NybCR: A WARNING to everyone who's about to read this: this story is meant only for those who have a high, HIGH tolerance for utter and complete stupidity, terrible writing, more stupidity, and a potentially illegal amount of uncreative Mary Sues. You have been warned!
Disclaimer: Even though no actual Harry Potter characters are in the prologue, I'm using some HP terms and I'd like to say that I DO NOT own them. I only own the absurd array of Mary Sues.
Prologue
The Parade of the Mary Sues
"Order! Order!" Marianne "Charismatic" Suellan shouted into the noisy meeting room. It was instantly quiet. Marianne, being a charismatic Mary Sue, knew this would happen, because everyone always listens to her. She flipped her waist-length, curly, flame red hair over her shoulder and smiled charismatically, her emerald green eyes charismatically beaming with charisma. Charisma, charisma, charisma.
"As you all know, this meeting is about the dangerous amount of Harry Potter Mary Sue Stories out there. Something must be done to reduce the numbers, before the internet explodes!"
"The internet can't explode!" declared Maria "Intelligent" Sullivan, her intelligent, almond-shaped violet eyes (despite her heavy, nightly reading to obtain this intelligence, she does not require glasses) flashing with indignation (and intelligence, of course). "It's impossible!" she finished, nodding so that her elegant, straight black hair shimmered inexplicably. There was a general murmur of agreement among the Mary Sues, even though Maria was the only one intelligent enough to know that this was a fact.
"Even so," Marianne continued, "there are over one million Harry Potter fanfics online, and a LOT of them are Mary Sues. Don't you think that's cluttering up the place a little bit too much?"
"But we can't just delete all those stories!" Rosemary "Beautiful" Sallyanne exclaimed, her beautiful lips furrowed into a beautiful frown that would have had any of the Harry Potter guys in a swoon in a heartbeat. Rosemary looked around at all the other Mary Sues, her large, beautiful, aquamarine eyes searching for agreement among the crowd. "I mean, we Mary Sues have to be in stories, or else we'd die out! Beside, authors like writing us," she finished, a cute—beautiful, I mean, not cute—pout on her beautiful, heart-shaped face, which was framed by beautiful, honey-golden curls. Did I mention how beautiful Rosemary is?
"Not that people like reading them," Marylou "Cynical" Susie grumbled cynically, her gold-black eyes darkening. All of the other Mary Sues glared at Marylou, who ignored them, instead glaring at the window: dark, cynical thoughts swirling inside her cynical mind.
"You're so cruel and inconsiderate!" cried Marie "Tragic" Zsu Zsu, running from the room with bitter, tragic tears tragically streaming down her tragically beautiful olive face. Her departure was so tragic, in fact, that many of the Mary Sues found themselves weeping in sympathy for the poor, tragic girl. Some, like Marylou, simply ignored it, but only one had the gall to speak.
"Well, at least we won't have to endure her tragedy and we can get on with the meeting," snapped Annemarie "Jerk" Susanne, her gray-and-black eyes annoyed by the Tragic Marie's drama. Even though many of the perfect Mary Sues glared at Annemarie's perfect Jerk-ness, Marianne actually appreciated it, for she too was getting annoyed with all the interruptions.
"Right," Marianne said, flashing another charismatic smile. "Anyway, I've come up with a solution: instead of having so many Harry Potter fanfics with so many Mary Sue characters, how about we just have one BIG Harry Potter fanfic with all the Mary Sues?"
Won over by Marianne's amazing charisma, the crowd of Mary Sues immediately agreed to her plan. Then Rosemary asked in her beautiful soprano voice, "But what shall we call it?"
Maria smiled, and for some inexplicable reason everyone turned to her even though most of them couldn't even see her; despite this obstical, they all managed to see the glint in her violet eyes that signaled another brilliant idea. "We'll call it 'The Parade of the Mary Sues'," she said intelligently.
"Why, what an excellent idea," said all of the Mary Sues (and those who didn't say it, thought it).
"Now the only thing that's left to do is choose which House we're all going to be in," Marianne stated. "Now, raise your hand if you want to be in Gryffindor." People raised their hands, and through her amazing powers as a Mary Sue, Marianne deducted that exactly 40 percent of the Mary Sues wanted to be in Gryffindor. (Come on, all those hunky Gryffindor guys, who wouldn't wanna be there?)
"Slytherin?" 40 percent (cough, cough) (Draco and Snape!)
"Hufflepuff?" 19 percent (Hey, screw Cho and forget he died at the end of GoF, Cedric's hot!)
"Ravenclaw?" 1 percent (...huh? There're no hot guys in Ravenclaw…) (at least, none that JK Rowling told us about...)
Everyone glared at the one person whose hand was raised on "Ravenclaw", and found that the Mary Sue was, in fact, Marty Sam! His handsome grey eyes went wide, and as he stood up to reveal a tall, muscular form beneath tight, leather clothes, he shouted, "Cho's HOT!" and then ran from the room.
Marianne shouted after him, "And don't come back! This is the Parade of the Mary Sues, and that means GIRLS ONLY!" Turning back to the crowd, she gave a final, charismatic smile. "Well, let's get on with the Parade, then, shall we?"
NybCR: Yes, I'm writing like a ditzy fangirl on purpose. Criticism, compliments, flames—review as you like; I'm in a parody mood and open to just about anything. Also, if I offended anyone with my blunt idiocy, I apologize—offense was never in mind in the process of writing this story. Now, GAGING, on the other hand... ;)