and his friends Hermione and Ron and all of the Order and the Weasleys here.... Even when we're all together -- every single one of us together -- it still feels like nothing.... And I feel guilty about staying in your ancestor's noble home, Sirius."
He turned to the last grave, grimacing. "I -- I know you wouldn't mind, because it's for the good of everything and all, but it doesn't feel right. Nymphadora thinks I'm being paranoid... but she didn't know you like I did. I know you wouldn't be angry... but you're dignified too, Sirius...."
The cloud drifted away and the sun flashed over Sirius' headstone. It almost was like Sirius winking cheerfully at him so many years ago.... Remus would've done anything to see him do that again....
"Anyhow.... Harry actually hasn't been getting himself into trouble... though I know that would've disappointed both of you, Prongs and Padfoot...." He forced a half-hearted smile and even managed an optimistic grin. Then he let it fall off of his face and he sighed again. "But... I'd better get going, but I promise I'll be back sometime soon.... I'm sort of busy with the Order, but I'll manage."
He bent over and somberly set the flowers down in front of the three gravestones. He slowly rose and stuffed his fists into his pockets. "I -- I have to go," he repeated, forcing away the tears that threatened to begin flowing.
"I wish you'd come back, but you wouldn't want me to spend all of my time mourning over our losses.... Because I know that... out of everything you've all wanted from me... all along... it was happiness."
Like I said, it was corny, not sad... hope you liked anyway ;) Anyways, thanks for reading, whoever you are, and could you please review? Please?? I shall be eternally grateful...