Author's note: Since I only have the 4 Crash games on the PS1, this takes place after Crash Team Racing but before Crash Bash. I apologise for the lack of Neo Cortex and Ripper Roo in this chapter, but don't worry; they'll be around in the later chapters.

- Venom Wolf

Disclaimer: Crash Bandicoot and all the other characters do not belong to me. You must be crazy if you think I do!

- Chapter 1 -

Life at Cortex Castle was not all doom and gloom, as many people thought. Although the genetically mutated creatures were Cortex's minions, they were allowed to leave anytime they wanted to and make their own way out onto the big wide world. Dingodile had his breeding centre, Tiny had his own Pain n' Gain exercise videos, Koala Kong became a big name in Hollywood, Ripper Roo became the Governor of a particular state, the Komodo brothers were due to appear in court for laundering and Pinstripe became a used car salesman in New Jersey.

Occasionally, the minions would come and visit Cortex Castle, just to see how their creators were getting along with their plans for world domination.

One fine morning, unaware of the danger over their heads, Tiny, Dingodile, Koala Kong, Pinstripe and the Komodo Brothers were standing in the courtyard of Cortex Castle, admiring Pinstripe's new car and getting ready for a shopping trip. Ripper Roo had not arrived yet.

"So," muttered Komodo Joe, taking a deep breath. "Koala Kong needs to buy a whole load of magazines to read the reviewsss on his latest film, Tiny wants to buy meat for the lionsss, Dingodile wants flammable gasss for his flamethrower, Moe and I want a fire extinguisssher -"

"A fire extinguisher? Why do youse guys need a fire extinguisher?" Pinstripe asked, leaning against the car door.

Komodo Joe glanced briefly at Dingodile before continuing, " - and you want your Tommy gun repaired, because it keeps jamming."

"Yep." Pinstripe entered the car and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, looking rather bored.

"And you think we're going to find all this sssstuff on an island that's been neglected for yearsss," Komodo Joe finished.

Tiny Tiger squashed himself into the passenger's seat. "TINY LIKE CAR!" he roared.

From outside the car, Komodo Joe noted that Pinstripe's bored expression was rapidly changing to one of disgust.

"PHOARR!" he yelled. "TINY - THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

Pinstripe struggled with the seatbelt, desperate to put as much distance between himself and Tiny's odious smell.

"You'll probably want to know that Tiny just cleared out the lions' litter." Koala Kong smirked. Just at the precise moment Pinstripe and Tiny stumbled out of the car, the unthinkable happened.

A group of slates that clung at the top of the highest turret of Cortex Castle decided to break free and slid down the steep roof with alarming speed. It happened so quickly that that initially the minions thought that an invisible bomber had dropped its payload on top of Pinstripe's car. One minute they were complaining about Tiny's stench, the next they were lying on the floor, wondering what had hit them.

"What on earth?" Komodo Joe picked himself up from the ground and checked to see if his brother was alright.

"Look at that! It's completely wrecked!" Pinstripe walked around the car, simultaneously shocked and amazed at his lucky escape. Embedded in the roof of the car were three enormous slates.

"We could've been killed, mate," Dingodile said reproachfully. He squinted up at the roof. This was proving to be the most expensive shopping trip so far. Not only did they need a fire extinguisher, a bag of meat and Pinstripe's tommy gun repaired, they now had to add one roof and a car to their shopping list as well.

"You know, the whole roof looksss like it'sss in danger of raining down on our headssss," Komodo Joe decided. At these words, the minions automatically took a step backwards from the danger zone. Pinstripe tipped over a low wall and fell backwards into a thorny bush with a dismayed howl.

"D'you think we should tell Cortex?" Koala Kong wondered.

"No. He'll just ignore it and tell us to put hard hats on," Komodo Moe grumbled.

"TINY THINK TELL!" Tiny roared.

The Komodo Brothers clamped their claws over their ears and winced.

