(A/N: Hello, my dears. As the more prolific of you may have already guessed from the title of this illustrious work of fiction, this is a series of limericks written in moments of diabolical inspiration about our dear Captain James Hook, and several individuals associated therewith. There are two things you should not expect from these poems: realism, and common decency. Of course, I urge those of you who have strong feelings for morality and health to read them, for you should be cured of these trivial concerns as soon as possible. In the meantime, I wish you hearty laughs, dear readers. Regards, your charming Duchess)

There was once a pirate called Hook
Who had an opening for a cook
"Good heavens!" he cried,
when Smee applied,
"The term 'opening' you surely mistook!"