Disclaimer: Oh how I wish…Oh how I wish….that Hee-chan belonged to me!

Summary: 21 year old Heero sits in a bar and contemplates the worst mistake in his life— becoming Relena Peacecraft's best friend.

AN: Hiya! I haven't posted anything in forever, but here's a story for you. Its Heero's POV, five and a half years since the beginning of Gundam Wing. This is a romance, of sorts. But its not the usual, and without the usual sap ending. And yes, I purposely made Bret's physical description familiar. Also, its been five years since the war, and this Heero is more mature, a little more aware of his own feelings, more human, and a little (but not much!) more vocal.

Please PLEASE review. My inbox is lonely. And make them as long as you like. Go off-topic. Wax poetic. Tell what you've read by other people that you like, or what you have written. Talk to me about how much you adore Duo or Heero, how evil Treize is, the meaning of life, or how dumb-struck shocked you were after you watched the 18^th episode of Eva ((cause I just saw it last night and boy was it shocking)).

Just write a review.

Completed: 3-6-01

P.S. Does anyone know where I can download anime episodes? Inu-Yasha maybe? That play with Realplayer or Mediaplayer?

I sit here and think back on what happened, and I wonder how in all hells I managed to get stuck like this. Somehow, somewhere, I made an error. Maybe it was my pride. Maybe it was my self-centeredness. Maybe it was my "anti-social or die!" mentality. Maybe it was just me being stupid— an occurrence I'm not used to at all.

Whatever the cause, I made the worst mistake of my life and became Relena Peacecraft's best friend.

I know she wanted more from me, but I was stubborn. I somehow, someway, convinced myself I'd be better off and so would she. Then because I was stubborn then as I am now, I refused to change my mind.

I look down at the small shot glass in my hand. I've never gotten drunk before— leaves you way too vulnerable— but I thought that if ever there was a day I ought to at least try getting plastered today was it. Whiskey and strawberry lemonade make an... interesting combination, I've found.

What can I say? I've never been much of a talker, and to me the situation seemed pretty simple: don't fall in love. Don't get involved; personal relationships lead to pain. Don't become distracted.

But you see, somewhere, deep in my mind, I couldn't just walk away. Sure, I could ignore her. I could even be mean to her, but the idea of not being around her was just _not acceptable_. So what addle-brained idea did my sixteen-year-old, still-not-quite-sane-yet mind come up with? Be her friend. Then you can be around her, you can keep her safe, you won't have to make her cry, and she won't be able to hurt you.

As I am sitting at a bar getting smashed right now I'm sure you can see how that idea worked out.

Here it is, almost five and a half years since I met her, three and a half years since Mariemeia, and I'm the most unhappy son of a bitch in the world and space combined. I go with her everywhere; I'm her bodyguard, her advisor, her spy, her confidante, her companion, and her friend. Heero Yuy, Perfect Soldier Gundam Pilot, is now Heero Yuy, chief counsel to Vice Foreign Minister Darlian.

Originally the idea behind this was that by being constantly around her I could somehow change these strange, unfamiliar feelings and force them into something useful and recognizable. By putting myself close to my weakness and making it my mission to change, I forced myself to fight all that much harder. I've never been faced with a challenge I couldn't overcome; this was just one more. And it worked, in a roundabout way, somewhat...okay not really at all. Yes, having her in my life constantly did enable me to smother those emotions, but it didn't make them go away. Everyday I saw her, with her perfect smile and her bright eyes. I watched her change from girl to woman, from pretty to beautiful, telling myself that I was stronger than anything she made me feel. I could win, because I always won in the end.

I twirled the deep-colored liquid slightly in the glass, and then threw my head back and downed it. Setting the shot glass on the bar, I motioned for the waiter to get me another one and then took a large gulp of strawberry lemonade. The tangy, acidic taste clashed violently with the whiskey, making it fell like my brain was about to explode through my teeth. I took a deep breath and just let the alcohol soak in. Maybe this drinking thing was more fun than I'd originally thought it would be.

The problem with my great, grand Way-To-Cope-With-The-Relena-Problem plan was Relena herself. You see, she fought it for a long time. She let me become her best friend easily enough, but she was always looking to me for more, asking it to go further. This did nothing but make my dumb self even more determined against the idea. And then, of course, there's the whole difficulty with her being perfect. It very, very hard to hold out against perfection that's reaching out specifically for you.