Two days after the slipping slates incident, Komodo Joe ambled into N. Gin's lab in search of breakfast. Instead, an alien reek of aftershave attacked his nostrils. The source of this was a very nervous man sitting at the kitchen table, trying desperately hard not to stare at N. Gin. In fact, there was something about him that managed to turn anyone he met into a quivering wreck. Glossy brochures and official looking papers were spread out amongst beakers and mechanical parts.

Aha, thought Komodo Joe, this looks interesssting. He opened N. Gin's private fridge and began searching for food.

"As I was saying, your roof is fine. It's just the beams… err…yes the beams. Rotten to the core. Lucky, it hasn't fallen on top of you, what with all the rain we've been having…um…" The man, who Komodo Joe assumed was a salesman, met N. Gin's steely glare and took a large cup of coffee to sustain himself.

"So, Mr Weatherly just how much are we talking about?" N. Gin pushed an envelope to one side and glowered at a certain Komodo dragon who was rummaging inside his refrigerator. The salesman turned pale at the sight and began to wish that he'd never entered the castle in the first place.

"Not too sure…just off the top of my head….rough estimate…err-"

"How much?" This was said in the harshest mechanical voice N. Gin could muster.

Mr Weatherly scribbled something on the back of a business card. "Have a think. It's a big job. Expensive business…best to just knock the whole thing down…" His voice tailed off as he busied himself with packing the brochures into his crocodile suitcase. Hope Dingodile doesn't sspot that, Komodo Joe thought, as he spotted a promising paper bag. It turned out to be full of brussel sprouts.

"Nice to ….um…I'll just see myself out." Mr Weatherly practically ran out of the room, leaving a trail of aftershave behind him.

Komodo Joe listened to the sound of hurried footsteps outside on the gravel. There was a loud scream, indicating that Dingodile had probably seen the crocodile suitcase and was using the man for target practice.

"Komodo Joe, get away from my fridge!" N. Gin yelled. The reptile straightened up quickly and tried to look innocent.

"Ssssorry," He hissed apologetically.

"Where's Cortex?"

"I think he'ss upsstairsss. Getting yelled at by Uka-Uka."

N. Gin reluctantly picked up the business card.

"I'd better not tell him that he has to pay $6860, 987, 72 plus delivery for a roof, then." The door slammed shut behind him, leaving Komodo Joe staring blankly at a brochure that had been left behind. The cover showed a picture of an ideal family in front of their new home. There was a dog and two grinning children flanked by their equally happy parents. Underneath, a caption read "The Manson family at home in Happyville. Homes to depend on. Another fine make from Coolhomes Inc."

Nothing like our "home", Komodo Joe thought, if they'd ever decided to make a brochure for Cortex Castle, we'd be scowling outside the entrance - "The N. Team at home with their minions; a half-breed, a trigger happy marsupial, a koala bear on 40 rounds of steroids …. Oh and let's not forget the straitjacketed kangaroo! Behind them is their lovely Cortex Castle, which looks like a cross between a badly drawn fairy castle and the film set for Count Dracula Falls on Extremely Hard Times…"

He threw the brochure back on the table and stalked out of the lab. And I jusssst bet that family has a fridge full of lamb, chicken, turkey… maybe even a pizza…. instead of mouldy brussel sprouts. No wonder they're grinning, he concluded, running up the stairs.

Darkness came to Cortex Castle at around five 'o clock. A howling wind rattled at the castle's sixty-four windows, while rain peppered the outside walls, almost as if demanding to be let in. Clustered round a pathetic log fire in the library, the minions and N. Tropy were not inclined to be cheerful.

"I'm freezing!" Komodo Moe complained, moving closer to the dying flames in a futile attempt for warmth.

"Put another log on, then!" Koala Kong snapped.

"We've run out."

