Author's Note: And this is where the inevitable unraveling of their relationship begins. One wonders how they managed to keep it a secret so long, considering all their friends and teammates are shinobi.

Shikamaru and Chouji were still eating when Sakura entered the restaurant, dressed casually and holding a shopping bag. She stood at the entrance and surveyed the room, eyes brightening when she caught sight of them. The kunoichi walked over, but before she could open her mouth, Shikamaru mumbled tiredly, "If you're looking for Ino, you missed her already. She left about ten minutes ago."

Sakura blinked. "Left? Where did she go? I told her I was going to take her shopping this afternoon. She needs a dress for the party tonight."

Shikamaru sighed. "Yeah, well, she isn't going to be at the party. She has other plans this year."

"Is she eating dinner with her family?"

"She's going out with her boyfriend."

"When did Ino get a boyfriend!"

Half an hour of explaining later. . .

Sakura looked thoughtful. "So, Ino is trying to keep her new beau a secret."

"Yeah? So?"

Sakura rolled her eyes at Shikamaru's apathy.

"So, she's obviously going out with someone she knows her father won't approve of. Someone not completely safe. We have to find out who it is."

"Why?"

"She could be seeing someone dangerous! Don't you care that your teammate might be in trouble?"

"Sakura, she's been dating this guy for over half a year. If this new boyfriend of hers was a threat, something would have happened by now."

"You don't know that! We have to follow her, just to make sure."

"Who's we?"

The look the pink-haired kunoichi gave him sent a shiver down Shikamaru's spine.

"We're we."

". . . right."

"Why are we doing this again?"

"The freak's had a girlfriend for months and hasn't told us shit. No way am I letting something like this slide."

"Can't we just be happy for him and go back home?"

"No."

"I can't believe I got dragged away from lunch to watch Kidoumaru meet with some random woman."

"You're the one who told Tayuya that Kidoumaru has a girlfriend."

"I know. And I'm really regretting it."

"Faggot, fatass, shut up already. He's slowing down."

They stopped. Tayuya whipped out a pair of binoculars and pressed them to her face. "What the hell? He's just standing there."

"He probably got to their rendezvous before she did."

"Wait a second, someone's coming."

A moment of silence.

"What the fuck!"

"What? What is it?"

"I don't believe this."

"Tayuya, either tell us what's going on or hand over the binoculars."

"She's a blonde. A fucking blonde, blue-eyed, leggy blonde. She looks like a fucking supermodel. How the hell did the freak score a sweetheart like that?"

"Personality?"

"Maybe it isn't her."

"Oh yeah, it's her, unless Kidoumaru's gotten into the habit of frenching with random women."

"That's it. Give me those."

Tayuya glared as Sakon yanked the binoculars out of her hands and pushed them against his own face. There was a moment of silence.

"Well?"

"She is good-looking, but. . . I think I've seen her before. . ."

"What, at a drag show?"

"I've never cross-dressed in my life. Why do you always insist that I'm some sort of queen?"

"Tayuya's jealous that three out of the five guys on the team are more feminine than her."

"Damn it fatass, I thought I told you to shut it!"

"What, like I like being mistaken for a girl all the time?"

"Your lipstick sure gives that impression."

"It's a clan thing, damn it! I'm not trying to pass as a woman!"

"So your whole clan consists of a bunch of fucking fairies? How did it ever last beyond one generation?"

"Will you stop with the gay jokes already?"

"Hm? Sakon, what's going on? If there's a fight, you should have woken me up."

"We're on a stakeout, brother."

"Since when did a stakeout involve so much yelling?"

"It's not a mission. Kidoumaru has a girlfriend. A really, really hot one."

"Ah." With no further warning, Ukon snatched the binoculars out of his younger brother's hands.

"Hey! Ask first if you want to use those!"

"Big brother prerogative. I ask for nothing." The elder brother peered through the lenses. "Hmm. . ."

"Well, what are they doing?"

Ukon lowered the binoculars with a frown. "Either this whole thing is a joke, or they've already left."

"What!"

"I know why Chouji and I are here. We were forced to come. I know why Sakura's here. She's hopelessly nosy and invasive."

"Hey!"

Shikamaru ignored her. "But what the hell are you three doing along? I didn't think any of you knew Ino all that well."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head, and chuckled embarrassingly. "Hinata's planning our wedding right now, and she wanted me to help. I needed something to do to get out of the way."

"Shino wanted to discuss our relationship."

"What, really? He never struck me as that sort of guy."

"Well, he's not, but apparently in his clan there's a time limit to finding someone to settle down with, and he's going to reach it soon. I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of commitment, so I just came along to have some time to think it over."

"Ruff!"

"Oh, and Miki's going to have puppies soon, so mom kicked Akamaru out of the house."

". . ."

"Okay. . . so we have two with relationship troubles and a no comment from Neji. Anyone else coming that I haven't been told about?"

Sakura shrugged. "Lee was planning on joining us, but he got hit by a carriage when trying to save a squirrel from a falling piano and had to stay home with an icepack."

"That's. . . interesting. So Kiba, got anything yet?"

"Well, her trail's pretty clear. Doesn't look like she did much to hide it. Are you sure her boyfriend's that big a deal?"

"Ino loves to brag about her conquests, and she hasn't said a word to me about this one. Something weird is going on."

"Stop."

The Konoha shinobi landed, and looked inquiringly at Neji. The Hyuuga prodigy's eyes had the telltale strain marks around them, signifying his use of the Byakuugan. Currently, he was staring intently at something out of the sight of the rest of the group.