But I told myself I was strong; I was the perfect soldier dammit, and I would hold out forever if necessary. Look where it's got me. Sitting here feeling miserable for myself. I bet you're wondering how I got from the aforementioned situation to this barstool, aren't you?

Well that can be answered in one single word.

Bret.

Bret Carpenden is the 24 year old protégé and second-in-command to Hishirouka Masi, head of Masi-Hysher Industries. It's a large corporation that deals with the communications and computer systems, as well as machinery, security, and electronics. It's really the closest thing that exists to a rival of the Winner Corporations, though Quatre's family still has them beat so far. People have talked of a merger, but both companies decided that the competition would be better for the economy than creating one mass mega-conglomerate.

Bret was introduced to us on the L2 colony X6778. I didn't like him on site. It wasn't that he was a bad person. No, it was that he was a good person. Good, successful, rich, kind-hearted, funny, pleasant to be around. Like Duo with money, shorter hair, and a more stable sense of right and wrong. He didn't look like Duo though— he had slightly messy black hair, blue eyes, and angular, somewhat feminine features. I was wrong before. I didn't dislike him, I hated him.

It isn't that I didn't want Relena to date... she'd dated many times before, especially in these last two years. But this one...I think I sensed immediately that he wasn't like the others. That he could be a threat.

But I saw that Relena liked him, so I backed off and did my best to scare him any time he looked in my direction. He was nervous at first, but then he got caught up in Relena's eyes and after that I knew no threat of mine could sway him. He was besotted, and he was going to get her attention no matter what the cost. They met first at a few colony functions. Meetings, parties, fundraisers— the like. It sort of continued like that for a while.

Then, after a few months, there was a change. Relena would get this glisten in her eye when she saw him. They would go out of their way to meet.

As you can expect, it drove me up the wall. I tried to convince her that I was happy for her; I told myself I was so much I almost believed it. But I wasn't— I hated Bret more than anything in the world, because he was taking her away. If only I had admitted to myself at the time, I might have been able to stop the situation before it got to this point.

This point. Break-point. The point where I acted out of desperation.

You see, three hours and two days ago Relena told me she was getting married.

Fifty-five minutes, two hours, and two days ago my control broke and I told her not to do it.

It's now been two days, two hours, and fifty-four minutes and I can still feel where her hand hit the side of my face.

Alcohol is also wonderful, I'm beginning to realize, for making you see the worst parts of yourself in one somewhat blurry but startlingly true image. Of course, the buzzing the abrasive citrus drink is causing between my eyes as well could be responsible for part of that.

I haven't heard from her since then, and I'm starting to wonder if I ever will again. If she'll ever forgive me enough to look me in the face even one more time. Duo came to visit me one time last year, and he said that I was gonna "eat it real bad soon". He said that if I didn't grab Relena now she'd be out of reach forever, and that when I "finally came out from under my moron rock" she'd be long out of reach.

I ignored him. He knew I was ignoring him, sighed, and dropped the subject. I wish now I had listened. Maybe if I had told her earlier, if I hadn't been such a jealous asshole, if I had just been honest, that could have been my ring on her finger.

That could have been her and I getting married in a church somewhere in three months time. No— our wedding would have been in a garden. A huge rose garden, under a real sky, with a real breeze and real sunshine. I would not have suggested marrying her on a colony. Relena had the most beautiful homeland. I know her, and there would be no other place she'd really be happy being wedded.

So why had she agreed to get married on his home colony? Why was she marrying the pisser at all? Never mind— I already know that answer.

The bartender's giving me a funny look. I think it might have something to do with the smile I'm giving him back. I've been told I have a really nice smile, but I don't do it often enough, so when I do it makes people nervous. I bet "Heero Yuy" looking at you with not only an unhappy smile but a drunken one, is bound to take nervous to a new level.

Maybe I should be expecting a visit from The Angry Boy Scout. If she even tells him. She might not out of respect for our past, and our so-called friendship which it seems is anything but. On the other hand, if she believes in complete honesty in a marriage she it's a possibility. He could be stupid enough to come looking for a fight though, so for his safety alone Relena might not tell him what I confessed.

The drink is gone, and so is my cash. I don't even have the will for alcohol anymore.

Relena hadn't given me an answer. She had slapped me, she had sworn at me and called me several things, she had screamed at me to leave. But she hadn't given me an answer.

She had left my question hanging. "Is he what you want?" There had been yelling and there had been anger in her eyes I'd never seen before. But there had been no answer.

I wonder if she will marry him.

And as I walk into the night, I dream of rose gardens on Earth.