"No worries, mate. I can solve this problem in a jiffy!" Dingodile yelled triumphantly, bearing his many yellow teeth into a wide crocodile's grin. This kind of sociable greeting sent postmen and delivery people running for cover, for it normally meant that Dingodile was about to use his flamethrower.

"That's 1/100th of a second." N. Tropy barely looked up from a book he was reading. (It was called The Time Machine, by H.G Wells.) He had been forced to watch over the minions while N. Gin went next door to tell Neo Cortex about the roof.

"What?" Dingodile asked, utterly bewildered.

"A jiffy is 1/100th of second." N. Tropy turned another page.

"Show off," Dingodile muttered under his breath, as he aimed the flamethrower at the fireplace.

"I heard that."

While Dingodile was attempting to relight the fireplace, N. Tropy charged up his trident and sent a burst of electricity towards the half-breed. This act meant that Dingodile misfired in in his haste to get away from the orange bolt of light.

"ARGH! I'M ON FIRE! HELP!" Komodo Moe shrieked, struggling to beat out the flames.

"See why I wanted a fire extinguisssher?" Komodo Joe whispered to Pinstripe. "Dingodile has bad aim. That bandicoot was practically inchess away from him!"

N. Tropy looked up from the pages of his book. "Was that a drip? On the back of my neck?"

"FORGET ABOUT A DRIP! I'M ON FIRE!"

"That's ENOUGH! Just stop that incessant ranting of yours and BE QUIET!" N. Tropy roared, holding up his silver trident.

From above the room, a faint sound of plink, plink, plink could be heard. Komodo Moe, Joe, Dingodile, Tiny, Pinstripe and Koala Kong moved closer towards N. Tropy's table, taking care not to make a sound.

The tapping grew louder, more insistent, faster, louder …. plink plinkplinkplinkplink…. plunk.

N. Tropy stood up from his seat and promptly tripped over Dingodile's enormous tail. He fell to the floor with a crash just as a large chunk of plaster tore from the ceiling and landed in the seat he recently vacated. This was followed by a torrent of brown water, pouring through the hole and drenching all the minions underneath.

"HALLEJUH! I'M SAVED!" Komodo Moe cried. Everyone else however was not as joyous as him.

"First it was the car, and now it's the suit. I'm starting to think someone up there doesn't like me!" Pinstripe grumbled. Above his head a large grey patch spread across the ceiling like ink on blotting paper. The areas around the hole began to bulge, growing and sagging as if something massive was forcing its way through.

"Uh…. guys..."

"EVERYBODY OUT! NOW!" N. Tropy yelled, pushing all the minions out through the door. "The entire ceiling's about to come down!"

As soon he as closed the massive oak doors of the library behind them, there came a deafening crash as gallons of rainwater surged through an even larger hole.

"Tell N. Gin to phone that salesssman!" Komodo Joe hissed.

"But where are we gonna stay in the meantime?" Pinstripe snarled. "The castle's busted, and N. Brio trashed the space station."

N. Tropy took a deep breath. "Well, I'm afraid we'll have to stay at a hotel."

"A hotel…." began Pinstripe.

There was a slight pause.

"YEAH! Good food and comfy beds here we come!" The minions cheered. While they were discussing the good points of a hotel, N. Tropy had picked up a phone that was located outside the library and punched in a number.

"We'll get our own en suite bathroom!" Koala Kong cried happily.

N. Tropy cupped his hands over the headpiece as he whispered into the phone. "I'd like to book three rooms and all your stables…. yes…. No, not horses. Ah - well you'll have to know sometime…. what we're talking about is a marsupial who thinks he's a gangster, two well behaved Komodo Dragons, a cross between a dingo and a crocodile, a rather large Koala bear, and a dull-witted tiger." He jotted a few notes down on a piece of paper as he spoke. "No, I am not joking. This is NOT a prank call…."

Far above their heads came the cry of a very angry Neo Cortex.

N. Gin had just given him the bill.

- End of Chapter 1 -