"Well? Is she meeting with her secret lover or what?"

"She is currently engaged in an open-mouth make-out session with a spider."

"What!"

"Miscalculation. She is currently engaged in an open-mouth make-out session with a man with six arms. Early twenties. Approximately five feet, eight inches. Considering chakra levels, most likely jounin rank. Considering chakra refinement, specializes in techniques involving extremely precise chakra control. No hitai-ate headband on his person. No weaponry in hand, two kunai strapped to his left thigh. Backpack containing some clothing of unknown fabric and food appropriate for eating cold. Currently somewhat aroused, judging by body temperature, heartbeat, and speed of respiration. Two arms clasped around the target's waste and one touching her-"

"Thank you Neji, but I think we've entered the realm of thing we do not need to know."

"God, no wonder Ino didn't mention this guy to us. Think of what her father would say if word got back."

"How freaky. Six arms? That is one weird bloodline limit. What could Ino possibly see in someone like that?"

"Shit, Sakura, don't be so judgmental. With that many limbs, this new guy must be a tiger in bed."

"Spider."

"Whatever. Hey, think he's open-minded? A threesome would be just the thing to keep Shino distracted for a while."

"Even if he is, do you think for one second that Ino would allow something like that?"

"Good point. If this guy's been dating Ino as long as you say he has, he was probably pussy-whipped months ago. And I can smell Ino's mark all over him even from here. No way in hell I'm gonna infringe on that girl's territory."

"They have ceased oral relations, and are now moving east at approximately ten miles an hour."

"Crap, that slow? Gotta be a date."

"What, the tongue action wasn't a clue, runt?"

"At least I'm not emotionally stunted, dog-breath!"

"I dare you to say that again!"

"You're an indecisive playboy who's leading his boyfriend on for a cheap fuck! And you smell bad!"

"Why you little-"

"Damn it you two, stop acting like three-year-olds! We're on a mission here!"

"This isn't any of your concern, bitch!"

"How dare you talk to Sakura-chan like that!"

"The target and the unidentified shinobi are out of Byakuugan range. Disengaging bloodline limit. . . now."

Shikamaru sighed. "Well, this was a waste of time. Your guys' bickering lost Ino."

"They were moving in a straight line. We can still catch them!"

"Whatever. I'm going home."

"No, you're not."

"Listen, even if Ino isn't coming, Chouji and I have reservations at that all-you-can-eat place and they really hate it when you don't show up. Slap us with a charge and everything. I don't want to put up with the hassle."

"If you think paying a late charge is bad, consider the severe inconvenience of a very large hospital bill that comes as a result of pissing off a girl in the middle of her menstrual cycle."

". . . fine."

"Thought you'd say that."

"Hey, Ino. . . do you get the feeling that we're being watched?"

"No. Should I?"

"Something's been messing with my chakra webs." Kidoumaru pulled off his backpack and held it out to the kunoichi. "Could you hold this for a second?"

"Sure!"

"Thanks. . . but don't look inside."

Ino pouted cutely. She had asked Kidoumaru a minimum of six times what exactly he had gotten her, but the Sound-nin's extensive ninja training had not all been in vain. He did know how to keep a secret, even against the imploring eyes of his far-too-beautiful-and-sexy girlfriend.

The dark-haired shinobi turned, his brow narrowed in concentration as he manipulated the nigh-invisible chakra threads kept around him at all times. With a sharp, sudden yank, he pulled a group of figures out of the shadows with a triumphant grin. The family of deer stared at him in terror.

"Kidoumaru, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Uh. . ."

"These poor deer were probably just following us because of the smell of food, and you scared the poor things to death! Let them go right now!"

". . . right. Sorry." The deer fled in terror. Kidoumaru rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Guess I'm a little paranoid, huh?"

"You think? But you can make it up to me."

"Um. . ." Kidoumaru wasn't exactly sure what he had to make up for. Apologizing to a deer seemed rather nonsensical, but Ino was angry and it was best to pacify her, and there were worse things. "Sure."

"Carry my purse, will you?"

"What does that have to do with the deer?"

"Who's talking about the deer?"

Normally, lugging around a woman's purse wasn't that big a deal, no matter how much make-up was in it. But Kidoumaru was already shouldering a rather heavy backpack (after he had gotten it back from Ino, that is), and a kunoichi's purse was more like her spare stock of gear, easily weighing a good twenty pounds and not really a purse at all. But as had been said before, there were worse things than pacifying Ino's anger. One such thing was suffering the full force of said anger. And while the sex was good when Ino was manifesting the full force of her fury, she was just as likely to refuse any notion of intercourse at all, and the odds weren't that great. Kidoumaru figured he could stand being a coat rack for a while.

"Of course, dear. Anything you say."

As Ino smiled her pleased cat grin, the one that said she had gotten exactly what she wanted, Kidoumaru felt part of him melt inside. The rest of him followed as she leaned in and gave him a rather chaste kiss (or at least it would have been, if it hadn't been situated on his neck and involved the slightest bit of tongue.)

"Good boy."

She made him sound like a dog. Kidoumaru found he didn't mind in the least.

"Man, I knew he was whipped, but this guy is totally Ino's bitch."

"This is. . . disconcerting."

"Sakura-chan, are you sure it isn't this guy being taken advantage of instead of the other way around?"

". . . no, not really. But we have to see this through to the end, nonetheless."

"We're totally missing out on dinner here, Shikamaru."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"We missed something good, I just know it."

"No shit. The freak's looking like he was fed a pile of crack and liked it."

"Can we leave now?"

"Hell, no. This is just starting to get interesting."