Title- Fearless, Reckless Pursuit
Author- pepsicolagurl
Rating- PG13 for language
Disclaimer- See Chapter One. You'll never forget it.
Author's Notes- This is a lesson to anyone who writes: never write yourself into a corner like I just did. I posted the last chapter about five minutes before I ran off to work, and the whole day (and most of today), I struggled through how to continue. I tend to do that a lot to myself, since I write the chapters in about twenty minutes, throw them into the online spellchecker, and then upload them here. That way I can't stress over what I just wrote. This time, I stressed. But now I'm back. And I'm sick, so I'm in a nasty mood. We're in the home stretch. Enjoy and let me know what you think.
Fearless, Reckless Pursuit
Chapter Fourteen
The finest tapestry takes patience and the ability to wait
For each thread to support the bigger picture and the larger purpose
And in the fearless, reckless pursuit of intimate love
It is not the destination, it's the journey
It was the tentativeness in her voice that stopped him. He closed his eyes for a moment, and leaned forward regardlessly, placing the kiss on the side of her face instead. "I feel like we're going in circles here, Andie. We get to a certain point, we get scared off, so we just go back to the beginning. This is never ending, isn't it?"
She looked up at him, biting her bottom lip. It looked adorable, looked like the Andrea he had fallen in love with, but he still restrained himself. "It's me, isn't it?" she asked, before directing her eyes away from his, up to the ceiling.
"Without trying to sound like I'm placing blame somewhere...yeah, it kind of is." He released her and sat up, the blankets lingering for a moment on his back before falling away. "Every time I get close to you, you shy away. I don't know what to do to change that. I wish I knew, but I just don't."
Andrea struggled to sit up, wincing when her sore muscles protested at the sudden change in position. "I think...God, this is like a bad game of Truth or Dare. Next thing you know, we'll be playing Spin The Bottle. Not that you would mind," she added, knowing that it was an attempt to make him smile. His smile, though, was just as weak as the joke had been. "I'm afraid of failing again. You know me, Jason. If I don't succeed, it's not 'try, try again' with me. It's bitch and moan until I drive everyone nuts. I can't allow myself to fail again, and that's what happened to us the first time. I failed us. I could have made more of an effort, but-"
"You did the right thing, actually," he said, breaking her off. Jay shrugged, before looking down at his hands. "After that talk we had in New York, when you explained to me why you left...I think you did the right thing. It wasn't good for any of us at the time. We were young, we were immature, and we had all these big ideas about what life was supposed to be. Now we know that life sucks, and life is hard, and all that other bumper sticker philosophy, but because we know that, doesn't it make a difference?"
She laughed softly, shaking her head. Her hair fell into her face, and she quickly pushed it away. "Well, sure, if we're talking about why insurance rates have gone up, or why neither of us have matched all the numbers on the 6/49 lottery draw."
"Inflation and bad luck," he told her, shrugging again.
"We haven't really grown up," she continued with a smile. "We've changed. There's a difference. And the part of me that changed wonders how this is all going to play out. We could entertain ourselves with the idea that we're a couple again, but how long would it really last. Maybe we were just never meant for this. We learned our lesson from what happened, and we move on. Sometimes, that's all you can do."
Jay was quiet for a moment, before he shook his head vehemently. "I don't believe that. No offense, Andie, but that sounds like bullshit. We learned a lesson, sure, but what exactly was it? That when we fight, we both feel like crap afterwards? That our friends can't stand to be around us? We needed time apart, that's all. I know that it made me realize what I'd been missing out on for all these years. And it was you. Not sleeping next to you, or the sex, or anything like that. I just missed you."
"You had me, and you let me get away. And it's the same for me. We never fought to keep what we had, why start now?"
"Why not?" he questioned, following it with a short laugh. "All of this is redundant. We just keep talking to ignore the real issue. I can't believe we're doing this. This is...elementary school behavior. Next thing I know, I'm going to be passing you a note that asks you if you like me, and to circle yes or no."
Andie laughed. "Don't get all worked up about this," she told him, stretching her arm forward to place her hand over his. "I just...this seems a little surreal to me. We've spent so many years arguing with each other that when we do sit down for a normal, adult conversation, I wonder if it's real or not. And no, I'm not accusing you of playing around with me, I'm just saying that it seems strange. Face it, Jay, no matter what we do, we just can't take anything slow. Both of us always speed straight ahead without looking to see what's coming at us."
He groaned loudly, causing her to laugh again at his antics. "Can we drop all the metaphors and just get down to the heart of the matter?" At her nod, he smiled. "All right, we both agree that we're getting along a lot better than before, right?"
"Right."
"And we both agree that this is a hell of a lot better than fighting all the time, right?"
"Right."
"Okay, now say that first thing that comes to your mind, no matter what it may be." He paused, taking a deep breath. "If I asked you out, granted it would be after you're feeling better, would you say yes?"
"Peanut butter." She grinned brightly. "You said the first thing that came to my mind," she protested when she saw his look. "All right, fine. I would say yes. Jason, don't look so shocked. A physical attraction is one thing, but I want to know if we still have what we used to have. I don't know what to call it, but whatever it was we had before, it wasn't completely based on a physical attraction. Does this mean that you're actually asking me out, or is this just a hypothetical situation?"
She could see the relief on his face and in his eyes at her answer, before he smiled. "Definitely not hypothetical. Definitely not. God, I sound like Rain Man or something. Seriously, Andie, as soon as you're feeling better, I'll take you anywhere you want.
She raised her hand and waved a finger at him. "But no lip action until then. Are we understood?"
"But that's no fun."
"NO lip action. It's that or I'm not going out with you," she warned. Her tough words were belied by the smile on her face. "Can we go to sleep now, because I actually am tired."
He moved so that he was back on his side of the bed, rearranging the blankets when he saw her try with a wince. "Better?" he asked. She simply smiled before turning over on her side to face him, moving until her head was against his shoulder, arm stretched out across his chest.
"Much better. Good night."
"Good night, Andie."
Christina sat on the edge of the bed, watching as her father continued to pack his bag to leave. "Do you really have to go?" she asked.
He looked over his shoulder at her, smiling at the sight of her in her school uniform. The little white blouse, plaid skirt, and black buckled shoes made her look like an innocent little girl...a lot unlike the one he had picked up at school and found in the middle of a schoolyard fight after the bell had rung. "Yeah, I do. I need to go back to work."
"But it's the weekend," she protested, sticking out her bottom lip.
"No pouting, Christie. You're in enough trouble as it is because of that fight. And I meant what I said about being grounded for the weekend. I'll tell your mom, and don't think that I won't." He dropped the harsher tone, and softened somewhat when he saw the shine of tears in her eyes. But he wasn't going to give in, not this time. He had to be stronger than his daughter, just this once, he told himself. "Besides, you know that I work all week. That's just the way it is. I'll be back next weekend."
Her eyes went down to her swinging feet. "Am I going to be grounded next weekend, too?"
"Only if you get into another fight," he told her, before zipping up his bag. "You should get changed before your mom gets home." He watched as she slid off the bed and walked out of the room slowly, grumbling to herself. He fought his smile until she was gone, and he chuckled to himself, shaking his head. He had to admit that when he saw the fight on the playground, he had been proud that it hadn't been his daughter that was crying. Instead, she had been standing proudly in front of the other girl, one hand on her hip because the other one was still in the cast, as the other girl was screaming at her. He hadn't been too proud when he had seen Christina kick the other girl in the shin, but still, at least he knew that she could take care of herself with the schoolyard bullies...unless she was the bully. Now that, he told himself, was a scary thought. But he couldn't get the thought of his little girl defending herself against the other girl out of his head, even if she did need to be punished for what she did.
He broke out of his thoughts when he heard the lock on the door snap open, and stuck his head out of the bedroom door, grinning when he saw Andrea. "Come here," he said, waving her over. He waited until he was close enough before speaking. "Christie's grounded for the weekend. And how was your day?" he asked.
"Christina Mary Reso, get out here now," Andrea said loudly, watching as the other bedroom door opened slowly, and Christina walked out, dressed in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, still wearing the frilly edged socks that she had worn to school. "You want to tell me why your father grounded you?"
"Because he's mean," she said, glaring at Jay for a moment.
"You keep that up, and I'll ground you for the rest of the week. Now tell me what you did, Christina, or else I'll be even meaner than your dad."
She crossed her arms in a huff and looked down at the ground. "Because Sylvie called me stupid, and she said I was dumb, so I kicked her. And I'm happy, because she's not my best friend anymore. She's mean, too. Everybody's mean!" she shouted before turning on her heel and running back in her room, slamming the door as best she could.
Jay leaned against the wall and raised his eyebrows slowly. "Is this normal behavior for her, or am I just special?"
Andrea sighed, running a hand through her hair. "This isn't the first time that she's been grounded for fighting at school. And I have a feeling it won't be the last time. Just let her calm down. Talking to her now won't help, not until she's quiet enough to actually listen. Otherwise, it's like talking to the wall." She smiled weakly and walked past him. "Just let me get changed and I'll drive you to the airport. I still can't believe you convinced me to let you take my car, and have me take the bus home. You can tell Christie that she has to get ready to go, but don't be surprised when she fights you."
"Thanks," he said to the door that closed in front of him, before going to stand in front of his daughter's door. He knocked lightly. "Christie, come get your shoes on. We're leaving soon."
"NO!" she screamed from behind the door.
"You don't have get a choice, Christina. Come on, I'm only warning you once."
"I don't WANT to go."
He sighed and rolled his eyes. "All right, fine," he muttered to himself, before opening her door. He walked in, despite her yell for him to get out, and made his way over to the bed, where she was laying face down. "Christie, you know we can't leave you here all by yourself, and there's no time to get someone to come over and watch you while we're gone. I have to go back to work, you know that."
She kept her face buried in her pillows. "Why can't you just stay here? I don't want you to go," she told him, her words muffled.
Reaching out, he ran his hand down her blonde hair. "I know you don't, and I wish that I could spend more time with you, but this is just how my job is. I have to travel a lot, and I work all the time. That's just the way that it is, sweetie. My boss will be mad if I don't show up, and then I could lose my job. You don't want that, do you?"
"But if you didn't have that job, then you could see me more," she whispered, finally turning over to look at him.
He raised himself to sit down on the edge of her bed, smiling down at her tear stained face. "But if I didn't have a job, then I wouldn't be able to afford all these trips to come and see you. I know it sucks, and I wish that I could have stayed longer, but I can't. But I'll make you a deal. I'll call you whenever I get a chance, and if you're really good this week, and that means no more fights, then I'll come out next weekend to see you. No more fights, no more pouting, no more talking back to me or your mom, all right?" He waited for her to answer, and when she didn't, he sighed. "Do we have a deal?"
She put out her little hand for him to shake. "Deal. But am I still grounded?"